please help me please

AISHA14

allah is my lord
salamualikum dear brothers and sisters....
i know that i am new to this forum , but i know a lot bout this forum ,i actually need your help look friends a guy proposed me 2 months back as from my point of view he was quite Islamic . as days passed i realized that he has lots of lust towards sex and i said to him talking all this before maraige is not allowed in islam but he said ''Allah knows that we will marry so we can talk'' . and now im very scared even to look at his face , and he says to me that he loves me a lot . i don't think i can live with him what should i do,please help me should i not reject him because he loves me to much ?
 

daywalker

Junior Member
''Allah knows that we will marry so we can talk'' .
yeah i heard same rubbish when people marry by having Allah as witness, and when qadhi ask for evidence do they think Allah will come to them and give witness? nawzubillah.
i don't think i can live with him what should i do,please help me should i not reject him because he loves me to much ?
sister ignore him with everything you can and if he creates any problem tell it to your guardian, they will take which steps to take.

giving propose = quite islamic!

giving propose is itself unislamic! and talking chatting before marriege is also the same!
 

AISHA14

allah is my lord
yeah i heard same rubbish when people marry by having Allah as witness, and when qadhi ask for evidence do they think Allah will come to them and give witness? nawzubillah.

sister ignore him with everything you can and if he creates any problem tell it to your guardian, they will take which steps to take.

giving propose = quite islamic!

giving propose is itself unislamic! and talking chatting before marriege is also the same!

can you please give me some islamic prove brother that i can show him and tell that this is the reason i am leaving you
 

BinteShafi

Left long ago
:salam2:


Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: The relationship that develops between a man and a non-mahram woman, which people call “love” is a combination of haraam things that transgress shar’i and moral limits.

No wise person will doubt that this relationship is haraam, because it involves a man being alone with a non-mahram woman, looking at her, touching her, kissing, and speaking words filled with love and admiration, which provokes desire.

This relationship may lead to things that are more serious than that, as is happening nowadays.
Secondly:

Studies have shown that most of the marriages that are based on prior love between a man and woman fail, whereas most marriages that are not based on haraam relationships, which people call “traditional marriages”, succeed.

In a field study done by a French sociologist, the conclusion was:

Marriage is more likely to succeed when the two parties did not fall in love before marriage.

In another study of 1500 families, undertaken by Professor Isma’eel ‘Abd al-Baari, the conclusion was that more than 75% of love marriages ended in divorce, whilst the rate among traditional marriages – those which were not based on prior love – was less than 5%.

We can mention the most important causes of this outcome:

1- Emotion blinds one to seeing faults and dealing with them, as it is said: “Love is blind”. One or both parties may have faults that make them unsuitable for the other, but those faults only become apparent after marriage.

2- The lovers may think that life is an unending journey of love, so we see that they only speak of love and dreams, etc. They never speak about the problems of life and how to deal with them. This notion is destroyed after marriage, when they are confronted with the problems and responsibilities of life.

3- The lovers are not used to debate and discussion, rather they are used to sacrifice and compromise in order to please the other party. Often they have arguments because each party wants to compromise and please the other. Then the opposite happens after marriage, and their arguments lead to a problem, as each one is used to the other agreeing with him or her, without any argument.

4- The image that each lover has of the other is not a true image, because each party is being kind and gentle and trying to please the other. This is the image that each is trying to present to the other during the so-called “love” phase, but no one can carry on doing that throughout his or her life, so the true image appears after marriage, and leads to problems.

5- The period of love is usually based on dreams and exaggerations that do not correspond with the reality that appears after marriage. The lover may think that he is going to bring her a piece of the moon, and he will never be happy unless she is the happiest person in the world, and so on.

But in return, she is going to live with him in one room and on the ground, and she has no requests or demands so long as she has won him, and that is sufficient for her. As one of them said, “A small nest is sufficient for us” and “A small morsel is sufficient for us” and “I will be content if you give me a piece of cheese and an olive”! This is exaggerated emotional talk, and both parties quickly forget it after marriage, and the woman complains about her husband’s miserliness, and his failure to meet her needs. Then the husband begins to complain about having too many demands and too many expenses.

For these reasons and others, we are not surprised when each party says after marriage that they were deceived and that they rushed into it. The man regrets not marrying So and so who was suggested to him by his parents, and the woman regrets not marrying So and so whom her parents approved of, but in fact they rejected him because of her wishes. So the result is this very high rate of divorce for marriages which people thought would be examples of the happiest marriages in the world!

Thirdly:

The reasons mentioned above are real, and have happened in real life, but we should not ignore the real reason for the failure of these marriages, which are based on disobedience to Allaah. Islam can never approve of these sinful relationships, even if the aim is marriage. Therefore they cannot escape the just divine punishment, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“But whosoever turns away from My Reminder (i.e. neither believes in this Qur’aan nor acts on its teachings) verily, for him is a life of hardship”

[Ta-Ha 20:124]

A hard and difficult life is the result of disobeying Allaah and turning away from His Revelation.

