Right of Parents

[slaveofAllah88]

:salam2:

To what degree are we suppose to listen to our parents especially when it comes to some criticial decisions , and my Question basically lies around here

1. Forcing you to shave beard, celebrating birthdays?
I know that hadith but then Quran speaks of the huge rights of parents should i take their command over this sunnah of beard?
Also, is it true there is a kaffara if you shave your beard after 40 days of keeping it?

Bukhari :: Book 7 :: Volume 72 :: Hadith 780
Narrated Nafi':
Ibn Umar said, The Prophet said, 'Do the opposite of what the pagans do. Keep the beards and cut the moustaches short.' Whenever Ibn 'Umar performed the Hajj or 'Umra, he used to hold his beard with his hand and cut whatever moustaches. Ibn Umar used to cut his moustache so short that the whiteness of his skin (above the upper lip) was visible, and he used to cut (the hair) between his moustaches and his beard.


2. Marriage

If you parents force you to marry someone or push or emotionally black mail should you listen to them in all circumstances? and i heard from a friend who cant find the reference, that if parents tell you to divorce your wife you should?

I have some other Questions too but i want to concentrate on these right now
JazakAllah khair
:salam2:

 

[Maryam Zainab]

:salam2:

Allah (swt) commanding us to respect our parents; in (Q 17:23-24) as

Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour.

And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: "My Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood."


At the same time He warn us not to disobey His commands against the words of the parents as follows (Q 29:8-9)

We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not. Ye have (all) to return to Me, and I will tell you (the truth) of all that ye did.

And those who believe and work righteous deeds― them shall We admit to the company of the Righteous.

So better talk with them kindly and educate them that the command of Allah is to be followed.

With regards to forcing to marry a woman of their choice, it is not permissible as far as I know. As prophet Muhammad (pbuh) told that for a lady that if the parents force you to marry a person you don't like, the marriage will not be valid.
Allah Knows best

 

[slaveofAllah88]

:salam2:

Allah (swt) commanding us to respect our parents; in (Q 17:23-24) as

Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour.

And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: "My Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood."


At the same time He warn us not to disobey His commands against the words of the parents as follows (Q 29:8-9)

We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not. Ye have (all) to return to Me, and I will tell you (the truth) of all that ye did.

And those who believe and work righteous deeds― them shall We admit to the company of the Righteous.

So better talk with them kindly and educate them that the command of Allah is to be followed.

With regards to forcing to marry a woman of their choice, it is not permissible as far as I know. As prophet Muhammad (pbuh) told that for a lady that if the parents force you to marry a person you don't like, the marriage will not be valid.
Allah Knows best

:salam2:

JazakAllah khair sister very nice reply

 

[revert2007]

Assalamualikum Brother.

REspecting and obeying parents is very important in islam but again there are certaing thinsg we need to observe.We must know what is mandatory and what is sunnah.

As for your question about the beard,still I do not know if it is sunnah or mandatory.If you can give me the answer then the problem is solved.

As for marriage,no one can force anyone into marriage.

It is good that you want to follow the sunnah as much as u can but remember-take slow steps.you have the rights on yourself and your parents have rights on you.so consider their feeling as well because that is far more important.human needs time and we cannot make changes just because we want it.

Same for reverts once we convert,we cannot all of a sudden wear hijab or niqab or grow long beard,and discard everything.we need to take time and give time to our non muslim family as well.

people will begin to accept our changes when we respect their feeling and give them time.

Allah knows the best.Assalamualikum

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Sister..you write that once you revert you take time to wear hijab etc.
When the ayat of covering was revealed the mothers of the believers did so instantaneously.

We can not dwell on people accepting our changes..we change for the Love and Fear of Allah..therefore we have to move forward..

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

:salam2:wa rahmatullahi wa barakautuhu!!

akhi about beard it goes the same as sister revert said,whether it is mandatory or sunnah and then following it likewise!!

about birthdays we know it's bidah,i believe we'd better stay away from bidah even if parents push us into it coz we don't want them suffering in the hereafter coz they want us to have wordly happiness which means nothing to us coz of the fact that it's bidah!!

about your marriage i strongly suggest you seriously consider your parents choice~mom especially!!try to find something to like in the person she chose for you.........why???

coz that's better for your family after marriage!!on this side of my country the son often forces his choice o his parents but later cannot get separated from his mother who WILLNOT accept the bride he brought home..........and things turn out nasty!!....my neighbours girl is in the same situation!!the guy is kind to her and tries to tell her to be patient but i dunno his mother pulls her hair and kicks her out of the house so she's bound to start crying like she does!!
and now the guy cries too!!to he mother and his mother in law since he cannot keep his wife and his mother separately partially coz he cannot run the affairs of two houses and partially coz now he realizes his parents rights!!

so better do what your parents say unless they want you to go for a Squid or something just as impossible!!!have mercy on yourself and the women too!!one of the hardest duties for you males...:getting stuck between two impossible ladies!!!
besides pairng is already done by ALLAH so you'd better rest in peace and make duas:the only way to change everything!!
well ask ALLAH for guidance,HE helps!!!

wa rahamtullahi wa barakatuhu!!

