Arrange marriage or love marriage???

Asja

Pearl of Islaam
salam aleikum sister
You are right. We need to learn from the people who are married also..
We need to see both sides...:)
Sometimes we learn from mistakes also,from our own or from others...

Asja said:
Dear sister there is no any need to discuss further on this thread as we all know rules of Islamic marriege by Sharia(Allah Low) and Sunnah of our Prophet Mohammed s.a.w.s.SubhanAllah.

Dear sister Asja ,there is nothing wrong with this thread and nothing wrong if sister mirajmom wants to discuss her point of view...

waaleikum salam

Alaicumu Salam dear sister Aisha.

Ya Allah dear sister.

Can you please quete me the sentence where I said :" This thread is wrong", Astagfirullah, and the sentence in which I said: Sister Mirajmon can not dissccuss or say here point of view", Astagfirulah.

Dear sister I have never said these sentences , Allhamdullilah
.

May Allah guide us all.

Salam
 

xSharingan01x

TraVeLer

Alaicumu Salam dear sister Aisha.

Ya Allah dear sister.

Can you please quete me the sentence where I said :" This thread is wrong", Astagfirullah, and the sentence in which I said: Sister Mirajmon can not dissccuss or say here point of view", Astagfirulah.

Dear sister I have never said these sentences , Allhamdullilah
.

May Allah guide us all.

Salam
:salam2:

Sister Asja, you're so funny. :lol:

You didn't say that, but your comments might have come off that way .
I think this is a good thread so discuss away!


:wasalam:
 

helpinghumanity

Junior Member
Salaam,


As I read the responses it dawned on me that none of you is married. Why not ask those who are married and know something about marriage to respond.
:wasalam:
Yes Mom>>..

I am in complete agreement with you....

They say "A wise is he who learns from the mistakes of others". Why? so that we should not make those mistakes....

Its absolutely necessary to know that why someone's marriage was successful. Which factors were most important? What was given priority? and what was neglected..

In the same way its should be wise to know that why someone's marriage was not successful. What factors forced them towards divorce. What their life was lacking..

All these scenarios play a vital role in our life. If we can just try to implement the factors that makes a successful life and try to be away from the factors of non successful life that inshallah we can lead our life in a better way.
However its completely different topic which i have saved for near future....unless someone steals it...:lol:

As I read the responses it dawned on me that none of you is married.
Yes you are right..but we are at that age which is about to be married...so we are on the verge of marriage...:lol:
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Salaam,


OK folks, enough already. Here I go: You can have all the laws in the world and it will either work or it won't. Like the song states : Whats love got to do with it!!! Marriage in Islam is business. It is the cornerstone to a community.

I have been a marriage counselor. I am going through my second divorce. I have seen every side of marriage. I still believe in marriage. I can tell you what works and what does not work. I won't.

Just do it. The love stuff is the icing on the cake. It is the partnership that is important. It is having someone to hold on to as life's tides take you to and fro. It is the quiet in the middle of a storm. It is the starry nights that need no fire..and it is entirely up to the couple to make it work.
 

Asja

Pearl of Islaam
:salam2:

Sister Asja, you're so funny. :lol:

You didn't say that, but your comments might have come off that way .
I think this is a good thread so discuss away!


:wasalam:

Allaicomu Salam brother.

I do not understand what is funny for you brother,and my comments were not refaring like sister Aisha and you misundrerstand me.
In my reply I said that there is no need for too much disscussing further becasue Alhdmulillah everything has been said regarding rules of Islamic marrige,and that was the point of the thread.

And Alhamdulillah I would never say that someone does not have right on speach like a basic of human rights Alhamdulillah.

I hope Inshallah we will have more respection towered other feelings and to not bring conclusin about soemthing that we are not sure off or we are only supposing it.
Now I could say brother for your speach that is funny because you have comletely misuderstand me and you brought your own conclutions but Alhamdulillah I will not going to do that,becasue we should have respection towered other feeliings.

May Allah bless you.

