Need Some Help From You Guys..................

Sabra

Junior Member
Salaams Everyone,

I really need some words of encourgement right now. I moved with my children two years ago to Tunisia, as some of you might know. I have always had strong iman, but living here has taken some of it away. I come to live here at the request of my husband. He told me so many things that weren't true about Tunisia. The people here do not follow Islam properly, they do not follow the Sunnah of The Prophet(pbuh). They mostly follow conjucture and bidah. One problem that I fight here all the time, is the shaking of hands with men. Today for example, I went to the doctor with my SIL. This man is someone who they all talk about that he is very religious and he gives much charity to people. They said he has been to the Hajj twice. Now this man is clean-shaven, talks very openly with his female clients, and walked right in and shook hands with my SIL and also offered his hand to me but he was shocked when I refused.

I am at a lost right now, I feel so lonely. The statement from the Prophet(pbuh), To be in this world as if you were a stranger, I am truly feeling at this point. The majority of the population fast only because it is part of their culture, prayer is mostly done quickly with just the movements, no thought involved. I guess I just expected so much more upon moving here to what I thought was a Muslim country. I was much more happy in Chicago, where the Muslim Community truly know the Quran and follow the Sunnah of the Prophet(pbuh).

I am so sorry if this was long but I need to talk with someone who can understand what I am going through. When I try to talk with my husband about my feelings, he just makes up excuses for them. I hope I did not offend anyone here with my words, this is truly what I have seen and I know there are some here that do try to follow Islam correctly, but it is few.

Salaams Sabra
 
salam alaykum

well basically all muslim countries are the same nowadays but well the men dont shake hands with women in my country or the women will tear the mans guts out if he did :p......every1 faces tests but u have to keep strong also since uve moved to a totally new alien like place that could also b taking its toll on u......by time u will c u will fit in with the people there(not on the part of shaking hands with men though?...ull jz have to have some patience i have to say :D.......

:SMILY346::SMILY346:
 

revert2007

Love Fishing
well sister,u should have done some research about these countries before going there.there are some countries which u have to be really careful with even if they claim it is an islamic country.
if i were u,i will imediatly leave this country and go back to my country.of course it is easier to say than done,but ask urself what is the priority..

the prophet pbuh did hijrah to a good islamic environment to practise the religion and not vice versa.

all sisters should really know which country is really islamic and how the people are practising the religion according to quran and sunnah...


well the choice is urs and no one can stop u ...so think carefully for the sake of u and ur kids.do u wanna still leave in this country or just go back to urs.what kind of islamic country is that if they banned the woman from wearing hijab?these people who call themselves muslims are the one altering the religion.but eventually the prophet and quran will take the blame.
 

ProudToBeaMuslim

Junior Member
:salam2: dear sister,
First of all dear sister, do not be annoyed with your husband. His intention to move to Tunisia must've been for your family's best interest from his perpective (Allahu alam).

And secondly, remember that, even if you are sleeping on the street with no shade, There is one thing that brings rest to heart. coolness to the eyes, and peace and contentment to the mind, that is, rememberance of Allah and his words.
" Those who believed (in the Oneness of Allah - Islamic Monotheism), and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allah: verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest .
Those who believed (in the Oneness of Allah - Islamic Monotheism), and work righteousness, Tuba (all kinds of happiness or name of a tree in Paradise) is for them and a beautiful place of (final) return. "

( سورة الرعد , Ar-Rad, Chapter #13, Verse #28-29)

Remember sister, It is fate that Brought you to Tunisia. I can completely understand how you feel. When you look at those around you and are surprised that they are not filled with awe when the Qur'an is recited, they are complaining about how hungry they are when you are experiencing the pure pleasure of giving up food for your Lord, they fast-forward their salah when you tremble with fear and awe and sobs when you stand before your Creator. I know exactly how you feel. But maybe, it is Allah's intention that these people, around you, may find the true meaning of Islam through you.
And maybe, it is his intention, that your Iman is actualy increased by Da'wah (Insha Allah).

Don't get offended by their ignorance, instead fill you heart with pity for them-that'll drive you to help them with Islam. Be tender annd loving towards them, and forgive. Correct them whenever you see something wrong and advise them.
"And leave alone those who take their religion as play and amusement, and whom the life of this world has deceived. But Remind (them) with it (the Qur'an) lest a person be given up to destruction for that which he has earned, when he will find for himself no protector or intercessor besides Allah, and even if he offers every ransom, it will not be accepted from him. Such are they who are given up to destruction because of that which they have earned. For them will be a drink of boiling water and a painful torment because they used to disbelieve. "
( سورة الأنعام , Al-Anaam, Chapter #6, Verse #70)

And most importantly, have patience! Allah loves the patient. This is just a test from Allah,, My dear sister. Pass it. Tell your husband that you are ready to adjust. Do it for Allah's sake.
And why do you have to worry about not getting good company, when you have our TTI? (hamdulillah)
But Insha Allah, you will find the best of companies, fearing Allah, there.