 

[slaveofAllah88]

:salam2:wa rahmatullahi wa barakautuhu!!

akhi about beard it goes the same as sister revert said,whether it is mandatory or sunnah and then following it likewise!!

about birthdays we know it's bidah,i believe we'd better stay away from bidah even if parents push us into it coz we don't want them suffering in the hereafter coz they want us to have wordly happiness which means nothing to us coz of the fact that it's bidah!!

about your marriage i strongly suggest you seriously consider your parents choice~mom especially!!try to find something to like in the person she chose for you.........why???

coz that's better for your family after marriage!!on this side of my country the son often forces his choice o his parents but later cannot get separated from his mother who WILLNOT accept the bride he brought home..........and things turn out nasty!!....my neighbours girl is in the same situation!!the guy is kind to her and tries to tell her to be patient but i dunno his mother pulls her hair and kicks her out of the house so she's bound to start crying like she does!!
and now the guy cries too!!to he mother and his mother in law since he cannot keep his wife and his mother separately partially coz he cannot run the affairs of two houses and partially coz now he realizes his parents rights!!

so better do what your parents say unless they want you to go for a Squid or something just as impossible!!!have mercy on yourself and the women too!!one of the hardest duties for you males...:getting stuck between two impossible ladies!!!
besides pairng is already done by ALLAH so you'd better rest in peace and make duas:the only way to change everything!!
well ask ALLAH for guidance,HE helps!!!

wa rahamtullahi wa barakatuhu!!

:salam2:

hehe my Question was more specifically geared towards beard about marriage its something i wanted to ask for a while due to what i see in my culture where mothers emotionally black mail their sons , i think its wrong and should be against it.

Regarding wat you said about marriages, Alhumdulilah, i met a very pious man in Makkah who took me to Medina and explained the situation how being black mailed by parents can lead to horrific consequences, i just wanted to know what are the parents right regarding that matter wat does islam say, the way society act differ from everyone So we cant base our opinion on what we see its should just be based on islam .

And Allah knows best.

JazakAllah khair ukhti

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

:salam2:

hehe my Question was more specifically geared towards beard about marriage its something i wanted to ask for a while due to what i see in my culture where mothers emotionally black mail their sons , i think its wrong and should be against it.

Regarding wat you said about marriages, Alhumdulilah, i met a very pious man in Makkah who took me to Medina and explained the situation how being black mailed by parents can lead to horrific consequences, i just wanted to know what are the parents right regarding that matter wat does islam say, the way society act differ from everyone So we cant base our opinion on what we see its should just be based on islam .

And Allah knows best.

JazakAllah khair ukhti

sorry i shooted off in the other direction coz i am confused about the beard status!!
barakallah fiki akhi

wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu!!

 

[revert2007]

Assalaam walaikum,

Sister..you write that once you revert you take time to wear hijab etc.
When the ayat of covering was revealed the mothers of the believers did so instantaneously.

We can not dwell on people accepting our changes..we change for the Love and Fear of Allah..therefore we have to move forward..

Well when I say give some time it doens't mean years.For example I gave my mom a week.The next holiday I visit her,I insist on wearing hijab but I can't be harsh on her for the first time I visit her as a Muslim.It is already good enough that she did not disowen me.HIjab and having beard and wearg niqab suppose to be practised when ones deen base is strong.When our deen is strong,we can confidently face anything in sha Allah.

Even when a person accepts Islam only 3 things are asked and hijab is not on the list.BUt hijab is obligatory and one must observe it when they truly doing it for the sake of Allah.

People tried to convert me for the past 12 years and it did not work.I do everything for the sake of Allah and no one forces me to do anything in sha Allah.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Thank you for your reply.

I know it must be difficult for a revert.

 

[revert2007]

Assalaam walaikum,

Thank you for your reply.

I know it must be difficult for a revert.

W'salam.Actually i did not go through that much of difficulties compared to other reverts and I am thankful fo that alhamdulilah.That is the beauty of having supportive Muslims around you .I have never felt lonely in mylife as since I was bron till now I was surrounded by Muslims and Muslims are the one treat me good even when I was not a Muslim.But i took the hard way to search the truth.12 years wasn't that easy

So basically what am trying to say is..BEING A NON MUSLIM IS NO FUN

p.s:sorry out of topic

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Do as your parents say. Been there and done that. They have something you do not have: wisdom. They can see what you can not.

Mothers have a right to blackmail. They gave birth to you didn't they!!! They wiped your bottoms, cleaned your yuck, stayed up with you all night and went to work the next day, kissed your boo-boo's. Yes, I will blackmail you because it is good for you.

And because our faith tells us to Love our parents.

 

[yasser_cbe1986]

Re marriage

assalmaulaikum

Dear brother in Islam,

As far my knowledge of islam is concerned le tme just tell me you one thing

For a grils marriage

a girl cannot be married against her will and her fathers concern and then it is necesary taht both reach reach a common consent

For a mans marriage only the permission of teh male is enough

but it is recommended that one marries with teh consent of preants to get teir blessings

then about divorce it is teh halal thing that is most hatred in the sight of allha subhan hu talaaa

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

No, Although it is better not to divorce..does Allah not say He will provide if the only solution is divorce. And trust me..Allah is True to His Word and does provide.
Did not the daughters of the Prophet, may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, leave their husbands.

 

[yasser_cbe1986]

RE shaving teh beard

Assalamualaikum

deat brotehr in islam

islam tell even if your parents are non muslims u do not have the rigth to talk arrogantly to them neitehr can u insult or shour at them but you will have to obey them one in one case you can disobey them when they ask you to go against islam and sunnah of his messenger

asslamulaikum