Arrange marriage or love marriage???

helpinghumanity

Junior Member
:salam2:


THIS QUESTION IS NOT NOT RELATED TO ANY ONE OF YOU TTI MEMBERS. ITS ONLY A SMILE EFFORT TO COMPILE A SMALL SURVEY (self created). THROUGH THIS THREAD NEITHER I AM PROPOSING SOME ONE NOR WANT TO BE PROPOSED. SO PLEASE CLEAR THIS FIRST BEFORE READING....


Q) Whats the difference between arrange marriage, love marriage,forced marriage?
Is their any kind of connection between forced marriage and arrange marriage. Which side do you pick?

Which of the 3 marriages had been most successful and which is the least successful.

If you completed your high school here in USA. What was your first reactions when you heard arrange marriage, through books

Kindly dont search to answer this question


Q) Which kind of marriage does Islam support? or what islam says about marriage. FOR THIS YOU CAN DO RESEARCH..



For the first questions i am expecting alot of responses from east asian or middle eastern members.

The sole purpose of this question is to remove a wide misconception of arrange marriage here in usa. If you are a student in High School you will be asked alot about it (so its good to know a solid response NOW). You will be having debates and if you dont know then you and Islam will be mocked at and especially if you have Jewish Professor.

Once you are done with high school (like me) then dont think that you will be away from such questions. I am a live example here on tti. Three weeks ago, when i was having a final exams, i was sitting in a small group of both male and female in college cafeteria. This question was ASKED there....I gave my opinion for 2 min, then i know that they gonna bombard questions which is gonna waste my time AND i have to prepare for math exam. So i told them, YOU HEARD MY OPINION ..YOU LETS GO AND STUDY..FOR ME STUDIES ARE MORE IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW THAN THIS QUESTION......IF YOU WANT THEN I CAN TELL YOU DETAILS LATER..BUT FOR NOW MATH MATH AND ONLY MATH...


Ok i will tell you my high school stories latta when i see ya guys opinion....

IT WILL BE VERY BENEFICIAL IF YOU CAN REPLY..SINCE MANY MEMBERS HERE ARE STUDENTS AND THEY WILL BE ASKED THIS QUESTIONS THROUGH OUT THEIR STUDIES.
 

slaveofAllah88

Slave of Allah (swt)
aslam o alikum
i belong to a east asian background (pakistani) ... my parents in the beginning were more into arranged marriage seriously they make such a big deal about it ... but i told them Islam allows you love marriage and Prophet (PBUH) told you to look at the person your are marrying (plz someone provided correct hadith and correct me if im wrong)
I have seen alot of arrange marriages where intially everything goes well but in long term things fail ... well i feel like a girl and a guy need to be compatible ... u cant forcefully put two ppl together and expect them to get along really well either the girl or the guy will get supress
I think we should stop this stupid tradition and follow islamic way of Marriage
 

muslimaforlife

New Member
aoa

first of all lets look at love marriage and arrange marriage from my perspective.

Love marriage: u go out for...god knows how long..and then you get married. which is wrong, its haraam...not the marriage..lol...(its actually good that the couple finally get married rather then going around loving each other in a haraam way) i'm talking about the going which is haraam.

Arranged marriage: u hear about him/her..or u just know each other..the guy goes to see the girl at her house..talks to her for a while...ask others about her and girl asks others about him...just to know the kinda person..good or not..both do istikhara..both say either yes or no...and final decisions made! AND there is no forcing or whatsoever from anyone!

so thats how i look at love and arrange marriage..and so i would choose arrange since thats the halaal way. and from what i have seen i must say that arrange marriages are more successful:)
 

Libinette

Umm Zubayr
Assalam aleikum,

I think we need to realise what is the islamic perspective of 'love'. This perplexes me everytime because we base our thinking on the corrupted way of those around us.

I do not believe in love before marriage, how can you 'love' someone you barely know. Love, is a big word. You may 'like' this person, appreciate them for what they stand for but because you havn't made that step which is marriage there's no love yet. Shaytaan is trying to delude you if you think that way.

