about parents - I don't know what to do anymore. HELP!

Hello Brothers and Sisters of Islam,

I need help and I don't know what to do anymore. This issue has got to do with my parents, the pain in my heart is just too unbearable anymore.

Ever since growing up, my parents have been more work related so I learned most of the things I know now on my own, I never learned to express my feelings so I always kept them bottled inside and never told anybody, and I cannot start now. I am doing it here because I will remain anonymous, the problem is, that my parents never seem to appreciate anything I do and always make me feel like trash.

I am not very good with other things, but I can help them with computer related issues very well and alhumdulillah people have complimented me on how well I do them, but my parents don't seem to understand and think its an easy task that can be done in 2 minutes, when really it takes a lot of time and effort.

They are always pointing out my mistakes and always think I am a bad person no matter how good I act or how good I try. Alhumdulillah, I am talented in other ways such as I make money online other than others who have to work for money. But people mess around with me and tell me it is a waste of time and tell me I wasted months and months of work for no reason and instead of acknowledging my work, criticize it and make fun of it.

When I was about 6 years old, I was struck by a bad disease known as Pneumonia of the lungs, I was hospitalized for 45 days and had to go through surgery, everything was terrible about it but I didn't know better. It was a very bad time for me and my mom stayed in the hospital with me which I am very grateful for but in the end, many years later, thinks that shes the one that suffers by staying in the hospital with me, she complained saying that "I was the one who had to stay in the hospital with you." Alhumdulillah I made it out of there fine, I think of it as Allah giving me a second chance, now if I think about it, I wish he would've taken me.

I learned 3 things when going through this stage of my life:
1. There is no such thing as love
2. Emotions only get in the way and are a weakness
3. Family is only people who have raised you to benefit them in some way.

I constantly get lectured day after day about what I did wrong, about how if I was never born my parents life would be alot better, that I have an attitude. People have said that I have an attitude, but to this day I don't know how I have an attitude and asked them. They told me my mistakes and I tried to fix them, alhumdulillah I feel as though I have succeeded in becoming a better person. Even though I feel as though I have achieved this, it feels though nothing has changed, people are still telling me I have an attitude.

I tend to believe that people don't like me at all, from everybody I know, there is probably only 2-3 people I feel value me as a person, and those people are my cousins or friends. Why do I feel this way? This is because others I tend to hang around always seem to be talking in a good way but there body language says otherwise. I don't know what I have done to these people or what is wrong with me, I would change myself any way I can because people do not like me the way I am now, but I do not know what is wrong with me.

Sometimes I feel as though my mom can be racist, this is because I was born in India and have brown colored skin along with my sister, but my 2 brothers both are whiter than me and my sister and seem to get away with anything or dont have to do anything. If I talk to my sister, even in her teenage years, she says that she had it rough and was always tormented by our parents. It seems though me and my sister always get along though, we seem to be the only ones and we seem to understand each other very well also because we both went through the same type of life.

Overall this is my life and this is what ive been going through, inshallah I hope someone here can give me some insight as to what to do next or advice on any of these topics. I do apologize for the long read, but any help is appreciated.

Thank you.
Khudahafiz/Allahafiz
 

webzaheer

Junior Member
Assalamualaikum,

If nobody loves you or values you.
Dont worry, There is always Allah(swt).
I have hope & trust in Allah(swt).
You will really learn.
Might be it is test from Allah(swt).
Allah(swt) might testing your Sabr(patience).
So keep faith and pray regularly namaz.
And make duwa.
InshaAllah everything will be alright.

Allah hafiz.
 

hidaya

Junior Member
assalamualikum
first thing u need to have is self confidence.u dont need to be bothered about what people say or comment,for whatever u do they will have something to comment about,just ignore.just make sure whatever u do,u do it for gaining the pleasure of your LORD and nobody else.
about your parents,do good to them however they behave to you,for ALLAH will be pleased with you as long as you have their pleasure.evrybody has faults and shortcomings just look their bright side and think about when you were small and helpless they did evrything for u .......
dont feel bad jus because you dont have white skin for beauty doesnt lie in colour it lies in ur character.moreover,ALLAH gives white skin to few people and others he doesnt give not because HE loves the white skinned people more than the coloured ...no,no at all,it is just to test them,will they thank ALLAH or not?
in case of worldly things look at the people below you who are less fortunate than you,in case of akhirat things look at the people who do ibadaat more than you n who are more pious.
last but not the least have confidence in your self,believe in your self.may ALLAH make things easier for you inshALLAH.......
 

~Ali_

Fixing da foundation
Assalamualaikum
Sad to hear your case man I dont really think I can grant you better advice than.

a) make dua to Allah subhanu'watala the One that controls everything.
b) This is a test - its not going to be easy (something I forget very often also :(:(:(:( )
c) if you cant stop thinking about what others say/think of you ... then bro your not gonna get very far in life and its not going to be a happy journey ta' boot.
d) self confidence <dont mix it with arrogance>
e) humble yourself before your Creator - nothing else matters.

