Umm...strange question....

IbnAdam77

Travelling towards my grave.
assalam 'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh beloved brothers and sisters

Actually....ummmmmm....

Okey I am going to tell now. I am planning to propose to a sister for marriage soon inshaAllah. However, I cannot marry right at this time, but want to know her say on this before someone else tie up. LOL. Yeah you may call it jealousy. :)

The thing is that I do not want to have any direct contact, and do not want to do it through her brother too. Because she may accept the proposal too easily due to the respect and love she has, to her brother.

Islamic way of proposals are as rare as white feathered crows here, so the families are not that aware of it.

Any ideas is highly appreciated. Plus, please keep me in your Du'as.

wassalam 'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
 

LaLa09

♥Amor vincit omnia♥
Oh wow manshallah thats quite a situation that you have there, but unfortunately i cannot help you with that one, maybe some of the more experienced members can help :)

i don't want to offer the wrong advice, sorry

but i will make dua for you that you make a good decision what ever it may be :)
 

one0onedreamer

New Member
Salamu alaikum,

bother u answered yourself. You said you want to know her say, only way to know is to ask her. You said u don't want directly, so ask her parents. Not you, but your father, uncle, someone mature. Not your brother, unless he's quite in a good age, with all due respect.
Approach this in the best way possible
inshallah. Be upfront with all your info, when u plan on finishing school and other info etc.

Be honest, be yourself inshallah.

Salamu alikum.
 

IbnAdam77

Travelling towards my grave.
assalam 'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

Jazakumullahu Khair. :) As I said, families are not that aware of the Islamic way of proposing. Thus, it will be very difficult for me to send an ambassador from me to her from my family to her family. Hope you understood the situation brother.

wassalam 'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
 

ahmed_indian

to Allah we belong
:wasalam:

mashallah brother. may Allah give bless ur life and wife. :)

maybe i would have sent my mother and sister to talk to her in private whether she'll accept me or not.
 

IbnAdam77

Travelling towards my grave.
:wasalam:

mashallah brother. may Allah give bless ur life and wife. :)

maybe i would have sent my mother and sister to talk to her in private whether she'll accept me as her 'hubby' or not. *shy*

wa'alaikumussalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

JazakAllahu khair for the advice. But I do not have that choice brother. Hope you got me.

wassalam 'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
 

BinteShafi

Left long ago
wa alaikum salam warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu brother,

Masha Allah !!! May Allah make this a success for you brother.

Can't you approach any of her close friend or sister ? I wish i could speak to her on your behalf :)

Very best of luck. I'll keep ypu in my prayers insha Allah.

:wasalam:
 

IbnAdam77

Travelling towards my grave.
wa alaikum salam warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu brother,

Masha Allah !!! May Allah make this a success for you brother.

Can't you approach any of her close friend or sister ? I wish i could speak to her on your behalf :)

Very best of luck. I'll keep ypu in my prayers insha Allah.

:wasalam:

assalam 'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

JzakiAllahu khair. :) Yeah I think it will be better if you ask her on my behalf. LOL.

But surely got a good idea from your suggestion. :) Wohoooooo!! InshaAllah I hope it will work. ;)

wassalam 'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
 

BinteShafi

Left long ago
Alhamdolillah.

May you get success and abundant happiness in every affair of dunya and aakhira. Ameen.

Walaikum salam warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu,

Sister,
 

ahmed_indian

to Allah we belong
assalam 'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
JzakiAllahu khair. :) Yeah I think it will be better if you ask her on my behalf. LOL.
But surely got a good idea from your suggestion. :) Wohoooooo!! InshaAllah I hope it will work. ;)
wassalam 'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

i believe u'll make salah istikhara before proceeding ahead brother.
 

RandyJackson

Junior Member
I'm assuming you have a stable job and home.

You probably know her female friends. Pick the most mature and honest and reliable of all and have her give a hint. She can go to her for you and ask something like "hey 'Michelle', how would you feel if IbnAdam77 turned out to be your naseeb?" If she say says its a good idea, then be confident and ask her directly what would she like you to provide as a husband.

