want_tobe_muslim
New Member
Hi,
I figured that in the process of asking help for myself others could also benefit from thsi thread, so I started a new one. Here's my question: I am 21 years old. At one point of my life long ago I used to pray with a lot of devotion. Once when I was ill and I could not get up from bed I still didn't want to miss my prayer so I got up and tried to pray but could not. I feel really abd thinking about that and I feel as if I can be a devoted worshipper.
I feel Eman has left my heart and mind. I have stopped praying for a long time now and it bothers me very much. I want to be a worthy worshipper. I do not want to be worthy as in receiving rewards (which I dont mind as well), but I want to be worthy because I was created for a purpose and that purpose was to pray and follow the five pillars. I want to be able to stand up and say I have fullfilled my duty. My heart is clouded my grief and depression. I dont want to indulge on self-pity here. I feel my heart is blackened by sins and hopelessness.
I want to become a Muslim again. I donot think theres anything called a practicing Mulsim. You either practice or you are not a Muslim at all. I want to start believing in Islam again. My wishes are these:
1. I want to start praying not because I am scared that I will go to hell. I dont mind being punished, I mean I am not saying that I dont believe I will be punished or that the punishment isn't great or wouldn't be able to do anything to me.
2. I want to believe just for the sake of believing and for the sake of praying and worshipping.
3. I want to stop feeling upset. I want a lot of Eman, which stops me from indulging myself in hatred and feeling pain.
4. I want to feel as if there are other lessons that we are supposed to learn from being here in this world. Lessons to treat others equally with love etc.
5. I want to be able to treat othres with respect and space and not feel psychotic or like a psycho. I want to be able to accept others decisions and wants and respect these.
If anyone can help me with these or have any suggestions, references to any books or anything at all that might lead me to the right path please help me.
Thank you.
I figured that in the process of asking help for myself others could also benefit from thsi thread, so I started a new one. Here's my question: I am 21 years old. At one point of my life long ago I used to pray with a lot of devotion. Once when I was ill and I could not get up from bed I still didn't want to miss my prayer so I got up and tried to pray but could not. I feel really abd thinking about that and I feel as if I can be a devoted worshipper.
I feel Eman has left my heart and mind. I have stopped praying for a long time now and it bothers me very much. I want to be a worthy worshipper. I do not want to be worthy as in receiving rewards (which I dont mind as well), but I want to be worthy because I was created for a purpose and that purpose was to pray and follow the five pillars. I want to be able to stand up and say I have fullfilled my duty. My heart is clouded my grief and depression. I dont want to indulge on self-pity here. I feel my heart is blackened by sins and hopelessness.
I want to become a Muslim again. I donot think theres anything called a practicing Mulsim. You either practice or you are not a Muslim at all. I want to start believing in Islam again. My wishes are these:
1. I want to start praying not because I am scared that I will go to hell. I dont mind being punished, I mean I am not saying that I dont believe I will be punished or that the punishment isn't great or wouldn't be able to do anything to me.
2. I want to believe just for the sake of believing and for the sake of praying and worshipping.
3. I want to stop feeling upset. I want a lot of Eman, which stops me from indulging myself in hatred and feeling pain.
4. I want to feel as if there are other lessons that we are supposed to learn from being here in this world. Lessons to treat others equally with love etc.
5. I want to be able to treat othres with respect and space and not feel psychotic or like a psycho. I want to be able to accept others decisions and wants and respect these.
If anyone can help me with these or have any suggestions, references to any books or anything at all that might lead me to the right path please help me.
Thank you.