question about multiple wives

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thefighter

New Member
salamu alaykum

so the story goes like this. My father who lives in pakistan married a women and couldnt have any baby with her. he waited 20 years with her. it was in 70's when there was very less advancment in medical feild. So he asked her to let him marry again, she allowed him and he did got married again. now he had two wivies he was equally taking care of them. he then had five babies with his new wife. I am the 4rth one. when i was born i was given to his first wife. she brought me up. moral of the story is that both of my mothers sacrificed for each other's happiness. have a nice day

REALLY GREAT STORY
MA SHA' ALLAH,
Poeple, only look at this great advantage of the shari'a of Islam, in which the one may get another wife in case he needed becase as said above, it's not easy to be equal with your wives.
However, in the same time, some men know nothing about religion and when it comes to marriage, he's knows it by heart.
I say to them, "Ok, very well brothers, you know that Islamic shari'a gives you the right to marry 4 women, but have you known everything related to marriage in Islam; treating the wife, being patient with her, loving her, helping her inside the home...etc

Moreover, why don't you marry another woman the way the beloved Prophet (Peace be upon Him) did?
- Why don't you marry an old woman who should be cared about (like Lady Um Salama, as I remember) ???
- Why don't you marry a divourced Muslim woman who has nobody to rely on (like Lady Zeinab, as I remember)???
- Why don't you marry a convert to Islam, who has nobody to rely on (like Lady Maria) ???

Don't we see from the examples of the Prophet's marriages (Peace be upon Him) that they are all about new responsibilities and new sacrifices???

Why are we selective towards religion????

again, I am only addressing the men who just want other wives for more pleasure, forgive my frankness..... we have to address the reality brothers & sisters.....
 

Mrmuslim

Smile you are @ TTI
Staff member
salaaam alikom,

I think a lot of people answering based on personnel opinion even though its big scrify from one sisters for another sister in Islam .

I am not saying that I will marry 4 lol let me first marry one will be enough for me insha Allah.

the brothers who can marry another sister he will be a support for another sister , may Alla help him, and the first wife will have reward if she let her husband do it for sake of helping another sister, she will be Helping her sister in ISLAM ...

sisters may want to beat me for saying all the above, but this is the beauty of islam, when we as Muslim get the selfishness out of our heart...

When the prophet peace be up on him migrated from Makkah to Madinah he told the Anssar(people of Madinah) who ever have 2 wife to divorce one so his brother Mohajreen (migrators from makkah) marry her.


I will just reminde sisters who can help other sisters, this the ultimate sisterhood...and test for sisters.

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Allah knows best
 
A

abdul ghaleeb

Guest
selaamu aleykum

as a 17 year old male speaking it would be every guys fantasy to have a multiple wives but i don think its realistic and workable in todays world.
women in the modern age aren't stupid as they are back then and have found the brains to stand up from being taken advantage ofd. Elhemdulilaah for that...


also my parents just had one of each other and couldn't stop from ripping the other's throats out and got divorced...
it isnt justice for me to speak on this question :would you condider taken a multiple wives? because im too young and havent even got even one wife to speak

final point: its a nice fantasy to have multiple wives but marriage is hard work and after seeing my parents marriage fail i cant see even managing one wife

we selaam
 

kayleigh

Junior Member
salaam,

NO.

and again, NO.

Saying yes to the second shows a complete disregard and disrespect for a fellow sister, in my opinion.

In most Muslim countries, you must have the consent of the first wife to take a second. If any man takes a wife against his first wife's will, I think it's clear he has absolutely no respect for her.

My marriage contract will certainly have a stipulation in it against him taking a second wife. and if he does, hello divorce. I'd like to think if I ever marry, my marriage will mean more than just shelter and money, since I can provide my own shelter and living perfectly fine on my own. I think women in polygamous relationships really do sacrifice the core relationship that makes marriage a marriage. Which is their own choice...sometimes. But not a choice I would EVER make.

