Have YOU?
- Thread starter dianek
- Start date
xohanifaxo
one in a billion!!
saalam
i am not married yet but i really don't know how i would react either
i am not married yet but i really don't know how i would react either
What kind of questions are these?
Bismilah,
I don't understand a muslim who wants to know if there si abuse in someones life. The sahabah radiallahu anhu were bitten and killed by the mekkans kuffar in their time, and did not go around and ask each other: "Hey have you ever been abused" They Did not even think that way. Did not care much. they kept their eyes on the price=Jannah. The Prophet alayhee salam has said: A muslim either speaks good( things that benifit) or remains silent".
Bismilah,
I don't understand a muslim who wants to know if there si abuse in someones life. The sahabah radiallahu anhu were bitten and killed by the mekkans kuffar in their time, and did not go around and ask each other: "Hey have you ever been abused" They Did not even think that way. Did not care much. they kept their eyes on the price=Jannah. The Prophet alayhee salam has said: A muslim either speaks good( things that benifit) or remains silent".
Salaam people!!
After reading this and seeing the poll, im a bit upset that so many people voted they are the victims of abuse and still continue to live with the abusers!!
Thats sooooo sad!! I would like to know how many of them are men and how many women?? I cant speak for people individually because i dont know there situations, but either way there is no excuse for abuse and no one deserves or should put up with it!!
After reading this and seeing the poll, im a bit upset that so many people voted they are the victims of abuse and still continue to live with the abusers!!
Thats sooooo sad!! I would like to know how many of them are men and how many women?? I cant speak for people individually because i dont know there situations, but either way there is no excuse for abuse and no one deserves or should put up with it!!
TheHumbleWun
Banned
Salaam people!!
After reading this and seeing the poll, im a bit upset that so many people voted they are the victims of abuse and still continue to live with the abusers!!
Thats sooooo sad!! I would like to know how many of them are men and how many women?? I cant speak for people individually because i dont know there situations, but either way there is no excuse for abuse and no one deserves or should put up with it!!
Salaam sister,
Please read my Post #21 and brother Doris' comments. The poll is misleading with the words it uses and the more I reflect the more brother Doris is correct.
wasalaam
ShyHijabi
Junior Member
Salaam,
Alhumdullilah I have never lived in an abusive relationship. My exhusband was many things but an abusive husband he was not. However my mother's second husband was extremely abusive to my brothers and me. I lived ten years in the most horrid situation I think a child can go through. Sometimes I still wake up giddy that that part of my life is over. I don't know why my mother stayed with him for so long but I sure am glad she left him.
I wasn't able to check a box because I feel my situation is not covered in the options. I think what I and my brothers survived would definitely be considered abuse in anyone's book. My jaw still aches from where he broke it when I was six years old.
Wasalaam
~Sarah
Alhumdullilah I have never lived in an abusive relationship. My exhusband was many things but an abusive husband he was not. However my mother's second husband was extremely abusive to my brothers and me. I lived ten years in the most horrid situation I think a child can go through. Sometimes I still wake up giddy that that part of my life is over. I don't know why my mother stayed with him for so long but I sure am glad she left him.
I wasn't able to check a box because I feel my situation is not covered in the options. I think what I and my brothers survived would definitely be considered abuse in anyone's book. My jaw still aches from where he broke it when I was six years old.
Wasalaam
~Sarah
Bismilah,
dear all,
for certain, many people have life problems, but don't come and share them one-line and on forums this is not correct. We are not kafiroun who are in need of brain-medication and expressing themseves with anyone and anywhere. So, please respected believers, don't transform this atmosphere that is for dawah purpose only into a cafeteria. and let us all fear Allaah. REMEMBER the title of this web page is;turn to al-islam. let all of us be people of understanding.
dear all,
for certain, many people have life problems, but don't come and share them one-line and on forums this is not correct. We are not kafiroun who are in need of brain-medication and expressing themseves with anyone and anywhere. So, please respected believers, don't transform this atmosphere that is for dawah purpose only into a cafeteria. and let us all fear Allaah. REMEMBER the title of this web page is;turn to al-islam. let all of us be people of understanding.
podolski11
PAIN
i dont get the question ...wat kind of abuse r u talking bout ...the serious 1 or the usual 1 that goes on now n then in the house if u dont obey ur parents which isnt serious ?.....and i seriously dont understand the motive of this question
SweetAmirah
Junior Member
Before I reverted to Islam I was emotionally and mentally abused. It was a rough time but I got myself out of it (it was sooo hard to do)
I wouldn't take back that experience for the world though, because it taught me what I will and will not tolerate from now on!!