Salam.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Salaam,

Sister Asja sometimes we can be lighthearted. Marriage is one of those tender issues whereas we can post all day long. Yes, everything was said regarding the rules of marriage..but marriage is not bound by rules.
 

Asja

Pearl of Islaam
Salaam,

Sister Asja sometimes we can be lighthearted. Marriage is one of those tender issues whereas we can post all day long. Yes, everything was said regarding the rules of marriage..but marriage is not bound by rules.

Allaicomu Salam sister.

Sister Mirajmom it is not so good to over react in anything Alhamdulillah,and dear sister Allahs Low is only One and Allahs low can not be disscused or based on bringing up our own conslusions SubhnanAllah,and that is why I said that there is no need to disscus further Inshallah.

And I think you have misunderstand the point of of this thread becasue this thread was about rules of cotracting Islamic marriege and not about about marrriege especily.
I think for that should open new thread,and too much disscion brought that members started supposing some things and I waht is the most importante is that Allahs Low is clear SubhanAllah, and like that, it can not and should not be dissused.

What is very importante also is that when we start one question,that we do not start with 10 new questions after that becasue we will not bring right and complete answer,neither on first,neither on last question.

May Allah bless you.

Salam.
 

AlQurtubi

Banned
"I have been a marriage counselor. I am going through my second divorce. I have seen every side of marriage. I still believe in marriage. I can tell you what works and what does not work. I won't."

Mom, we all look forward to you to help us learn from your experience. You are one of the senior persons here and seniors are supposed to guide juniors. Dont they ? :)

"Just do it. The love stuff is the icing on the cake. It is the partnership that is important. It is having someone to hold on to as life's tides take you to and fro. It is the quiet in the middle of a storm. It is the starry nights that need no fire..and it is entirely up to the couple to make it work."
Mom, its easier said than done. Its hard to bear the other person some times specially if he/she crushes your feelings, EVEN AFTER KNOWING EVERYTHING.
 

Abdul Hasib

Student of Knowledge
Assalamu Alaicoum sister Safiya.


According to Allah subha we tela and Sunnah of our Prophet Mohammed s.a.v.s. marriege is in the name of Allah and it is not permissible for Muslim girl or man free relationship betwen them Alhamdulillah because everything else is haram and zina.
For Muslim girl it is permissible only to talk with her future husband in presents of her mahram(someone older from family),and muslim girl and man can not be alone becasue it is zina and haram Alhadmulillah!!!

Sister you must understand that Islamic marrige is diffrent from western marrieges,and the most greatest love is in the name of Allah,and love with according to Allahs Holy Quran and Sunnah of our Prophet Mohammed s.a.v.s.!!!

And sister it would be better that you edit your post Inshallah.

May Allah guide us all.

Salam.
Sister Asja (and this goes to everyone else), I understand what Untie Safiya is saying. What all of you are saying is like as if the two people meet and start liking each other, obviously that's Haram and not Islam, but Untie Safiya doesn't mean that.

By loving I think she means that you love a person For the Sake of Allah? Meaning that let's say that I became 23 years old (was ready for marriage,) and wanted to go look for a wife, and after I make dua to Allah and I ask a few brothers if they know any pious Muslim sister who Love's Allah Ta Alla and Rasulallah (SAW), and if they inform me (or if I find out) about a sister who has that characteristic; I'd go to her father, tell him (this'd be the first thing) that "I'm a young man who wants to marry a Pious Muslim Sister for the Sake of Allah, and that I've made dua to Allah to give me that Pious sister (who's character I desire), and also that I asked some brothers if there's any Pious Muslim Sister who Love's Allah Ta Alla and Rasulallah (SAW), and that they've informed me that you have a Pious daughter, so I was wondering if she was thinking about getting married (and chosing the right spouse)."

