The loneliness of converts

Peace2u

Turn To Islam
Salam,brother,you know ,even when you live in a muslim neighbourhood or community lot of reverted muslims feel very very lonely. When I reverted to islam all the muslims from the University were very kind with me,anyway when my first Ramadan arrived I felt sooooooooooooooooooooo lonely,it was awfull to break my fast by my own,even when I was invited by the sisters families I felt that it was not my place. I've been married for twelve years now,my husband is a reverted too,but even now we still feeling sooooooooo lonely. We have four children and we're used to decorate our house (balloons ,etc;)so as they won't feel this lonelyness. But even like this we are almost never invited and people won't come to our house. So, generally after Salat aîd we're alone at home. Not very festive?:hearts:

Salam alai kum sister,

Thanks for the reply, much appreciated. I was just trying to have an understanding of the type of environment you all live in and I was under the impression that the ones who felt lonely mostly were the ones who basically didn’t live in a Muslim community.

I guess this is not always the case judging from the way you described it and to be honest I'm speechless because it shouldn’t really be like this in Islam in fact it shouldn’t be like this at all. You know there are great blessings for visiting one another even more so for offering others for Iftar during Ramadan.

I pray for the born Muslims to wake up to true Islam and you know I strongly believe it will be you reverted brothers and sisters that will end up teaching us born Muslims the correct way of how to live Islam.

Sorry if I offended anyone JazakhAllah.

Salam alai kum
 

Munawar

Striving for Paradise
:salam2: Sister oumyaquine,
The people you are talking about ... I am going to use a word here ... I just don't want any more controversy, but I am goiing to say it... I think they are called "Munafiq". In the time of Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) there were many Munafiqeen too.

A Munafiq is a person who is a Muslim or claims that he is a Muslim but his actions are totally opposite. To have a Arab superiority feeling that only Arabs are the best (which is opposite of the truth) is a satanic feeling, same as any other racial like white superiority feeling. And then to ask someone to provide alcohol is a very haram act indeed. Those who do it will be asked on the Day of Judgment, and in my opinion these kinds of people are Munafiq. The whole Muslim ummah is loaded with Munafiqeen these days.

Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) has said that a time will come when nations of the world will gather around you as a bunch of hungry men invite themselves towards food. And the reason will not be that Muslims would be small in number but because they would be far from the teachings of Islam.

I think we are living in that time, we see it happening all around us. Some one has said that the UN Security Council looks like a perfect dining room.

Well anyway, don't get dishearted by these events. This is a test from Allah (SWT). So my sister for every hurt you receive you will get rewards from Allah (SWT) and InshaAllah you will get the highest of Jannah Al-Firdous.
:wasalam:
 

oumyaquine

Fière de ma religion
:salam2: Sister oumyaquine,
The people you are talking about ... I am going to use a word here ... I just don't want any more controversy, but I am goiing to say it... I think they are called "Munafiq". In the time of Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) there were many Munafiqeen too.

A Munafiq is a person who is a Muslim or claims that he is a Muslim but his actions are totally opposite. To have a Arab superiority feeling that only Arabs are the best (which is opposite of the truth) is a satanic feeling, same as any other racial like white superiority feeling. And then to ask someone to provide alcohol is a very haram act indeed. Those who do it will be asked on the Day of Judgment, and in my opinion these kinds of people are Munafiq. The whole Muslim ummah is loaded with Munafiqeen these days.

Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) has said that a time will come when nations of the world will gather around you as a bunch of hungry men invite themselves towards food. And the reason will not be that Muslims would be small in number but because they would be far from the teachings of Islam.

I think we are living in that time, we see it happening all around us. Some one has said that the UN Security Council looks like a perfect dining room.

Well anyway, don't get dishearted by these events. This is a test from Allah (SWT). So my sister for every hurt you receive you will get rewards from Allah (SWT) and InshaAllah you will get the highest of Jannah Al-Firdous.
:wasalam:


jazakha'allah khairan for your nice words ,Ameen to your du'as
 

Abdul-Raheem

Signing Out.....
:salam2:

You're not alone Brothers and Sisters. Countess Muslims in the west face the same reality, whether they are reverts or not. I live in a part of London near Heathrow called Southall, where you'll probably pass hundreds of Muslims just by walking down the broadway yet my relationship with Brothers barely extends beyond :salam2:, :wasalam: accompanied by a handshake.

