Assalamu Alaicoum sister Safiya.
According to Allah subha we tela and Sunnah of our Prophet Mohammed s.a.v.s. marriege is in the name of Allah and it is not permissible for Muslim girl or man free relationship betwen them Alhamdulillah because everything else is haram and zina.
For Muslim girl it is permissible only to talk with her future husband in presents of her mahram(someone older from family),and muslim girl and man can not be alone becasue it is zina and haram Alhadmulillah!!!
Sister you must understand that Islamic marrige is diffrent from western marrieges,and the most greatest love is in the name of Allah,and love with according to Allahs Holy Quran and Sunnah of our Prophet Mohammed s.a.v.s.!!!
And sister it would be better that you edit your post Inshallah.
May Allah guide us all.
Salam.
Sister Asja (and this goes to everyone else), I
understand what Untie Safiya is saying. What all of you are saying is like as if the two people meet and start liking each other, obviously that's Haram and not Islam, but Untie Safiya doesn't mean that.
By loving I think she means that you love a person
For the Sake of Allah? Meaning that let's say that I became 23 years old (was ready for marriage,) and wanted to go look for a wife, and after I make dua to Allah and I ask a few brothers if they know any pious Muslim sister who Love's Allah Ta Alla and Rasulallah (SAW), and if they inform me (or if I find out) about a sister who has that characteristic; I'd go to her father, tell him (this'd be the first thing) that "I'm a young man who wants to marry a Pious Muslim Sister for the Sake of Allah, and that I've made dua to Allah to give me that Pious sister (who's character I desire), and also that I asked some brothers if there's any Pious Muslim Sister who
Love's Allah Ta Alla and Rasulallah (SAW), and that they've informed me that you have a Pious daughter, so I was wondering if she was thinking about getting married (and chosing the right spouse)."
And so if he tells me that it's true, and I asked if I could talk to her, not face to face, but behind a curtain, and use him in order to talk to me (she tells her father something and he says it to me), and then we'd go through that, I'd ask her if she's steadfast (she tries hard to become a Pious Muslimah), and if she says yes, then I proceed, and then I'll ask her if she Love's Allah Ta Alla and Rasulallah (SAW) (because this is the greatest thing I desire), and if she replays affirmative, then I'd ask her what would she desire in a husband (I think this is better so that I wouldn't say that I'd do this and that so it looks like I'm just trying to butter her up), and then I'd ask her if she could tell me her characteristics (and to not hide anything out of modesty, because there ARE brothers and sisters that feel too shy to say good things about themselves), and then when she tells me all I want to hear (that she's steadfast, and Love's Allah Ta Alla and Rasulallah SAW) to the point that it starts reaching my heart (because
that is my ultimate desire, a Pious Muslim sister who is steadfast and Loves Allah Ta Alla and Rasulallah), I'll tell her that she can ask
me questions, maybe what I want in a wife, what I'd like, dislike, what's my Ultimate desire in Life (and I'd ask her the same), and my characteristics, then (even though I wouldn't feel so happy to say all these things), I'd tell her truthfully, and not hide anything from her (I don't like telling people stuff about myself, but I know that if this sister IS really a Muminah, then I have to tell her the COMPLETE truth, just like how I asked her). I don't want to give my answers to these questions on this site because I don't want to tell everyone about my character or deeds, just becasue I don't like speaking good about myself (or having other people speak good things about me, especially to new brothers and stuff).
And so anyway (to make my point clear), maybe after she's heard all my characteristics and I've heard her characteristics, it starts a love in our hearts by hearing about what kind of person we are (and on my part, how Pious of a Muslim Sister she is, and the most part about her is that she Love's Allah Ta Alla and Rasulallah SAW), and so after we've asked all our questions and got to know each other, we're enaged (or she's engaged, LoL I don't know how it'd go, can anyone gelp me here? ")
), and then we get married and so forth.
But what I'm saying (because this reflects me personally) is that even though I haven't seen this sister and she's seen me (LoL, looked at me through the window when I was leaving :lol
, I could still start having that feeling of Love because her character, Piety, and Love for Allah Ta Alla and Rasulallah (SAW) starts to sink into my heart when I hear that she has those, and she might start having that Love by hearing about
my character, steadfastness, and my choices that I'd make in finding a wife (just having one that is REALLY Pious and not caring about how she looks, because actually, all I care is that
I look good LoL
) would start reaching her heart (I'm not
trying tp make it go there, it'll go if she accepts it, LoL), then that Love could start happening (and when I know that, (maybe in another visits) THAT'S when we'll get engaged, because I don't want a sister to be with a guy she doesn't want), and LoL, that Love might increase if she catches a glimpse at my face (when she's looking out the window when I leave maybe?) LoL
just kidding :lol:
^Which by the way, after I'm engaged and married, I'm going to get the tail of my Pagree (because YES I'm keeping a beard when I'm getting married, and YES the clothes that I'm going to wear would be like those kind of thobe's that are worn in Afghanistan and maybe some Pashtun places of Pakistan, an YES I'm going to wear a Pagree too, but I need a beard first), so
anyway (because some dope keeps cutting everyone off
)
, like I was saying, I'm going to get the tail of my Pagree and wrap it around my face; because I don't want any sister seeing my face and then start thinking about telling their father's or Mahram's to talk to me, and that I have to tell them that I'm already married or engaged, and hurt that other sister's feelings (which would make me so sad
) but mostly because I don't like going around sisters, and not only that, I don't want sister's to see my face at that time (because I'm ONLY going to start looking for a Muslim sister if something happens
dua, dua, dua, LoL
).
And if you want me to admit what I mean (about what I'm saying about the Pagree and Afghanistan and all that stuff), is that I want to have those pious looks that those Thaaliban Bhais have, or in other words, the way al Qurtubi Bhai and Muhammad Abdullah Bhai look like (sorry I told everyone:lol
So anyway, by this time I know that many of you are breaking up laughing (trust me, it sounded HILARIOUS when I was typing it up myself), and oh, *heads sweating* I hope none of my sister's (my pesky siblings who can't mind their own freaking business) don't read this
(make dua brothers and sisters, because they won't shut up about it and them and my mom's going to start cracking mad jokes on me at home).
But my point was that I wanted you guys to understand that in a successful Muslim marriage (or Mumin marriage, whatever :rollseyes
happens when a Muslim man and Muslimah look for a rightous spouse and look to get married Fesabilillah, and when they DO find eachother and start learning about each other, that'd make them love each other. In other words, I'd have those feelings of love (you get Haram ones at this age too, trust me, but Mashallah my one's aren't look that) to a sister if she Loves Allah Ta Alla and Rasulallah (SAW), because (by the way I see it), that's the only thing that matters to me, because if she has that, then everything about her character and piety is already known,
and as for her beauty, I don't care, because the only thing I see as being beautiful would be her Love for Allah Ta Alla and Rasulallah (SAW), I don't care how she looks (except I'd just want her to always wear her Hijab in the house
, because Wallahi, I like the Hijab, and if I'd see her wearing a Hijab, I'd start having an admiration towards her more than if she wasn't wearing it, and that's the reason why I always look down when there's a Muslim sister with a Hijab, not because that'll make me look at the rest of her, but because I just like the Hijab), but if she's "you know" (a word that describes a person that looks really, you know, over average good, just don't want to say it
) then I'm alright, but if she isn't, then it'd be pretty easier on me
.
But Inshallah I was able to make my point clear, and if I wasn't just tell me (here on this thread).
Assalamu Alykum Warahmatullahe Wabarakaathuh dear brothers and sisters, from your brother, Abdul Hasib Sayful Rasullah (SAW).