InshaAllah everything goes well man.
 

dilek

OntheWayOf ALLAH
:salam2:

When I read your words, I remembered some of the Sahaba's life ( Prophet's friend). .they had similiar problems, even worse problems than you have... their own parents locked the doors on them and they couldnt eat for many days, their own relatives put them on fire to change their belief.Nobody spoke with them and never gave anything to buy or never took anything from them..They were totally isolated for a period.. However they never said "Enough".. They always tried for their best and they hoped with the help of those hardships they could become closer to Allah much more...

You are not alone or forgotten, you have the greatest power and Lord if you want to see it.. Just turn a bit inside of you and try to discover and increase your love for the Creator, Rahman and Raheem Allah..

And please never say I learnt that emotions are weakness :( becasue emotions are the only things that make a person a real human... who lose their emotions means they lose their humanity at the same time.. Allah is the most merciful and He loves who shows mercy..

May Allah give you power to be patient inshaallah...

ma3assalama
 

ahmed_indian

to Allah we belong
:salam2:,

we can understand ur emotions and feelings. may Allah make ur life better.

maybe ur parents dont love u bcoz u both are girls (if i m right). but u cant say that love dont exist and family is just to take benefit frm u. some love others a lot.

there are many cases like urs in my own place. so u dont think that u r the only one who is facing such difficulties. if u cant find many relatives or friends to appreciate u ...fine!! go ahead.

make Allah's pleasure and Paradise ur main goal. even if a person have lots of friends and whole world is praising him....one day everybody will die and all will come to an end. then after death, we'll know who won and who lost!

dont forget, this life is a test. many times Allah dont give u good things bcoz He dont want u to forget Him and Hereafter and just keep enjoying this world.
sometimes, He gives bad times to wash away our sins or raise our ranking in Jannah.

its said: one friend is enough, two is more than enough and three is impossible. so if u have just few of them...appreciate it. many have none in whole big world.

as u said, u can make money online. its a huge acheivement. i tried a lot and failed all the time. :)

its ramadan..try to closer to Allah and make lots of Dua while fasting.

may Allah bless you.
 

FreedomFighter

Junior Member
:salam2:

i think parents should teach their kids how to love them, or else even if the kids do love them, they dont know how to say it. dont worry bro, just hold on and remember Allah, surely He can hear you all the time. you have you're friends, they probably realy care about you. you got a talent there, so dont feel so down. stand up for yourself and believe in yourself. take care.
 

Maartje

New Member
:(:(:SMILY23::SMILY23::(
Hello Brothers and Sisters of Islam,

I need help and I don't know what to do anymore. This issue has got to do with my parents, the pain in my heart is just too unbearable anymore.

Ever since growing up, my parents have been more work related so I learned most of the things I know now on my own, I never learned to express my feelings so I always kept them bottled inside and never told anybody, and I cannot start now. I am doing it here because I will remain anonymous, the problem is, that my parents never seem to appreciate anything I do and always make me feel like trash.

I am not very good with other things, but I can help them with computer related issues very well and alhumdulillah people have complimented me on how well I do them, but my parents don't seem to understand and think its an easy task that can be done in 2 minutes, when really it takes a lot of time and effort.

They are always pointing out my mistakes and always think I am a bad person no matter how good I act or how good I try. Alhumdulillah, I am talented in other ways such as I make money online other than others who have to work for money. But people mess around with me and tell me it is a waste of time and tell me I wasted months and months of work for no reason and instead of acknowledging my work, criticize it and make fun of it.

When I was about 6 years old, I was struck by a bad disease known as Pneumonia of the lungs, I was hospitalized for 45 days and had to go through surgery, everything was terrible about it but I didn't know better. It was a very bad time for me and my mom stayed in the hospital with me which I am very grateful for but in the end, many years later, thinks that shes the one that suffers by staying in the hospital with me, she complained saying that "I was the one who had to stay in the hospital with you." Alhumdulillah I made it out of there fine, I think of it as Allah giving me a second chance, now if I think about it, I wish he would've taken me.

I learned 3 things when going through this stage of my life:
1. There is no such thing as love
2. Emotions only get in the way and are a weakness
3. Family is only people who have raised you to benefit them in some way.

I constantly get lectured day after day about what I did wrong, about how if I was never born my parents life would be alot better, that I have an attitude. People have said that I have an attitude, but to this day I don't know how I have an attitude and asked them. They told me my mistakes and I tried to fix them, alhumdulillah I feel as though I have succeeded in becoming a better person. Even though I feel as though I have achieved this, it feels though nothing has changed, people are still telling me I have an attitude.