And so if he tells me that it's true, and I asked if I could talk to her, not face to face, but behind a curtain, and use him in order to talk to me (she tells her father something and he says it to me), and then we'd go through that, I'd ask her if she's steadfast (she tries hard to become a Pious Muslimah), and if she says yes, then I proceed, and then I'll ask her if she Love's Allah Ta Alla and Rasulallah (SAW) (because this is the greatest thing I desire), and if she replays affirmative, then I'd ask her what would she desire in a husband (I think this is better so that I wouldn't say that I'd do this and that so it looks like I'm just trying to butter her up), and then I'd ask her if she could tell me her characteristics (and to not hide anything out of modesty, because there ARE brothers and sisters that feel too shy to say good things about themselves), and then when she tells me all I want to hear (that she's steadfast, and Love's Allah Ta Alla and Rasulallah SAW) to the point that it starts reaching my heart (because that is my ultimate desire, a Pious Muslim sister who is steadfast and Loves Allah Ta Alla and Rasulallah), I'll tell her that she can ask me questions, maybe what I want in a wife, what I'd like, dislike, what's my Ultimate desire in Life (and I'd ask her the same), and my characteristics, then (even though I wouldn't feel so happy to say all these things), I'd tell her truthfully, and not hide anything from her (I don't like telling people stuff about myself, but I know that if this sister IS really a Muminah, then I have to tell her the COMPLETE truth, just like how I asked her). I don't want to give my answers to these questions on this site because I don't want to tell everyone about my character or deeds, just becasue I don't like speaking good about myself (or having other people speak good things about me, especially to new brothers and stuff).

And so anyway (to make my point clear), maybe after she's heard all my characteristics and I've heard her characteristics, it starts a love in our hearts by hearing about what kind of person we are (and on my part, how Pious of a Muslim Sister she is, and the most part about her is that she Love's Allah Ta Alla and Rasulallah SAW), and so after we've asked all our questions and got to know each other, we're enaged (or she's engaged, LoL I don't know how it'd go, can anyone gelp me here? ") :rolleyes:), and then we get married and so forth.

But what I'm saying (because this reflects me personally) is that even though I haven't seen this sister and she's seen me (LoL, looked at me through the window when I was leaving :lol:), I could still start having that feeling of Love because her character, Piety, and Love for Allah Ta Alla and Rasulallah (SAW) starts to sink into my heart when I hear that she has those, and she might start having that Love by hearing about my character, steadfastness, and my choices that I'd make in finding a wife (just having one that is REALLY Pious and not caring about how she looks, because actually, all I care is that I look good LoL :D) would start reaching her heart (I'm not trying tp make it go there, it'll go if she accepts it, LoL), then that Love could start happening (and when I know that, (maybe in another visits) THAT'S when we'll get engaged, because I don't want a sister to be with a guy she doesn't want), and LoL, that Love might increase if she catches a glimpse at my face (when she's looking out the window when I leave maybe?) LoL :D just kidding :lol:

^Which by the way, after I'm engaged and married, I'm going to get the tail of my Pagree (because YES I'm keeping a beard when I'm getting married, and YES the clothes that I'm going to wear would be like those kind of thobe's that are worn in Afghanistan and maybe some Pashtun places of Pakistan, an YES I'm going to wear a Pagree too, but I need a beard first), so anyway (because some dope keeps cutting everyone off :rolleyes: :D), like I was saying, I'm going to get the tail of my Pagree and wrap it around my face; because I don't want any sister seeing my face and then start thinking about telling their father's or Mahram's to talk to me, and that I have to tell them that I'm already married or engaged, and hurt that other sister's feelings (which would make me so sad :() but mostly because I don't like going around sisters, and not only that, I don't want sister's to see my face at that time (because I'm ONLY going to start looking for a Muslim sister if something happens :rolleyes: dua, dua, dua, LoL :D).

