my wali and Mom said No without any valid reason

Slave Of Ar-Ra7MaN

#Islam #Oreos
Assalam Alaikum brothers and sisters, Insha'Allah yall are in the best of health and strongest in Emaan. It has sure been ages since i last posted a thread or replied to any threads!

Anyways, I have a question... Just last week i told my family that i was going to get married to this brother but guess what my family said? NO! They said no, when they didnt even meet him, you all must be wondering what made them say "NO". Well, they ONLY said No because we are from different cultures, because I'm African (well mix with arab but w.e) and he is white.
He is a very good practising Muslim, but apparently, that doesnt matter to my family. They think that I have brought ashamed to them because some of my extended family know that I'm talking to a white brother! (stupid pride thingy) Subhan'Allah!! My family studied Islam and yet decided to act so Jahil (Ignorant). I even told them what our beloved prophet (pbuh) said, that no Arab is better than non-Arab and no non-Arab is better than Arab (of course in this case, no Black is better than White and no White is better than Black) except in FAITH, but they didnt want to listen at all. A lot of people said that I have the right to still get married to him (having an Imam to be my wali) and all... But i dunno... my family said that If i marry him, then they would literally disown me... I mean I love my family but i also love him, and i dont know what to do... I'm pretty sure that i wont get married without my mom's approval...i love her to death... but i also feel bad because I know what she is doing is wrong, and if i accept it, wouldn't that mean, I'm also wrong? SubhanAllah...
I guess I'm looking for some suggestions and advice.... Jazakomallah khairan wsalam alaikum!
 

Kakorot

Junior Member
:salam2: my advise to u sister is to ask a sheikh InshaAllaah. I'm mixed myself (dads a revert) and i dnt see why some Muslim parents have a big issue of not letting their daughters/sons marry someone from a different race. so longs they are practising and ar of good character, then what is the problem?

May Allaah makes things easy for u sis!! ameen ya Rabb! tc x
 

slaveofAllah88

Slave of Allah (swt)
aslam o alikum
sister you should really ask a imam or something and maybe have them talk to ur parents, and explain to them the real teaching of Islam. and ur not the only one seems like lately islam has become more ethnical than Islam as a whole
inshallah may Allah (swt) guide you towards happyness sister
aslam o alikum
 

Hard Rock Moslem

I'm your brother
Mixed marriages very common in my place and being muslim we should not have such a taboo about it. Yes, I agree with the suggestion for you to see an imam and get him to be the mediator.
 

Muslim18

Blessed Muslimah
:salam2:

I understand what your going through but i havent quite reached your level of the situation, iam at the hypothetical stage when you ask your mum what if i choose to marry this or that and they say NO only same culture its sooo annoying and frustrating, its ignorance and i sympathize sister and i hope Allah makes it easy for you my advice is to pray istikhara inshallah and ask Allah and you will come to a decision :hearts:

Hope all goes well and i make Dua for you inshallah :hijabi:

:wasalam:
 

shaheeda35

strive4Jannah
:salam2:
This is a very difficult situation that you are in sister. Culture plays no role in Islam and if a brother comes to you with deen and character good then that is all that should matter. I would go to your local masjid and talk to an imam and maybe they can speak to them.

Its hard enough to find a good brother so why should culture stop anything? This is what keeps us so seperated, subhanallah! Keep me posted sis and I will keep you in my duaas inshallah.:hearts::hearts:
 

IbnAdam77

Travelling towards my grave.
:salam2:

Sister as other brothers and sisters stated, I also recommend you to reach a local Imam and keep praying Istikhara. This is a really sensitive issue on which normal ones like us have difficulties in dealing with. There are many and many sisters who are in same situation. Also there are brothers who had to separate from their family when they decided to marry someone of another race. Subuhaanallah. May Allah (swt) help us finding good spouses from whom we can get nearer to Jannah.
:salam2:
Its hard enough to find a good brother so why should culture stop anything? This is what keeps us so seperated, subhanallah!
So true sister. Also its hard to find a good sister too.

MashaAllah when I asked my family if they will agree me to marry a sister from another race or country, they agreed. So I got green signal atleast. Alhamdhulillah.