The trick is not to jump into marriage without planning together on how you wish to live. This way, she won't be overwhelmed with ideas, because you have already established the blueprint.

Do NOT mention love (even though you might have such feelings), but instead focus on what you want to build, and how you plan to build it. Smart women want men who are planners (and of course such men must fulfill their plans!)

If she agrees, Inchallah, then start working on the plans ASAP.

May Allah unite you two and grant you a wonder family.
 

hana*

Junior Member
mashaAllah, i reccommend you do it by speaking to her father-this is the islamic way and Allah will bless you immensley if you do it that way, even if it is a rare practice where you live. her father will then take her opinion and then take it from there inshaAllah. whoever our 'other half' in life will be, it is written for us even before the creation of this world! subhanAllah

Allah give you the best

:wasalam:
 

IbnAdam77

Travelling towards my grave.
assalam 'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

I'm assuming you have a stable job and home.

You probably know her female friends. Pick the most mature and honest and reliable of all and have her give a hint. She can go to her for you and ask something like "hey 'Michelle', how would you feel if IbnAdam77 turned out to be your naseeb?" If she say says its a good idea, then be confident and ask her directly what would she like you to provide as a husband.

The trick is not to jump into marriage without planning together on how you wish to live. This way, she won't be overwhelmed with ideas, because you have already established the blueprint.

Do NOT mention love (even though you might have such feelings), but instead focus on what you want to build, and how you plan to build it. Smart women want men who are planners (and of course such men must fulfill their plans!)

If she agrees, Inchallah, then start working on the plans ASAP.

May Allah unite you two and grant you a wonder family.

Allahumma Ameen and JazakAllahu khair for your advice brother. Asking directly is not a choice as far as I knew in Islam though.

mashaAllah, i reccommend you do it by speaking to her father-this is the islamic way and Allah will bless you immensley if you do it that way, even if it is a rare practice where you live. her father will then take her opinion and then take it from there inshaAllah. whoever our 'other half' in life will be, it is written for us even before the creation of this world! subhanAllah

Allah give you the best

:wasalam:

I will melt down then. Haha. Really sister I will be too shy to face her father with it on the first time, as I do not know what his reaction will be. I am nervous even by thinking about that also.

So I am planning to send an ambassador directly to her, and let her talk to her family inshaAllah. :) Will that be a good idea? I am very new to this and ummmmm.........dunno what to say. :)

wassalam 'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
 

Seeking Allah's Mercy

Qul HuwaAllahu Ahud!
:salam2:
akhi i would like to say one thing send the ambassdor to her to know her opnion,but then send somone to her parents on your behalf coz i dunno but mayb she won't be able to explain it to her parents.....................i mean,she won't be able to tell them that she has been proposed too.

may ALLAH make the best for you the easiest:)
 

Tabassum07

Smile for Allah
Why can't you write a letter to her male mahram, say her father? That way, you don't have to worry about being shy and scared in asking, and the father will be able to think it over before making a step. Also, perhaps you'll be able to express yourself better in writing than in words, because you can carefully think how to form the letter.

Actualy, I'm not really sure about it. Sorry, akhi. But if you want to propose, then you should definitely go for it, whatever the method. Its horrible that poor sisters have to struggle with the single life just because an interested brother was too nervous to say anything. Either way, you have to get a yes or no to move on, I'm sure. Just ask quick and then leave it all to Allah.
 

a_muslimah86

Hubbi Li Rabbi
Staff member
:salam2:

Trust me akhi..I can tell you as a woman..that a woman takes much more sensitive things into account when a man proposes to her than her love for her brother...

Do not preoccupy your mind with that *suspicion* or *possibility*...for the simple reason that it can be *non-existent*

If you are close to her brother...*do* talk to him first...because when he goes to hell his sister of you..she *will* very likely ask him about *you* and what he thinks of you...and because it's *his sister* asking and it's *marriage* that it's involved..he will *very honest* and tell her of *everything* he knows about you..both the good and the bad!

So she will have some insight into who you are as a person!

Isn't that what you essentially want?!

