Girl troubles

Daud McGuire

Say he is one
Salams to all

I am in this situation. I need some help. I used to be with this girl years ago, before I embraced Islam.I loved her, but after certain differences I cut her off my life(that was a year ago). She tried to call me ever since but I rejected all her calls, one day she came to visit me while I was having a debate in my house with a soon to be Roman Catholic priest. She looked quite shocked when she came in and saw I was having a debate about Islam and why I embraced it and my beard that I had grown.

She was just sitting listening to what we were saying.after an hour as me and this man were still talking she left. That was like 3 weeks ago. Its only recentley I realised that I realy had fealings for her, an remember how my heart beated when she walked through the door. Then I started asking questions on how I should deal with this situation islamicly. Like if she tried to hug me or asked why I never call her, but i kept hitting my head on walls. If she was to ask me do i love her, i am not alloud to lie, so if i told her i did she will say y dnt we be together... Thats were i get stuck.

I dnt want to marry a women if i love another. Its cruel on who ever I put in that situation. I then thought if I was to explain to her islam(which is always my thaught) and she embraced it I could marry her. I remembered all those games we played as a kids and i dnt want to go down that road, I want to be decisive and follow allahs way as much as possible. I want a pious wife I love so I can adore her and be the best man for her.

So brothers and sisters, what do u suggest i should do. I want too show her islam (in my character and words) and maybe have myself a wife. Do u have any hadiths or recitations that are usefull for me. A friend in need is a friend indeed
 

NewMuslim

Slave of Allah
Walaykum Salaam
That's a very hard situation you have there. I'm not going to be of much help, but I would suggest that you marry her. However, she has to be a Christian or a Jew. Then, you could show her Islam slowly.

But first, you should send her a Qur'an.

Sorry that I'm not too much help, but that's what I would do in such a situation.

Remember that Allah (SWT) knows who you'll marry, and she may not be the one. Get that into your head right now before you do anything else. Brace for the worst is what I always think.

Show her Islam by giving her a Qur'an and some books on Islam. I would suggest http://freequran.com and sending her the stuff from the "New Muslims Gift". It's free and has the Qur'an in English and a bunch of other books on Islam.

If you don't care whether or not your wife is Muslim (remember that she has to be Christian, Jewish, or Muslim), then just marry her. However, if you do want your wife to be Muslim, then show her Islam first. If she rejects, she may not be the one for you (Allah (SWT) knows best, however).

May Allah help you out of your troubles. Ameen.
 

duran

Junior Member
SALAAM BRO

Alhamdulilaah Allah allowed us (men) marry non muslim women (christian/jews).

I get the ruling of marrying non muslim woman from fatwa website, but before i offer you that, I would suggest you to think deeply before you go with this. because here in westren countries, its hard to marry non muslim woman unless she is too religious in her religion. So Trust Allah and Ask him to to make her muslimah...(Insha Allah...I will pray for you)...:)

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Ruling on a Muslim man marrying a non-Muslim woman and vice versa

Question:
I have some questions about Islam, could you explain them for me? Is it permissible for someone who follows Islam to marry someone who does not follows Islam without that person converting to Islam after marriage?.

Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

It is permissible for a Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim woman if she is Christian or Jewish, but it is not permissible for him to marry a non-Muslim woman who follows any religion other than these two. The evidence for that is the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Made lawful to you this day are At‑Tayyibaat [all kinds of Halaal (lawful) foods, which Allaah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits)]. The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends”

[al-Maa'idah 5:4]

Imam al-Tabari said in his commentary on this verse:

“chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture” means, free woman among those whom have been given the Scripture, namely the Jews and Christians who believe in what is in the Tawraat (Torah) and Injeel (Gospel) from among the people who came before you, O believers in Muhammad, whether from among the Arabs or other people; you are permitted to marry them “when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage)” which means, if you give to those whom you marry of your (Muslims’) chaste women and their (Jews’ and Christians’) chaste women their mahrs or dowries.”

(Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 6/104)

But it is not permissible for a Muslim man to marry a Magian (Zoroastrian) woman or a communist woman or an idol-worshipping woman, etc.

The evidence for that is the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And do not marry Al-Mushrikaat (idolatresses) till they believe (worship Allaah Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah (idolatress), even though she pleases you”

[al-Baqarah 2:221]

A mushrikah is an idol-worshipping woman who worships stones, whether from among the Arabs or others.