It is allowed in Islam, but that doesn't mean everyone should go and do it. Obviously. When I marry, I'll marry someone who thinks I'm enough and isn't greedy for more women - either for sex or because of some warped idea of masculinity, which is how some treat it. I think there are times when polygamy is appropriate, but I live in a country and a culture where those situations are very unlikely to arise. These situations where women are divorced and can't take care of themselves, or are old and can't take care of themselves, or are converts and can't take care of themselves, are rare and don't usually occur in the West since women are capable of caring for themselves and it's not a marriage or death type of situation. In other countries and cultures, though, women don't have the same opportunities (unfortunately), so polygamy is sometimes the only hope...

So I guess really, I don't have to worry about it or care very much, since I'll never let it happen to me. If women want to do it, they can. If women are forced into it, it's very sad but not something I can change either.
 

kayleigh

Junior Member
selaamu aleykum

women in the modern age aren't stupid as they are back then and have found the brains to stand up from being taken advantage ofd. Elhemdulilaah for that...

we selaam

haha, that made me laugh.

I dont think I would call women of the past stupid, as that implies a kind of insult, but certainly uneducated compared to today's women, and products of their culture and time. But I think I know what you're trying to say...women are usually more outspoken today, and yes, alhamdullilah for that lol
 

frenzy fish

New Member
selaamu aleykum


women in the modern age aren't stupid as they are back then and have found the brains to stand up from being taken advantage ofd. Elhemdulilaah for that...


also

sorry mate, but women back then were NOT dumb. hazrat aisha was a great muhaddith of her time, companians of the prophet came to her to ask her what the prophet did in certain circumstances. she was 19 when the prophet passed away and her knowledge of hadith was in the thousands. she was also one of multiple wives. they were not taken advantage of, they understood deen. and if you can't understand this basic concept, then you my friend have not understood deen.
 

al-fajr

...ism..schism
Staff member
:salam2:

selaamu aleykum

as a 17 year old male speaking it would be every guys fantasy to have a multiple wives but i don think its realistic and workable in todays world.
women in the modern age aren't stupid as they are back then and have found the brains to stand up from being taken advantage ofd. Elhemdulilaah for that...

what? Sorry come again?

Todays women are S T U P I D

They are taken advantage of at EVERY opportunity – NOT in the context of marriage! Women have been reduced to mere sex objects and MOST have absolutely no objection to being humiliated and degraded in such a way! Women of today need do NOTHING..just dress in the average selection of ‘rags’ up for sale in H&M and Topshop and take a walk down the road and..they are taken advantage off! they are at the mercy of men who..well cannot even be expected to lower the gaze!

Women are completely enslaved in there attempts to conform to and be accepted by the ‘male mind’ that they have no self-respect/esteem to speak of! I don’t call that intelligence! I call it enslavement..utter submissiveness to the whims and desires of men! Whatever the hell the feminist movement did for women it was NOT liberation! A woman may say that she diets and excersise and dresses for herself, but in reality she is most likely to be shaping her body for the benefit of men. A woman has no say about where when how or by whom her body will be used…:mad: I think women are being destroyed morally psychologically and spiritually! They need to emancipate themselves from the pathetic demands made of them from a male driven society! women need to change there philosophy, to a philosophy that doesnt judge her on her beauty or bank balance - rather to one that will re-instate her personal identity and self respect! One word...Islam

Alhamdulillah for Islam...:)

Anyway this threads about...multiple wives and it certainly IS workable in todays world. Allah (S) would not have perscribed something in the Qur'an if it wasnt suitable or even required in future times.

And since im here I may aswell address the original questions posed...although I had no intention to :p lol

Yes, I would be willing to be second, marriage is done for the sake of Allah (s) and it is half of faith....ummmm actually, in all honesty maybe i wouldnt mind BEING the second one, but maybe i would mind being the first one who then became the second....lol u get me? :p..

