*Please help me*

[Believer1985]

Asalam alaikum everyone!
I am a new user here and would like to introduce an issue I am having trouble with:

On August 16th 2004, I was "forced" into a marriage (I was 19). It wasn't totally forced, actually. I was in Pakistan because my brother got married and while I was there, my sister-in-laws mother asked me if I wanted to marry one of her sons. I obviously refused but she, plus the other house residents kept talking to me for the entire month I was there. (You won't believe how much I missed England!) To cut a long story short, she got her own way as I was under so much pressure, and I was "married" the night my flight was due back to London. I didn't spend any time with him at all. I thought it wasn't even a marriage, but an engagement, which is partly why I went through with it, cos I thought I could break it up any day.
But now it seems to be going on and he has applied for a visa to come here. He got the visa and he'll be here Monday August 20th.. I am so scared! My parents disagree with me and I'm scare of my dad so much. 2 1/2 years of my life have gone to waste study-wise and I am actually just a depressed girl and feel like nobody would even notice if I was to disappear.

Thanks for reading this. What are your views on arranged/unhappy marriages? what should i do?? I pray to Allah for Him to help me!

:tti_sister:

 

[whitecat]

:salam2: sister
i totally understant ur situation and i know how hard it is, becoz my sister has gone throw similar situation.u r married to him abt 3 years, u would have an idea which kind of person is ur husband. try to have an good conversation and clarify ur worries and concern u have in ur mind. May be he is a good brother. and plzzzzzzzzzzzzz don't be dpressed instead pray and hope for good.May Allah make it easy for u:blackhijab:

:tti_sister: :tti_sister: :tti_sister: :tti_sister:

 

[IslamIsLight]

Assalamu aleikum sister

sometiemes we think something is not good for Us ,but Allah knows best....
U can't tell your wasted your 2 years .U cannot know how would your life turn otherwise.Be patient and Allah is with those who are patient...
I can't give u a good advise on that ,coz don't know what is the marriage..but look at everything from positive side and pray to Allah to help u.He is All Hearing, All Knowing,leave it to Allah ,put all your trust to him and pray....
Don't be depressed ,only Allah knows how this will turn.May be it will be Happy arranged Marriage....
waaleikum salam

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,


In Islam a woman can not be forced to be married. However, you did say yes. You were not a child when you sad yes. This is responsibility. You made your parents proud.
You are living in the west and Pakistan is a lovely country to visit. You could never live there.
You live in word that treats your values as nothing short of strange. You are bombarded by images of the horrors of marriage and the beauty of romantic love.
Marriage is an act of faith. You accept the other, totally. Put your faith in Allah and be glad you have a man to call husband.

 

[Aliyah206]

assalamu aliykum dearest one...
am really sorry abt your situation i wish i culd help more..but inshallah Allah is going to help you through and make everything turn out positive..his your brotha fil islam after ALL..so try ur best to be patient and have faith in ALLAH. MAyy ALLAh make things easy for you. [??? i was wondering how that marraige took place without your parents satification or in another words PERMISSION..]???

 

[jabba]

:salam2:
Sister I am really sorry you went through this. I'm sorry to say but maybe your in laws saw your innocense and iggnorance and took advantage of that. But sister you were an adult when this happened, I got married at 19 too, it's not the end of your life lol. You can still go to school, Islam encourages us to constantly seek knowledge. AS well there has been a lot of good advice given here plz consider what each sister wrote

 

[Idil Ciise]

seriously I don't know to say beside I'm sorry you feel this way. it was meant for you to say yes Allah made it so. give it a go who knows he may turn out to be a wonderful husband. I got married at 19 as well (20 now) it's not the end of the world. you can still attend school or work. don't say you wasted 2 1/2 years, you still got time. be glad and trust Allah. don't despair please.

 

[maisarah]

Salamualaikum,

Islam doesnt practise of forced marriage,U said yes means that u agree with the situation.
heading this kinda situations,u need to be rational of thinking something will effect your life.
Istikharah will help you,insyaallah will hear u.

wassalamualaykum

 

[Rosheen]

:salam2:

sister, what i can advise you to do is make the best of a bad situation. You were pressured, and that was unfaiir and difficult for you. However if you were honestly 100% against marrying this guy you would have kept refusing.

What you need to do now is to welcome your husband and make a go of your marriage. If you try your best and make dua things should come right for you.

If you ever need advice join the sisters section where we will be happy to advise you on marriage.

Good luck for tomorrow sis!

 

[happy 2 b muslim]

are all you family muslim if yes tell them that in islam me being forced
my marriage is not accepted its as if you have a unwanted boyfriend that is just their,, if you dont want it its like that however if you wanted it then it accept only by you wanting it AND HIM. tell your family how you feel..


hope that helped my allah accept are duas inshallah
salam alaykum sis

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Sister I am amazed that all the replies are similar. I know that is usually not the case. Many of the sisters have different opinions. This lets me know that we are all praying for you. You have the power to turn this into a good thing. Let us know.

 

[visionusman]

Assalamualaikum My Sisters in Islam.