I will keep you in my duas sister. Trust Allah in everything and it will be fine soon inshaAllah.

wassalam

-brother IbnAdam-
 

Almeftah

Junior Member
That really bothers me alot.. To see muslim parents say something or believe in something and do the opposite.

a similar situation happened to me when i chose to marry a "fat" women (as my mother described her).. broke my heart but i couldnt go against my mother.. but i was really shocked by the way my mothers reacted.. felt as if i did something really bad.

I guess most of us stand weak against the nature of our feelings.

one more thing.. I was able to teach myself how to control my feeling to a certin level.. and i think thats what people should do.
Yes we cant help it not to fall in love, but we can always chose to go with it or fight it. and since fighting it is very hard we tend to go with it, and thats our problem.
try this it helps.. whenever you go after something you want, and you dont get it even after u tryed so hard, then u must believe that you werent meant to have it.. keep telling it to youself and u'll feel better after a while.
 

palestine

Servant of Allah
Just make dua inshaAllah and do your best to try and make them understand. but what i wonder is you said your mix (african with arab), so since your parents are from two different cultures...why are they now refusing you to get married outside of the race? they did too. that would be something i'd point out to them. if they see it as a disgrace being married outside of the race, isn't it a disgrace that they did too? something else i'd point out to them( that's if they don't blow by this point.:))
inshaAllah everything will be fine. make dua and be sincere in ur duas and Allah will not let you down inshaAllah.
asalamu alaykum wrwb.
 

meer suhail

ILM seeker
Asalam o Alykum
wow thats said and stupid
well same thing happend to me , but im a brother
dunno whats wrong with our older generation ,
why have we forgotten islamic teachings??

well sis remember , that Allah is with the patient ones ,,so be patient , and then keep praying
and slowly slowly dont rush you dont want anything to go bad ,try to convince one from your parents ( any one you think will listen i would suggest your mom )that will be easy to deal with ,

your parents are in just shock state , they will come to common terms INSHA ALLAH dont worry,
in the mean time you need to be patient and dont rush or be rude in anyway to your parents they ofcourse want best for you ,
you just need to prove he is the best for you i guess
best of luck
May Allah help and protect you
 

Mabsoot

Amir
Staff member
Assalamu alaykum,

Allaah help you in your situation sister, I am glad that you gave a sensible post, and that you said you are "pretty sure" you will listen to your family. The following is just general advice and not aimed specifically at you, just hoping that it will help some people. inshaAllah

Listen to your Parents and marry a good Muslim who they agree to.

Try if you want to get an Imam to speak to them,

But, certainly do not get married without the permission of your parents. It is your parents who love you the most and who your priority falls to.

It is haram to marry without the Wali, in your case, it is your father.

Many times, in similar situations, girls have been persuaded to marry without the father's permission. Yes, OK, we know they may be prejudiced, but that is not a valid reason to not listen to the father. You have to obey the parents always, except, when they ask you to do something that is sinful and haram. - Not marrying someone, because they do not like him due to his background, is not sinful to you or haram for you. Therefore you must obey them.

What some people may allude to, i.e marrying without parent's wishes, is a very dangerous and bad situation.

If your parents, want you to marry someone who is a bad Muslim AND, you are sure, that even if someone who was a Pious and good Muslim from your own background wanted to marry you and they would reject, because of Islam, then, and only then, should you refer to an Imam to perhaps find an alternative Wali.

In the past, I have dealed with a lot of similar situations with both brothers and sisters, and I can tell you that parents, are nearly always right and want best for their kids. Even if they are not, patience is key, and istikhara.. and taking your time to make sure that whatever choices you make,

1. are correct Islamically,

2. are sensible! because, even if something is allowed in Islam, it does not mean you should rush into doing them, but take the sensible approach to implement it, or find an alternative solution that is also allowed in Islam.