And no to the second question, i think that could ruin somebody's life so no!
 

shahidah123

Junior Member
selaamu aleykum

as a 17 year old male speaking it would be every guys fantasy to have a multiple wives but i don think its realistic and workable in todays world.
women in the modern age aren't stupid as they are back then and have found the brains to stand up from being taken advantage ofd. Elhemdulilaah for that...


also my parents just had one of each other and couldn't stop from ripping the other's throats out and got divorced...
it isnt justice for me to speak on this question :would you condider taken a multiple wives? because im too young and havent even got even one wife to speak

final point: its a nice fantasy to have multiple wives but marriage is hard work and after seeing my parents marriage fail i cant see even managing one wife

we selaam

I think the understanding of polygamy is LOST in today's world. Men of old married more than one for different reasons. They also married widows with the intention to help the women. Amazingly their first wives understood and able to handle it, and they have good sisterly relations. But most (not all) men of today, generally speaking, marry for lusts - another reason. If we all try to understand better the real reasons behind polygamy, both men & women, i think we will realize that their deen is much much stronger & they understood the actual concept of polygamy as allowed in Islam. Something for us to think about.
 

ShyHijabi

Junior Member
what? Sorry come again?

Todays women are S T U P I D

They are taken advantage of at EVERY opportunity – NOT in the context of marriage! Women have been reduced to mere sex objects and MOST have absolutely no objection to being humiliated and degraded in such a way! Women of today need do NOTHING..just dress in the average selection of ‘rags’ up for sale in H&M and Topshop and take a walk down the road and..they are taken advantage off! they are at the mercy of men who..well cannot even be expected to lower the gaze!

Women are completely enslaved in there attempts to conform to and be accepted by the ‘male mind’ that they have no self-respect/esteem to speak of! I don’t call that intelligence! I call it enslavement..utter submissiveness to the whims and desires of men! Whatever the hell the feminist movement did for women it was NOT liberation! A woman may say that she diets and excersise and dresses for herself, but in reality she is most likely to be shaping her body for the benefit of men. A woman has no say about where when how or by whom her body will be used… I think women are being destroyed morally psychologically and spiritually! They need to emancipate themselves from the pathetic demands made of them from a male driven society! women need to change there philosophy, to a philosophy that doesnt judge her on her beauty or bank balance - rather to one that will re-instate her personal identity and self respect! One word...Islam

Alhamdulillah for Islam...

Salaam,

By generalizing that today's women are stupid you just assigned that label to your mother, sisters, grandmothers, and cousins. You have spoken for all of womenkind apparently without much experience of interacting with women, you are not married by your own reports. Frankly by stereotyping and overgeneralizing you make yourself appear to be harsh and prejudicial....not exactly the ideal Muslim male.

If women are being destroyed emotionally and psychologically then who is doing the destruction? All men? So then you would be no more than an animal and one of the reasons women can't go out without being harrassed and assaulted, no? See how such broad generalizations can be foolish and hasty.

Women are struggling in this world the same as men are. You cannot say an entire half of the population is stupid, we are creations of Allah and it is not within your right to judge and label His creations. I think you ought to rethink your words, brother.

Wasalaam

~Sarah
 

iskandaria

New Member
Multipe Wives

Well, for me I wouldn't encourage such tgs as:-

1> There mite be some women out there who would marry a married man just for her own personal sake/ satisfaction. And would unreasonably want the husband to divorce the 1st wife. That goes for my gf's situation.

> I would say for women's emotional reasons & needs, I personally wiuldn't want such things to happen even thought the its allowed to practice polygamy..
 

samiha

---------
Staff member
selaamu aleykum

as a 17 year old male speaking it would be every guys fantasy to have a multiple wives but i don think its realistic and workable in todays world.

wa alaykum salam.

I've got my points to make, and insha'allah I will do them in the way that is most understandable. And I ask from the very beginning you do not take offence at my words... because I merely say this in defence of my understanding... however it has quite a liability to be wrong.

If polygamy was not workable in "today's world" then it would not have been allowed from the very beginning would it have? The Prophet :saw: was sent as a Messenger for ALL mankind. The ones from back then, then ones now... and the people yet to come (insha'allah). The message, the commands, injunctions, allowances never changed... and so we cannot say that they are not workable. If it was not workable nor realistic, then Islaam would not have allowed it! Allah says he has perfected our religion... PERFECTED. From the day that verse was revealed... Islaam was sealed. There's nothing that can come after it, nor can one say that what was applicable back then is not applicable today.

