A Muslim Girl's Guide For Dealing With Guys(From One Sister To Another)

Salika

~mUsLiMaH~
A Muslim Girl's Guide For Dealing With Guys(From One Sister To Another)
Authour : Unknown
Life is full of crazy obstacles, but the one that will probably bug you the most and always be getting in the way is the opposite gender. Here, from o*!ne sister to another, is a Muslim girl's guide for how to deal with guys.
No Touching!
Muslims are forbidden to touch any non-Mahram (Mahram is your dad, brothers, father-in-law, husbands, grandfathers, and the siblings of your parents) person of the opposite gender. That means no patting o*!n the back, no hand shaking, no pushing, no shoving, no holding hands, and obviously no kissing and all that. If you're in a difficult situation where you think someone will try to shake your hand, the best thing to do is just smile and say, "My people don't shake hands" and then explain why. And why, is because we believe a woman's touch is a privilege and she doesn't just share it with anyone.
No Flirting!
Not even with Muslims, not even in an Islamic school, especially not in a masjid! Flirting means that you're saying or doing things o*!n purpose that make the other person attracted to you. There's no set criterion for what flirting is, but any girl knowswhat is and how to do it. Muslim women are supposed to behave better than the average woman, who has to be beautiful for all the men around her all the time, who are trapped behind their looks and o*!nly judge themselves to be worthy if half the men they know are in love with them. A wise dude o*!nce said, "Don't start the mower unless you intend to cut the grass". If you don't want a guy's advances, then don't do anything to earn them. There's no point in throwing yourself all over guys and trying to seduce half the world. You really o*!nly want to marry o*!ne guy, and you want to spend the rest of your life with him, and chances are he isn't going to be some dork you fluttered your eyelashes at in high school.
No Boyfriends!
As a Muslim, you know that having a boyfriend is haraam because it counts as Zina - fornication. Fornication, in easy English, means `sexual sin'. Allah expressly forbids romantic or sexual relationships outside of marriage. When people go against that rule, then you get the typical western society where people play sexual merry-go-round with each other, giving each other STDs, using and abusing each other, and destroying the sacredness of marriage as an institution. You can't even be sort of engaged to a guy, and then "date" to get to know each other. In Islam, non-Mahram men and women aren't allowed to be alone together (that includes talking o*!n the phone!), to touch (not even shake hands), or even gaze at each other. It doesn't matter if the guy you like is Muslim, a great guy and the Prince of England, you can't date him.
No Boy—friends!
The easiest way to ensure that you don't end up falling in love with some guy before you're ready to get married is to avoid making friends with boys. Of course in school you have to interact with boys all over the place, but that doesn't mean you should be best buds with them. Probably 90% of relationships begin from friendships. Chances are you're not ready for marriage, your parents aren't ready to let you get married, you're still in school/college and your crush is not the sort of fellow you want to spend the rest of your life with, so just avoid being friends with him in the first place. It really is the best formula for saving yourself from needless temptation. When you have to talk to boys in school as teammates, lab partners, group members, and peers, it's best to maintain a distance. That means that you don't confide in them, you don't let down your guard, you don't unnecessarily engage them in needless conversation, don't joke around, and never flirt. Yeah it may be a little hard, but this is your afterlife we're talking about. So many great sisters have put themselves in really sticky situations because they allowed a boy to get to know them, and either ended up liking the boy, or having the boy like them. o*!nce that happens you either end up becoming a pair (which is HARAAM!), or having to end your friendship. Instead of letting it get to that point, and then having to kill a friendship that you probably worked hard o*!n cultivating, you should just stop it before it begins. There are plenty of great girls all around who can be your friends and if you really think o*!nly a guy will understand your problem, then talk to your REAL brother, or your father, or an uncle.
No Talking o*!n the Phone with Boys and Chatting!