It is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim from any other religion, whether from among the Jews or Christians, or any other kaafir religion. It is not permissible for her to marry a Jew, a Christian, a Magian, a communist, an idol-worshipper, etc.

The evidence for that is the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al‑Mushrikoon till they believe (in Allaah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrikoon) invite you to the Fire, but Allaah invites (you) to Paradise and forgiveness by His Leave, and makes His Ayaat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) clear to mankind that they may remember”

[al-Baqarah 2:221]

Imam al-Tabari said:

What is said concerning the interpretation of the words “And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al‑Mushrikoon till they believe (in Allaah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you” is that what Allaah meant by that is that Allaah has forbidden the believing women to give birth to a mushrik, no matter what kind of shirk he believes in. So, O believers, do not give your daughters in marriage to them, for that is forbidden to you. For you to give them in marriage to a believing slave who believes in Allaah and His Messenger and that which he brought from Allaah is better for you than to give them in marriage to a free mushrik even if he is of noble descent and honourable origins, even if you like his descent and background…

It was narrated that Qutaadah and al-Zuhri said, concerning the phrase “And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al‑Mushrikoon”, It is not permissible for you to give them in marriage to a Jew or a Christian or a mushrik who is not a follower of your religion. (Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 2/379).

Islam Q&A
 

yasmin623

Junior Member
Assalamualykum,

Brother Daud,

I give my opinion as a muslimah and someone who had the similar experience before.

Obviously she still love you if not she won`t come to look for you. I think you should explain to her that you still love her and your believe in Islam. She has the right to know what happen. Tell her directly that you are truly sincere in making her your wife and ask her to open her heart to get a better understanding about Islam. You can do this through phone, email or letter etc but NEVER meet her alone. If she agree to take a closer look of Islam then the best is get a muslimah in your place as her friend, of course a truthworth person (eg wife of your brothers in mosque). Please do not force her at the beginning but guide her step by step. You can keep in touch with her via phone, email, letter or if you miss her so much just get a friend and go out together with her. Let her feel your love and concern although you can`t meet her personally. One day, when she is ready then you can marry her.:hijabi:

The last BUT FOREMOST important: pray to Allah for her Hidayah especially during night prayer! I was a firm Buddhist. I scolded my husband like a dog when he came to ask me embrace Islam and marry him. At that time I only got to know him about 1 or 2 weeks as a senior. After two years, when Allah gave me Hidayah, I started to realize the truth of Islam and the sincerety of the man. I still feel that my revertion is a miracle due to Allah`s answering of my husband`s night prayers.

If you truly love her, try to guide her the way to paradise...Allah will help those sincere in their efforts. The harder you feel, the more rewards you get who knows...Don`t give up easily before giving a try...InsyaAllah, I will pray for you. You have my full moral support!:SMILY346:
 

Bluegazer

Junior Member
Assalamu Alaikum,


Dear brother Daud McGuire,


You posted the following:

Then I started asking questions on how I should deal with this situation islamicly. Like if she tried to hug me or asked why I never call her, but i kept hitting my head on walls. If she was to ask me do i love her, i am not alloud to lie, so if i told her i did she will say y dnt we be together... Thats were i get stuck.


Firstly, I'd like to point out that the Qur'anic verse quoted by brother Duran clearly states that marrying Jewish and Christian women is allowed for the Muslim man. However, the Christian or Jewish women must be chaste, and her trying to hug you is really not a something a chaste woman would do.

However, does a Christian or Jewish woman who sincerely repents from such actions -while still remaining Christian or Jewish- become chaste and so it is then allowed for the Muslim man to marry her?

To be very honest with you, I don't know the answer to that.

I suggest you submit a question to a trusted scholar of Islam, such as Sheikh Muhammad Salih Al-Munajjid. Please click on the following link to submit your question to him:

http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ln=eng&pg=fbqa

[Sorry, this service is temporarily unavailable. Check out the link from time to time]


You can also try The Fatwa Center supervised by Dr. Abdullah Al-Faqih. Enter your question by clicking on the following link:

http://www.islamweb.net/ver2/Fatwa/index.php?lang=E#Question

[Sorry, the site reads "Dear visitor,
As salamu Alaikum,
The Fatwa centre in Islamweb apologizes for being unable to accept your question now. We have received the maximum daily limit. You may try again later. Note: this is only a temporary delay due to unusual circumstances.]