I say perhaps it can be said that the situations are unfavorable, that certain men cannot due justice to the wives, or that certain women may do harm to themselves or others due to jealousy of their co-wives... but we cannot say that of ALL men nor ALL women nor ALL situations.

There will always be a way for what is allowed and established as such in Islaam, no matter what society, what decade, what people... that's how I see it, and although I may have come out a bit harsh in my critism of that statement, I don't mean it as anything but a reminder.

As for the second bit:
women in the modern age aren't stupid as they are back then and have found the brains to stand up from being taken advantage ofd. Elhemdulilaah for that...

Akhi... :astag: ... Subhan'allah... I think this comment is one that should be retracted, and stricken from ones heart and mind!!!

Women in the modern age? Which women is this in reference to? Do you realize what this statement means?

The women back then...subhan'allah... they were intelligent, they were wise beyond all things ... only we do not see it as such because we've become so entangled with our "Modern" views on intelligence.

Aisha (radi allahu anha) was one of the greatest scholars of her time... she was educated in countless feilds and even some of the greatest Sahabi came to learn from her. They understood her rank, her understanding...her perception, and many of them commented on the eloquence of her words. After Abu Hurairah (ra) she narrated the most ahadeeth, even though she was only 18 when the prophet :saw: died!! How many of us can even HOPE to have that level of understanding of our Deen? Our religion at that age? Some of us think we are young and so our understanding is fine, but can you even seek to compare to Aisha (ra) at that age?! Islaam wouldn't be what it is today without the contributions of her...and she is just one of the Prophet :saw: wives.

THEREFORE I ask you... who is being taken advantage of? After this level of understanding was Aisha taken advantage of because she married the Prophet :saw: who was already married? And I hope people don't seek to make excuses because he was who he was... it is true, but that also applied to the wives of Umar (ra), Uthman (ra) and other companions. Were their wives stupid for doing this? The woman who were praised for their submission to Allah? Who heard a command and immediately obeyed? Who sacraficed their jewelry, time, and children for the sake of Islaam? These were the stupid ones? How can that be? It's a paradox!

Rather when I see some women today, putting down and disregarding Islaam... making it second in their lives... like a part time cloak to either wear or take off... these are who I see as the stupid ones. The ones who are given the truth and they reject it, the ones who don't sacrafice and OUNCE of which the women of the past did for the sake of Allah.

The modern woman is not endowed with knowledge... lest it be for the sake of Allah, and the woman of the past were not breed in ignorance lest it be for rejecting the truth.

Wisdom, knowledge and intelligence are all based on the eyes of the believer... err.. beholder... and i QUITE see it that these woman of the past were not taken advantage of, rather they were knowledgeable and understanding in the matters of Deen so much so that they knew their rights, and the rights of their husbands, and of Allah. And I see it as the men of that time also sought to find their rights to their wives, held the correct adab, intentions and love for Allah so that they would not even think of intentionally "taking advantage" of any woman.

And if they did do injustice, then it is with Allah, but you cannot categorize all of them as such, nor label our women, our greatest rolemodels as... stupid.

Again... I'm sorry if this came out harsh, I'm only expressing my views as you have yours.

final point: its a nice fantasy to have multiple wives but marriage is hard work and after seeing my parents marriage fail i cant see even managing one wife

Marriage IS hard work. That's why it is the duty of each and every Muslim to look into Islaamic rights and regulations in accordance to marriage... what rights one has to the other, to their family, to their community, etc etc...

Allah knows akhi... it was written in their Qadr but that doesn't mean it is written in YOURS. Learn your duties as a male and then have tawwakul in Allah (swt) and believe that He will find you the right person (insha'allah).

Salaam,

By generalizing that today's women are stupid you just assigned that label to your mother, sisters, grandmothers, and cousins. You have spoken for all of womenkind apparently without much experience of interacting with women, you are not married by your own reports. Frankly by stereotyping and overgeneralizing you make yourself appear to be harsh and prejudicial....not exactly the ideal Muslim male.

umm.. ukhti... i know this is a TTI tradition, and I hate to break it to you, but Isra is a girl. :redface:

So therefore, I am also kind of obliged to tell you that that interpretation was a bit skewed. She didn't mean it that way.

argh i need to add to this! but alas... bed time :D :D ...