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And if the people of the towns had believed and had the Taqwa (piety), certainly, We should have opened for them blessings from the heaven and the earth”

[al-A’raaf 7:96]

Blessings from Allaah are a reward for faith and piety, but if there is no faith or piety, or only a little thereof, the blessing will be reduced or even non-existent.

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)”

[al-Nahl 16:97]

A good life is the fruit of faith and righteous deeds.

Allaah indeed spoke the truth when He said (interpretation of the meaning):

“Is it then he who laid the foundation of his building on piety to Allaah and His Good Pleasure better, or he who laid the foundation of his building on the brink of an undetermined precipice ready to crumble down, so that it crumbled to pieces with him into the fire of Hell. And Allaah guides not the people who are the Zaalimoon (wrongdoers)”

[al-Tawbah 9:109]

The one whose marriage is based on this haraam foundation must hasten to repent and seek forgiveness and seek a righteous life that is based on faith, piety and righteous deeds.

May Allaah help us all to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.

And Allaah knows best.


Islam Q&A


:wasalam:
 

runayrus

Yearning Slave
:salam2:

Ibn Rushd said:

“As for looking at the woman at the time of proposal of marriage then Imaam Malik says it is permissible to look at the face and the two hands only, and Abu Haneefah said the feet the face and the hands as Allaah says:

“And not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent (i.e. eyes and hands)” (24: 31)

Bidayah tul Mujtahid Vol. 2 P.114

Shaykh Saaleh Al Fawzaan said:

“It is permissible for the man who desires to propose to a woman to look at her with three conditions:

The First: He is almost positive that he is going to marry her;

The Second: He is to look at what is not considered to be her ‘Awrah, that which is normally apparent;

The Third: This all being done without being in seclusion or alone with her. Based upon the statement of the Messenger:

“If one of you proposes to a woman and he has the ability to see what will encourage him to marry her then he should do so"

--------------------------------------------

Dear sister, from the above statements that I have managed to find, it is evident about the seriousness of this matter. A man is only able to look at the woman he confirms of marrying. I really hope this helps.

:wasalam:
 

BinteShafi

Left long ago
Asslam u Alaikum dear sister,

If I were you I would immdiately terminate the relationship without any further discussion. Please do not take me wrong dear sister....but these all are tricks of shaytan....please protect yourself from him and honour yourself dear sister. A Muslim girl is precious than a diamond ...please protect your dignity.

If anyone is interested in you then he should come to your family in a Shari' way instead of talking and meeting you without a mahram.

May Allah safeguard you and be with you dear sister,

Wa Alaikum Salam,
 

runayrus

Yearning Slave
I second what sister BinteShafi has mentioned. Besides, this is your future we are talking about Masya-Allah.

*hug*
 

fada_all

Junior Member
salam alikom


i think our behavoiur as muslims and what allah ask us and the prophet mohamed saas,come before anything else , and there no love out of illegacy,so do halal first
 

ahmedghanempt

New Member
i don't think i can live with him what should i do,please help me should i not reject him because he loves me to much ?

assalamo alikom

if u think that guy is not suitable for u then this is enough to reject
because u might not be happy for the rest of your life then you will never make him happy too this is as far as i know, surely allah knows best
 

stiks

Amatur-Rahman
Wa'alykumsalaam,

The first thing that came to my mind was that, wount he be saying the same thing to another lady when all this 'love' wears off? (probably after a child or two if you are unlucky enough to go through to marriage!) He's shown himself to be a shameless and weak man! (couldn't he control all this 'love' until after the wedding?) in all probability what he's calling 'love' now is the excitement of an elicit relationship!

Trust your instincts! and pray istikhaarah, may Allah make things easy for you.
 

Hassana

Junior Member
Salam alaikum,
Sister I want you to belief that is Only Allah that knows once rightful husband or wife and if you rely on Him, He will definitely choose the right man for you. Avoid all what Allah forbid before marraige, keep praying and wait patiently for His time.
 

AISHA14

allah is my lord
“If one of you proposes to a woman and he has the ability to see what will encourage him to marry her then he should do so"

--------------------------------------------

:salam2:hey brother as you have shown the above stastement which is said by the prophet SAW ,he says this only and says that he intends to marry me thats why he is talking so much bout his desires and all.n now when i said i dont wanw keep this relation he is snding emotional msgs and iam feeling very guilty brother very much ,i dont know what to do
 

AISHA14

allah is my lord
Asslam u Alaikum dear sister,

If I were you I would immdiately terminate the relationship without any further discussion. Please do not take me wrong dear sister....but these all are tricks of shaytan....please protect yourself from him and honour yourself dear sister. A Muslim girl is precious than a diamond ...please protect your dignity.