Maybe what you meant by that, is when someone goes out and just 'follows his heart' in finding his second half right? We have not been advise to merely follow our hearts but, Alhaamdoulilaah the Prophet {saw} told us what to look in a potential spouse. So why on earth are we trying to look for something else?

So for the sisters: If he whose character and deen (practice of religion) pleases you, approaches you in marriage, then marry him, for if you don’t, their will be fitna in the land and vast corruption. (Tirmidhi and others, see Sunan Tirmidhi #1085 and it is hassan (reliable) as per Sahih ul-Jaami’ #270). (“fitna” here can be understood to refer to the temptation for fornication, enmity and the cutting off of relations among the people and relatives, and the spreading of hatred)

And for the brothers: a woman is married for 4 things: *her beauty, *her deen, *her wealth, and *her family {I do not have the word for word hadith, if i made a mistake, please point it out}

There's nothing wrong in Islaam about arranged marriages because at the end of the day, the girl can make her mind up on her own she isn't forced to accept anything. This is usually when parents or friends introduce someone who is looking to get married with another person who is also looking to get married. This is i think the most common scenario nowadays and ALLAAH knows best.

Forced marriages are Prohibited in Islam.
The dalil is the well-know hadeeth, it was narrated by Nisaa’I via Abdullah ibn Buraida via Aa’isha that a young woman came to her and said, “My father married me to his brother’s son in order to raise his standing among the people and I am unwilling (to agree to it)”, so she said, “Sit until the Prophet (peace be upon him) comes.” So the Prophet (peace be upon him) came and she informed him of the situation, so he sent for her father and invited him (over) and asserted that the matter is in the bride’s hands. So she said, “Oh Prophet of Allah I have authorized and endorsed what my father has done, but I wanted to know if women had a say in the matter or not.” (Sunan al-Nisaa’I, Kitaab al-Nikaah min Sunanihi and it is sahih).


 

*Sana*

.~.Slave of Allah.~.



I do not believe in love before marriage, how can you 'love' someone you barely know. Love, is a big word. You may 'like' this person, appreciate them for what they stand for but because you havn't made that step which is marriage there's no love yet. Shaytaan is trying to delude you if you think that way.



Assalamualaikum WaRahmatullahi Wabarakaatu,

I fully agree with you Sister Libinette. You must have got to know one another a fair bit to claim that you "love" one another.

May Allah save us all from such fitnas, Insha Allah. Ameen

Wasalaam
 

a_brother

Make dua for us all
:salam2:

i don't see a clear cut between arranged marriage and not arranged marriage!... or at least what how one defines them...

I been looking for a partner... I tried online marriage website where either a sister who posts her profile or a relative... this path didn't work so well!!!... i guess this would be "not arranged marriage"

next, i let my friends and family to recommend some one for marriage.... this path, i am still working on... could this be called an arranged marriage?...

difference between two paths above... online/self search OR help from others plus your search...lol... obviously, help is always good :D

as for self search, One would need to be very careful that shaytan does not play a part in searching process...

having friends and family help, where they know you and know what you looking for and also know others, may make the process easy and more efficient... :p


Wasalamo Alaikom
 

a_brother

Make dua for us all
:salam2:


Assalam aleikum,

And for the brothers: a woman is married for 4 things: *her beauty, *her deen, *her wealth, and *her family {I do not have the word for word hadith, if i made a mistake, please point it out}

"Inna al-mar'ata tunkahu lideeniha wa maaliha wa jamaaliha fa 'alaika bi dhaati ad-deeni taribat yadaaka."
"A woman is married for her deen, her wealth or her beauty. You must go for the one with deen, may your hands be in the dust! (if you fail to heed)" Muslim

"Idhaa ataakum man tardhauna deenahu wa khuluqahu fa zawwijoohu. Illaa taf'aloo takun fitnatun fiy al-ardhi wa fasaadun kabeerun."
"If someone with whose piety and character you are satisfied with comes to you, marry to him. If you do not do so, there will be trials in the earth and a great deal of evil." At-Tirmidhi and others and it is hassan.

