interfering in husband/wife matters

[slaveofAllah88]

:salam2:

this might be a silly question but i just wanted to know wat ppl thought

well ... over the summer while visiting my cousins, i felt like my cousin wasn't treating his wife right?
well he worked long hours , she waited for him all day cooked for him and took care of all his needs, and impatiently waited for him to return from work, but when he got back he always got busy with his friends, went out, other things, didn't pay any attention to his wife.
So after observing it for more than a week, i talkd to my cousin who is like 3 years older than me, about maybe he shud give more attention and time to his wife especially that now she was carrying his baby.
The reaction kinda shocked me, him and many people commented on how inappropriate it was for me to interfere between a husband and wife, and how its his wife and he can treat her how he wants, i heard alot of rude things that shocked me but overall i was told in islam a women is 1st her father responsibility than her husband and its up to them how they treat her and other ppl shudn't interfere.

So im just wondering, is that true? in Islam a third person cant say anything to the husband/wife? also, to me it felt like the husband thinks the wife is his property now, I think i read somewhere in Islam the wife is not husband property after marriage , Could someone please correct me on that and provide me reference?
Thank You
i apologize if this was kinda silly thing to ask i just want to know wat islam says not how the culture has developed

 

[misalat]

:salam2:
brother acording to the way you have put it, you have done the right things.
this is not called interfering husband and wife but a just advise to a brother to do good and the best is for his wife ... this is extremely good deed and Allah will reward you for that insha Allah.

the interfering that is not allowed is the private matters btw husband and wife, and they are not allowed to discuss with others. but not what is open to all and everybody ... Allah knows best

 

[ahmed_indian]

,

brother u did the right thing. i am 100% with u.

i would have done the same thing inshallah.

in Islam there is one principle: promoting virtue and preventing vice.

if a man is beating his wife like an animal, u have to stop him. he cant say thats its his private matter.

giving advice to others is a part of muslim behaviour.

so keep advicing brother. let not these incidents stop u.

 

[allah is with me]

bro! you did not do anything wrong..
you did interfere b/w husnband and wife , but you did it for some good cause...
you are not blamed for it!!......
but, the question a rises to other people, they say' that why did shaheer interfere in thier matter?..
so, your intention was right, and exactly correct , but the people around you, they wont think your right!!
oh! come one! your right!!!

 

[slaveofAllah88]

:salam2:

JazakAllah khair brother and sisters for replying, i dont feel bad about it now.

I guess the problem is that alot of man believe that its their wife its up to them how they treat them, when someone gives them advice it hurts their ego.

If someone knows any hadith or Quranic verse regarding women not being man's property after marriage that would be great so i can pass it along to him, just makes it easier to talk with proof

so, your intention was right, and exactly correct , but the people around you, they wont think your right!!

well also im younger than Him, and lived in Canada for a huge part of my life so they just assume What do I know , i guess thats why lol not many ppl thought i had a right to say something.

Anywayz Do make dua That my cousin has a healthy child, which is a blessing for the parents and this ummah, and Allah (swt) greatly increase the love between the couple - ameen

thx for all the responses

 

[slaveofAllah88]

just wondering if someone had the answer to the 2nd part of my question and knows of any quranic verses or hadith that prove that women does not become the property of man after marriage?
JazakAllah khair my bro and sis

 

[ahmed_indian]

just wondering if someone had the answer to the 2nd part of my question and knows of any quranic verses or hadith that prove that women does not become the property of man after marriage?
JazakAllah khair my bro and sis

O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may Take away part of the dower ye have given them,-except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good. (Surah Nisa, Verse 19)

Prophet said:

"The best among you is the one who is the best towards his wife"
Hadith - Muslim, #3466

A believing man should not hate a believing woman; it he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.
Hadith - Sahih Al-Bukhari 7.117

"Do not beat the female servants of Allah";

"Some (women) visited my family complaining about their husbands (beating them). These (husbands) are not the best of you."

“How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then he may embrace (sleep with) her?” [Bukhari]

 

[allah is with me]

:salam2:

JazakAllah khair brother and sisters for replying, i dont feel bad about it now.

I guess the problem is that alot of man believe that its their wife its up to them how they treat them, when someone gives them advice it hurts their ego.

If someone knows any hadith or Quranic verse regarding women not being man's property after marriage that would be great so i can pass it along to him, just makes it easier to talk with proof



well also im younger than Him, and lived in Canada for a huge part of my life so they just assume What do I know , i guess thats why lol not many ppl thought i had a right to say something.

Anywayz Do make dua That my cousin has a healthy child, which is a blessing for the parents and this ummah, and Allah (swt) greatly increase the love between the couple - ameen

thx for all the responses

ameen brother

 

[slaveofAllah88]

O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may Take away part of the dower ye have given them,-except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good. (Surah Nisa, Verse 19)

Prophet said:

"The best among you is the one who is the best towards his wife"
Hadith - Muslim, #3466

A believing man should not hate a believing woman; it he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.
Hadith - Sahih Al-Bukhari 7.117

"Do not beat the female servants of Allah";

"Some (women) visited my family complaining about their husbands (beating them). These (husbands) are not the best of you."

