Crisis in my heart and head

[Ladybug3478]

Hello,

First I have to say that I am not Muslim in order to avoid any possible confusion.

And, I do strive everyday to be a person who is pleasing to God. Of course, I could try harder - like having a life style change and taking the bold step of turning off my TV!

The crisis in my heart and head is that my surroundings give me thoughts of what hell might be like. I want to cry when I think about how many times my 4 year old daughter and older children have seen or heard something inappropriate (didn't think about it as often when the other children were young). Anger overcomes me before I realize that I need to pray for the people around the corner who just opened a Witches store. A trip to the lake this summer proved disappointing as all I could do is see the evil of the devils playground. People drinking, sexual jokes with children around, women half naked, tattoos, music that encourage more of the same behavior. Long story made short - I don't know what to do. I am entangled and it has just come to me to pray about this - duh. But, I would appreciate some advise.

Thanks.

 

[Summer03]

hi

Well I'm not the best at giving advice but I hope you can find some solution and agreement between your heart and mind. You have to start with really asking yourself what is it you want in life...and then you just look for the option that offers that... Whatever it may be.... Religion, books or maybe a life long goal you've wanted to accomplish... The key is for you to stay committed...

I hope you the best

Salamu alaikum (peace be unto you)

 

[BinDre]

Let me tell you bit of my story.

I was raised by a parents that is strict, really strict. I put into islamic school during my childhood, in addition my mother also put me into additional islamic course in weekend. sometimes I just feel tired of Islam because my mom shove down the religion to my throat. Her constant bickering, lecturing, etc etc did the opposite. There some point in my life that maybe I was considered agnostic. Yes I still pray 5 times a day so my mom wouldnt bothering me.

Fast forward and it's time for me to go to college. Of course my mom is little bit worried when i was studied abroad. but she rest assured because I was a nice boy who never argue with her. (I did because i tired of arguing). anyway when I was abroad it really an eye opener, I can describe what I saw as black and white, I got a friend who really into western lifestyle(fornication) although he is a muslim and a friend who follow the sunnah(he is the president of islamic organization). the difference is obvious which style to follow

Although you can not forced your children to follow whichever path they may choose, but atleast you can show your children the correct path, it's up to them they are human with freewill.

 

[Nurain]

Wow sis I know what you mean.

This whole da** world is not a safe place anymore. Posters of women half naked are very very very easy to find and posters on condoms, sexual references and such. What kind of world has this become? People are all about "wanting to express themselves" and I dont even know where to start about homosexuality... and how, sadly, children these days know what it is.

Tell you what sis. Might as well be open to your children if they ask, but never give up on them no matter how they turn out (if this worries you) at the end of the day, they have a support. But being Muslim, of course I would say pray to Allah and there are ways as to make your child and obedient and kind one... And Islam does not condone all these nonsense about half naked women, tattoos, sexual behaviour etc. The religion is LIBERATED that way.

 

[hana*]

hello ladybug,

firstly i can totally relate to what you are saying, im born and bread in the uk and was surrounded by such filth - teenagers turning into alcoholics, wearing heavy make up or turning gothic etc sex was always a hot topic, everywhere you turn or anything you watch is related to either sex, alcohol or drugs. yesterday on the papers i was reading how a 13 year old boy became a father, he looked no older that 8! imagine the society we are in. i think what is happening in society is because people have left their religion - the break up of the family, the lack in belief of a God and a day of judgement etc has lead people to do as they wish without any shame.

however, all is not lost. i was taught from a young age to love islam and to be concious that life is a test and on the day of judgement we will be accountable for all our actions, even an atoms weight of good or bad will be brought forward. also things that are prohibited in islam are for a reason and for our best. i always strongly believed that whatever God prohibited was for a perfect reason.

whilst i know you are not muslim, a mother is an excellent role model, she is the first school for the child and you can help youre children to understand and distinguish between right and wrong before this society tries to brainwash them. my advice to you is to minimise tv-watching, allow them to mix with children of religious parents - be it muslim or christian as these children will have morals. also never underestimate the power of prayer - pray,pray,pray. ask God to guide you and your children and to protect youre children and to lead them to the right path. God knows that if you are sincere and i know you are, He will guide them and help youre children.