And if you want me to admit what I mean (about what I'm saying about the Pagree and Afghanistan and all that stuff), is that I want to have those pious looks that those Thaaliban Bhais have, or in other words, the way al Qurtubi Bhai and Muhammad Abdullah Bhai look like (sorry I told everyone:lol:) :D

So anyway, by this time I know that many of you are breaking up laughing (trust me, it sounded HILARIOUS when I was typing it up myself), and oh, *heads sweating* I hope none of my sister's (my pesky siblings who can't mind their own freaking business) don't read this (make dua brothers and sisters, because they won't shut up about it and them and my mom's going to start cracking mad jokes on me at home). :D

But my point was that I wanted you guys to understand that in a successful Muslim marriage (or Mumin marriage, whatever :rollseyes:) happens when a Muslim man and Muslimah look for a rightous spouse and look to get married Fesabilillah, and when they DO find eachother and start learning about each other, that'd make them love each other. In other words, I'd have those feelings of love (you get Haram ones at this age too, trust me, but Mashallah my one's aren't look that) to a sister if she Loves Allah Ta Alla and Rasulallah (SAW), because (by the way I see it), that's the only thing that matters to me, because if she has that, then everything about her character and piety is already known, and as for her beauty, I don't care, because the only thing I see as being beautiful would be her Love for Allah Ta Alla and Rasulallah (SAW), I don't care how she looks (except I'd just want her to always wear her Hijab in the house :D, because Wallahi, I like the Hijab, and if I'd see her wearing a Hijab, I'd start having an admiration towards her more than if she wasn't wearing it, and that's the reason why I always look down when there's a Muslim sister with a Hijab, not because that'll make me look at the rest of her, but because I just like the Hijab), but if she's "you know" (a word that describes a person that looks really, you know, over average good, just don't want to say it :D) then I'm alright, but if she isn't, then it'd be pretty easier on me :D.

But Inshallah I was able to make my point clear, and if I wasn't just tell me (here on this thread).

Assalamu Alykum Warahmatullahe Wabarakaathuh dear brothers and sisters, from your brother, Abdul Hasib Sayful Rasullah (SAW).
 

Abdul Hasib

Student of Knowledge
"I have been a marriage counselor. I am going through my second divorce. I have seen every side of marriage. I still believe in marriage. I can tell you what works and what does not work. I won't."

Mom, we all look forward to you to help us learn from your experience. You are one of the senior persons here and seniors are supposed to guide juniors. Dont they ? :)

"Just do it. The love stuff is the icing on the cake. It is the partnership that is important. It is having someone to hold on to as life's tides take you to and fro. It is the quiet in the middle of a storm. It is the starry nights that need no fire..and it is entirely up to the couple to make it work."
Mom, its easier said than done. Its hard to bear the other person some times specially if he/she crushes your feelings, EVEN AFTER KNOWING EVERYTHING.
When I'm married, I want to be a shoulder of support for my Wife, because (my uncle also told me this), that in marriage, a husband and wife can support each other in difficult times, a great example is Khadijah (RA) to Muhammad (SAW), and the way Muhammad (SAW) comforted his one wife after she was upset that people would say things about her because she was a Jew (and he said words that gave her a High Honor, that in her blood runs the blood of Musa and Harun (AS) who were both of Allah's Nabi, and that it befits her that now she has a husband who's Allah's Final Rasul).

And if my Wife ever feels upset about something, I want to be able to comfort her like the Khadijah (RA) comforted Rasulallah (SAW), and the way he comforted his one wife (whom I've mentioned above and yesterday), if Allah Ta Alla wills. :)
 

Abdul Hasib

Student of Knowledge
By the way, I think NOW is the time that the argument PLEASE stops. This thread is going to get closed, and nobody should argue or anything, or say anything about Ammi or sister Asja, Untie Safiya, and so forth.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Salaam,

No one said marriage is easy. But, it is important. It's a little like riding a bicycle. You just get on the bike and start peddling. The longer you are married the better it becomes. It is the only institution across cultures.

As for the rules of Islamic marriage. It is quite simple. Do it.

A spouse will not crush your feelings...they are your spouse. I am still entertained.

Sister Asja. please do not misunderstand me but at my age...except for a husband no one can tell me what to do. That should tell you how much I respect marriage.

Son, the thread will not get closed. And I do not have time to be mad...I.m saving my energy for my next husband!
 