If anyone thinks that's all Brotherhood in Islam is about, then they have to go a lot deeper than that.This was nothing new to me as I've spent most of my life here, but during my time in Cairo and Jeddah I felt something different, something which I never truly experienced until then; the Beauty of Brotherhood and sadly everything I see here is just pale in comparison. Of course, situations and experiences differ, this is just my reality.



It is not just your reality, it is a real problem in the Umma I think . And since the number of reverted people is increasing this problem will increase too if we do nothing. When someone is sick you need to heel him. I really can understand that you've found brotherhood in Jeddah ,I 've been there and i love this city but you know, I hope soon we will be thousand of reverted people and there's no place for all of us in Jeddah or Maccah or Dubai...;The Ummah must grow and we have to accept that we're all brothers and sisters, doesn't matter if we're reverted one year, one month ago or if we 've been raised as a muslim. Please ,don't think that i'm rude with my words(as i'm pleased:SMILY335: to tell every time english is my fourthlanguage so I make big mistakes sometimes)but our community has to grow up really!
Our Umma must grow up , really. The last time that we had to choose the members Muslim Council that represent us towards the belgian government you had a turkish candidate, a reverted one and an arabic one and each community voted for his origin. I mean, something is going wrong i think. Well that is only my opinion and may Allah forgive if I said something wrong.

:salam2:

Well said Sister, just to clarify when I say this is 'my reality', I don't mean to say that I'm the only one with such problems, just being careful not generalise as I'm sure that not everywhere in london or even in the UK is the same ;) The funny thing is, even though the community here in southall are almost completely Asian, reverts here seem to fit in better than I do :SMILY335:

wasalam
 

mohamedqadar

Junior Member
:salam2: brother dawahforever i like that name masha-allah

I realy feel sorry for you being so lonely please follow islam (the sunna) and not the muslims. may allah guide us to the right path aamiin
 

OmarTheFrench

Junior Member
Salam, The loneliness is very hard, me and my wife we are both reverts and sometimes it was hard.
I think its a test, I have seen many brothers and sister reverts loose patience,and abandon the deen.

So please brothers and sisters, when you see a brother or a sister reverts, talk a little time with them, just a little "Salam", to show that they are not alone.
 

SlaveOfKadir

New Member
Salaam aleikum

True, I seen the same. My husband was actually the first revert I ever meet. I mean, male revert... I knew one only online.

And OumYaqine, I see that in Eid too, we are alone... But Alhamdulillah, we sisters use to have party the day after Eid or something, and thats enough for me alhamdulillah. I was married to an Algerian man before, for 7 yrs, and it was basically the same then. But ofcourse, he did not want to celebrate Eid, because he had to work, and he did not care about it, so it was same then too.

But sometimes now, as I am married to a revert, that I am more lonely... And an outcast. Women talking behind my back in the masjid in arabic, saying "poor her, she is married to a norwegian man, she should not do that, she should have married an Arab, now she can not learn islam good".. Well... Lo and behold, I learned more about islam after my divorce from a so called born muslim, than I did during the seven years I was married to him... ;)

And the worst is when they start telling me that I should have married this and that man, and I say, why, because he dont have papers or nationality... They tell me it was better if i married someone without papers to stay here, because I could help a brother for 3-4 yrs until he got permanent visa, so he could bring a wife from his country...

THAT attitude makes me sick, actually....
Dear sister
I am sorry to hear that you are lonely. I am your brother, living in Australia, Melbourne. Where do you live. I know a group of (reverted and born) Muslim sisters who Insha Allah could help you.
 

abou hafs

New Member
unfortunately most of muslims are clung to cultures more than pure islamic concepts

ASalaamu Alaikum

I just found this and this is exaclty how I feel...just wanted to share.

http://montrealmuslims.ca/index.php?module=pagesetter&func=viewpub&tid=7&pid=1962