Aside from that...just because the norm is not Islamic..that does not mean that you shouldn't break the norm..at least in this one specific case...and I am sure you are able to communicate to the sister's family that you wish to honor their family and their daughter through the best of means..and Islam grants you that opportunity so you will follow *its* means to doing so! (a few words of consideration and truthful praise..never fail akhi!)

You might do something out of the norm..yes!..but when her family hears your honorable and refined intentions...they will set *everything* aside and they might start to think we want *this* man for our daughter at all costs because his character is that of gold!

Let the akhlaaq of a wise Muslim break the chains of that cultural norm akhi...trust me you won't go wrong...no matter what happens after..it will be of *your* own *benefit*..and it will be a win-win for *you*..because you'll *figure* what the people you're marrying from are *all about*..whether they are people of what is sound and is noble in akhlaaq (in which case you will earn a wife and mother to your children who has a fine upbringing and character inshallah!)..or whether they are people of artificiality and disregard of that which is favorable by Allah (sobhanaho wa ta'ala)..logic..and ration (in which case..you will earn a head and a heart ache for a wife..and possibly a failure of a mother for your children..ao'otho billah!)

May Allah decree that which is best for you akhi..and inshallah we will hear good news from you soon!

:wasalam:
 

The_truth

Well-Known Member
assalam 'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh beloved brothers and sisters

Actually....ummmmmm....

Okey I am going to tell now. I am planning to propose to a sister for marriage soon inshaAllah. However, I cannot marry right at this time, but want to know her say on this before someone else tie up. LOL. Yeah you may call it jealousy. :)

The thing is that I do not want to have any direct contact, and do not want to do it through her brother too. Because she may accept the proposal too easily due to the respect and love she has, to her brother.

Islamic way of proposals are as rare as white feathered crows here, so the families are not that aware of it.

Any ideas is highly appreciated. Plus, please keep me in your Du'as.

wassalam 'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, If you ask her father as it should be done in Islam and explain to him that you are asking him for your daughters hand in marriage because this is the Islamic way of doing things in accordance with the way that Allah wanted it to be then surely he will think to himself that this is the perfect person for my daughter because he chose to do it the way Allah wanted it and he is decent, God fearing and he will be the best person for my daughter.

Get the courage together and go for it my brother because if you want to do it the right way then asking her fathr is the best thing and imagine how impressed he will be with you for doing it this way. If things are not done this way in your area then you can break the mould and imagine how pleased Allah will be with you?
 

Albint_Almuslima

Im Proud 2 B Me!
Asalam Aleekum,

Ill telll you from a personal experience...

Before i got engaged my brother had come up to me and told me that someone wants to propose. I was really embarrassed that my brother is talking to me about this, and i do have a lot of respect and love for my brother. However, thats my life that hes talking about, so i asked him about the guy, whats he like, if he prays, is he religious, ......and ofcourse is he handsome(sorry its a thing many girls have to ask).

After my brother told me about him, i asked him does he himself agree, does he find this guy suitable. My brother told me that he did and that the guy is a person who knows his deen, he knows his religion. Therefore, i told my brother that if he agrees then i agree.

If it werent for my brother i would have never agreed to the engagement. A girl is more closer to her brother then she is to anyone else. Because her brother is her guard, he is her heart and the person who would most care about her and never betray her. He always wants everything best for her and on top of all that the girl(sister) understands the love and respect her brother has for her, which makes it easier for them to have such a conversation as the proposal.

I hope you understood the point im trying to make, her brother is the best one you could talk to to speak with her.


May Allah grant you what your asking for and may she be min naseebuk,

salam,
 

IbnAdam77

Travelling towards my grave.
assalam 'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

Jazakumullahu Khairan all my brothers and sisters for your kind and very important help towards me.

I got so many new thoughts and information from each of the posts. So now I have decided to use one of them inshaAllah.

How great experiences you brothers and sisters have? MashaAllah! I am proud to have my TTI family with me always like this.

Jazakumullahu khairan once again. And please keep me in your Du'as.

wassalam 'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
 
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