Coming out of the closet...

happy_now

New Member
Hi everyone.

I'm a new-ish muslim (I did my shahada about 6 months ago) and I have pretty much kept it secret from most people. I have a fear that if everyone finds out I converted, it would cause problems.

I do have a few friends that know, but my family, my work, the people in my apartment complex...nobody knows.

I want to change this, but don't know how. If i just show up at work in hijab, I think nobody would take me serious. I have worn hijab in public while traveling away from home and had no really bad things happen, but I did get some looks and stares. One guy even gasped. And I love hijabs. It's almost freaky how much I love them --- and I feel it is very important to wear them.

I think my family will freak out, but i think i can deal with that. We are not so close anyway. But I am still afraid to tell them.

Honesly, I think this big secret is holding back my progress in learning and practicing Islam. I just have this fear of anyone finding out.

How do I get over this fear and how do finally become the muslim I want to be?
 

slaveofAllah88

Slave of Allah (swt)
aslam o alikum,
hae trust in Allah (swt) sister, he guided u to Islam in the first place he will guide you all the way Inshallah
 

BigAk

Junior Member
Hi everyone.

I'm a new-ish muslim (I did my shahada about 6 months ago) and I have pretty much kept it secret from most people. I have a fear that if everyone finds out I converted, it would cause problems.

I do have a few friends that know, but my family, my work, the people in my apartment complex...nobody knows.

I want to change this, but don't know how. If i just show up at work in hijab, I think nobody would take me serious. I have worn hijab in public while traveling away from home and had no really bad things happen, but I did get some looks and stares. One guy even gasped. And I love hijabs. It's almost freaky how much I love them --- and I feel it is very important to wear them.

I think my family will freak out, but i think i can deal with that. We are not so close anyway. But I am still afraid to tell them.

Honesly, I think this big secret is holding back my progress in learning and practicing Islam. I just have this fear of anyone finding out.

How do I get over this fear and how do finally become the muslim I want to be?

You are so lucky....

.
 

Nurain

Junior Member
Salam sis,

Back to basics. Islam is the religion of Allaah and it is the proper way. By coming out into the light, you are in a way a "walking advertisement" for Islam and this is ma sha Allaah, very excellent. But how do you "come out and be upfront" about being Islam?

#1 - Many people not knowing you are Muslim, and you suddenly coming out and wearing hijab could pose complex issues. For a start, how is your personality towards people in general? Perhaps you can start of with "better-ing" your akhlak and your interaction with family (e.g. you say you are not close with them, start with being close - caring and showing concern towards them, being proactive and making effort) and colleagues (e.g. are you performing well at work? Now that you are a muslimah, you ought to perform better!), friends (being better behaved around them, being there for them when they need you, etc). If people start seeing the change in you, and you reveal being a Muslim, definitely the good things coming out of you are due to the teachings of Islam. This be a form of da'wah - you putting up your best for the people's acceptance in sha Allaah.

#2 - Hijab is lovely and you seem not to have a problem with it - just people's perception. Well let me tell you that gaining Allaah's acceptance is far more easier than gaining the acceptance of His creations. Practically, you may want to perform #1 before going into #2, but then you know. Death may come knocking anytime. And Allaah has given you clear guidance for you to follow. Why take in some Islamic teachings you can deal with, and reject the rest? You must love it wholeheartedly. <3

Do your daily 5 prayers sis and ask Allaah to give you strength. I am sure He will, he does not turn away from anyone who seek him with sincerity =) Does it really matter if people do not take you seriously at work? Well, just take it one step at a time.

When you have donned hijab, let me tell you you sure wanna do the best at work! Cos you are portraying Islam and you just wanna do it proper!

Do not be afraid of people knowing you are Muslim. Its fitrah that everyone is born Muslim and without sins. You just got lucky by sticking back right on track!

Hope this serves as a reminder for me too.

Salam
 

shaheeda35

strive4Jannah
:salam2:
Dont worry about what every one else thinks, it will drive you crazy. Just be proud of who you are and love Allah and yourself. I know its easier said than done, but you have come this far, why stop now. Stay strong sis!:hearts:
 

Amina 1

Junior Member
Assalam Alaikum


I to lived with that unreasonable fear for a long time. At first I was really defensive when I let my family know because they are very racist and narrow minded sometimes. I started telling people before I wore my hijab. Once I crossed that hurtle I started telling everyone that I was thinking about wearing a hijab. Then during Ramadan I said you know what If I am going to do this I should just do it. So I did I was very self consious at first because I was so aware of the stares. But it felt wonderful to wear it knowing that I was doing this for Allah. Eventually I stopped noticing peoples reaction and some people are extra nice. Now sometimes I forget I am even wearing it. I feel pretty. Since females are the flag bearers for Islam I became more aware of how I acted and it encouraged me to do better. To set a good example for all of the people who are lost and maybe in doing so shatter some of those misconceptions people have.:hearts:
 