Have patience, Read the Qur'an and SMILE! :)
 

rickyraws

Junior Member
As, of course, I'm sure, your situation may be a little more complex than we can imagine, and as such, it's hard (for me at least) to advise you, since I haven't been in your shoes, and I'm a guy. I'd try to adjust, not to the ways of the people there, but to living there for a reasonable amount of time. Stay steadfast in what you're doing, even if you'd seem like a stranger. As with Islam in America, it wasn't always as accepted as it is now, so if more and more people are surprised bacause you don't shake hands with men, then they'll be more inclined to ask 'why'.

That's what you want, because then you can guide them and let them know what's right and wrong, similarly, many Americans used to ask women who wear hijab 'why', and they persisted and persisted, and look at Islam in America now. I'm sure with the notion of a country being Islamic, it would be quite a shock to see them act like that, but since it is an Islamic country, that might be opportunity for you to have it easier explaining to the people what is really Islamic and what's not since they are actually muslims, as opposed to the people who would question you in America. If you are still finding trouble, and Allah knows best, I'd try to assess my priorities if I were you, and talk things over with your husband.

And I mean talk, gently, not argumentatively, be patient, express your feelings, not complain, or blame everything on him. Because though he might be the cause of the problems, he should FEEL why you're not happy in your explanation, and not see it as you blaming him for everything that happened, especially since he requested you to live there. He might have wanted you to go there for good reasons, and may not have realized the way things are there, and might be making the excuses out of denial.

I hope this helps you, sister, and remember, you might feel like a stranger, but you've got us here at TTI, your brothers and sisters, and the best possible companion, Allah subhana Wa Ta'ala with you, every second of the way. Insha Allah you'll persevere through this struggle-Struggle: one of the signs that Allah loves you.
 

ahmed_indian

to Allah we belong
u feel stranger? then sister receive glad tidings of a tree called 'tubba' in paradise.

its for ppl who live as strangers for Allah's sake. the reward is much more for good muslims when society becomes bad.

inshallah u'll find good muslims everywhere, its part of Allah's mercy. try to live near masjid and let ur husband pray @ mosque. hope he'll make some righteous frnds there and u can make friendship with their pious wives. inshallah
 

Sabra

Junior Member
Thank You So Much..........

Salaams Everyone,

I knew you guys would come through for me. Your words brought calm to my heart and peace to my soul. I've always found TTI to be there when I need it.
I reverted to Islam in June 2001 and as we all know September 11 was shortly thereafter. Al'hamdiullah by Allah's(swt) mercy I did not face too many problems, even though I worked at the airport. I joined this site two years ago and it has only helped me in increasing my knowledge in this beautiful Deen.

Subhan'Allah for months after I joined everytime I had a question that I was pondering, I would come on this site the next day and their would be a new thread with the answer, Subhan'Allah, Allah's mercy is everlasting. I know I should have did some research on this country before I came, that is my fault. I had never even visted before I came. The thing is I try to do as my husband requests as long as their is no disobedience to my Creator. I do this to please Allah(swt).

My husband asked me to come and live here with my children while he remained in America to work. He said he wanted the children to know their culture and to learn Arabic. He also said the society in America was declining and was very immoral. I agreed with him on the first part, but know after living here the second part is just as true here as in America. I do strive to have patience daily, I do talk with my Creator(swt) in every Salah and most of the day. I love each and everyone of you here at TTI for the sake of Allah(swt). You've helped me in ways that you do not know...............

Salaams Sabra
 

ovomer

salam from pakistan!
dear sister!
assalamo alaikum!
very sorry to see your story. now you can well understand why we, the muslims are in trouble all over the world?
actually, we have forgotten the teachings of true Islam and involved ourselves in bidah. we have forgotten the orders of allah swt.
we have also thrown away the sunna of our beloved prophet muhammad (p.b.u.h).
now my humble request to you is to create love and understanding with your husband. it is forbidden to shake hands with the non mahrams. you can join some group of muslims in tunisia who are consuming their time in promotion of Islam. while reading your story it is evident that Tunisian people need your help to tell them true Islam. now get ready and find ladies involved in preaching Islam. in this way you will stay with your family and at the same time will play your role in telling the people the truth.
may Allah swt bless us all.
wasalam.
 

Nurain

Junior Member
Dear sister,

I believe it is generally the same everywhere. I cannot help you feel better sister, I have felt this way too before and at some points of my life and I can tell you, take this as a trial from Allaah. Remember to stick to sunna, even if you are the only one left in this world. Remember the story of Prophet Ibraheem a.s. dear sis..