 

[The_truth]

Hello,

First I have to say that I am not Muslim in order to avoid any possible confusion.

And, I do strive everyday to be a person who is pleasing to God. Of course, I could try harder - like having a life style change and taking the bold step of turning off my TV!

The crisis in my heart and head is that my surroundings give me thoughts of what hell might be like. I want to cry when I think about how many times my 4 year old daughter and older children have seen or heard something inappropriate (didn't think about it as often when the other children were young). Anger overcomes me before I realize that I need to pray for the people around the corner who just opened a Witches store. A trip to the lake this summer proved disappointing as all I could do is see the evil of the devils playground. People drinking, sexual jokes with children around, women half naked, tattoos, music that encourage more of the same behavior. Long story made short - I don't know what to do. I am entangled and it has just come to me to pray about this - duh. But, I would appreciate some advise.

Thanks.

Hello i welcome you to turntoislam, Im sure many of us can relate to what your describing especially living in a non muslim country where such evil is apparent all around us and getting worse all the time! The only way to avoid this evil is to try and prevent oneself from getting near it!
Islam is the ONLY way of life that helps us to effectively keep away from all evil! It forbids us to have sexual relations with the opposite sex before marrige and even avoid having friendship with the opposite sex before marriege because that inevitabley leads to relationships and sexual relations! Islam teaches us to lower our gaze and to dress modestly so that women in particular do not get hounded on the streets by men dribbling over their beauty and definitions! It gives women freedom and gives them the most respect so that they can protect their chastity and keep their respect and not be a sex object like they are in western society!
It also teaches us the best and most optimum way to live our lives so that we may avoid evil and be surrounded by goodness! It teaches us to worship our lord as much as possible and turn to him in prayer and supplication!Islam brings us the closest to our lord so that we turn to him in every single aspect of our lives!This gives us true contentment and happiness which is something that money and materialism can NEVER buy for Allah says in the Qur'an that there is NO happiness and contentment in ANYTHING but with Allah!
My friend Allah is guiding you and that is why you are here today! Everything happens for a reason and Allah sees something in you that he likes so he wants to guide you! The rest is upto you! If you want help and guidance from Allah then seek it! Walk towards Allah so that he may run towards you! Look into Islam my friend and i PROMISE you will find ALL the answers your looking for!

I hope you don't mind me pasting these website links for you to learn more about the beautiful way of life of Islam! You will find these extremely interesting and benificial! If you need to know anything else or need any help then please feel free to contact me and please don't hesitate! Thank you!

This is a brief guide to understanding Islam: http://www.islam-guide.com/

What Is The Purpose Of Life?: http://www.beconvinced.com/archive/en/article.php?articleid=0166&subcatname=Selected Articles

The Qur'an - The Miracle of miracles:http://www.angelfire.com/vi/islam/miracle_of_quran.htm

Preservation of the Qur’an: http://yusufpatel.wordpress.com/2008/01/19/preservation-of-the-quran/

Did Prophet Muhammad Write the Qur'an?http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/...agename=Zone-English-Living_Shariah/LSELayout

For More Information on Islam: http://www.islam-guide.com/more/

THE PROPHET MUHAMMAD(peace be upon him): http://www.harunyahya.com/prophetmuhammad01.php

Download The Meaning of the Glorious Quran
With Commentary for FREE: http://www.islamicbulletin.com/services/details.aspx?id=252

 

[Zaynab123]

hi

i remember you from last summer, you use to be online right? ok well anyways the best advice i can give you is try islam. i know living in America makes muslims look bad but that has got nothing to do with you. i live in America and i ignore that. so jusy try islam and see how you feel after that, you can always change and be what you want to. my advice is try something different. your choice.

 

[Muslim18]

Hello

I wont pretend that i understand a mothers worries because i have no children but i can understand the harsh environment you must be in and face every day but all i can say is , is this what you want for your children to grow up into thinking its acceptable when its not, or you dont want your children to be raised with these low morals of over sexualising jokes and conversations i think its a hard environment but when you think the what is best for my life on earth and my eternal life (just think is this going to lead me to paradise or hell???) thats when you will come to a decision and hopefully you will come to islam i hope god guides you and us all from these difficult and testing times ameen but its up to god whom he guides and all praise and dominion belong to him.