Character and Behavior

In the previous hadith addressed to those in charge of the marital affairs of Muslim women and girls, the Prophet (sas) commanded them to facilitate their marriage when they are satisfied with two issues: the faith of the suitor and his character.

Character is of extreme importance in Islam and goes hand in hand with faith and piety. The Prophet (sas) has even described it as the purpose of his mission to mankind as we can see from the following hadith:

"Innama bu'ithtu li utammima saliha al-akhlaaqi."
"I have only been sent to complete good character." Al-Hakim and others (sahih)

"Anaa za'eemun bibaitin fiy a'laa al-jannati liman hassana khuluqahu."
"I am a guarantor of a house in the highest part of Paradise for one who makes his character good." Abu Daud and it is hassan.

"Al-Birru husnu al-khuluqi."
"Righteousness is good character." Muslim

"Akmalu al-mu'mineen imaanan ahsanuhum khuluqan."
"The believers with the most complete iman are those with the best character." Abu Daud and it is sahih.

In An-Noor verse 26, Allah establishes the relation of this issue to marriage:

{Al-khabithaatu lilkhabitheena wa al-khabithoona lil-khabithaati wa at-tayyibaatu lil-tayyibeena wa at-tayyiboona lil-tayyibaati.}
{Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women.} An-Noor:26
 

safiya58

Junior Member
selam,

I´m turkish... most people mix up arranged marriage with forced but it is not the same. Wether the parents advise a person who is good in their opinion for their daughter/son or the daughter/son presents their parents the future husband/wife in their mind... and then they will meet and talk and when the two cadidates agree the further steps can discussed... engagement is to get to know each other better... it is a Declaration of intent for marriage in Islam...The parents opinion is important cuz they know their children well... Even when the son/daughter seeking marriage is marture and old enough, parents have more expirence of life... so their advise can be usefull to their children. of course love is important! I can not imagine to get married with one I don´t love..... I don´t believe that love will come after marriage. wheter u love a person or not.
 

SwordofAllah16

Heros of Islam
:salam2:

personally i feel there is no such thing as love marriage they just give infactuation the title of love, force marriages apn alot and parents sometimes don't realise that its against the Sunnah, parents are suppose to help not choose themselves its not their life,
arranged Alhamdulillah a big difference from force marriage, there is a whole proceedure if i write about it here i won't be able to explain it properly better a shiekh explains it. regarding some of the comment...anything that deviates from the Qur'an and sunnah is not a part of Islam, Allah has given us guidence in every matter, the so called LOVE marriages are not a part of the sunnah they were never a part of the sunnah and never will be, its all a bunch of rubbish,
to love someone before marriage means that you must've spent time with a stranger of the oppossite gender to have developed this feeling, and Allah says "do not go near Zinna..." La takrabu zina... beleive me...Prophet SAW didnt fall in love with Aisha RA before he married her neither did he with any of his other wives yet they had a successful marriage, and so did his companions so did the generation after and the one after that
Love does develop after marriage and not just any love... the highest form of LOVE which to love one another only for the sake of Allah

forgive me if i said anything wrong...i came out of a life that where filled with (i have to say) bogus thoughts such as love,
say for example a person comes along and you fall in love for a particular charecteristic or feature of this person,
what happens if another person comes along with the same charecteristic or feature but even better,
love is a word that replaces desire and lust, there is no such thing as love unless it is love for the sake of Allah
 

