Polygamy in Islam - Please help me be accurate

Aminah 4 Allah

I beleive in Allah
Assalamu Alaikum Dear Brothers and Sisters in Islam,

I have had a non-Muslim ask me the following:
What is with the husband being able to have more than one wife? I dont know how that is respectful to women and kind to his first wife.
Alhumdulilah she has given me an opportunity to respond to this.

I have been preparing a response to this statement but inshallah I want to ensure that I am as close to 100% accurate as possible.

My response is as follows:

Now to respond to your query about men being able to take more than one wife: Islam is a religion that is for all times and all places and unlike other religions will never require modification to adjust to the situations we’re faced with at any given time. Therefore Islam was not just created to be the religion of humanity during the Prophet Muhammad’s lifetime nor just for our lifetimes in the 20th and 21st centuries. This is the basic reason why God has allowed polygamy in Islam. Now let me explain this further with some basis as to why.

First of all, I think that it is important to point out that polygamy was not something new to God’s religions when Islam came along. In the Bible and Torah polygamy is allowed and men are allowed to take an infinite number of women as wives. See Exodus 21:10. Even King David had 6 wives and other companions according to 2 Samuel 5:13, 1 Chronicles 3:1-9, 14:3 and if you can imagine, King Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines which is stated in Kings 11:3. In the New Testament, Jesus himself allowed polygamy in the New Testament.

In the fourth chapter of the Quran there is a Verse that refers to polygamy. The Noble Verse 4:3 “And if you fear that you will not deal fairly with the orphans, marry of women who seem good to you, two or three or four; and if you fear that you cannot do justice to so many then one only or the slaves that your right hands possess. Thus it is more likely that you will not do injustice.” The meaning of this verse is to be taken into consideration after a tragedy occurs such as a war or plague takes many of the men from society. Polygamy is only allowed in Islam to help Muslims deal with societal crises that may be the remains of a natural event, sweeping illness or bloody war that takes the lives of many men leaving women without a husband and children without families. In Islam it is the husband’s duty and responsibility to ensure that his wife is provided for. She of course is able to work on her own accord but all that she earns is hers for the keeping and her husband still has to support his wife and provide for her a home, clothing and other basic needs including affection. So to sum this verse up in the event that there are way more women and children left than men after some sort of a catastrophe then and only then can a man take a second, third and to a maximum of four wives. He may only do this if he is sure that he will be able to treat them all equally. If his first wife is against this then he should highly reconsider as she, of course, has the right to divorce him for going ahead with a decision of this magnitude that is against her wishes. Divorce is only a last resort in Islam as the bonds and sanctity of marriage are very strong in God’s eyes and all possible solutions should be exhausted before a divorce is granted.

It is important to understand that many of the women that a man would take on as second, third and fourth wives would likely be widows that could be much older than him and would likely already have children. So men are not getting all the fantasies fulfilled by marrying a row of four hot young wives. Polygamy is strictly allowed in Islam only to solve social problems that may face Muslims. Polygamy is definitely not encouraged in the Quran nor is it something that God allowed because he likes it. God discourages polygamy in the same verse in which he allows it (4:3) “and if you fear that you cannot do justice to so many then only one.” God clearly prescribes men to be fair to all his wives or not to marry more than one at all! Later on Allah told men "Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire...(4:129)" which clearly confirms the excuse that He gave them to practice polygamy. This is not a contradiction, it clearly proves that when Allah Almighty allowed polygamy, He only allowed it because the Muslims had an emergency or crisis and at least half or more than half of the men were lost.

Taking into consideration that today in Canada we do not have a crisis of men losing their lives that is causing hugely negative impacts on society then as I understand it polygamy is clearly not allowed in our society!

But Allah swt knows best.

Wassalam,
Aminah :hijabi:
 

lions_den1

Ahle Sunnah wal Jama
:ma:

Well said sister. A man can never know 100% if he is going to be just between his wives until he marries them. Just like have two children, or two friends, or two younger siblings ect and being just between them.

But people must study the rulings and rights of the wives and assess their own individual situation ect and must not act on mere lust!! :astag:

I am a brother seeking a second wife and i pray Allah (swt) blesses me with what is best for me and that he gives all of us the ability to do that which Pleases Him.

Ameen!!

