Depression and Marriage

[Lonely Man]

Assalamu alaikum,

It would be so nice if I could talk to someone who has the same problem. I'm 33 (male) and can't marry due to chronic depression. I have been depressed for nearly 10 years now, it seems to be part of my life. I have decided not to marry, since I fear that I wouldn't be able to take care of my wife and children. I live in western Europe and I have no social life at all (due to depression). I still live with my parents..

I receive government benefits since I'm unable to work. The thought of growing old and dying alone saddens me deeply, but there is very little I can do about my depression (medication, therapy nothing has helped so far). Is this a valid reason not to marry according to Islamic teachings?

 

[Abdul_Muhsi]

Assalamu alaikum,

It would be so nice if I could talk to someone who has the same problem. I'm 33 (male) and can't marry due to chronic depression. I have been depressed for nearly 10 years now, it seems to be part of my life. I have decided not to marry, since I fear that I wouldn't be able to take care of my wife and children. I live in western Europe and I have no social life at all (due to depression). I still live with my parents..

I receive government benefits since I'm unable to work. The thought of growing old and dying alone saddens me deeply, but there is very little I can do about my depression (medication, therapy nothing has helped so far). Is this a valid reason not to marry according to Islamic teachings?

Dear brother marriage is Sunnah.Dear brother most of the problems of this world arise in our lives because of the fact that our lives are not in tune with our beautiful and peaceful religion Islam.
I hope and i am confident that most of your problems will be solved if you bring more and more islamic values in your life.

Remember,Allah and worship him as much as possibel,Insha'Allah you will feel relaxed and happy.Because Allah himself says in Quran that hearts do find peace by remembrance of Allah

 

[ProudToBeaMuslim]

:salam2:

Can you explain about your disease in detail? Is it like a mental disease or something physical? If it's mental, what is the reason for it? Is it because of some personal problems or do you just need answers?

If you answer these questions I will Insha Allah try to find out if this is a valid reason for not marrying.

One thing, don't just entirely give up the idea of marrying. There will Insha Allah come a time when you are cured of this disease. Don't give up hope.

"Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope. He gets reward for that (good) which he has earned, and he is punished for that (evil) which he has earned. "Our Lord! Punish us not if we forget or fall into error, our Lord! Lay not on us a burden like that which You did lay on those before us (Jews and Christians); our Lord! Put not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Pardon us and grant us Forgiveness. Have mercy on us. You are our Maula (Patron, Supporter and Protector, etc.) and give us victory over the disbelieving people. "
( سورة البقرة , Al-Baqara, Chapter #2, Verse #286)

Always be hopeful of Allah's mercy and constantly make du'a, for your du'a will Insha Allah be answered. Ask the brothers and sisters here to make du'a for you too. Make a separate thread for it.

May Allah cure you of this disease and give you the perfect match and salih children. Amen.

 

[Lonely Man]

Dear brother Muhsin, thank you for the support.

Can you explain about your disease in detail? Is it like a mental disease or something physical? If it's mental, what is the reason for it? Is it because of some personal problems or do you just need answers?

If you answer these questions I will Insha Allah try to find out if this is a valid reason for not marrying.

One thing, don't just entirely give up the idea of marrying. There will Insha Allah come a time when you are cured of this disease. Don't give up hope.

You asked a very difficult question brother, I'm afraid I can't answer your question. I don't know why I'm so depressed. I have always had social anxiety and depression to some extent. I have insomnia as well, I don't sleep well, sometimes I don't sleep at all like today. I spent all night awake.

 

[podolski11]

Dear brother Muhsin, thank you for the support.



You asked a very difficult question brother, I'm afraid I can't answer your question. I don't know why I'm so depressed. I have always had social anxiety and depression to some extent. I have insomnia as well, I don't sleep well, sometimes I don't sleep at all like today. I spent all night awake.

social anxiety is a bad disease ,,,a terrible one since i suffered from it myself but i dont know i think i overcame it by myself or mayb i totally didnt but im quite better than b4 thats for certain

 

[ProudToBeaMuslim]

Dear brother Muhsin, thank you for the support.