Take care and hope i helped

 

[hamdulliah]

Hello,

First I have to say that I am not Muslim in order to avoid any possible confusion.

And, I do strive everyday to be a person who is pleasing to God. Of course, I could try harder - like having a life style change and taking the bold step of turning off my TV!

The crisis in my heart and head is that my surroundings give me thoughts of what hell might be like. I want to cry when I think about how many times my 4 year old daughter and older children have seen or heard something inappropriate (didn't think about it as often when the other children were young). Anger overcomes me before I realize that I need to pray for the people around the corner who just opened a Witches store. A trip to the lake this summer proved disappointing as all I could do is see the evil of the devils playground. People drinking, sexual jokes with children around, women half naked, tattoos, music that encourage more of the same behavior. Long story made short - I don't know what to do. I am entangled and it has just come to me to pray about this - duh. But, I would appreciate some advise.

Thanks.

I totaly agree yet I believe we havent seen anything yet. In my world people including family have been so cold hearted it drives my crazy,and makes me so mad I feel you cant talk or trust anyone anymore. Thank GOD in time despair we have our creator to turn to. And thats the only way I get sme relief.

 

[abu turaab]

Hello,

First I have to say that I am not Muslim in order to avoid any possible confusion.

And, I do strive everyday to be a person who is pleasing to God. Of course, I could try harder - like having a life style change and taking the bold step of turning off my TV!

The crisis in my heart and head is that my surroundings give me thoughts of what hell might be like. I want to cry when I think about how many times my 4 year old daughter and older children have seen or heard something inappropriate (didn't think about it as often when the other children were young). Anger overcomes me before I realize that I need to pray for the people around the corner who just opened a Witches store. A trip to the lake this summer proved disappointing as all I could do is see the evil of the devils playground. People drinking, sexual jokes with children around, women half naked, tattoos, music that encourage more of the same behavior. Long story made short - I don't know what to do. I am entangled and it has just come to me to pray about this - duh. But, I would appreciate some advise.

Thanks.

i feel you are not married sister!..if so..then what can i advice you is that you must pray for you and seek sincerely to get married to a good caring Muslim brother!!...sounds childish at the moment though...but it would surely be the begining of easing out your anxieties!..insha-ALLAH!!..till then read a translation of the Qur'an and also listen to the recitation!!..you will be relaxed by the will of God.
May ALLAH help you..Aameen!!

 

[~Ali_]

Hello there First off, I know nothing about children or being a parent etc.
But being a kid myself :lol18) i know a few things...it probably wont make sense but.. gah.. here it goes lol:

You cant stop whats going on around you, no matter how hard you try your kids will grow up one day and they WILL get exposed to the things you are so dearly trying to hide from them - you are a mother and it is natural u wuld wants your kids to be the good things and the positive in life (be a kind and good person etc.) and stay away from the bad things and the negative (drinking, drugs, unmarried sex etc.)

One of the main things ive realized when growing up is that, if someone forces any idea of anything whether it be religion, science, a topic a couldnt care less hearing or seeing about down my throat - its a major repellent, and ill most likely end up ignorant and rebel off and move towards the exact opposite (a good example for me is: most religious househoulds = really naughty kids - you may ask why? cuz they have had religion forced upon them, so they go the exact opposite direction)

bottom line:

you cant do anything about the future and especially your childrens future - it is all in Allah swt hands whatever happens, happens, whatever is to happen, will happen - by the time the kids are teens they will most likely want to fit in :shake: - in my opinion let them do what they wanna do, they will eventually realized the error of there own decision - the only thing you could probably do is try to install the characteristics of a good human being into them and just pray and hope for the best - and hey whatever happens - happens.

hope this was of sum help.. sorry it was a bit long and and a bit around the bush

 

[Ladybug3478]

Hello,

Thanks so much to all of you for the advice!