Whoever has not got the capability or the courage to marry more than once should not condem the brothers who do- but only advice them sincerely with what is good.
 

meer suhail

ILM seeker
just a thought

:salam2:

i would like to add one more thing ,,,what about the american society ,dont know the latest figures ,but long time ago there were almost 2 mn more women than men , so may i ask what about them if all the men in american get married ???guess what 98% prison polpulation men ,,,,just in new york 1/3 of the man power gay ,,,,,so where will all the woman go ??? u no only one way ,( i wont even bother to mention that )
 

q8penpals

Junior Member
:salam2:

i would like to add one more thing ,,,what about the american society ,dont know the latest figures ,but long time ago there were almost 2 mn more women than men , so may i ask what about them if all the men in american get married ???guess what 98% prison polpulation men ,,,,just in new york 1/3 of the man power gay ,,,,,so where will all the woman go ??? u no only one way ,( i wont even bother to mention that )


Salam

As of US 2007 estimates, in the major "marriageable age" group, there are just slightly more women (a shade over a million more), but in the over 65 age group, there are lots more women (about 6 million more). So those of you who are looking for a second wife, there are plenty available, they are just quite a bit older!
The US:
"15-64 years: 67.2% (male 100,995,752/female 101,365,035)
65 years and over: 12.6% (male 15,858,477/female 21,991,195) (2007 est.) "

For the whole world, in the major marriageable age group, there are MORE MEN than women (approximately 50 million more - and yes, I know this doesn't take into consideration population distribution), but again, the over 65 group has about 70 million more women than men. So again, guys, gotta look to the more experienced women!! :)
The world:
"15-64 years: 65.1% (male 2,174,605,518/female 2,124,494,703)
65 years and over: 7.5% (male 217,451,123/female 278,474,917) (2007 est.) "

Women, in general, live longer than men. So when women tend to marry older men, that makes for a glut of unmarried (widowed) older women.

I haven't found a way to find a specific sex-distribution of Muslims worldwide (how many female vs male Muslims in the world, or even specific countries, unless they are like Kuwaitis - proclaimed 100% Muslim).

ACK! Men in Kuwait probably shouldn't take a second wife, unless they are bringing her from somewhere else! There are nearly twice as many men in Kuwait as women, even in the over 65 group (and I know these are not all Kuwaitis due to expat labor, but still!!)!!
Kuwait:
"15-64 years: 70.5% (male 1,128,231/female 636,967)
65 years and over: 2.8% (male 44,542/female 26,342) (2007 est.) "

If someone can give me a list of countries that are 1) Muslim majority population and 2) those that have a large Muslim population, I can probably make a general comparison of men/women based on today's populations. I think it would just be interesting to see...

Salam everyone - especially those hving Eid start today! My Eid started Friday and therefore is almost over already!

Lana
 
True . Monogamy is preferable in Islam . Polygyny is not condoned in Islam yet it is allowed keeping in consideration various circumstances that may arise like you mentioned , but , it also keeps the tab on the upper limit - that is you can never have more than 4 wives at a time , & the Quran is probably the only religious Scripture to do so .
And Lana , looking at those statistics - now I understand why more Kuwaitis are marrying Filipino females even though that might not be the reason ! :)
 

lions_den1

Ahle Sunnah wal Jama
Crims0nAlchemist;124811 True . Monogamy is preferable in Islam . Polygyny is not condoned in Islam... QUOTE said:

No i don't think this is true. The messenger of Allah (pbuh) said "multipy your wives and children so that i may be proud of you on the Day of Judgement (due to the size of the Ummah)"

Also so many of the prophets had more than one wife like Ibrahim, Sulayman, Dawud, Musa, Yaqub (peace the upon them all) and our beloved prophet Muahmmed (pbuh) and all his companions (except Uthman (ra)) who could afford it were married more than once.

:astag:

So you will find that the scholars do not say that islam prefers monogamy because if that was the case then why is it more rewardable to have two wives rather than having one wife (taking in to account that both wives are treated fairly)???