Abdul Hasib

Student of Knowledge
LoL Ammi you sound younger than you really are whenever you say anything. :D

But Inshallah you'll find a nice handsome brother (LoL, a bodybuilder who wears a long beard and a nice face?), but it would be nice if you DID find a Pious and Handsome brother, because it would remind me about Khadijah (RA) with Muhammad (SAW). :)

Assalamu Alykum.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Salaam,


Indeed you have put a smile on my face. Son, I want a pious man with a touch of gray and a smile in his eyes. A man who understands the importance of quiet and contemplation but can still go on a hike pr swim in a mountain lake. Just think a man who will take me to Mecca. A man who will complete my faith and we will prepare each other to walk towards Allah subhana talla. And finally a man so strong that I will be quiet!!
 

Asja

Pearl of Islaam
Salaam,



Sister Asja. please do not misunderstand me but at my age...except for a husband no one can tell me what to do. That should tell you how much I respect marriage.

:salam2:

Alhamdulillah sister I understud the meaning of your words.

May Allah guide you and may Allah guide us all.

:wasalam:
 

Asja

Pearl of Islaam
Sister Asja (and this goes to everyone else), I understand what Untie Safiya is saying. What all of you are saying is like as if the two people meet and start liking each other, obviously that's Haram and not Islam, but Untie Safiya doesn't mean that.



But Inshallah I was able to make my point clear, and if I wasn't just tell me (here on this thread).

Assalamu Alykum Warahmatullahe Wabarakaathuh dear brothers and sisters, from your brother, Abdul Hasib Sayful Rasullah (SAW).

We Allaicomu Salam dear brother.

Thank you dear brother for your good explination of Islamic marrige and although it was long post I was able to read it and Mashallah you have said everything good brother.

May Allah bless you dear brother and all Muslim Ummah.

Salam.

Your sister in Islam,Asja.
 

safiya58

Junior Member
:salam2:

alot of things where said about this topic now... I just want to say at last is that love is something u can not describe... it is a feeling that Allah has put in our hearts... that´s why a mother loves her children bec of the mercy of Allah... to be loved means when u have someone who is there for you even in times when u not deserve it... when u change your mind after finding someone with better qualities than u never loved... or would anyone look for a new mother when he can not get on well with her/his own mother? we don´t have to say anything, don´t even have to look at eachother cuz when we met our soulmates.. this is something we can feel ..... lol I know what I wrotte is may totally confussing... but anyway it is ok when noone will understand it...

oh and thanks brother Abdul hasib for ur post it made me smile all the time when reading it and yes that was what I meant...
 

sumaya_02

proud muslimah
Asalaamu aleykum brothers and sisters,hope ur all in gud health and best of iman

jazaka allah khairan for starting this thread brother............(helping humanity) it made me understand alot about marriage and jazaka allahu khairan to all brothers and sisters who replied to this thread and shared their point of views.

Wow brother Abdul Hasib long and intresting post masha'allah but i managed to read it through ,funny post too (lol)
jazaka allahu khairan for sharing ur point of view with us all

i love u all sisters and brothers for the sake of Allah

may Allah guide us all to the straight path
ameeen

:wasalam:
 

AlQurtubi

Banned
"When I'm married, I want to be a shoulder of support for my Wife, because (my uncle also told me this), that in marriage, a husband and wife can support each other in difficult times, a great example is Khadijah (RA) to Muhammad (SAW), and the way Muhammad (SAW) comforted his one wife after she was upset that people would say things about her because she was a Jew (and he said words that gave her a High Honor, that in her blood runs the blood of Musa and Harun (AS) who were both of Allah's Nabi, and that it befits her that now she has a husband who's Allah's Final Rasul).

And if my Wife ever feels upset about something, I want to be able to comfort her like the Khadijah (RA) comforted Rasulallah (SAW), and the way he comforted his one wife (whom I've mentioned above and yesterday), if Allah Ta Alla wills. "

May ALLAH bless you my young (body builder ) brother. May ALLAH fills you life with love and happiness. May he grants you most pious wife (who will not force u to coook .. lol )

Where have you been? It has been A long time since i have read ur posts.
 
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