I tend to believe that people don't like me at all, from everybody I know, there is probably only 2-3 people I feel value me as a person, and those people are my cousins or friends. Why do I feel this way? This is because others I tend to hang around always seem to be talking in a good way but there body language says otherwise. I don't know what I have done to these people or what is wrong with me, I would change myself any way I can because people do not like me the way I am now, but I do not know what is wrong with me.

Sometimes I feel as though my mom can be racist, this is because I was born in India and have brown colored skin along with my sister, but my 2 brothers both are whiter than me and my sister and seem to get away with anything or dont have to do anything. If I talk to my sister, even in her teenage years, she says that she had it rough and was always tormented by our parents. It seems though me and my sister always get along though, we seem to be the only ones and we seem to understand each other very well also because we both went through the same type of life.

Overall this is my life and this is what ive been going through, inshallah I hope someone here can give me some insight as to what to do next or advice on any of these topics. I do apologize for the long read, but any help is appreciated.

Thank you.
Khudahafiz/Allahafiz

:(:(:SMILY23:

Dear Sister in islam,

I'm saddened about your "life" story.
Don't worry and you need to learn to love yourself.
No one else can do that for you.Gain self confidence,we all feel down sometimes that's part of life or our test in this life to put in into the islamic perspective.
Others have already given you valuable comments ,masjaAllah.
What I'd like to say ,I don't think there is anything wrong with feelings,they are very important and try not to hide them.If for instance you feel hurt because of something your mum or dad or anyone else told you.Try to let them know how you feel and discuss a solution to make you feel better.If on the other hand you feel happy also inform others isn't that part and parcel of life?Emotions??? If we don't use our emotions then we would be robots won't we what's the sense in that?
Muhammad(vzmh) sorry ,I just realize I'm typing in english never mind your question was in english ,too. Just because the forum is in nederlands.
Muhammad(vzmh)reminded us that Allah will be pleased with us if we make an other muslim Happy!!!:jumpclap::laughing-dancing::biggrin::wavyarms::holaaa::SMILY82::SMILY128::SMILY126::SMILY259::SMILY139::muslima::SMILY288::SMILY206::muslim_child::blackhijab::hearts::hearts::SMILY105:
That's a big feeling isn't it ????!!!!!
I hope and pray you understand what I'm trying to tell you .I hope you'll be Happy Incha Allah.May Allah bless you and your family ,amin.
I'll pray for you and please,remember me in your dua's.
Remember all the muslims please.
Ramadan Kariem,Ramadan
Mubarak!!!!:wavyarms::salah::tti_sister::blackhijab::):):wasalam::hijabi:
Maartje***
 

AZAM_SIDDIQUI

Junior Member
in the end these things dont matter.u hv to submit to Allah and dont expect from ppl Allah gvs.
things became much better for me when i understood that the paina mother goes thru to deliver her child infact the very first cry of pain -its due cannot be paid even if u skin urself and make shoes of ur skin and put them in ur mothers feet.

so it changed my perspective.one doesnt complain when one has that much debt to pay.

alhamdullillah when i did my part -Allah md everything wonderful for me and oday i wasasking my mother how to thank Allah enuf for it.for the blessings
 

allah is with me

Rabana Wa laqal Hamd
well, i really understand how it feels..
well, make tons of duaa...
allah is surely the most mercifullest...
allah will surely help you indeed!!!...
just pray to allah!...
i will pray for you too...
inshallah!
 

binismail

New Member
Your long narration indicate the agony of ur thinking, there is nothing to worry so much child, u said that ur mother was by ur side when u were hospitalised isn't that a proof of ur
mother's true love over a child u must be proud of it ,scolding ,grumbling may be her way of expresion with good intention for u to be greatman one day. learn to be patient and couragiously do things what ever u do ALLAH WILL SHOWER HIS MERCY upon u. Allahu Akbar!!!
 

AZAM_SIDDIQUI

Junior Member
"accelarating towards successlike those strong wealthy businesswomen."

the problem with the rat race is that even if u win u r still a rat.

i mean probs cant be solved lk that.but yes the huge energy teenagers hv has to be channelised
 

rightpath_357

Junior Member
Sister, u must have a lot of courage to go through this. Focus on n people who are there to support you. Lean on them for a bit. Spend more time with people who care about you. I know how it feels to have a criqsized talent. and nobody understands that it actually is very useful.know that Allah (SW) is there for u, make duaa, and have faith. as for ur parents- be deaf to what bad things they have to say about u. u have tried hard to be a better person- and u deserve a lot of respect! stand up. tell them that u've tried harder than anyone could to change. if they''re feeling bad, there's no need for them to take it out on u! have some time to do something u enjoy. go outside often - fresh air will make u feel a bit happier. go to bird parks.. maybe the animal shelter. thats some advice from me. animals always make me smile.... best of luck to u
 
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