About you statement about "If she was to ask me do i love her, i am not alloud to lie, so if i told her i did she will say y dnt we be together... Thats were i get stuck", I say that you should quote to her the following verse of the Qur'an:

"Say, [O Muhammad], "If your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your wives, your relatives, wealth which you have obtained, commerce wherein you fear decline, and dwellings with which you are pleased are more beloved to you than Allāh and His Messenger and jihād [i.e., striving] in His cause, then wait until Allāh executes His command. And Allāh does not guide the defiantly disobedient people."

[Translation of the meanings of the Qur'an 9:24]


Tell her that even though you love her, your love for God Almighty is greater. Your love for Him, your fear of Him and your longing for His reward prevents you from sinning by being with her.

If she's a Christian or Jew, repents from unchaste acts and if you got a fatwa from a trusted scholar that it's permissible to marry a Christian or Jewish woman who sincerely repented, then ask her to marry you.

However, I urge you to think deeply about the type of woman you want to be your wife and the mother of your children.

Most importantly, if you receive a fatwa that it's permissible to marry in the above mentioned case, perform Salaat al-Istikhaara. Ask God Almighty to guide you to what is the best course of action.


Take care of yourself,

Best regards,

Bluegazer

Wassalamu Alaikum
 

yasmin623

Junior Member
I don`t think so a muslim should marry a Jews or Christian in the first place. Of course you could get a fatwa to legalize your marridge but then problem will come with the faith of the children if the other partner also having strong faith in her religion. It is a risk of your own faith also because we know that syatan is always there and our emaan can be up and down.

Guide her to Islam or at least close enough to believe before getting married and be sure that she will be muslimah once after being your wife, that`s the safest. Never easy but many had suceed.:muslim_child:
 
[QUOTE

If you truly love her, try to guide her the way to paradise...Allah will help those sincere in their efforts.

yes brother i want to also say this sentence.

i have a problem like this.

i feel so bad that if she will die now then where will she go?

for that reason i feel so bad.

try to guide her the way to paradies.

i know allah has accept my dua.

but it needs time to show dua´s effect.

make brother dua inschallah for her

and try to show the right view of muslims.

"haq" will alive if you show her the "haq".

dont try to follow any other way to turn her in "haq"

if you will have the light then you dont have to worry about darkness.

allah hafez
 
I think you should give her some literature and books on Islam and once she's finished reading it, see if she has any questions. You have to be patient with her and be a good example by your own actions. She probably has a lot of misconceptions on Islam, mainly because of the media and world events, etc.

If she still doesn't accept Islam afterwards, I would leave her. Allah knows what is best for you and not.

Allah guides only who He wills

walakum salaaam
 

suha.k.k

New Member
dear brother Daud

love is the strongest power in this life, if she truly loves you, and it seems to me she does , then she would do anything for you, maybe it would be hard for her at first to accept islam, but gradually, and if you keep praying for her and telling her how much you love her,she will relent and realize your sincerity. tell her that now that you are a Muslim, you love Allah ( 3azza wajal ) most as well as his messenger, and you are willing to love her more and more and to make her your wife.

never lose hope, be steadfast in your belief, and i am sure that Allah 3azza wajal will answer your prayers. Allah knows best, so trust him and work hard to make her realize the truth about Islam.

i will pray for you brother
 
:salam2: Dear brother Daud i am not in your situation so whatever i will say might not go with what your heart desires. Yes we are allowed to marry christians and jews. But only if you see that eventually they will convert. If you just marry for love have kids and then she says i am not converting. You know the ruling in USA and Europe the kids go to the mother. And that will be the end of the story with your kids being raised not in your faith. I have seen it happen so many times that i feel it is not worth the risk. You want the pleasures of this life or the after life you choose. And remember those who say that i cant live without so and so are not telling the truth. You are able to live without your parents who gave birth to you. But i see so many saying oh i am in love and cant live without her or him. Marriage is theeeee most important thing in life. Marry the wrong person and you will be in trouble. So where marriage is concerned take the decision without emotion but with your brain. And may Allah guide you. Salam
 

umm hussain

Junior Member
asalam alaikumarahmatullah

I would just like to contribute to this issue, my view on this is slightly different
In my opinion this is a test from Allah to see if you are really sincere. Like you have mentione you have cut all ties with her for a year now and all of a sudden she decided to come and see you after you were ignoring her calls. The Shaytan comes in various forms, he saw how sincere you were in worshipping Allah and decided to bring this girl back in your life as a means to divert you from the worship of Allah. Remember the Shaytan doesnt want any good for us and knows our weaknesses and will use those weaknesses to try divert our attention to haram and forbidden things.
[QUOTE

If you truly love her, try to guide her the way to paradise...Allah will help those sincere in their efforts.

