How To Choose A friend

hager

Junior Member
Choosing Friends
Human beings are by nature social beings who interact, are interdependent, and thus, in need of friends and companions. Much of our lives are spent in such social associations, and friendship is indeed an essential component in human relationships. Since early childhood, friends help us through changes we may face as we go through the different stages in life. Through friends we share our ultimate fears, sorrows, happiness, and goals. Such friends can help heal certain wounds and memories of the past and help us meet the challenges of the future.

For Muslims in all conditions; and specifically when living in a society where we are clearly a minority, the issue of choosing good friends is essential for preserving our beliefs and life-style.

Influence of Friends
Prophet Muhammad advised that a person is influenced by the lifestyle of friends; so, be cautious whom you befriend. If one is negatively influenced by those we associate, with then the consequence could be disastrous. [Qur'an 43:67] Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said: "The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk compared to the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows. As for the seller of musk; either he will grant you some, or you buy some from him, or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from his perfumes. As for the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows; either your clothes could burn or you will get an offensive smell from the smoke of his fire."

Friends & Friendship
Friends are people, who spontaneously seek the company of one another; who like and wish to do well for the other, believing that the other party reciprocates these feelings with good intentions.

Friendship is a voluntary, informal, reciprocal and interpersonal relationship that is mutually productive and characterized by mutual positive regard. Friendship is intended to facilitate social-emotional goals of the participants, and may involve varying types and degrees of companionship, closeness, affection, and mutual assistance. Friendship is manifested through honesty, sincerity; trust; openness; loyalty; reliability and the durability of the relationship over time.

In Islamic literature, the root meaning of the terms used for friend indicate some of the essential qualities necessary for friendship ... Siddiq (truthful/honest), Khalil (associate/link), Wali (protector/overseer), Rafiq (kind/caring).
"A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be." [Author, Douglas Pagels]

Who do You Choose as Friends & Why?
Researchers conclude that an individual's opportunity to make and maintain friends over their life course is influenced by various factors such as age, gender, physical status, ability/disability level, living environment, cultural/religious background, socio-economic status and psychological characteristics [Johnson and Troll, 1994].

When you choose your friends, which qualities are most important ...
Social status / Popularity
Income level / Wealth
Looks / Appearance
Race/Ethnicity
Faith and/or Character
Political Affiliation
Intelligence / Education
Interest / Hobbies / Skills
Compassion / Care
Loyalty / Reliability
Different Kinds of Friendship :

for pleasure {could be positive or negative}
for usefulness/utility {could be positive or negative}
for virtue = friendship of character. {must be positive}
natural friendships = between father/son, siblings ... {ought to be positive}
Sayedna 'Ali advised:
"Befriend the righteous, flee from the transgressors, avoid the hypocrites and do not associate with deceivers."
To form a healthy and long-lasting friendship, people must be productive in that relationship, and they cannot be causing harm to themselves or the other person involved. "Once destructiveness enters into a relationship, it can no longer be characterized as a friendship." [Joseph A. Devito: The Interpersonal Communication Book.] This is not only true in friendship relationships but also in marriage relationships and parent-to-child relationships.

Best of Friends

Wise ones have said ...
"The best friend; according to the estimation of Allah, is the one best to his/her friend." [Prophet Muhammad]
Best friends aren't born, they're made, one great memory at a time
"Complete friendship is the friendship of good people similar in virtue; for they wish good in the same way to each other in so far as they are good, and they are good themselves. Such friendships last as long as they are good; and virtue is enduring." [Aristotle]
Many people will walk in and out of your life; but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
Are you the kind of person that meets the standards of a good friend?

By: Br. Sadullah Khan
 

amirah80

*Fear Allah*
Choosing Friends
When you choose your friends, which qualities are most important ...
Social status / Popularity
Income level / Wealth
Looks / Appearance
Race/Ethnicity
Faith and/or Character
Political Affiliation
Intelligence / Education
Interest / Hobbies / Skills
Compassion / Care
Loyalty / Reliability
Different Kinds of Friendship :

Are you the kind of person that meets the standards of a good friend?

By: Br. Sadullah Khan


Salam Alaikum

Jazak Allah Khair:)

When I choose a friend I will choose based off of faith/and or Character.
If the friend has a strong Iman they will absolutely know the value as being a friend and they will be loyal, they will be educated because they will continue to seek knowledge about Allah, we will have the same interest which is worshipping Allah,they will have compassion about Islam, they will know race/ethnicity does not matter in the eyes of Allah we are all from one creation, the will know income/wealth doesnt matter because that is societies ideology of rich we will be rich in Islam. Wealthy will the knowledge we possess. They will know there social status is higher because they will be closer to Allah. The looks/appearance does not matter because I am not a friend because of your looks the way society try to play into all of that I feel Allah did not make create something ugly but just different in its appearance:hearts:

Do I think I am a good friend?

Yes because my faith (Iman) helps me follow the commands of Allah so I can offer good qualities to someone else without getting caught up in things that do not matter to consitute our friendship.

Salam Amirah80
 

Zaynab123

Subhana Allah!
:salam2:

nice article jazak Allahu khayra for sharing. may Allah subhana wata'ala increase ur knowledge ameen:tti_sister:

:wasalam::hearts:
 

TheKnowledgeSeeker

A Believer In Heart
Assalamu Alaykum

Friends are not for life but brotherhood/sisterhood in Islam is. Today its very hard to find such friends you describe on my side anyways. But i didn't enjoy reading your article. Thanks for sharing!!
 

hager

Junior Member
well

it's okey,if u didn't enjoy my article,theseeker of knowledge..
i'm not sad..really

,but tell me what u didn't enjoy it and i would hone it next time?
rgx bro for being honest..
allah bless u
 

Mohsin

abdu'Allah
:salam2:
it's okey,if u didn't enjoy my article,theseeker of knowledge..
i'm not sad..really

,but tell me what u didn't enjoy it and i would hone it next time?
rgx bro for being honest..
allah bless u
I am sure sister its a TYPO from the brother THEKNOWLEDGESEEKER .... he meant to say DID instead of DIDN'T. :)
 

hager

Junior Member
Love all of u

thx moshin...
it's okey ,through
:muslim_child::muslim_child::muslim_child:
 

Zainudin Jaffar

Strive to be Mukmin
:salam2:

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said: "The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk compared to the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows. As for the seller of musk; either he will grant you some, or you buy some from him, or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from his perfumes. As for the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows; either your clothes could burn or you will get an offensive smell from the smoke of his fire."

I like this hadith very much. Its a basic guidance in choosing the right friends.
If we follow this hadith carefully, we will end-up having almost all good friends.
We still need the bad ones because they are the ones that usually exposed our mistakes and weaknesses.

Wallahualam
 

TheKnowledgeSeeker

A Believer In Heart
it's okey,if u didn't enjoy my article,theseeker of knowledge..
i'm not sad..really

,but tell me what u didn't enjoy it and i would hone it next time?
rgx bro for being honest..
allah bless u

Assalamu Alaykum

I AM SO SORRY!! I DID like your article. I didn't fully agree with it.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Salaam,

When you are young you have a multitude of friends. For women when we have chidlren our lives revolve around our children..we love that..as we age we understand the value of one true friend.

What I love about Islam is the word we use for other Muslims..we call each other brother and sister. We place accountability upon ourselves. We become responsible for the well being of others. We carry an attribute of faith with ourselves. We become constant in our behavior.

A friend thus becomes a concrete gift from Allah subhana talla. A friend accepts me with all my faults intact and still loves me..that is what makes marriage wonderful..your spouse becomes your best friend.
 
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