You asked a very difficult question brother, I'm afraid I can't answer your question. I don't know why I'm so depressed. I have always had social anxiety and depression to some extent. I have insomnia as well, I don't sleep well, sometimes I don't sleep at all like today. I spent all night awake.

There is no problem that the Qur'an can't solve. Try to get Islamic solutions to your problem. Read verses related to it. Afterall, whose words are more comforting than God's? And most important, pray.

" O mankind! There has come to you a good advice from your Lord (i.e. the Qur'an, enjoining all that is good and forbidding all that is evil), and a healing for that (diseases) which is in your breasts, - a guidance and a mercy (explaining lawful and unlawful things) for the believers.
"
( سورة يونس , Yunus, Chapter #10, Verse #57)

 

[Muslimah16]

:salam2:

Brother, you said you have insomnia? I dont suffer form this but i do find it difficult to sleep. Tryptophan, is an essential amino acid which helps induce sleep. Also, if like you're a smoker, quit smoking. Or atleast dont have a cigarette before going to bed. Try and keep away from the intake of stimulants such as coffee, tea chocolates.
Deficiencies in vitamin B, calcium, copper, iron or magnesium can cause sleeping disorders too.

Try listening to some soothing nasheeds beofe going to bed, it helps.

Deprssed? Look at my avatar InshaAllah try and engage yourself in dhikr.

I hope inshaAllah you feel better soon,

Stay positive !

Wassalam

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam,

Brother you mention that medication has not helped so far. When was the last time you were prescribed meds for your depression? There are some cutting edge meds now that work much better than the older forms of medications. Now they also are using light therapy which has proven to work wonderfully, basically making sure the patient is exposed to at least 1 hour of very bright light with UV. So direct sunlight would be best.

Do you see a therapist? I know lonliness will just increase your sense of isolation and deepen your depression so force yourself to get out and interact with others.

 

[ahmed_indian]

brother make dua to Allah for better life.

try to shift to muslim area where u can find muslim frnds for company.

inshallah some one will help u in getting job and marriage.

 

[Lonely Man]

Salaam,

Brother you mention that medication has not helped so far. When was the last time you were prescribed meds for your depression? There are some cutting edge meds now that work much better than the older forms of medications. Now they also are using light therapy which has proven to work wonderfully, basically making sure the patient is exposed to at least 1 hour of very bright light with UV. So direct sunlight would be best.

Do you see a therapist? I know lonliness will just increase your sense of isolation and deepen your depression so force yourself to get out and interact with others.

I'm on wellbutrin now, I've had about 7 different antidepressants since 2001. Yes, I'm seeing a therapist. One thing I agree with all of you is that I must have human contact and avoid complete isolation.

 

[revert2007]

if ur saying that no medication is working on u,it proofs that u need Allah and he only can help u..ten years is a long time.

get back to the right track....there is nothing in this world can be cured except with His will...

start going to mosque,listen to quran coz is very soothing to ur soul...i guess ur soul is the one suffering at the moment and u should do something about it.

u can find many nice brothers in the mosque and talk about islam and Allah withe them....have u ever spoke to Allah?have u ever complained to Him?have u ever asked Him to guide u and help u in ur darkness?

i used to have depression as well when i was in the university and only Allah i turn to.i listen to quran and this really sooth my soul.

ur a muslim and plz seek help from Allah...
there must be a reason why this is happening...

.if the medicine doesnt work,stop taking them.
this are the things u can really do:
1.pray 5 times daily
2.recite quran
3.listen to quran
4.go to mosque as much as u can
5s.sit in the mosque make prayers,talk with other brothers about islam
6.seek advice from imam or anyone religious.

 

[slave_of_Allah]

Alhmaduillah what sister Rever2007 said was very well, and I couldn't agree more!!! I too have suffered from depression whilst I was suffering with my eating disorders. Alhamduillah i am very well now, thanks to Allah.