Also, Inshallah, it will help me to help others who are going or have gone through it. Mashallah!
I wouldn't take back that experience for the world though, because it taught me what I will and will not tolerate from now on!!
Also, Inshallah, it will help me to help others who are going or have gone through it. Mashallah!
jabba
Salafi Dawah is the best
Salaam people!!
After reading this and seeing the poll, im a bit upset that so many people voted they are the victims of abuse and still continue to live with the abusers!!
Thats sooooo sad!! I would like to know how many of them are men and how many women?? I cant speak for people individually because i dont know there situations, but either way there is no excuse for abuse and no one deserves or should put up with it!!
:salam2:
It is really sad. And unIslamic, I've said it before and I'll say it again, leave if you are being abused!!! Especailly if you have children, it's only teaching your boys to become abusers and your girls to be victums of abuse.
P.S. "Doris" is clueless, some people need help and this is the only place for them to go, this question is a serious one, and should be taken seriously, yes there are problems with Muslims and it shouldn't be kept in a closet.
dianek
Junior Member
Doris:
Since so many of us only have this "online family" what harm is there in asking an anonymous question. The purpose was to open our eyes to a problem that exists in all communities. I had posted an article from foxnews about abuse of muslim women. And I was innondated with responses about it being unislamic....so I thought let's pole this community, lets see what we are dealing with in our own ummah. What is the harm in that? And maybe the problem persists because of people like you. Who turn a blind eye to the issue.
Since so many of us only have this "online family" what harm is there in asking an anonymous question. The purpose was to open our eyes to a problem that exists in all communities. I had posted an article from foxnews about abuse of muslim women. And I was innondated with responses about it being unislamic....so I thought let's pole this community, lets see what we are dealing with in our own ummah. What is the harm in that? And maybe the problem persists because of people like you. Who turn a blind eye to the issue.
Bismilah,
Dear all,
On the authority of Al-Nawwas bin Samaan, that the prophet said:
"Righteousness is good morality, and wrongdoing is that which wavers in your soul and which you dislike people finding out about." ( Authentic, reported by Muslim)
Firstly, I do not argue on-line because is not the place. Argumatation is done one-to-one or in big meetings where someone gives shares the knowledge and makes a point.
Secondly, we in this electronic page don't even know the real names of people, and let alone sharing major issues and problems in the way some one wants to share them. Thus, the purpose of TTI is informative/call to islam. Meanwhile concerns and questions could be expressed in minor level and may be solved pratically by typing on the keyboard. Now as for the sisters who have problems with their husbands did they ever thought that are some prerequisites before you get married for example. Did they EVER check the brother's level of imaan, knowledge, manners, charachter? family? THE ANSWER IS NO. oh I forgot all they were looking for was if the brother had a P.h.D. Masters etc. THAT is way some sisters are crying out loud about their husbands and future of family. later on they find out their husbands smoke, listen to music, look at other women,put hands on them, or even are sissy pants men with no real manhood acting all like the kuffar. so please there is no real issue here to talk or argue about.
Dear all,
On the authority of Al-Nawwas bin Samaan, that the prophet said:
"Righteousness is good morality, and wrongdoing is that which wavers in your soul and which you dislike people finding out about." ( Authentic, reported by Muslim)
Firstly, I do not argue on-line because is not the place. Argumatation is done one-to-one or in big meetings where someone gives shares the knowledge and makes a point.
Secondly, we in this electronic page don't even know the real names of people, and let alone sharing major issues and problems in the way some one wants to share them. Thus, the purpose of TTI is informative/call to islam. Meanwhile concerns and questions could be expressed in minor level and may be solved pratically by typing on the keyboard. Now as for the sisters who have problems with their husbands did they ever thought that are some prerequisites before you get married for example. Did they EVER check the brother's level of imaan, knowledge, manners, charachter? family? THE ANSWER IS NO. oh I forgot all they were looking for was if the brother had a P.h.D. Masters etc. THAT is way some sisters are crying out loud about their husbands and future of family. later on they find out their husbands smoke, listen to music, look at other women,put hands on them, or even are sissy pants men with no real manhood acting all like the kuffar. so please there is no real issue here to talk or argue about.