:wasalam:
 

user expired!

Junior Member
asalamualaykum,

Listen to me people dont let ur emotions get in the way!

Abdul Ghaleeb i find ur statemenst about
'women in the modern age aren't stupid as they are back then and have found the brains to stand up from being taken advantage of'

Is hard to believe just look at all the so called Femininst movements and how they started... they went so extreme that they started to dress like men!

U have to repent brother as u made a mistake in public maybe due to ur lakc of understanding of the seen or maybe due to ur emotional situation of ur parents, but u have to understande that just cos ur family had sum problems doesnt mean everyone elses family is the same.

In Islam it is not Mandatory to have more then one wife but in our Shareeah it is declared to us by Allah (swt) it is halal! so we cannot not make the Halal to become haram jst because of theis nonsense about wmoen becoming more independent and blah blah..
 

*Sana*

.~.Slave of Allah.~.
Salaam,

I personally think the question for the men that arises is

Would you marry a second wife or even your first wife knowing that she was married to another man.

I think that's what women feel when asked the question.

Keep pondering all you men out there.

Wasalaam
 

*Sana*

.~.Slave of Allah.~.
Very Beautifully said sister!!!! Couldn't have been said ANY better... You are very right!

I really feel what you are saying. People these days just spit out comments and don't know the weight of their words. They really should think twice and not jump the gun.

It's good to have people like you these days and on the site to remind and also educate some very naive people.

Wasalaam.
 
reply

:mashallah:
i can do it but, i hate cheating in my life, he must be a God fearing person in both wives, if he can be justice between both 2 me no wahala:astag:
 

danial

Junior Member
Keep pondering all you men out there.

i disagree with what u have said. u are GENERALISING. im not that kinda guy.. argh.. this discussion disturbs me just like one of the brothers saying "its every man's fantasy to have 2 wives"...total GENERALISING and not true at all!
 

ShyHijabi

Junior Member
umm.. ukhti... i know this is a TTI tradition, and I hate to break it to you, but Isra is a girl.

So therefore, I am also kind of obliged to tell you that that interpretation was a bit skewed. She didn't mean it that way.

Salaam,

I apologize for confusing the gender of Sister Isra. But now given this information and viewing the post in that light I am more disturbed but the generalization I read.

~Sarah
 

a_muslimah86

Hubbi Li Rabbi
Staff member
Salam

Most of the questions/discussions posed on the topic of multiple wives have had to do with whether the women would want their husbands to TAKE a second (or more) wife. So, I was thinking about it the other day and wanted to post a couple different types of questions.


For the women:

1. Would you ladies be willing to be a second wife?

2. If yes, would you continue to marry the man as a second wife if you KNEW the first wife was against him marrying you?

And for the men:

If you KNEW your first wife is against you having a second wife, would you still marry a second (given the opportunity)?

Just some thoughts - and NO I am not trying to change any rulings that God has put forth, I am just interested in what actual human beings would do in the situations.

Lana

:salam2:


1. Yes..IF..there was a CLEAR..TRUTHFUL..and JUSTIFIABLE reason (i.e. the woman can't have kids..or she has some kind of long-term illness).

2. Absolutely NOT..and that's why if i were to be put in a situation like that..i would demand meeting the first wife BEFORE the marriage takes place..and have a talk with her..just THE TWO OF US..and make sure that she is aware of her husband's intentions and that she has agreed to them..and to understand her conditions and lay out some sort of understandings or agreements between us.

OTHER THAN THAT..i would not do it at all!!!

cuz if *brotha-man* had decided that he is bored with his wife and he wants a new one around to show off or to have fun..then i'll just tell him TO FEAR ALLAH for having such intentions..

and if the woman resented the marriage and the man went on with it anyway..

i would fear that..in a moment of sadness or anger she would say *Hasbiya Allah wa Ni'ma Al Wakeel* for her suffering no matter how minor or major it could be..and then Allah answers her prayer and avenges her suffering..

and i would NEVER work towards my happiness knowing that..there's another person who is in complete misery as a consequence!!!..that is just REALLY LOW AND DISGUSTING!


:wasalam:
 
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