Islam!!yay

Junior Member
:salam2:

Why dont you ask your family or people around you, that dont know you reverted, ask them in a joke-ish way "what If If I became a muslim ?" see how they'll react to that question. If their reaction comes out positive then you should tell them on the spot but If it comes out otherwise then wait for a little while longer. Thats my advice

Or you can ask sisters ,who reverted, ask them how did they dealt with their problems.
 

Almeftah

Junior Member
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

Peace be upon you sister,
We muslims know that whatever happens to us was meant to be, Its already writen for each one of us the blisses and the hardship we are to face in this life, Its all from Allah.. Once you really believe this, And as your faith grows stronger your life will become much easier, Inshallah.
 

palestine

Servant of Allah
MashaAllah, firstly be assured you are on the true path. Allahu Akbar! secondly dear sister welcome to Islam, congradulations to you. To be afraid is alright...but sister you don't have to be. Allah exalted be He has guided you to the right path. He has planned all of our lives ahead of time, even before we were born. I think the right thing to do would be to tell your family, and if they accept you that's good and if not...then who are they to judge you. you are your own individual and if your soul desires the one true God - Allah, then it surely is a great matter to desire. i don't think that they will eat you or kill you...the most they can do is disown you, and i know that that's not easy either. but if the people abandon you, then always know that Allah swt is still on your side and has not abandoned you. he will take care of you and protect you as he has before. so leave the worries aside...pray to Allah and beg him to guide you to that which is right ( the decision i mean) and hope for the best. do your part and just let them know. kindly explain to them, why you have chosen Islam and why you want to remain being a Muslim. as for your work...if they fire you or do not accept you because of your hijab...then sister they are not worthy working for. and Allah is our provider, he will give you something better in return whether it takes a long time or a short time. so be assured that Allah is always with you. so sister go ahead...tell them the truth and free yourself from these worries and distractions that are making you delay your progress in islam. take care and wish the best for you. Asalamu alaykum dear sister:)
 

shichemlydia

Junior Member
help

salam alikoum,
may allah keep you on the right path, i guess there is no need to hide it anymore, because there will come the day when everyone must know that yoiu are a muslim, so it is going ti happen it is just a matter of when, when you show them the character of a good new person, no one will harm you, show them that you have changed to another better person who knows his direction in this life and has a purpose for being here.
may allah swt help you along your journey, amee,
wa salam alikoum
 

a_stranger

Junior Member
:salam2: sister
may be if you try to be more loving and freindly towards the family things will be easier , I mean start to take care of them and give some presents , ask about them .....then step by step you can tell them but be sure that shaytan is trying to drag you back so be careful....stay firm. May Allah make it easy for all of us to be good muslems as we should be.
 

angel islam

Junior Member
Peace to you my sister.
I call on God Almighty to help you to adhere to Islam.
you and claimed God to facilitate matter
And try with your family and God agreed.
tell them on Islam and on Amutaih.
They may also guide them to the God of Islam due you.
God save you
 

cmelbouzaidi

Junior Member
:salam2:

Why dont you ask your family or people around you, that dont know you reverted, ask them in a joke-ish way "what If If I became a muslim ?" see how they'll react to that question. If their reaction comes out positive then you should tell them on the spot but If it comes out otherwise then wait for a little while longer. Thats my advice

Or you can ask sisters ,who reverted, ask them how did they dealt with their problems.


:salam2: I think this was good advice from Islam!!yay, put the idea out there and gage from their reaction. Insha Allah, it will be better than you expected. I wasted 16 years of worrying about wearing hijab although I had wanted to for a while before I finally made the commitment. A lot of it was fear of how my family and friends would perceive me but we do this for Allah alone. The reaction has been of tremendous support from my friends in the USA and I arrived as a hijabi in France and discovered, Masha Allah, that as far as I can see in the neighbourhood, about 1 in every 4 women is a hijabi sister! Still have not seen my Irish family yet but have told my mother and she was okay (albeit non chalant about it) and my older sister was most supportive. I will make duaa that Allah will make this easy for you, sister :) :wasalam:
 

Abdul Hasib

Student of Knowledge
:salam2:

LoL sister when I heard you say, "coming out of the closet," was like WHAT?!