“How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then he may embrace (sleep with) her?” [Bukhari]

JazakAllah khair brother for the wonderful hadith and Quranic references may Allah (swt) bless you in this world and here after- ameen
Thank u for your knowledge it benefits us all

 

[umm hussain]

Asalam alaikum warahmatullah

I think you were sincere in your advice but I think you should have told him on a one on one basis because from what you say it seems a lot of people were around, you mentioned other people said you should not have told him maybe that is also why you got the response you did or maybe how you brought up the subject

Husband and wife issues can be quite complex, and should best be left alone unless someone comes to ask you for advice or you clearly see someone abusing his wife, for example after her cooking a meal for him he throws the plate in her face or on to the floor besides if she has never complained people will start wondering why you are complaining on her behalf. Let her bring the subject up because if she does not complain he will probably think everything is okay.

From what you have written there is nothing to say he sees her as property or mistreats her, going out with friends after work is not mistreatment, you don't know how often he does it and why. What sort of attention were you expecting him to show to his wife? Affection maybe? Some if not most people, well actulally Muslims especially see affection between the spouses as something private and not to be shown in front of others especially guests because it can be quite awkward for you and for them so maybe this is why you did not see this side of things.

Were you staying with your cousins wife alone whilst he was at work? If yes this is not allowed. Where were you when he went out after work leaving his wife at home for the week that you were there? Maybe this is not how their relationship always is like, they probably happened to have an argument just before you came and they were not in talking terms

Anyway about kind treatment of Spouses I found this:

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Both spouses should realise that the basis of married life is mutual understanding and its pillars are love and compassion. Hence their married life cannot be complete unless there is kind treatment on both sides.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and live with them honourably”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19].

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

Each spouse must treat the other in a kind and decent manner, because Allaah says(interpretation of the meaning):

“and live with them honourably”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19]

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable”

[al-Baqarah 2:228].

If the spouses treat one another in a kind and decent manner, that will preserve love between them and make life more pleasant. How often has separation occurred because of the lack of kind and decent treatment. If each of them feared Allaah and treated the other in a kind and decent manner, giving them their due rights, much good and blessing would be achieved thereby. But if there are arguments between the spouses, you find that most of them are caused by the lack of kind and decent treatment; the husband beats his wife for the slightest thing, or she is stubborn and argues with him about the slightest thing. Hence each spouse must treat the other in a kind and decent manner, as Allaah has commanded. End quote from al-Liqa’ al-Shahri.

 

[slaveofAllah88]

Asalam alaikum warahmatullah

I think you were sincere in your advice but I think you should have told him on a one on one basis because from what you say it seems a lot of people were around, you mentioned other people said you should not have told him maybe that is also why you got the response you did or maybe how you brought up the subject

:salam2:
JazakAllah khair for the reply 1st of all, I think i didn't put enough details i shud clearify it a bit, i did tell him in private I would never offcourse put this out in the open or when ppl were around cuz that wud be embarrasing, he actually went on to tell the other people that i have talkd to him about this.
I brought it up in a polite way, it wasn't to make him feel bad, It was just a one on one talk with him cuz i thought his wife deserved more of his attention.

Husband and wife issues can be quite complex, and should best be left alone unless someone comes to ask you for advice or you clearly see someone abusing his wife, for example after her cooking a meal for him he throws the plate in her face or on to the floor besides if she has never complained people will start wondering why you are complaining on her behalf. Let her bring the subject up because if she does not complain he will probably think everything is okay.

From what you have written there is nothing to say he sees her as property or mistreats her, going out with friends after work is not mistreatment, you don't know how often he does it and why. What sort of attention were you expecting him to show to his wife? Affection maybe? Some if not most people, well actulally Muslims especially see affection between the spouses as something private and not to be shown in front of others especially guests because it can be quite awkward for you and for them so maybe this is why you did not see this side of things.

NO, he is not voilent with her, i wasn't talking about affection that he shud give more affection to his wife in public, i was just told hiim regarding spending some time with her, instead of going out with friends everyday i thought it wud be polite for him to maybe spend sometime with his wife cuz she desere some of his time too.
It wasn't to make him feel bad, it was just so he cud show more appreciation towards his wife, it would make the relationship better between both of them thats all.
ABout being the guest, i am not sure cuz he lives with his parents and i spend most of the time with his parents since they are my uncle and aunt and he was mostly out so i cudn't be with him much, and I didn't say to him that he mistreats his wife i pointed it out to him that she waits for u all day and i think u shud give her more time so she didn't feel so lonely, that was my intention.

Were you staying with your cousins wife alone whilst he was at work? If yes this is not allowed. Where were you when he went out after work leaving his wife at home for the week that you were there? Maybe this is not how their relationship always is like, they probably happened to have an argument just before you came and they were not in talking terms

No i was not alone with his wife ever, offcourse not, i was at my uncle house and he and his wife lives with the family, and i didn't even talk to her one on one ever, I just noticed this and thought i tell him, cuz he is my cousin, and my brother in Islam. and I thought he needs to manage his time in a way that his wife gets his attention too cuz i think the work and his friends were getting all the time, thats all.

hope things are a lil clear now, JazakAllah khair for all those references May Allah (swt) reward you greatly for everything
Thanx for replying