In Islam its forbidden for non-related guys and girls to be alone together because there is the chance for physical zina, vocal zina, and zina of the eyes. That means, with no o*!ne there to watch you guys except that boogery shaitaan, then you might be tempted to actually DO something, or say gross things, or just stare at each other all lustily. With that in mind, it's also a safe bet to assume that talking o*!n the phone with non-Mahram guys is a no-no too. Why? Because unless you've both got it o*!n speaker-phone and you're chaperoned by a responsible person, then you're still kind of "alone" with him. The people in your house can't hear what he's saying to you, and his family can't hear what you're saying to him. There's a chance for some bad stuff then, so just avoid it. Not to mention, having some dude saying things into your ear that no o*!ne else can hear would be gross in real life, why is it okay for him to talk into your ear via the telephone? For the most part it's just too intimate.
Be Disaffected!
What does that mean? Disaffected means un-affect-able. That means that nothing a dude can say can hit your nerves, make you blush, or get a reaction out of you. It also means that you are uninterested in what they do as well. Imagine yourself being in an airplane looking down o*!n the scenery below. You're a little interested in what's going o*!n down there, and it may look really nice, but you know that to get to the scenery you have to jump off the plane. Like the scenery miles below you, the guy may look really nice, but you know that to get him you have to jump off the plane ...errr...commit spiritual suicide, and though the fall may be fun, you will eventually hit the ground 600 meters below and go -splat– o*!n Judgment Day. Maybe even sooner. Short of becoming an ice-princess, being disaffected involves putting up a mental wall between you and all of male-kind. They don't know your thoughts and you don't care for theirs. You can interact with guys at school/college within the bounds of Islam, but always maintain a formal distance. Don't ask a guy how his infected toe is doing. Don't give him a hug when he looks down. Don't offer to help him with his homework. Don't go out of your way to remind him that you exist, and that you're not half bad looking. Even if you don't feel like behaving, make yourself behave anyway, your afterlife isimportant enough to discipline yourself for. The safest philosophy when dealing with guys is remembering this "He's not what I want, so why should I do anything to make him interested in me? That'll just make for a painfully awkward situation and it's not worth the sin anyhow." Remember that you're always being watched! Would you act all giggly and stupid with boys if the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) could see you? No, right? Because you'd feel like an ungrateful idiot for disregarding the religion that Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) took so much pain for just todeliver to you. Well, imagine how ungrateful it is to act like a supreme idiot when Allah can see you all the time, and it's really stupid to disregard the religion that Allah prescribed, the favors He's bestowed upon you. How dumb is it to take the eyes thatAllah gave you and do things with them that He told you not to? (like goggle at boys?) How much stupider is it that He can see you doing this, and you know it! You have no secrets! Not because Big Brother (whoever that is…) is watching you, but because every single thing you ever did will become public domain o*!n the Day of Judgment, and you'll be brought to trial to defend what you did. Just don't do anything that you wouldn't want your parents, your siblings, your teachers, your friends, and thewhole world to know about, ok? GIRLS BEWARE PLEASE... IT IS SERIOUS! HELP YOURSELF It has recently been found out that there are some spammers present on Orkut, hi5, MSN or Yahoo! profiles etc who download the Photographs of Girls from their Profile and they get 5 cent per photograph. These photographs are later sent into Image Editors like Photoshop where they are morphed and superimposed on the images of *!*!*!*! Stars. These people are so expert in this field that the photographs looks completely real and anyone can get deceived by generated images. These photographs are then used for multiple purposes like Printing in International Magazines, Uploading on paid *!*!*!*! Sites and sometimes even blackmailing. And the post consequences are a known fact. So after knowing about this fact my advice to all sisters of my brothers here to please remove their photo's from Orkut,hi5 and other places and don't give the culprits a chance todo play around with You.
 