drimi

Qëndrim Ismajli
selam,

I´m turkish... most people mix up arranged marriage with forced but it is not the same. Wether the parents advise a person who is good in their opinion for their daughter/son or the daughter/son presents their parents the future husband/wife in their mind... and then they will meet and talk and when the two cadidates agree the further steps can discussed... engagement is to get to know each other better... it is a Declaration of intent for marriage in Islam...The parents opinion is important cuz they know their children well... Even when the son/daughter seeking marriage is marture and old enough, parents have more expirence of life... so their advise can be usefull to their children. of course love is important! I can not imagine to get married with one I don´t love..... I don´t believe that love will come after marriage. wheter u love a person or not. I love my fiance alot even so he is complecated :biggrin:
Selam alejkum
I think so!
You said : "I can not imagine to get married with one I don´t love..... I don´t believe that love will come after marriage. wheter u love a person or not. I love my fiance alot even so he is complecated"
Now I have a question for you safiya58 and that question is
How do you can love one if you aren't married with him,how did you love him ,in first sight,or you have meet him before you have talked with him before or you have ....
You don't beleive that the love come after marriage,why ?
Selam alejkum
 

helpinghumanity

Junior Member
aslam o alikum
... but i told them Islam allows you love marriage and Prophet (PBUH) told you to look at the person your are marrying (plz someone provided correct hadith and correct me if im wrong)
:wasalam:
But the questions is what is LOVE MARRIAGE? how you define it?? Its position in islam and its methodology (very important)? are their any boundaries that must be kept in mind? And wht is the difference between love and arrange marriage? While answering keep in mind the western culture

I have seen alot of arrange marriages where intially everything goes well but in long term things fail ... well i feel like a girl and a guy need to be compatible ... u cant forcefully put two ppl together and expect them to get along really well either the girl or the guy will get supress
I think we should stop this stupid tradition and follow islamic way of Marriage

I agree that some of the arrange marriages may fail? But did you tried to compare the the divorce ratio of love marriage and arrange marriage? the life span of love marriage and arrange marriage?
Regardless of difference of opinion we should see what is working and what is not?


i think love marriage is much better and arrange marriage sometimes its better but forced marriage is haram...

But the question again is....what is love marriage? What is its methodology? What parameters should be kept in mind? offcourse islamic i mean
 

helpinghumanity

Junior Member
Assalam aleikum,
I do not believe in love before marriage, how can you 'love' someone you barely know. Love, is a big word. You may 'like' this person, appreciate them for what they stand for but because you havn't made that step which is marriage there's no love yet. Shaytaan is trying to delude you if you think that way.

Mashallah...that interesting input...the difference between "LOVE" AND "LIKE". From now onwards i will use the above concept:)."
 

Mabsoot

Amir
Staff member
Assalamu alaykum,

Please please just marry as Quran and Sunnah tells you,

The Shaitan makes people think in wrong way, and that leads to problems!

Marry pious Muslim person, who has good character and behaviour. A person who lives strictly in accordance with Islam.

I have had to deal with so many problems from Muslim brothers and sisters over the past few years, some of the things that happen are truly shocking.... and the main reason is because people rushed into marriage!

People did not have patience, people did not look at the other partner from the lens of Quran and Sunnah! Mistakes do happen, but we can do our best to lessen and make our decisions inshaAllah better!!!

By all means QUESTION, QUESTION and QUESTION him or Her, but dont fall into the trap of wanting to "fall in love", or any other nonsense, because that will cloud your judgement!!! And this is the result of too much MTV, too much Beyonce, too much RnB and Bollywood , Hollywood whatever rubbish people watch these days!

Make sure the other person has the Right Belief, this at first requires you to do your own studies and have a good sense of Islam. How can you marry someone who perhaps gets his Islamic guidance from other than Quran and Sunnah? Who does Shirk or Bid'ah? Who has incorrect beliefs in Allah's Attributes? Perhaps, one day, you gain knowledge and he does not accept, perhaps he wants to teach your children those things?

So, you need to know enough to ask the right questions! - Its not just about marrying someone who Looks like a Muslim or has a Muslim name.. or says they want to be good Muslim
For those whose families are not Muslim or whose families do not practice Islam, then this is a very important issue.

It is also result of the society around us, who dont care about Quran and Sunnah and understanding Islam like the early Muslims.

