Karima
Junior Member
Asalmualikum,
As you can tell already, this is the Arabic word for May the Peace of Allah be upon you.
I was brought up in a Christian environment...going to church, being active in youth groups, singing in the choir, etc. using musical talents on the piano, and also had a desire to become a Catholic Nun.
Life's path for me was in a Protestant environment, with a self yearning for the Catholic life.
God answered my prayers when I finally joined the Catholic church. While teaching in the Catholic Schools I had the freedom to talk about God. I was in heaven working among the Sisters (nuns).
My path also included getting married, having children (grown now) and then teaching Catholic Religion to junior high groups for 6 years. Among this, I became 'bored' with my entergetic belief in God. Also, I was on staff as a pipe organist at my church where I played the organ for 3-4 Masses each weekend, plus teach religion.
One Sunday, after playing for Mass, (in my 14th year as organist), where I felt my vocation was but not complete, because I still yearned to become a Catholic Sister....(now unmarried, and very content with my life...since the marriage was not with love, which is neccessary). The gut inside of me wanted to serve God and the best whole way I could do this was to be a Sister and then also play for Mass. Kind of a jumbled way to think, huh? But the thought never left me.
So on this same Sunday, I went up to the life-size statue of Jesus on the cross. And I asked in prayer for an answer to my purpose and why I was bored with all of this religion.
The next day, my searches began on the internet. I acquired some DVDs about Islam, by the History channel, and by PBS, etc. I read under Google of all the things that had to do with the muslims.
Since my recollection is broad in this, I do remember while watching the DVDs about the culture of the Arabic people, I came unglued when I found out that they were not the dumb people that I used to think. They were the founders of our Sciences in medicine, numbers, etc. I will admit that I was one stereotyped person, who included 'diaper heads' 'camel jocks' in describing the people who ran the Circle K....
My interest in this 'terror' of people came when I started going to a local restaurant where the muslims worked. I watched them work, and for several months noticed they spoke Arabic to each other....later to find out that they were saying "Asalamualikum". I thought this was some 'code' so no Americans could understand their words....in their greeting. I was curious and was walking towards the 'fire' of my fear of the muslims.
So in my privacy of my home, I became engrossed with the DVDs and e-books about Islam, here and there.
If I was in a cave, I WAS!!! For 3 days, I did not go out except to mow the lawn...in the acres where my horses feed. I would watch the DVDs and pause them and go mow a while, then come back in and continue. My mind was focused on this about Islam and the Arabic people.
I felt Allah was protecting me from the harms of any wasps and briars that I was mowing over, because they were there around me. I felt like I was in a cloud of focus these days....
I changed inside in these days. I read some books that I got on Ebay about reverts, and could not believe what I read....just like me!!! The way that I thought.
When I found out how the brothers and sisters greet each other in sallams, etc, I was completely blown away. I used to visit the Sisters in the Convents in the Catholic Church, and stay with them. They had a disciplined lifestyle of prayer and such. I could not believe the muslims did the same thing, and they could be married!
So I was changed in a matter of days, with an intent of nothing but Allah. I did not drive my car for days.....I wanted to hide from the world. I felt the evil out there, just in simple looks of other people. I did not wear a hijab, but I wanted not to be seen while driving. It's not odd, but a sense of the eyes of this world. So I would put my long hair up in a bun, not to show it.
I began to change my outward appearance, with the help of my muslim friends.
When I realized that the same angel Gabriel who came to Daniel in the lions den, and to Mary, as he came to Muhammad, I about fell out of my chair. I walked around my kitchen remembering crying....for incredible joy. For days, I was amazed at what I was learning.
No one told me to change to Islam. No one told me that I was wrong being Catholic. My muslim friends at the restaurant were kind to tell me about what they believed....that's all. No big deal. I would sit and sip on wine and visit with them. When one waiter said he did not drink beer because it said not to in the Qur'an, I thought he really wanted to do what Allah said to do. His faith in the Qur'an was by far more visible that anyone I knew as a Christian. Talk about parties.......the Catholics have no qualms with drinking, etc. to 'moderation'.
So I 'knew' that Muhammad was the last prophet, and also searched places in the Bible, knowing that it was translated later...and not word for word accurate....(another video I watched about this). This opened my mind to realize that there can be flaws in the Bible....
I do not yet wear the hijab. My grown children, who live in a house next to my horses, and to me.....have seen me change into something for the better.
I no longer wear the shoulder-less tops and shorts with a tan to show off.
I wear more modest clothes all the time. I still like to go outside and wash the horses down while getting tan....fortunately, I have no close neighbors. So I can wear sleeveless clothes for this.
I have not publicly said the shahaddah, I have said this numerous times, though. Because I still play the organ for Mass, and since I hear 3 Masses of scripture, I listen for places where the word 'prophet' is spoken in scripture, and I discern what the scripture is saying, knowing what I know, now.
I believe what the Qur'an says. I tolerate what the Bible says. While I live in a neighborhood where most everyone is Catholic, it would be like dropping a bomb for me to show that I am wanting to become Muslim. I understand how the unbeliever thinks....this was me.....at one time.
I have a close Muslim friend who knows me well, and said for me to not rush into this because of all of my involvement in what I do here. I have so many influences that would put me into a spiral of betrayal....just seeing me with a scarf on my head. InshaAllah the right time will come for this.
You have no idea how much I want to wear the hijab! I can be complete this way. I don't want to freak my grown sons and daughter out. My daughter would understand, since she is familiar with Islam...and she is still 'exploring' being in the world of not being a minor anymore. I tolerate her lifestyle, since I was no saint.....growing up and doing what she wants to do.
So this is me. I have horses that I love to take care of, and when I can be so appreciative of the nature around me, all it takes is a simple 'leaf' that falls from the tree for me to see this as a symbol of Allah. It is simple faith, and for me to understand Islam is not by my own power. No one on this earth could ever try to convince me that Islam is the true religion. No one! It came to me from inside....by the grace of Allah. When I read the Qur'an, it is the easiest, and most humbling book to read...aside from all of the Islamic books that I now have to share with others.....
Some day, inshaAllah, I can look back and say, "Why did I not do this sooner?" For now, I live in a world where Allah knows all and sees all and the people have no clue what I believe, except my muslim friends. I feel muslim inside. I know that I am cheating others by not wearing the hijab, especially in this war-torned world. Forgive me for this weakness. I want to be a bridge for those who have no clue to Islam. Only Allah can call them to understanding.
I spend my time reading as much as I can about Islam, for more. And I also love the videos on this site about the new Muslims....we have a lot in common. I believe in the one God, and Always one God...and that the Prophet Muhammad is the last messenger. Allah, the God of Abraham, of the prophet Jesus and of Muhammad.
Blessings to all, and Sallam!
Kristina