WA Salaamu Alaikum

D4E:(

Assalam allaikum
actually this actually unfortunately does exist i know so many "muslim" immigrants in the west i put this between two brackets because the majority of those are muslims only by names and tradition than by convince or practise although there are some i know who are mash'Allah good practising muslim this really hurtful for me i'm not living in the west,i'm moroccan and was born here in morocco but the problem is that there is still shirk in born muslims and there is still corruppted aqeeda among muslims and each groupes of muslims are proude of their cultural identity more than faith and islam as a way of life because islam is an international and global way of life sent to all human beings regardless of their races,culture or where they are from let's have look at the ideal islamic community at the time of the prophet peace be upon him and his companions may Allah be pleased with them they represent a god model of a good muslim community which should be a model in our communities in general we find beside abou baker,omar and othman,suhaib who is roman,bilal who is an african and salman who is a persian may Allah have mercy on them all and may Allah be pleased with them all so the basic way to make some born muslims from the jahillya of identity as sayed qutb rahimahu Allah considered it, we should transform all muslims from what sheikh al islam ibn taymiya rahimahu Allah from islam of traditions to islam of worship and being servant to Allah swt and to revive the concept of al walla wa bara3 that is to consider all muslims wether born muslims or reverts as complete brothers and sisters in islam and not to degrade others on the basis of race or where they are from because islam is a global way of life and means total peace within ourselves.
 

palestine

Servant of Allah
ASalaamu Alaikum

I just found this and this is exaclty how I feel...just wanted to share.

http://montrealmuslims.ca/index.php?module=pagesetter&func=viewpub&tid=7&pid=1962

WA Salaamu Alaikum

D4E:(

:salam2: i've read many of the peoples replies to your post. anyways i have one great suggestion for all of you loners out there (don't worry i have been there though i'm not a revert), anyways when i feel lonely and don't have anyone to talk to....well i go up to a person whom i think might be nice and introduce myself. many of us tend to be shy and that's why we let people pass us by, they might feel the same to you know. I go up to them and i talk to them....i ask them a few questions that might get their attention and the person opens up to you and starts asking you questions and so on, i probably gave you all a bad suggestion but its the best i can do. i'm concerned for all of you because being lonely well it hurts really. i really understand as a teenager who has gone to school without much friends to talk to. whenever we went somewhere for school or we had to pick partners for a science lab, i was left out because usually i was the only muslim in those classes....everyone then would feel "sorry" for me, which i really hated because i felt like an alien, which to today i still am considered that because i'm a foreigner. anyways i hope that u all do well. just remember call friends or families or occupy yourself in something that pleases Allah. on your leisure time go to the masjid. attend islamic conferences and so on. I live in the west and in fact i miss my home. sometimes i even cry myself to sleep because of the way i'm treated at school. alhamdulillah that is starting to get better. but sometimes i honestly feel like going crazy. Because of your headscarf you are left out of everything. For the muslim boys it's a little better since they fit in by wearing their jeans and shirts....well i hope i was of help,and i'm sorry for complaining i know there are others who are lonelier than i am. i wish to see each and everyone of you and be able to comfort you because i really hate that there are so many muslims yet each one is very lonely out there on their own. subhanaAllah. salam.:shymuslima1:
 

palestine

Servant of Allah
Hey sister, I think what is going on is that maybe she can't communicate very well with others is because she has lost of interest caused by her deppression. Inshallah she will be stronger, and may allah guide her. I went through this same situation. Especially when you are a revert to Islam and the islamic community is another ethincity.....people like to judge. Maybe that is a problem for her. I went through this when I lived in St. Paul MN......the somalian community wasn't so friendly all the time. Its hard sometimes when you are the only different one. Even though we are all equal no matter if we were raised muslim or new to Islam. I wish that we could all just treat eachother the same..........what is wrong this ummah today? Not everyone is the acts like this but I see this quite often......so don't think that I am trying to point fingers at people, I am just saying from my own experiences.

Sister amira87 u lived in st. paul? oh my MashaAllah. well i'm a somalian, i do understand what your saying. everyone just goes to the ones whom they've known. they don't welcome people so much. some of them do. You know i've tried like welcoming reverts to our masjid but somehow it's as if they don't want to talk to me. i don't know....they like completely ignore me. anyways i have many relatives in st. paul and we're like two hours from there i think. i think things are starting to get better there. i mean there were many meetings held for all muslim people and i heard of many reverts getting married to other muslims right then and there at the lecture place MashaAllah! anyways i'm sorry that that had happened to you. they don't do it intentionally but people just seem to connect with their kind and ignore others which is very wrong. i hate how people point fingers at reverts out of curiousity without a doing it on purpose. inshaAllah i'm glad that you're ok now. where do u live now?:hijabi:
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Salaam to my dearest brothers and sisters,

To all my lonely reverts all I can say is you are not alone. You uphold Islam in so many ways. You always have the angles of Allah. Know that.
I am a born Muslim and I am alone. Think folks...this website keeps me connected to Muslims.
InshaAllah, we will be given a chance to live amongst Muslims and be part of the ummath. However, think of the blessings bestowed upon us as we carry the banner of Islam in our daily lives.
Know I love each and everyone of you and make dua that Allah subhana talla fills your lives with blessings.
 