If anyone is interested in you then he should come to your family in a Shari' way instead of talking and meeting you without a mahram.

May Allah safeguard you and be with you dear sister,

Wa Alaikum Salam,


:salam2:
iam very dipressed sister i know i did a sin by discusing all that he spoke ,as he told we wont be punished coz he intends to marry me .and after cuming to this forum i realized my mistakes ,i have never done adultery :astag: but he spoke all that with me on msgs do u think i did adultry?. iam so much dipressed oh allah please help me
 

BinteShafi

Left long ago
Asslam u Alaikum wr wb dear sister,

I am going to send you a private message. Please check.

Jazaki Allahu Khayra,

BinteShafi
 

B-R-R

Purifying my soul!
salamualikum dear brothers and sisters....
i know that i am new to this forum , but i know a lot bout this forum ,i actually need your help look friends a guy proposed me 2 months back as from my point of view he was quite Islamic . as days passed i realized that he has lots of lust towards sex and i said to him talking all this before maraige is not allowed in islam but he said ''Allah knows that we will marry so we can talk'' . and now im very scared even to look at his face , and he says to me that he loves me a lot . i don't think i can live with him what should i do,please help me should i not reject him because he loves me to much ?

A Salamu alaikum wa rahmatullah

I agree with brother stiks. Sister, listen to your intuition, because my intuition tells me that this guy is after nothing but sex.

If he's a firm believer of Islam, a sunnah muslim, then he will wait for you, even a year should not be a problem.

I'm drawing a parallel: a man is thirsty, so he longs for water, and when he quenches (puts out) his thirst, he goes on with his as he never was thirsty. It seems that he wants to commit Zina in purpose. A muslim in his clear mind must avoid such a Sin. Sister, if you want to marry a good man, Please ask Allah for Help!!! !!! !!!

Are you engaged with this Guy?

Salam alaikum wa rahmatullah!
 

saima abdullah

my life iz 4 Allah
SISTER NEVER TAKE FIRST HAND (DIRECT) PROPOSAL SERIOUSLY IT WOULD TAKE U TOWARDS LUST..... U NEVER KNOW THE INTENTION OF OTHER PERSON ....ALWAYS DO ISTAKHARA IN IMPORTANT THINGS...LET UR FAMILY AWARE OF SUCH THINGS (NO DIRECT DEALINGS) .... YOUR PARENTS KNOW MUCH BATTER THEN U (UNTIL N UNLESS THEY ASK YOU TO DO SOMETHING WHICH IS FORBIDDEN IN DEEN) .....NEVER JUDGE A PERSON ON WAT HE SAYS SEE WHAT HE DO...BEFORE MARRIAGE LOVE IS NOTHING BUT A MIRAGE
 

AISHA14

allah is my lord
A Salamu alaikum wa rahmatullah

I agree with brother stiks. Sister, listen to your intuition, because my intuition tells me that this guy is after nothing but sex.

If he's a firm believer of Islam, a sunnah muslim, then he will wait for you, even a year should not be a problem.

I'm drawing a parallel: a man is thirsty, so he longs for water, and when he quenches (puts out) his thirst, he goes on with his as he never was thirsty. It seems that he wants to commit Zina in purpose. A muslim in his clear mind must avoid such a Sin. Sister, if you want to marry a good man, Please ask Allah for Help!!! !!! !!!

Are you engaged with this Guy?

Salam alaikum wa rahmatullah!

well, no i am not engaged to that person..
 

AISHA14

allah is my lord
SISTER NEVER TAKE FIRST HAND (DIRECT) PROPOSAL SERIOUSLY IT WOULD TAKE U TOWARDS LUST..... U NEVER KNOW THE INTENTION OF OTHER PERSON ....ALWAYS DO ISTAKHARA IN IMPORTANT THINGS...LET UR FAMILY AWARE OF SUCH THINGS (NO DIRECT DEALINGS) .... YOUR PARENTS KNOW MUCH BATTER THEN U (UNTIL N UNLESS THEY ASK YOU TO DO SOMETHING WHICH IS FORBIDDEN IN DEEN) .....NEVER JUDGE A PERSON ON WAT HE SAYS SEE WHAT HE DO...BEFORE MARRIAGE LOVE IS NOTHING BUT A MIRAGE

well..... maybe i should really read isthikhara.. well, he also got a dream in which he saw a roti(bread, ... muhammad(s.a.w.) would often eat this with water) and he says that its a good sign ... that after marriage we will be happy ... i dont , i just dont whats the truth , behind all this stuff...
 
Top