I ran from councillor to councillor and tried so many things, but the only soultion that cured me was Islam. Read the Qur'an, with understanding and reflect uopn the words, they have such a huge impact. Also read the 99 names of Allah as much as you can ... take a step closer to Allah, and He will coming running to you. Ask Him, and cry to Him, because Allah is listening.

Be strong. Allah is with you, and He loves you very dearly. This is from Allah, he only wants you to become close to Him, so take advantage, thank Allah, and turn to Him.

 

[Mrmuslim]

salaam alikom Brother,

May Allah help you and cure you, in addition to all the advises from our brothers and sisters, I would like to suggest something, I am not a doctor so I cant help you with any medical advise. My advise since you have an issue with sleeping, I want to do this at night when every one in your house are sleep get up and pray as long as you can stay a wake its call the night prayer, or Saher. Hold the quran and start from beginning and pray as many rakat you can keep doing this and after each 2 rakkah praise Allah s.w.t with his attributes and names and pray on his prophet peace be up on him and ask Allah to take a way this insecurity and depression you feel and replace them with rest in your heart and take a way the depression.

Go to masjid and pray in jammah, start with Fajr and Isha.

I am sure 100% if you do it with and your are believe in your heart that Allah the only one who can help you, the depression with go way and Allah will replace it with happiness and clamness in your heart inshAllah. Because the sadness is from Shaytan and pray for us inshAllah if you do pray at night...


Read these sites
http://islamgreatreligion.wordpress.com/2009/03/09/10-tips-to-fight-depression/

10 tips to fight depression http://islamgreatreligion.wordpress.com/2009/03/09/10-tips-to-fight-depression/
Wa salaam

 

[AZAM_SIDDIQUI]

brother i deeply empathise with you.
you must listen to the quran.His word can move mountains and hearts ...
go to youtube or someplace and listen to quran.wallah the one who gave you this problem only can remove it.

quranmp3.com

 

[q8penpals]

Salam

I feel for you, although I have never experienced anything like your situation.

Can I make one request though? Please do not get married until you have gotten yourself straightened up a bit (whether it is through medication, counseling, prayer, or whatever). It would not be fair to a wife to deal with all that you are going through, especially if she were to get pregnant and have children.

I hope that doesn't sound harsh, but as a woman, I can say that having a husband with psychological issues could be a larger challenge than many women would be willing to commit to - and of course, you cannot lie to her about it, because no marriage is good when it is based on deceit.

 

[Lonely Man]

Thank you for all the respones. There is just one final thing I would like to mention. It's easy for other people to say that I should get married, but in reality there are some serious obstacles. What about the fact that I can't work for example? My chances of finding a woman who would accept this are slim. That's perhaps my biggest problem. I wish I could ask a scholar.

 

[nurlaila]

It gona b fine

Assalam alaikom bro.
U hav a deep depression, i suggest u to focus on healing ur soul by getting closer to the One who has created u.

Allah said that by remembering Him, our hearts wil gain peace and calmness. I wld like to suggest tht whenever u hav a severe insomnia, dun force urself to sleep.juz get up n do some prayers like tahajud,etc.talk to Allah more in ur sujd. U wil feel better enshalh.

Ur anxiety might need u to stop thinking much abt ur problem. Try to spend more time reading quran bec thts the way Allah converse with us. Get busy with ur faith n dun forget to do zikr,tasbih n istighfar when ur depression attacking u.

Take it easy. May Allah show u the way out

 

[A Kashmiri]

Brother.... Sallam Alaikum,

As one of my cousin also had an acute depression , but Alhamdullilah he is fine now and doing great.

I suggest you start reading about islam, the Prophets life, recite quran, go closer to Allah.
I suggest you start looking for a work, if you cant find work which pays do charity work with some muslim organisation. I know it is tough in such circumstances but you have bring courage to do it.

Start making friends and interact, go to masjid five times if you could and it is near your place.

Regarding marriage if you do the above things i m sure you will be in a better position to decide about your marriage yourself, as right now it is quite a tricky one.

I will pray for you. inshallah