What man is better than the one who wakes up in morning to pray tahajjud? Or who strives DAY and NIGHT to help people ? What man is better than the one who will wake you up for prayer? Who will encourage you to read the Quran and the Hadith? Who will listen to you and do what you say, if what you say is based on Islamic teachings and who will try his best to understand you?

What man is better than the one who obeys Allah in all his commands? Who is modest, who understands the deen and all its obligations. Who is frightened of nobody, NOBODY and keeps the beard as is obligation upon men, as commanded by the Prophet :saw: who works hard for his family? Who smiles and is kind not just outside infront of people! ! But, has the great Islamic character inside his home, and knows the value of patience and listening to all in his family.

What man is better than the one who lowers his gaze and thinks of just his wife? And who knows the obligations he has to keeping her happy and his family happy! ( this includes not rushing into polygamy!! As many of the Kibaar Ulema' ( such as Sh Ibn Baz, Ibn uthaimeen and Al-Albani (rahimahullah) have pointed out!). This is foolishness plaguing those who practice Islam and are too eager to understand that their first duty is with the one they marry and not to cause upset and resentment that can cause disruption. Men can marry upto 4, but it is not something to rush into and requires real thought, before even marrying one! Whenever, I go and meet with Shayukh in Middle East, sometimes they make fun of the Brothers in the West for these issues.

So many people can parade around in Muslim attire, putting on an "Islamic image" infront of the people, but their actions and what they tell people are so backwards and ignorant. Thats why it is important to be careful.

What man is better than the one who wants to shape his entire life around that of the Prophet Muhammad :saw: and his companions????

What woman is better than the one who will perhaps try to wake up earlier than her husband ! To be the one to wake him up! - Yes, thats right, why not they have a healthy Islamic competition! Who wakes up earlier and who does the most ibaadah for Allah, this is totally allowed in Islam, to encourage one another to do good! Which woman is better than the one who wants to sit and study the Quran and Hadith, to teach her family, her friends and all those around the real Islam?

Which woman is better than She, the One who is modest and dresses in a way that Allah teaches?

Which woman is better than the one that wants copy the Mothers of the Believers? Khadijah, Aisha and all the other great women from the time of the PRophet :saw: ? The women who gave their lives for Islam, who had the most patience and best hearts?

The answer is NONE, it is impossible for anyone to match them, but, the best are those who try their best to emulate them. Starting from Firm belief in Allah, Adherance to the Sunnah of the Prophet :saw: and love for all the Salaf-Salih, the Pious Predecessors!

There are many articles about Marriage and who is the best, just as the Ayah and Hadith that are shared here, people must read and stick to that .
 

helpinghumanity

Junior Member
:salam2:
arranged Alhamdulillah a big difference from force marriage, there is a whole proceedure if i write about it here i won't be able to explain it properly better a shiekh explains it.
:wasalam:
It will be useful if you can or some one else can provide the procedure of arrange marriage.

It is extremely important to understand the proper procedure or method and to recognize the difference between the 3 marriages.

so called LOVE marriages are not a part of the sunnah they were never a part of the sunnah and never will be, its all a bunch of rubbish

Please BACKUP (support) this statement by providing dalel. It will benefit many.


There is another question that pops up. How you can marry some one you dont know? What about if he/she does not like you?
 

muslimaforlife

New Member
To, helping humanity: your questions regarding marrying someone you don't know and if he/she does not like you.

all i can say to that is if you don't know the person you get to know her/him through others and if he/she doesn't like you... then they will most likely say no in marriage...!
 

slaveofAllah88

Slave of Allah (swt)
aslam o alikum
about Love marriage ... i would define that as the husband and wife knowing each other for a lil while but staying under the shariah so just meeting while someone is there or there are somewhere but they should be able to share their dream ideas and likes and dislikes
Arranged marriages are where parents go like ok u r marrying this girl and the guy visit her once where the girl just serve tea and tada now they r getting married LIke i dont agree with that i thnk they should be able to talk for a while and discuss things and then decide
 
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