Salaam alaikum,
I'm a new member here, and I hate to make something like this my first post. But this is why I joined - I need help and I don't feel like I have anyone to turn to in real life. My situation is also rather embarrassing and I think you'll see why I wouldn't be comfortable with just bringing this to some of the sisters in my community or the imam.
I converted quite awhile ago and at first everything went fine. I had some doubts, which I think is normal, and went through some typical low periods, but all in all I was fine. I prayed 5 times a day, read the Qur'an, fasted and all that.
7 months ago I met a man and we became involved. He was Muslim (Pakistani) and we fell in love. We planned on marrying and his parents loved me. His mother treated me like I was her own daughter and I was so happy with him. But we fought a lot, and throughout the relationship I could feel by faith slipping. It got to the point where I just didn't care anymore. I stopped praying regularly and I stopped reading the Qur'an. It got to the point where I stopped praying completely. When Ramadan came around this year, I didn't even fast except for a few days because I just didn't care, and within the context of the relationship, I did some things I'm very ashamed of. But the man I was seeing wasn't very practicing so he didn't really care.
The relationship ended recently, and the last few things he said to me were that I should just convert back to Christianity because I was a disgrace to Islam, that I should never even speak to another Muslim again, and that I shouldn't ever even think of stepping inside the masjid again.
I'm starting to think he's right. I'm starting to think I'm too evil and bad of a person to ever make up for what I did. I've cried for hours, begging for forgiveness for what I've done but I still feel unclean, and like God will never forgive me. I feel as if there's not even any point in trying. I feel as though God has rejected me and doesn't want me. Whenever I think of going into a masjid I stop, because I feel so unclean and filthy - like I'm not worthy of entering the house of God. I know what I did is all wrong and I really do feel bad about it and I really do want to be forgiven. I want to go back to how I used to be. I want to have a hunger for Islam, and I want to have the urge to pray. But I just don't know where to start, and I don't know if it's even worth it - if there's any point in trying.
Sorry this is so long, but if anyone has read through this whole thing, can anyone help me?
Wa'alaikum salaam
I'm a new member here, and I hate to make something like this my first post. But this is why I joined - I need help and I don't feel like I have anyone to turn to in real life. My situation is also rather embarrassing and I think you'll see why I wouldn't be comfortable with just bringing this to some of the sisters in my community or the imam.
I converted quite awhile ago and at first everything went fine. I had some doubts, which I think is normal, and went through some typical low periods, but all in all I was fine. I prayed 5 times a day, read the Qur'an, fasted and all that.
7 months ago I met a man and we became involved. He was Muslim (Pakistani) and we fell in love. We planned on marrying and his parents loved me. His mother treated me like I was her own daughter and I was so happy with him. But we fought a lot, and throughout the relationship I could feel by faith slipping. It got to the point where I just didn't care anymore. I stopped praying regularly and I stopped reading the Qur'an. It got to the point where I stopped praying completely. When Ramadan came around this year, I didn't even fast except for a few days because I just didn't care, and within the context of the relationship, I did some things I'm very ashamed of. But the man I was seeing wasn't very practicing so he didn't really care.
The relationship ended recently, and the last few things he said to me were that I should just convert back to Christianity because I was a disgrace to Islam, that I should never even speak to another Muslim again, and that I shouldn't ever even think of stepping inside the masjid again.
I'm starting to think he's right. I'm starting to think I'm too evil and bad of a person to ever make up for what I did. I've cried for hours, begging for forgiveness for what I've done but I still feel unclean, and like God will never forgive me. I feel as if there's not even any point in trying. I feel as though God has rejected me and doesn't want me. Whenever I think of going into a masjid I stop, because I feel so unclean and filthy - like I'm not worthy of entering the house of God. I know what I did is all wrong and I really do feel bad about it and I really do want to be forgiven. I want to go back to how I used to be. I want to have a hunger for Islam, and I want to have the urge to pray. But I just don't know where to start, and I don't know if it's even worth it - if there's any point in trying.
Sorry this is so long, but if anyone has read through this whole thing, can anyone help me?
Wa'alaikum salaam