muhsinah

Junior Member
Wow...jazakillahu khayran for sharing that! That's really good advice. May Allah help us implement it into our daily lives.
 
that is very good advise but bf n gf relationships have bcome jz too common...even on tti some people introduce themselves by saying that "i met muslim boy n they fell in love n yada yada n bla bla n i came to find out more bout Islam".....i think that boy is 1 hypocrite that talks bout Islam on one side and has this type of relationship with a girl!:angryblue::angryblue::angryblue:
 

lostlilly07

striving 4 Firadous
subhanallah that was surely a slap in the face and a remider for me...cuz insha'allah in two days i will be going back to school where fitnah is running live. Ready to jump out at you. This was great and so true.
 

Sweet Insanity

90's Child
yea good advice but man! no friendship with boys!?
hun i'd rather hang out with my boys then those girls...
all they do is talk about the guys, gossip about eachother and theyre *********!

what about just hanging out with gay guys? i mean that way your sure he cant fall in love with you :p lol
ok ok stupid question! hahaha

God Bless
 

Sweet Insanity

90's Child
yea good advice but man! no friendship with boys!?
hun i'd rather hang out with my boys then those girls...
all they do is talk about the guys, gossip about eachother and theyre complete SLUTS!

what about just hanging out with gay guys? i mean that way your sure he cant fall in love with you :p lol
ok ok stupid question! hahaha

God Bless

oh and also.. im a guitar teacher so i spend hours alone with guys teaching them.. is that wrong too? wow my first serious question! lol :p
 

TheKnowledgeSeeker

A Believer In Heart
yea good advice but man! no friendship with boys!?
hun i'd rather hang out with my boys then those girls...
all they do is talk about the guys, gossip about eachother and theyre *************!

what about just hanging out with gay guys? i mean that way your sure he cant fall in love with you :p lol
ok ok stupid question! hahaha

God Bless

Sis that is rude you shouldn't call anyone a *****and it is against Islam too if you are Muslim. And to answer your gay guy friendship question he is still a man although he want against his creater so the answer is the same. Warning my opinion, I don't think Allah SWT forbid friendship with guys because of falling in love.
 

TheKnowledgeSeeker

A Believer In Heart
oh and also.. im a guitar teacher so i spend hours alone with guys teaching them.. is that wrong too? wow my first serious question! lol :p

My dear young sister, my advice is go and real learn more about Islam because what you are doing is wronging you can't spend time along with guys no matter what although i am not a scholar. So talk to scholar. Meanwhile, stay safe and take my advice tomorrow is not guarantee.
 

Sweet Insanity

90's Child
Sis that is rude you shouldn't call anyone a ****** and it is against Islam too if you are Muslim. And to answer your gay guy friendship question he is still a man although he want against his creater so the answer is the same. Warning my opinion, I don't think Allah SWT forbid friendship with guys because of falling in love.

hey if they call me that when i dont do anything! i can call them that when they do EVERYTHING! and theyre Muslim over the top of that! lol
ok ok i'll stop complaining..
and if Allah (SWT) didnt ban it cas of fallin in love, then what other reason is there to ban it?
 

Sweet Insanity

90's Child
My dear young sister, my advice is go and real learn more about Islam because what you are doing is wronging you can't spend time along with guys no matter what although i am not a scholar. So talk to scholar. Meanwhile, stay safe and take my advice tomorrow is not guarantee.

Ive read the Quraan, and read sooo many books on Islam, i go to the mosque every sunday (cas i cant go on fridays cas of school)... ive asked them, they dont think its wrong, especially music... and i havnt found anything in the Quraan about just TALKING to a guy or hanging out with him (in a group). so thats why i came, read this stuff, and got really confused! lol
 

Salika

~mUsLiMaH~
Ive read the Quraan, and read sooo many books on Islam, i go to the mosque every sunday (cas i cant go on fridays cas of school)... ive asked them, they dont think its wrong, especially music... and i havnt found anything in the Quraan about just TALKING to a guy or hanging out with him (in a group). so thats why i came, read this stuff, and got really confused! lol

MashaAllah you take the time to learn many things about Islam. However, about the guy thing, do you know their real intentions? Sure you may think nothing is wrong by just hanging around and having fun, i use to do that before. But you never know what can be going on inside the guy's head. The reson why Allah told us to stay away was for our own protection. You never know what can happen, and InshaAllah nothing bad happens. And about the guiter thing...hmmm..its music, and im sure you looked into it. I dont know what to say, but i was told that its not right.
 

SweetAmirah

Junior Member
Very Good

This is very good advice. One thing that hurts the ummah is when a muslim guy dates a non muslim girl, they fall in love and then he expects HER to convert to Islam. This happens to many girls that turn to Islam, and its sooo soo sad, that she did it for the man and NOT Allah SWT.
 

iislam4ever

Servant of Allah 247
This is very good advice. One thing that hurts the ummah is when a muslim guy dates a non muslim girl, they fall in love and then he expects HER to convert to Islam. This happens to many girls that turn to Islam, and its sooo soo sad, that she did it for the man and NOT Allah SWT.


So true …no wonder those kinds of relationship don’t even last for that long.
:angryred:
 

Ramlah91

New Member
This is very good advice. One thing that hurts the ummah is when a muslim guy dates a non muslim girl, they fall in love and then he expects HER to convert to Islam. This happens to many girls that turn to Islam, and its sooo soo sad, that she did it for the man and NOT Allah SWT.