:salam2:
You shouldnt generalise. The situation you descirbed, it exists yeh, but you shouldnt assume that every sister who has problems with her husband was because she chose him for Masters/PhD, people turn out bad, maybe some people just weren't suited and they couldnt see it prior to marriage? Also, no marriage is peice of cake, who are you (or any of the rest of us) to judge like that?
gazkour
Junior Member
sister Doris:
Assalamo alikom wa rahmato Allah wa barakato.
With all respect I just want to say to you are just making a 'big deal' out of just an innocent question.
You have to understand that there are many of us here that don't have the opportunity to 'argue' (as you said) face to face or in meetings. Anyway, I don't see any argument here....it is just a question!!!
Maybe you are very bleesed by having a very nice community around you, but you have to undestand that many of us don't. Whenever I need to know or ask something I come to TTI. This forum is very special to many of us because it is like a family and also has very knowledgeable brothers, sisters and moderators that give always the best advice and information to us all.
As for the topic of 'being abused' you can see that there are many people in difficult situations out there and I think it is very 'inquisitive' to generalise and say that they just didn't choose their spouse correctly. That's not always true. Allah knows it best.
Assalamo alikom wa rahmato Allah wa barakato.
With all respect I just want to say to you are just making a 'big deal' out of just an innocent question.
You have to understand that there are many of us here that don't have the opportunity to 'argue' (as you said) face to face or in meetings. Anyway, I don't see any argument here....it is just a question!!!
Maybe you are very bleesed by having a very nice community around you, but you have to undestand that many of us don't. Whenever I need to know or ask something I come to TTI. This forum is very special to many of us because it is like a family and also has very knowledgeable brothers, sisters and moderators that give always the best advice and information to us all.
As for the topic of 'being abused' you can see that there are many people in difficult situations out there and I think it is very 'inquisitive' to generalise and say that they just didn't choose their spouse correctly. That's not always true. Allah knows it best.
podolski11
PAIN
polls can b misleading especially online cause there could b some1 here who has dozens of usenames n is jz making it look badder that reality!.....this thing goes on in every community but it is way more in the US n europe n we should not let the hypocrits n kuffar take advantage of our mere situation n turn it into such a huge propaganda type of thing which practising muslims wouldnt even dare to do or allow instead we should know how to turn the tables around jz like they do.....jz think of the impression this poll will create on people who r searching bout Islam n find this type of stuff going on in our religion .....
ShyHijabi
Junior Member
Salaam brother Doris,
Wow! That's some serious assumption you are making there. Domestic abuse crosses all culture, religions, and educational backgrounds. Have you ever heard of "guest manners?" Basically this is when a person puts their best face on in the presence of people they consider guests. Do you think you would know if a man abuses his wife by how he behaves at work, at a family get-together, or at the mosque? That's the thing about abusers, what they do is in the privacy of their own home and thus doing a background check on them would be useless.
My first step father was a model citizen. He had no criminal record, was a hard worker and in public (and if you asked his family) he was the perfect father and husband. However behind the closed doors of our home my brothers and I knew horror everyday of our young lives. I come from an Orthodox Jweish family so this man dressed conservatively, did not drink, watch TV, or anything else of that nature. Even from an Islamic POV he appeared "perfect." But he was an evil man who gained pleasure from hurting and torturing others.
I take offense that you think women who live in abusive marriages married the man for wealth or because he "has a Ph.D." I come from a culture of arranged marriages therefore the woman never had a chance to even pick and choose according to the man "qualifications." Rather they are "stuck" with what they were given and are many times pressured into marrying someone against their will.
And this board is divided into sections.....there are areas to discuss only Islamic topics (such as the area Islamic discussions) and then we have the Lounge to discuss a variety of topics. This is a very important topic in our Ummah and could stand to be critiqued. Too many Muslims (and other men)are not aware that a husband does not have rights to treat his wife as an animal. I think this topic deserves to be discussed and to be explained.
Before conversion I thought that Islam taught men could beat their wives indiscriminately. It was by reading the scholars fatwas on this subject and the proof in the Quran and Hadith that I realized this wasn't true. (all this I found online)So let's discuss and expose domestic abuse for the evilness that it is and not supported by Islam.