'Love" to me is the most misused word, i remember even in my Jahilliah days one can say to a boy or girl I love you yet that same person will cheat on you or if you gain a bit of weight they are ready to dump you for the next person.
We sometimes love things which are not good for us. So to try and guide someone because you 'love' them to me is using more emotion than reasoning.
You can guide someone to Islam but only Allah can actually make that person Muslim. We have to look into the 'future', the things that attracted you to this person in the first place are they something that now you are a muslim would still attract you, would you want this person to be the mother of you children. Will she be a good and loving wife. marriage isnt only about bing physical there are other things that fall into the equation especially if and when children become involved.

As much as some people say men are allowed to marry women of the book, jews and Christians, if you really look at it there are no proper Christians today, majority have never attended a Church, some dont even pray, they do every haram imaginable would you really want your children to grow up with a mother who doesnt wear hijab and then you expect your daughter to them wear hijab. Your wife talks to non mahram, wears make up outside the house, maybe even short skirts and dresses and you cant make her dress descently because you are not living in an islamic state. A woman that you are not even sure whether she will cheat on you or not. If you marry a Muslim women at least you know she fears Allah and wouldnt cheat on you, what about a woman who wont fear Allah she is capable of anythng, who is going to cook pork in your house. I could go on but I guess you know where i am coming from. I dont have the evidence here with me but inshallah if I get it will post it here or maybe someone can help me Inshallah. I heard recently on a talk that the other condition to marry a woman of the book is because no Muslim women are available, which isnt the case and also these women have to live in an Islamic state, so that when she decides to leave, she can go and you dont have to worry about the children being raised by a non muslim parent and also she will be covered in hijab and Jilbab when outside. I have an example a muslim brother is married to a 'Christian" woman but he has no say in the house basically she does whatever and the brother has put himself in haram environments because of his wife, she doesnt have a clue about Islam and really doesnt want to know. They married only because they dated before and were in 'love' but now he regrets it, she cant even teach the children anything about Islam and he works most of the time and she is the one who teaches the children at home, so she is going to teach them Christianity which she knows.



dear brother Daud

love is the strongest power in this life, if she truly loves you, and it seems to me she does , then she would do anything for you, maybe it would be hard for her at first to accept islam, but gradually, and if you keep praying for her and telling her how much you love her,

If she embraces Islam for you then she is doing it for the wrong reasons, it should only be for Allah. If it is for you it can still cause problems. How can you suggest to a muslim brother to tell a non mahram woman that he loves her. I dont think you have to be a scholar to realize this is a NO No, it conjures up feelings and ideas into people. There shouldnt be inappropriate relationships between non mahram and the fact that you knew her before Islam shouldnt be an exception. Im sure there is a mosque that has sisters there, instead of you giving her dawah directly introduce her to Muslim sisters who will give her Dawah and you dont communicate with her directly and if she does accept Islam Alhamdulillah, then you can go through the marriage process Islamically. Till then fear Allah and ask Allah to make you steadfast
 

Mrmuslim

Smile you are @ TTI
Staff member
SALAAM ALIKOM

I have a simple and easy solution to your problem... Just pray Salaat Istikhara for a week or as long as you want, pray with no decision in your heart.
You already asked asked your brother and sisters, now pray Istikhara and Allah will guide you to the best thing..

here is the Link to salaat isktikhara

Salat-l-Istikhara
 

Happy 2BA Muslim

Islamophilic
Assalamu alaikum Brother Daud,

:SMILY252:

All the replies are great. Sister Umm hussain summed it up really well. I really have nothing to add. I just will make dua`a for you to make the right choice based on the above advices. Who knows, I might be posting a ''congratulations'' comment for you being engaged to her after she accepts Islam sincerely. :wavyarms:

Nothing is impossible for Allah SWT.
 