And Allah Knows Best
 

MubarekMuslimah

Junior Member
Salaams brother lionsden

Just to add if I may with all due respect - I think you should clarify that to " it is more rewardable to have two wives then one wife - IF everything in the two marriages is conducted properly in accordance with Islam" - just meaning that it is not the act of having 2 wives that carries more reward but *how* the two marriages are conducted insha'allah.

waslaams
 

MubarekMuslimah

Junior Member
No worries I knew this was what you meant, I just thought it better to clarify for the purpose of others who are reading insha'allah as its such an important part of multiple marriage ( THE most important part!) Barak'allah feek.
 

lions_den1

Ahle Sunnah wal Jama
masha Allah

:ma: you're right that it is the most important part- as much as i would to get married again- there is always and aspect of fear in me that i will be held accountable for any injustice i do between my two wives.

With me i have a fine balance between- the desire to marry again and the fear of accountability. i do not allow the desire to make me act wrecklessly nor the fear to disuade me from marrying again.

Alhamdulliah
 

tabaria

Junior Member
:salam2:

In Syria Iraqi widows with children must resort to prostitution to live.
Is that better then a man marrying her say as a second wife and taking care of her and her children?

On the other hand some people consider prostitution a legit career. And empowering to women.
:wasalam:
 

Aminah 4 Allah

I beleive in Allah
Assalamu Alaikum Brothers and Sisters,

Thank you all for your responses!! In relation to Muhammad (may peace and blessing be upon him) saying that the more wives you have that you treat equally and Islamically the more reward you will have. We have to remember that the Quran is our FIRST source of law from Allah swt. So if in followng the provisions that Allah swt laid out for us in the Quran a man is able to take a second, third or fourth wife then yes of course Allah swt will reward him for doing this as it is a help to society as long as he treats them all Islamically and equally.

Tabaria the case in Syria where the Iraqi widows are resorting to prostitution as a means of surviving this would fall into the area of what Allah swt has prescribed in the Quran for taking a second, third or fourth wife. So yes, a man in Syria that is able to take more than one wife and up to four should so that these widows can be provided for by husband and have a safe home for their families. As far as prostituion be a legitimate career this is definately not Islamic!! Any sort of pre-marital sexual relations are strictly forbidden. Sexual relations are something that is resevered for only the husband and the wife. There is absolutely no way that prostituion can be a legitimate Islamic career and because of this how could it be empowering to women when Islam is the most empowering thing in the world for women?

But Allah knows best.
 

meer suhail

ILM seeker
wives and justice ??????

:salam2:

doing justice btw 2 wifes ,,,,,well we are told about that .,,,,,,,,arent we ??


4:129. You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire, so do not incline too much to one of them (by giving her more of your time and provision) so as to leave the other hanging (i.e. neither divorced nor married). And if you do justice, and do all that is right and fear Allâh by keeping away from all that is wrong, then Allâh is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

:salam2:
 

meer suhail

ILM seeker
zzzzzzzzzzz

Question:
Why is a man allowed to have more than one wife in Islam? i.e. why is polygamy allowed in Islam?
Answer:
Definition of Polygamy
1. Polygamy means a system of marriage whereby one person has more than one spouse. Polygamy can be of two types. One is polygyny where a man marries more than one woman, and the other is polyandry, where a woman marries more than one man. In Islam, limited polygyny is permitted; whereas polyandry is completely prohibited.

Now coming to the original question, why is a man allowed to have more than one wife?

2. The Qur’an is the only religious scripture in the world that says,"marry only one".
The Qur’an is the only religious book, on the face of this earth, that contains the phrase ‘marry only one’. There is no other religious book that instructs men to have only one wife. In none of the other religious scriptures, whether it be the Vedas, the Ramayan, the Mahabharat, the Geeta, the Talmud or the Bible does one find a restriction on the number of wives. According to these scriptures one can marry as many as one wishes. It was only later, that the Hindu priests and the Christian Church restricted the number of wives to one.
Many Hindu religious personalities, according to their scriptures, had multiple wives. King Dashrat, the father of Rama, had more than one wife. Krishna had several wives.
In earlier times, Christian men were permitted as many wives as they wished, since the Bible puts no restriction on the number of wives. It was only a few centuries ago that the Church restricted the number of wives to one.
Polygyny is permitted in Judaism. According to Talmudic law, Abraham had three wives, and Solomon had hundreds of wives. The practice of polygyny continued till Rabbi Gershom ben Yehudah (95% C.E to 1030 C.E) issued an edict against it. The Jewish Sephardic communities living in Muslim countries continued the practice till as late as 1950, until an Act of the Chief Rabbinate of Israel extended the ban on marrying more than one wife.