Summer03,
Your post really spoke to my heart in more ways than you know. It was great! I'm not necessarily worried about how the children will turn out as much as my heart is filled with sadness. I pray to God in regard to my children so, I know that issue is in God's hands and I trust those hands. God's plans are beyond my material mind and body and I too may see things differently once my time comes. Ex. God told Noah that his family would be saved when the flood came but, Noah's brother did not want to board the boat and God told Noah He is not your brother (or something to that effect). So, you see...I believe at the moment I can't see and need to trust in God's will. As for having sadness in my heart - that comes from the innocense being taken away bit by bit. Wow, if I think back to most of the bad thoughts in my head they were from TV. A rotten seed planted! The kind of seeds that grow into bushes of thorns without leaves or flowers, without life. Sometimes I try and figure out what I can do and I value the advice received here!

Abdul Musa'ir
The provided books fit perfectly to another question I had - thanks be to God! But, I'm not sure what 'antum' means. I looked at Wikipedia.com but, not sure if that is what you're referring to; please advise.

Zaynab123
Yes, that was probably me from last summer. I stopped coming to the site because on one visit I came across a few post that seemed (my perception and the actual intention could have varied) to be anti- American etc... and decided this site may not be for me. But, I'm here again - only to research the religios aspect of the site and not the political as this is another level that I'm not ready/ interested in at this moment.

Abu Turaab
In a little over one month from now, my husband and I make nine years together. We have conversations about what could be done but, it usually just ends with the acceptance of 'this is how the world is and we have to best figure how to live in it' and not much more than that. Lately, I've been having a desire to live in the county an breathe fresh air, throw the TV in the garbage, and plant a garden. Of course, that will happen if God wills it.

Thanks - this has been so helpful!

 

[Munawar]

:salam2: (Assalam-o-alikum),

Sister, Our Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon Him) said that if you see some wrong then stop it with your hand, if you are incapeable of doing that then raise your voice against it, if you are incapeable of doing even that then atleast think bad about it (or hate it) in your heart, and this would be the lowest state of or weakest faith.

So congratulations sister that you have faith and now you are stepping up a level by raising your voice against it.

Sister a time will come when we all will be standing in front of our creator and answering for our deeds. Failure at that time should not be an option, because failure mean buring in hell fire, and we all know how painful burning is, even one tiny bit of skin hurts soooo much when it get burned. How one would tolarate the whole body??? Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!!!!

So sister... Please read the Quran... This is a miraculous book indeed, there is no other book like this.

The following website has Quran with not just translation, but also with explanation. You can read around by using the Chapter and Verses dropdowns. Also read the Intro of each chapter which contains very useful information. here is that website:

http://www.islamicstudies.info/tafheem.php

I hope you will take a look for your own sake.

(Wassalam)

 

[Ladybug3478]

There is something important that I left out on the first post!

I want to say that I don't mean in anyway to judge the people that were at the lake or anyone who does wrong! Sometimes we can be prisoners of something - some sort of evil hold. Example: there is someone that I personally know that always lies. This person is of youth and ever since I can remember this person lied. This person lied about the little things, maybe to avoid getting in trouble or to have someone like them more or even in order that they like themselves a little more. Just recently they confessed: "I know I lie but, I don't even know why I do it sometimes" (this phrase may not be exact but, you get the point). Sometimes people don't like themselves and they do all sorts of things not even having the slightest idea WHY. I, myself have done things that were far from Godly - maybe I didn't like myself, maybe I believed my father didn't want me or my mother loved my brother more and so on... Maybe it was the sins of the parent to the child. God has to release us all from our prisons how will these people be released if they don't know any better? I am not angery at them or myself (because I'm a sinner) God has blessed me enough to know to pray for his mercy but, if someone doesn't know or it's not on their hearts yet - how can they be released?

The point is I just want to make sure that I come across as intended. And, as we pray for others - God willing he writes on their hearts to pray for us!

 

[kimhulk]

to dear ladybug

I am, like most parents, also worried about the negative influence of society on our children. At the age of your daughter, it is now easier for you to try to immune her from such influences as compared to children in the adolescence age, where they are usually rebellious and get affected strongly by peer pressure. The advice I suggest to you is to spend most of your and your daughter free time (leisure time) interacting with people from communities/families which behold modesty and ethics in their behavior. After all, we are known by the company we keep. I find the Muslim community at large very harmonious in their relationships, and generally their children are less vulnerable to go astray. Please do not deem this suggestion as an attempt to make you change beliefs or to adopt Islam. We, Muslims, believe, adopting Islam should be as a result of a thorough personal conviction based on 101% free will.
And may Allah bless you and your daughter and bestow upon you both happiness and joy in this life and in the hereafter.