abou haytam

Junior Member
Salaam to my dearest brothers and sisters,

To all my lonely reverts all I can say is you are not alone. You uphold Islam in so many ways. You always have the angles of Allah. Know that.
I am a born Muslim and I am alone. Think folks...this website keeps me connected to Muslims.
InshaAllah, we will be given a chance to live amongst Muslims and be part of the ummath. However, think of the blessings bestowed upon us as we carry the banner of Islam in our daily lives.
Know I love each and everyone of you and make dua that Allah subhana talla fills your lives with blessings.

salam sister;

me too i am borne muslim and i am alone :(
 

dawahforever

Junior Member
Asalaamu Alaikum

Seems I'm not the only one feeling this way which is good to know that I'm not some kind of weirdo or something. I've never had trouble making friends in my life until I became muslim..I'm still the same outgoing person, sociable and all..I've never been shy and I used to be popular. Living this way is hard and to know it probably won't get better is even harder. I know I should find something to do , its good advice but its been hard to fill up the last 16 yrs! Sometimes you just need a friend..you reach out to the telephone and then realize you have no one to chat with, you want to have a cup of tea with someone but realize there is no one, you want to go for a walk to the park with your kids and another muslim mom and realize that there is no one etc...:girl3:

Any friends out there?:shake: we could go to the park:muslim_child:

:tti_sister:

WA Salaamu Alaikum
D4E (who is a sister :):hijabi:
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Salaam,

There is a great system. Skype. The video/telephone computer connector. The quality is very good and it is virtually free as it is on DSL lines. We could really connect.
I would love to go to the park. My sons have reached the age where mommy is nothing but someone who makes them blush. We have to kiss eachother goodbye at home so no-one can see us. They do not want me to be in the same park as they are.
Don't feel bad. My co-workers will walk by me at the mall as they do not want to be seen with a midgit hijabi. It is just one step closer to Allah subhana talla.
 

Shahzad

Junior Member
we all muslims in the world are all a prt of single chain. no one is alone nor he/she shud feel alone.
try to go to some good muslim gatherings at weekends where pious ppl meet. occasionally go to outing wid family
i hope this will help u out
 

salmanzaid

New Member
revert blues

I too found it a lonely experiance in Islam.

My impression was that I was not trusted, maybe they thought I was some kind of informer for the cops.
It was frustrating only understanding english and walking into a place where most of what I heard was arabic.
With the exception of a few, nobody talked to me.

I'm now too ashamed to go to the masjid, because my life is such a total mess. Most days I struggle to believe in God.
If Allah is for real, then I pray he sends me some miracles !!!
It is bad to live double lives and I feel I am hypocrite no 1.
 

Amira D

New Member
Sister dawahforever. I feel sad hearing u say that, cuz we as muslims r suppose to be inviting people. I wonder where u live? cuz I live in Denmark and I havent heard about the reverts feeling lonely before.. I mean here where i live, we are all close. But i thank u for taking this up, cuz i now wonder if there are some reverts in my neighbourhood who actually DO FEEL LONELY without us knowing.
 

dawahforever

Junior Member
Asalaamu Alaikum

I'm in Canada just like the writer of the article. Yeah its true about not being trusted. This happened to me a few years ago..I was accused of being a spy in front of all the women by two women. No one stood up for me..no one said it was an outrage which it was. Man you give up your family (they hate you when you convert), your friends..also hate you and the whole society hates you and then you go to the mosque for some understanding and you get kicked to the curb big time. To accuse me of being a spy is to say I am a kufr after all the hell I suffered to become a muslim. I heard about another guy in another city who went through the same thing.

Oh I do go to the muslim gathering and I get to hear arabic at one table and urdu at the other..so I sit with the kids who don't ignore me or judge me..how sad is that? When they do talk to me , here is what they say...

1. Why do you have so many kids? You shouldn't have lots of kids.
2. Why do you watch your kids all the time? ( they want me to let my kids run around the mosque like hooligans unsupervised..beating each other up, running out into the street, playing with dangerous things etc while I sit and drink tea..sorry not happening..that's called neglect people!)
3. Why don't you buy a house with interest?

So I am really sick of socializing with people like that.. I want to be openminded but years of experience have shown me that I will never be accepted into their culture club!

Wa salaamu Alaikum
D4E
 
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