:salam2:,

We must not forget, that in this case the man is doing wrong.. He is muslim, he should know better, she doesn't know better.. However, don't get me wrong, I am not saying the man is a bad person, nor am I judging him (of which reminds me; May Allah forgive us our sins Incha'Allah) And alhmdl Allah owns all our hearts.. So, after these women have read about the islam -it doesn't matter what their reason was for beginning to read about Islam.. In this case we're talking about women who did begin to read for a man.. But there are worser cases where men and women began to read with the intention to get to know about Islam, so they will be able to speak in discussions, where they want to bring Islam down-and Allah has opened their hearts, they become Mascha'Allah a great support to our Muslim Ummah..

May Allah protect us from Shaitaan, and lead us to the Right Track, the path our beloved profets has followed too Incha'Allah (as)
 

Sweet Insanity

90's Child
MashaAllah you take the time to learn many things about Islam. However, about the guy thing, do you know their real intentions? Sure you may think nothing is wrong by just hanging around and having fun, i use to do that before. But you never know what can be going on inside the guy's head. The reson why Allah told us to stay away was for our own protection. You never know what can happen, and InshaAllah nothing bad happens. And about the guiter thing...hmmm..its music, and im sure you looked into it. I dont know what to say, but i was told that its not right.

oh believe me, ive gone through that stage.. a couple of the guys fell for me... i stopped hanging out with them, especially cas one has a girl friend.. and ive told them about everything they cant do because of my religion and they respect that which is good...
but about the music thing... wallah 7abeebi i really wanna study about it more... because right now im not 100% that Allah (SWT) has banned it.. so why should i say something is haram when Allah (SWT) might have said it was halal? so inshallah when i understnad it fully... ill do what i have to do...
but im not letting it take over my life... i mean my music teachers all got annoyed at me but i still dropped music class to take biology and chemistry.. thats a start right?
and im also trying to find another job that doesnt including music... but its hard to find one where u dont interact with guys!
 

samwich717

New Member
If the guy is a good Muslim or even a good Jew or Christian looking to convert to Islam (which I am), they will not do things that are universally forbidden by all of these religions. I don't see the cause for such fear of guys when all of us are not that bad. I'm a guy and while of course I think about those things which are forbidden, I have the self control not to act on them. Please explain this to me if I am missing something.
 

MuslimSista

New Member
Salam Walaykum...that is soo true (koobex)...how a man treats his mother is a good indicator whether or not to marry him. It is forbidden to hang out wit guys period! I'll try and answer ur question Samwich717. One: mashallah that u are tryin to convert to islam, i'll make it known that us muslim brothers and sisters are here to give advice, if any is indeed. Two: Also alhamdulliah that u dunt act upon ur thoughts, which are good deeds but with the whole question is to why? I'll try my best to explain. If u are a muslim brother, a muslim sister or any girl is a Fitnah....meanin temptation..trial almost. Meanin u chyllen wit a girl will be ur fitnah. But as u have stated u wont act upon ur thoughts....than wats the point in havin sumething to even generate it in the first place. Do u understand? Like, wats the whole point of doing sumething that would cause bad or forbidden thoughts if ur not going to act upon it. Of course u might have the self-control but why? Same with girls, guys are our fitnah, our trial....if we lower our gaze and dunt speak to them with unnecessary conversation that will benefit noone, than we pass the trial or shud i say test. U know the common phase "Life's a test", which it truely is....our test! if we fail.....our outcome is hellfire. If we pass....our outcome is jennah.


Basically wat im trying to say is mingling with the opposite sex is forbidden, because something that seems small and harmless (ex. chattin or hangout with each other) will probably end up something BIG and no joke u would probably regret! And of course ur never alone......Allah(swt) is always watching us and shaytan isn't far and is pushin us and inserting our minds with forbidden thought. Just to be safe and make sure that no sin can ever occur from that situation...is not to even be IN the that situation. Dunt hang out, speak to, or have a relationship with guys( if ur a girl) or girl( if ur a guy). Of course other than family and relatives.

i hope my bickering answer ur question or anyone esle

Salam walaykum....May Allah(Swt) reward those you give advice and seek knowlegde. AMEEN
 

samwich717

New Member
Wouldn't you say the harder the test the stronger the faith that is built? There really is no temptation for me. I know the rules and I made the committment to wait. Some people make you happy without doing forbidden things...maybe I just don't understand.
 

elixbrody

Eli/Sister
well I had a muslim bf :( I feel bad now I see it the other way around. Allah wanted me to see the truth though this muslim boy.

I have a question if girls don't talk to guys how will they know who they marry? I mean DO they know the person?
 
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