But the fact that you feel bad about it goes to show truly sister, your eman is somewhere good Allaahu a'lam. What's important is you protect your children and family.
 

m.med

New Member
salam alaykum,

first let me say that im a tunisian, and im a bit shocked by such things sis.
its so harsh to judge an entire country just like that :p, yeah for sure tunisia is not so islamic as before the frensh colonization but still there is a lot of lot of people how do the right things the right way,

... They mostly follow conjucture and bidah ...

... The people here do not follow Islam properly, they do not follow the Sunnah of The Prophet (pbuh) ...

... The majority of the population fast only because it is part of their culture, prayer is mostly done quickly with just the movements, no thought involved ...
 

Pharma_Sister

Junior Member
Asalaamoalaikum wa'rahmatullahi wa'barakatuhu.

Subhaanallah I was saddened to read your story ukhti (hope I've spelt that right), but Subhaanallah tests those whom he loves. Mashallah this was pre-destined so there is some divine wisdom in placing you and your children there - Inshallah we/you will realise that later on, just not yet.

Inshallah have patience ukhti, try and give daw'ah to them and remind them of what is in the Quran and Sunnah, Inshallah they will listen and not have locks upon their hearts to the truth.

Alhamdulillah I know how you feel, living here in the UK I face these sort of challenges quite often, whether it be at work or even sometimes at home. At work, Alhamdulillah I am the only practising Muslimah in a company of around 200 people and we are in a complex that probably houses around 400-500 people. Like yourself, I do feel like a stranger as :astag: I see many sisters here who say they are Muslims but unfortunately act like non-muslims. I just hope that by me speaking to them and giving daw'ah when I can they will see the error of their ways and Inshallah change.

May Allah Subhaanahu wa'tallah guide us all along the right path and correct all our affairs, Ameen.

Love you all for the sake of Allah.

Wasalaamoalaikum wa'rahmatullahi wa'barakatuhu.
 

m.med

New Member
salam

this thread is supposed to give help and support, so here im again,

to be honest, there is no islamic community spirit in Tunisia, so such things as "groups of muslims in tunisia who are consuming their time in promotion of Islam" are demolished from years and does not even exist to prevent the apparition of what they call "extremists and terrorists". Prayers are short for the same reason, and to be clean-shaven is kinda of obligation too, especially on the capital and touristic cities, etc

anyway, in my point of view there are many solutions

* do as rickyraws and ProudToBeaMuslim says
That's what you want, because then you can guide them and let them know what's right and wrong,
Don't get offended by their ignorance, instead fill you heart with pity for them-that'll drive you to help them with Islam. Be tender annd loving towards them, and forgive

* or maybe in place of finding community or groups you can find some families how practice islam correctly, is still a lot of dem

* try to change of country, Morocco is more islamic than us, the same Egypt and countries in arabian peninsula
 

Sabra

Junior Member
Salaams m.med,

First I would like to welcome you to TTI. I hope you enjoy your stay here as much as I have enjoyed having the company of many fine friends over the last two years. I would like to thank you for your comments. I do know of a few families here that try to follow the Quran and Sunnah. The problem is the majority do not. I do not try to impose myself on anyone. Sometimes though people will come to me and ask me questions and I try to answer them to the best of my knowledge with Quran and Sahih Hadith from Bukhari or Muslim. When this goes against their cultural beliefs they want to argue with me or impose their ways on me.

I just had a problem with my MIL on Eid because a long time neighbor was coming down the road and said Eid Mubarak and wanted to shake hands with me I refused, acknowledged his greeting and said Eid Mubarak. Later that day my MIL was upset and asked why I just didn't shake his hand. She knows how I feel about this already. Also my SIL continuously trys to convince me that its not Haram to pluck the eyebrows. Why? because it goes against what the majority of women do here. It does not matter to them that there is
Hadith from the Prophet(pbuh), that the women who do this are cursed.

I would like to also mention here something that happened to me that I would have expected in America, but not in Tunisia. I had to go with my two eldest daughters to the police department to request the carte de sejour, this is sort of like the green card in America, it is a card to request a stay for an indefinate time. We had to have passport type pictures taken and the photographer told us we would have to remove our hijabs. We refused and he said they would not issue our cards. We went with our photos with our hijabs on to the local station and we had no problems. Then I was called to the police station in one of the larger cities and I was told I would have to speak to the supervisor. I went with my BIL to the station, the guard at the front gate told me I would have to remove my hijab or the supervisor would not speak with me. My BIL told him I was the American that they had called for and showed him my passport with my hijab on. He told him that I would not remove my hijab. I was allowed to enter eventually but my BIL said if I had been Tunisian, I would have had to remove my hijab. So very sad.:girl3:

These are just some examples of things, that I have gone through here. It is a continuous struggle, but I am strong in my faith, Al'hamdiullah. With Allah's(swt) mercy, the Quran, the Sunnah of the Prophet(pbuh), and the encouraging words of my friends here on TTI, always help me to stay strong and firm. Insha'Allah

Again Big Salaams, Hope your knowledge in Islam increases with the help of TTI.

Sabra
 
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