Daud McGuire

Say he is one
Salam

Thank you to all my brothers and sisters, I have taken comments from everyone, and all of them seeam Correct. Allah guides who he wills, I do have emotions over her, but if she sees me as a stranger, Allhumdulila Allah will guide her to be a stranger with me, or guide me to a stranger like myself.
 

yasmin623

Junior Member
Dear sister umm_hussain,

I can`t agree with you. Of course, the selfish `Love` of human can not be compared with the love to the deen. I did see with this `love`, some of my friends turn someone into Islam and be their wives, a really religous muslimah i mean. Things do happen that way from my experience. Only thing is one has to do it in a correct way, rational way according to syariah and not emotional way.

I also have some sisters who get married because of `love` but divorced for many years because their husbands are not good...(can`t support family etc) but they remain as muslimah, obviously a better one than their irresponsible husbands.

As you say Hidayah is in Allah`s will but this `love` and marridge is just one of the channels how Allah give Hidayah to human. Of course the easiest way is to get a muslimah as wife but if you can put in efforts to let a kafir find the truth, imagine that you save a person from hell...I guess Allah will only love you more for that. If we do things for Allah, InsyaAllah Allah will help us. Of course, still only Allah knows the outcome. Alomg the way, prayer (eg istikharah) is the best to see what`s the next step.

Allah knows best.:muslim_child:

wassalam,
Yasmin
 

Globalpeace

Banned
Love???

Asslamo Allaikum Brother,

I am a born Muslim who is ashamed to admit that I wasn’t always practising & during my days of Non-Practising (Astghfirullah) there were many nights were I said & did things which were a lie, diabolical and shambolic.

I was very skilled in doing what I did and trust me “words like [I Love you] have little genuine reality in life”

I have also extensively travelled and have seen the disasters of Muslims marrying Christian women (1st hand) in South & Central America and also in California & Florida; please note that a lot of these women are chaste in the spirit of the word (i.e. not promiscuous etc); therefore in my humble opinion even though it is permissible for Muslim men to marry Jew and Christian Women; I would personally not attempt it and severely warn anyone who is contemplating it.

In my experience I have also seen disasters when reverts come to Islam because of “Love”; please see my updates in the following threads

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7058&page=3&highlight=fiction

Lastly at the end of the day brother it is your life and your decision please don’t take my comments the wrong way to mean that I am trying to intrude in your life in anyway; May Allah (SWT) grant you the ability to make the right decision.

Personally I whole heartedly agree with Sr Umm-Hussain’s comments as this absolutely sounds and smells like the work of Shaytaan. Masha’Allah Sister has addressed the issue in a very wise manner and May Allah (SWT) reward her for her efforts and kind words (Ameen)
 

Kayote

Junior Member
Assalamualykum,

Brother Daud,

I give my opinion as a muslimah and someone who had the similar experience before.

Obviously she still love you if not she won`t come to look for you. I think you should explain to her that you still love her and your believe in Islam. She has the right to know what happen. Tell her directly that you are truly sincere in making her your wife and ask her to open her heart to get a better understanding about Islam. You can do this through phone, email or letter etc but NEVER meet her alone. If she agree to take a closer look of Islam then the best is get a muslimah in your place as her friend, of course a truthworth person (eg wife of your brothers in mosque). Please do not force her at the beginning but guide her step by step. You can keep in touch with her via phone, email, letter or if you miss her so much just get a friend and go out together with her. Let her feel your love and concern although you can`t meet her personally. One day, when she is ready then you can marry her.:hijabi:

The last BUT FOREMOST important: pray to Allah for her Hidayah especially during night prayer! I was a firm Buddhist. I scolded my husband like a dog when he came to ask me embrace Islam and marry him. At that time I only got to know him about 1 or 2 weeks as a senior. After two years, when Allah gave me Hidayah, I started to realize the truth of Islam and the sincerety of the man. I still feel that my revertion is a miracle due to Allah`s answering of my husband`s night prayers.

If you truly love her, try to guide her the way to paradise...Allah will help those sincere in their efforts. The harder you feel, the more rewards you get who knows...Don`t give up easily before giving a try...InsyaAllah, I will pray for you. You have my full moral support!:SMILY346:

:salam2:

I truly loved this post. Message very clearly put together.

I know I may be going off topic here but I think we should love for the sake of Allah; meaning our love for Islam should come first & based on the fact that we will be answerable for our actions, we should love our family & fellow muslims & then fellow men.

It must be very distracting for you when you have such a pressing matter on your mind & indeed the best action is to pray to Allah. I also think you should introduce her to Islam first. We all will be answerable for spreading the message of Islam so its her right to know.

:wasalam:
 
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