Mashallah you just mean you came out with new clothes (your Hijab). :)

All I want to say is siter, don't WORRY about what other people will say, because I've been in that position many times before, but TRUST ME, even if the whole world masses against you, then all of the pain and suffering is WORTH IT (to be a Muslim and have Eman). Unfortunately, I haven't been the same recently, but Inshallah, I'll feel more better in my Eman sson, Inshallah. Because I'm really missing Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla. :(

Remember sister, your Hijab is your crown, and YOU as a Muminah, are a QUEEN. No matter what anyone says, the beauty of a Queen is great, and THAT is our Muslim sisters who hold their heads high, and are steadfsat in Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla's way.

And Verily, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla's help is sought from our own laziness, cowardice, and all evils. Ameen.
 

Um Ibrahim

Alhamdulilah :)
:salam2:

LoL sister when I heard you say, "coming out of the closet," was like WHAT?!

Mashallah you just mean you came out with new clothes (your Hijab). :)

All I want to say is siter, don't WORRY about what other people will say, because I've been in that position many times before, but TRUST ME, even if the whole world masses against you, then all of the pain and suffering is WORTH IT (to be a Muslim and have Eman). Unfortunately, I haven't been the same recently, but Inshallah, I'll feel more better in my Eman sson, Inshallah. Because I'm really missing Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla. :(

Remember sister, your Hijab is your crown, and YOU as a Muminah, are a QUEEN. No matter what anyone says, the beauty of a Queen is great, and THAT is our Muslim sisters who hold their heads high, and are steadfsat in Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla's way.

And Verily, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla's help is sought from our own laziness, cowardice, and all evils. Ameen.


LOL! I thought same thing about "coming out of the closet" I was like, oh no!

But sister Yeroc, don't worry too much, as you learn more about Islam, and your faith grows it will become easier for you to tell your family and freinds.
May Allah make your journey an easy one, Amin
 

mayah

Junior Member
May Allah grant u Jannah..once we are a muslim,we have to obey HIS order.Wearing hijab is a must..so do it slowly.Dnt wory islam is the way of life..ALLah wil help u to face this situation.
 

happy_now

New Member
Sorry for any confusion -- your responses about the closet made me giggle.

It's not just about a hijab..... Being in the closet is just like hiding, that's all. And I know this needs changed. The more I learn about Islam, the more I know someone will definitely find out. And that's where the problem is.

Like my boss (a former Catholic Priest by the way) called me at home a few weeks ago -- I didn't come in because I was ill. He needed my password to access my pc. I couldn't even say it..I had to spell hoping he would think they were just random letters: b-i-s-m-i-l-l-a-h. Some of these words and phrases are becoming so familiar to me that they just roll off my tongue. Someone will figure it out eventually.

And I worry so much that I will be discovered, that I don't do so many of the things I need to do to better myself in Islam and be a strong muslim. Like the more I know, the less I can hide. It's holding me back.

And as for me being a better person...I know I need to be. I can be very, how to say...uncaring? Not always, but often enough to be noticed by my boss that thought I would do well working in a prison or for the IRS. (He said it with a smile, so I am hoping he was making a joke.)

So I will try to be better and fix this first, as has been suggested. :) Maybe that will make me stronger too, then I won't worry so much about it all.

Thanks again everyone. I really appreciate all the advice you have given.
 

al-muslimah

Junior Member
dont be afraid of the truth..if you know you are right then dont let anything stop you.. btw congrats on your conversion :)
 

islamisthesolution

Junior Member
Hi everyone.

I'm a new-ish muslim (I did my shahada about 6 months ago) and I have pretty much kept it secret from most people. I have a fear that if everyone finds out I converted, it would cause problems.

I do have a few friends that know, but my family, my work, the people in my apartment complex...nobody knows.

I want to change this, but don't know how. If i just show up at work in hijab, I think nobody would take me serious. I have worn hijab in public while traveling away from home and had no really bad things happen, but I did get some looks and stares. One guy even gasped. And I love hijabs. It's almost freaky how much I love them --- and I feel it is very important to wear them.

I think my family will freak out, but i think i can deal with that. We are not so close anyway. But I am still afraid to tell them.

Honesly, I think this big secret is holding back my progress in learning and practicing Islam. I just have this fear of anyone finding out.

How do I get over this fear and how do finally become the muslim I want to be?

may Allah be with to overcome your fear .

inshAllah you will be able to wear it freely sometime and it will be near inshAllah

:salam2:
 
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