I personally think this young sister should ask a genuine scholar about the validity of this nikah. If the so called consent to the nikah was given in a condition of duress then it might not be a valid consent at all and the nikah it self might not be considered legal in the first place. Further more such marriages are not likely to be successfull no matter what the bride accepts now. Marriages go through there own ups and downs and any period of distress would be very hard to bear for this young lady as she might totally blame the forced nature of the marriage for all her woes.

However it is also worth remembering that she will not be allowed to enter a marriage without the consent of her Wali, which in this case seems to be her father. Therefore I would ask her to carefully consider this before she decides to antagonize her parents. But ask a genuine scholar; that would be me advice.

 

[Believer1985]

Salam to you all!
I'd like to say that I DO make dua all the time and have basically left this with the Almighty. But I am still worried. Everyone is on his side and it isnt easy.
And when you all think that I was an adult when I said Yes, heres the truth: I am dyslexic and, basically, im obtuse. I admit. Im not very intelligent, but that is how the Great Lord has made me. I didnt know what was going through my mind when I signed those papers, so please dont judge me by telling me I was an adult.
My parents say that too that I wasnt a baby and i shouldve known. But there is no need for me to lie. Allah is my witness.

 

[TheKnowledgeSeeker]

Asalam alaikum everyone!
I am a new user here and would like to introduce an issue I am having trouble with:

On August 16th 2004, I was "forced" into a marriage (I was 19). It wasn't totally forced, actually. I was in Pakistan because my brother got married and while I was there, my sister-in-laws mother asked me if I wanted to marry one of her sons. I obviously refused but she, plus the other house residents kept talking to me for the entire month I was there. (You won't believe how much I missed England!) To cut a long story short, she got her own way as I was under so much pressure, and I was "married" the night my flight was due back to London. I didn't spend any time with him at all. I thought it wasn't even a marriage, but an engagement, which is partly why I went through with it, cos I thought I could break it up any day.
But now it seems to be going on and he has applied for a visa to come here. He got the visa and he'll be here Monday August 20th.. I am so scared! My parents disagree with me and I'm scare of my dad so much. 2 1/2 years of my life have gone to waste study-wise and I am actually just a depressed girl and feel like nobody would even notice if I was to disappear.

Thanks for reading this. What are your views on arranged/unhappy marriages? what should i do?? I pray to Allah for Him to help me!

:tti_sister:

Let me get this right you said yes to get marry when you weren't ready? Marriage is big responsible and no matter how much presure you are under you shouldn't say yes to it or get engage. You said you were going to call it off? Sister i think you were being selfish. Didn't think about the hurt you were going to cause to the brother? anyways since you said yes to my advice is to go to islamic marriage counslor and talk to your husband inshallah he will understand. I would not consider your marriage as arranged marriage but my view on arranged marriage is somewhat unclear. A lot of our parents marriages were arranged and look at how it come out. Pray to Allah and good luck to you and your husband.

 

[aziz rehman ali]

dont worry

a salamo alaikum. dont worry and pray to allaha for help.give up thinking any thing .this is life .things goes on as allah wants .stay in sajda for help and think of ur future wasalam aziz rehman

 

[suumaya]

Asalamu alaikum
Sister i would advice you to first pray Istikharah then to try to give him a chance, i know that won't be easy thing but really, try at least, you got nothing to loose if just give it a try.

 

[Believer1985]

It is extremely uncalled for to call me selfish. im not enjoying this!!
I'm just going to continue praying and hope for the best.
thanks for your replies.

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

You asked a question and the brothers and sisters gave you honest answers. You are not supposed to enjoy this. This is serious. We take marriage very seriously. In Islam we help each other out by being honest.
No-one here is trying to hurt your feelings. They are helping you to become a better Muslim.

 

[Believer1985]

I didnt say I had a disability, I said I'm not very intelligent. That is the way Allah made me. I wasnt happy with it but who am I to question the work of our Lord? You did come across as harsh. Marriage isnt a game, I know that. It is not my fault I have the mind of someone a few years younger than me. Like I say, I do not enjoy it.
I appreciate everyone's answers here.
And this man USED me. He even admitted that our Nikah is not valid. His mother is the type of woman who has married off THREE of her children to British Nationals just so that they can enter England. THAT, to me is NOT a valid marriage in Islam. Marriages in Islam are meant to be based on love and the partners devotion to their religion, NOT about where they live or how good looking they are.
I dont know you, but you just reduced me to tears. Im not expecting sympathy, just showing you that you were harsh indeed and you judged me. YOU dont know what this man and his family are like. I do. That's why I turned to this board for help. In turn I got criticism. I got conforting replies at a non-muslim forum. THAT has got to be saying something!

Salam

 

[jabba]

:salam2:
Sister the members here are just trying to tell you the truth without sugar coating it. I do agree however that you shouldn't be judged as being selfish because you know whats really going on, we just know the info you've written. So sister we DO support you BUT the intentions of your in laws are a thing of the past, your decission is a thing of the past. You have 2 choices now, 1 go to marriage counselling and work things out, tell your husband how you feel or 2 get a divorse. Other than that it's all up to you now.