This ensures that>> you do not hurt yourself! and you do not hurt the ones who spent all that time nurturing you, clothing you, feeding you.. just over some guy or girl! Who, when the stress of the family of their spouse comes, they can not take it, and flee .. or end up arguing with their husband/wife.

assalamu alaykum
 

duandhikr

New Member
hayati... this is killing me wallahi, im so depressed from this even my emaan is suffering... my own mother is considering leaving islam cause of how judgemental the muslim community is, and she took shahada 2 years before me! how can i give her dawah to keep her in islam when i have the same judgemental crap keeping me from getting married to the girl i love. wallah i dont know what to do, i make dua i make istikhara, but all im asking is to marry you....
 

huda2

Junior Member
Asalama aleikum w/w

Bro duandkir, don't let this dicourouge you or let your emaan down, there are bad and good people in every society its not only us as muslims, but we should know better than that. Just try as I do stay away for those ignorant who claim to be muslims, surrounded yr self to real muslims who will influence you the beuty of Islam. And advice yr mother and I pray that allah will increase her emaan as well as yours, mine and every muslim. Insha allah be strong and don't let any one to dishearting you. I wish you all the best.
 

huda2

Junior Member
:salam2:

Dear sis,as all the other bro/sis adviced you insha allah talk to yr parents and explain to them the situation. Don't try to get married without their blessing because they are the one who gave u a life, and you wouldn't be happy if against them. the end of the day all you need or who always will be there for you is yr parents. As I married outside of my race I know its hard sometimes to get yr parents on yr side when it comes to marriage, but its amazing and wonderful feeling to have bothways: yr parents who give you their blessing and getting married the person you want to. So insha allah talk to yr parents and let the imaan and other sheikhs and family members to talk to them. And insha allah every thing will be ok. I wish you all the best.

:salam2:
 

stiks

Amatur-Rahman
hayati... this is killing me wallahi, im so depressed from this even my emaan is suffering... my own mother is considering leaving islam cause of how judgemental the muslim community is, and she took shahada 2 years before me! how can i give her dawah to keep her in islam when i have the same judgemental crap keeping me from getting married to the girl i love. wallah i dont know what to do, i make dua i make istikhara, but all im asking is to marry you....

:salam2:

Huh! did this brother just propose to someone on TTI?


:wasalam:
 

AleahKoto

Allah will decide
Cos of Race??

There is no color in Islam. Unless you are a Jew type or Christian type Muslim, that allows only marrying within the race.

I guess bigotry does still exist in Islam....another thing we need to work on.
 

Musulmanin

Junior Member
There is no color in Islam. Unless you are a Jew type or Christian type Muslim, that allows only marrying within the race.

I guess bigotry does still exist in Islam....another thing we need to work on.

:salam2:

No, bigotry does not exist in Islam... but may exist among those claiming to practice Islam. :astag:

:wasalam:
 

Slave Of Ar-Ra7MaN

#Islam #Oreos
salam

Salam alaikum and JazakomAllah khairan yall for taking the time to read and giving me suggestions/advice... I really do approciate!
and bro Ayman1... no, there is nothing I'm hiding from you or anyone else! that is the reason my parents aint letting me get married to Hamzah! You can even ask (duandhirk)
and Stiks... no, no one was proposing... i mean he kinda was...but that is the guy i want to get married to... I guess he just joined TTI...
Welcome to TTI Hamzah! :)
salam alaikum... and once again, jazakomAllah khairan wa barakAllahu feekom all!
 

muthmainnah

Junior Member
hayati... this is killing me wallahi, im so depressed from this even my emaan is suffering... my own mother is considering leaving islam cause of how judgemental the muslim community is, and she took shahada 2 years before me! how can i give her dawah to keep her in islam when i have the same judgemental crap keeping me from getting married to the girl i love. wallah i dont know what to do, i make dua i make istikhara, but all im asking is to marry you....

Be patience, brother, this is a Allah's test for your eeman. All believers will be tested, and those who sabr (patience) and submit this all to Allah (tawwakal) He will give you the solution and reward you.
Maybe you should meet her parents, introduce yourself, speak good to them with best manner, and don't forget to pray. Allah is the owner of man's heart, so then you must ask Allah to change this parents's heart to accept you. Just trust Allah, He will give you the best for your life if you give it all to Allah.
 

duandhikr

New Member
khair na3ima ill call you tonight and we will talk about it insha'allah, or you and your bro (bashir not muhammad lol) can come talk to me down by E building insha'allah.
 
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