Wasalaam
~Sarah
Summer03
3doTs2sQuares
when you actually look at the actual numbers of voters and not the percents...it isnt that many. have you also seen the user list? it runs on and on and on so i doubt anyone will want more than one user name weird though....and reality is scarier than it really seems.
jabba
Salafi Dawah is the best
you are very confussed and I feel so sorry for your ignorance, but if you don't like this thread then don't respond, :astag: may you be guided inshAllah
dianek
Junior Member
Doris: I was not a muslim and vowed I never would be when he and I got serious and he so his IMAN meant NOTHING to me. It was a romance like no other for me....a whirlwind of excitement. I knew nothing of muslims except that they "typically beat their wives" and I went over and over with him how I am not accepting of that behaviour and though I loved him I would never give into being subclassed......and he assured me that "Tunisian's aren't like that, we aren't middle eastern.....we are lovers we are like the italians....." Yayadadada! And when I met him he was a pizza delivery boy for Domino's. It was I who pushed him to get a job as an electrician helper, since his elec.eng. degree from home serves him no good here. It was I who did a resume for him and introduced him to the telecommunications field.....Pardon me, but I made that 24 year old BOY a MAN. So you can see....YOUR ASSUMPTIONS are wrong......and before anyone says I am stereotyping....I simply was stating that those were my views and knowledge of Muslim men at that time.
Wa alikomu salam ua rahmatullah.
Dear all...
According to the Qur'an and Sunnah both husband and wife must be able to give each other love and respect. The sisters who replied to me directly are suggesting that you know brother Doris We keep changing the 'driver' but the accidents do not cease".True enough. And believe me, this is an argument I would be delighted to lose. Advise to my sisters from the Prophet alayhee salam: " If his Deen and Character pleases you then marry him". Sisters and brothers then for your marrige look for the following:What type of people he or she mixes with? (2) HOW IS HE OR SHE UPON THE MORNING PRAYERS. Please sisters look for this, Please. (3) How long has he or she been upon the Deen?
Sisters this matter si a great matter, a time of a month of effort and investigation does not compare to a life time. It is upon the wali to make certain of the affairs. This applies to the men and to the women.
After marrige sisters, closeness and togetherness and bringing the hearts together is something that is in the hands of Allaah. As Allaah Almighty says: If you were to spend all that was in the earth you cannot bring them together, but Allaah will bring them together and unite them.
Finally there is not perfaction by both sides if there is an abuse we the rest don't have to know but the wali or an scholar should be asked what must the sister do. And sisters I have a question for All of you: Did you ever tell your husbands raise your pants above the ankle, grow your beard and fear Allaah, lower your gaze in the streets, throw out the window those CD's, stop watching TV, Don't talk to non-mahram women, dont's shake hands with the opposite gender because maybe he has gone far far away from his deen and become abusive. Then know sisters if you have not done so maybe shaytan has curropted the hearts of your husbands and they have become violent. and Allaah knows best. I apoligize if I said something harsh.
Dear all...
According to the Qur'an and Sunnah both husband and wife must be able to give each other love and respect. The sisters who replied to me directly are suggesting that you know brother Doris We keep changing the 'driver' but the accidents do not cease".True enough. And believe me, this is an argument I would be delighted to lose. Advise to my sisters from the Prophet alayhee salam: " If his Deen and Character pleases you then marry him". Sisters and brothers then for your marrige look for the following:What type of people he or she mixes with? (2) HOW IS HE OR SHE UPON THE MORNING PRAYERS. Please sisters look for this, Please. (3) How long has he or she been upon the Deen?
Sisters this matter si a great matter, a time of a month of effort and investigation does not compare to a life time. It is upon the wali to make certain of the affairs. This applies to the men and to the women.
After marrige sisters, closeness and togetherness and bringing the hearts together is something that is in the hands of Allaah. As Allaah Almighty says: If you were to spend all that was in the earth you cannot bring them together, but Allaah will bring them together and unite them.
Finally there is not perfaction by both sides if there is an abuse we the rest don't have to know but the wali or an scholar should be asked what must the sister do. And sisters I have a question for All of you: Did you ever tell your husbands raise your pants above the ankle, grow your beard and fear Allaah, lower your gaze in the streets, throw out the window those CD's, stop watching TV, Don't talk to non-mahram women, dont's shake hands with the opposite gender because maybe he has gone far far away from his deen and become abusive. Then know sisters if you have not done so maybe shaytan has curropted the hearts of your husbands and they have become violent. and Allaah knows best. I apoligize if I said something harsh.