 

[Ladybug3478]

Hello Kimhulk,

Much thanks for your support and advise. There are four children in my care. My sister who will turn 18 in June, 1st son - age 14, daughter - age 4, and 2nd son - age 9 months. Well, so far the 18 yr. seems to be doing good...advanced placement classes, no real boyfriends, attends church (looking for God is important and I let her choose but, make sure that all children know what I know) and has a part time job but, today it seems that with the convenience of a school program she managed to muster up a date. I was unaware of the date until she came around the corner with her walking buddy and my husband just happened to see. So, it just makes me a little nervous. The last thing I want is for her to hurt. My 14 year old son well, he's at that age - and temptation is everywhere. He is also in a martial arts program that I'm not too sure about because the possible belief system with energy, meditation, and things of that sort. But, it also teaches him discipline. I'm confused. The 4 year old or my sweet as I call her. I just feel that she's seen too much for her age. I cannot believe what is allowed on TV! Anyway, I have a little board game collection that both her and I will use to pass time (came up with this idea a couple of days ago). I remember years back being in a theme park as a man was sitting on the bench wearing shorts - with his legs open - and his stuff hanging out. These type of things plague me. With the advise of people from this site - I'm thinking about looking into some mother clubs (I know they're out there) where I can learn how to speak against tv programming, advertisements, and other harmful things around children. If you could pray for me that I follow my words up with action - that will be greatly appreciated!
And, the baby - well...not much to say except that I hope there aren't any toys in his collection filled with lead. Mainly, I want to make it as easy as I can for them to do what's right in God's eyes. As we know this is no easy task!

 

[kimhulk]

dear ladybug

Even though Muslims believe that humans were born clean from all sins as a whistle, sins are part of being alive. Muslims also believe when God created the universe he gave his creations the choice of lacking or having free will. Man was the only ignorant who chose free will (amanat). As free will may lead to defiance and disobedience to the supreme being and to harmony, goodness, and virtue, it was necessary for justice to prevail by dictating responsibility and liability. Allah being also merciful, not only guided humans through revelations (doctrines), books (instruction manuals), and prophets (living examples) to choose the right path, but also opened all avenues for us to repent. In Islam God is so forgiven that he is happier to accept his repenting servant than a mother meeting her lost infant. Of course, sins are of different levels. Some we call Kabaer which are major sins, but they are also legible for repentance provided sincerity of human. The sins most difficult to erase are the ones involving harm to others, as such evil deeds require the forgiveness of the victims. As we know man is very rarely forgiving, so most of such deeds are to be settled among people in the Day of Judgment. Lies are of different levels based on intent. You can not compare a man lying to his wife by telling her she is more beautiful than such and such actress in order not to break her heart, with the one lying to his wife about having an affair. In summary, although Islam considers laying a major sin, but what really counts is the intent.

 

[kimhulk]

ladybug

dear jadybug:
Thanks for the response. I am also a father of four girls, two are teenagers. The eldest (17) is very serious and self confident and doing great in school (expect “InSh Allah” to go to medical school this year). The second (15.5) is rebellious and sometimes does crazy little things but very kind and not so stubborn when spoken to, I think deep inside she maybe frustrated for not being able to match her elder sister, she has a great potential but not using it. The third and the fourth (8yr) & ( 5.5yr) seem so far to be replicas of their elder sisters. Being currently abroad where I work for the United Nations, I do not spend much time with the family, and I have to assist in resolving some of the problems on the phone, which is annoying and frustrating me a lot. I know I am providing to them better lifestyle by bringing to the family more money, but I feel this is at the expense of priceless intangible things.
In this life, we work hard and hope that our efforts will not go in vain. But we can never guarantee that sincere efforts lead to fruitful results, neither can we guarantee that goodness begets goodness, but we should do good anyway. That is why, I think – or rather believe- that we are liable before God for our efforts and intentions regardless of the results.