3. Hindus are more polygynous than Muslims
The report of the ‘Committee of The Status of Woman in Islam’, published in 1975 mentions on page numbers 66 and 67 that the percentage of polygamous marriages between the years 1951 and 1961 was 5.06% among the Hindus and only 4.31% among the Muslims. According to Indian law only Muslim men are permitted to have more than one wife. It is illegal for any non-Muslim in India to have more than one wife. Despite it being illegal, Hindus have more multiple wives as compared to Muslims. Earlier, there was no restriction even on Hindu men with respect to the number of wives allowed. It was only in 1954, when the Hindu Marriage Act was passed that it became illegal for a Hindu to have more than one wife. At present it is the Indian Law that restricts a Hindu man from having more than one wife and not the Hindu scriptures.
Let us now analyse why Islam allows a man to have more than one wife.

4. Qur’an permits limited polygyny
As I mentioned earlier, Qur’an is the only religious book on the face of the earth that says ‘marry only one’. The context of this phrase is the following verse from Surah Nisa of the Glorious Qur’an:
"Marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one."
[Al-Qur’an 4:3]
Before the Qur’an was revealed, there was no upper limit for polygyny and many men had scores of wives, some even hundreds. Islam put an upper limit of four wives. Islam gives a man permission to marry two, three or four women, only on the condition that he deals justly with them.
In the same chapter i.e. Surah Nisa verse 129 says:
"Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women...."
[Al-Qur’an 4:129]
Therefore polygyny is not a rule but an exception. Many people are under the misconception that it is compulsory for a Muslim man to have more than one wife.
Broadly, Islam has five categories of Do’s and Don’ts:
i. ‘Fard’ i.e. compulsory or obligatory
ii. ‘Mustahab’ i.e. recommended or encouraged
iii. ‘Mubah’ i.e. permissible or allowed
iv. ‘Makruh’ i.e. not recommended or discouraged
v. ‘Haraam’ i.e. prohibited or forbidden
Polygyny falls in the middle category of things that are permissible. It cannot be said that a Muslim who has two, three or four wives is a better Muslim as compared to a Muslim who has only one wife.

5. Average life span of females is more than that of males
By nature males and females are born in approximately the same ratio. A female child has more immunity than a male child. A female child can fight the germs and diseases better than the male child. For this reason, during the pediatric age itself there are more deaths among males as compared to the females.
During wars, there are more men killed as compared to women. More men die due to accidents and diseases than women. The average life span of females is more than that of males, and at any given time one finds more widows in the world than widowers.

6. India has more male population than female due to female foeticide and infanticide
India is one of the few countries, along with the other neighbouring countries, in which the female population is less than the male population. The reason lies in the high rate of female infanticide in India, and the fact that more than one million female foetuses are aborted every year in this country, after they are identified as females. If this evil practice is stopped, then India too will have more females as compared to males.

7. World female population is more than male population
In the USA, women outnumber men by 7.8 million. New York alone has one million more females as compared to the number of males, and of the male population of New York one-third are gays i.e sodomites. The U.S.A as a whole has more than twenty-five million gays. This means that these people do not wish to marry women. Great Britain has four million more females as compared to males. Germany has five million more females as compared to males. Russia has nine million more females than males. God alone knows how many million more females there are in the whole world as compared to males.

8. Restricting each and every man to have only one wife is not practical
Even if every man got married to one woman, there would still be more than thirty million females in U.S.A who would not be able to get husbands (considering that America has twenty five million gays). There would be more than four million females in Great Britain, 5 million females in Germany and nine million females in Russia alone who would not be able to find a husband.
Suppose my sister happens to be one of the unmarried women living in USA, or suppose your sister happens to be one of the unmarried women in USA. The only two options remaining for her are that she either marries a man who already has a wife or becomes public property. There is no other option. All those who are modest will opt for the first.
In Western society, it is common for a man to have mistresses and/or multiple extra-marital affairs, in which case, the woman leads a disgraceful, unprotected life. The same society, however, cannot accept a man having more than one wife, in which women retain their honourable, dignified position in society and lead a protected life.
Thus the only two options before a woman who cannot find a husband is to marry a married man or to become public property. Islam prefers giving women the honourable position by permitting the first option and disallowing the second.
There are several other reasons, why Islam has permitted limited polygyny, but it is mainly to protect the modesty of women.
 
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