Am i sinning?

BADTASTEBEARS

Fear Allah
Assalamualaikum

Ok so this particular someone(I do not want to mention names) was speaking to me of another person in their absence and I think that if the latter were to heard it he/she wouldnt like it. So thats backbiting right?

And so I remained silent and tried to ignore the talk because I heard that the one's listening is also a backbiter. This 'someone' asked me why am I ignoring him/her and I said that I dont want to talk bad about others. And this 'someone' said its a family thing. Now this 'someone' is angry at me.. Am I at fault?

Sorry for the confusion
 

Made Sarah

Servant of Allah
Staff member
Assalamu 3alaykum w ara7matu Allahi wa barakatuhu.

You did very well, we have to ignore everything connected to gheeba (backbiting, just like you have defined it -speaking about a Muslim(a) while (s)he is absent and saying things that (s)he would not like to mention). The first thing we have to do when confronted with such a thing is to draw the gossiper's attention, to let him know that he is gossiping (believe it or not, there are people who do not even realize this, so we should help them by saying this in their face) and we do not engage in such conversations (and you did this). And then, if the backbiter does not stop, we must leave that person - for instance, if we are in a room, we must leave that room. The person who listens to backbiting, without trying to stop it or correct that backbiter's behaviour, is going to be held accountable. So you do not have to worry, you did the right thing...

Wa 3alaykum assalam.
 

Made Sarah

Servant of Allah
Staff member
Assalamu 3alaykum wa ra7matu Allahi wa barakatuhu. I am posting a fatwa I've just copy-pasted from IslamQA, it deals with talking about family members with other family members, this is the point exactly. Please read it, maybe you will find your answer, In sha Allah.

Q: Is it gheebah if she complains about her relatives to her husband? is the following backbiting? mother talking behind about her son to her another son or sister / wife talking to husband about her sister/brother and real brothers talking behind about another real brother?

A: Praise be to Allaah.

Backbiting (gheebah) is a bad characteristic which Allaah and His Messenger have forbidden. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allaah. Verily, Allaah is the One Who forgives and accepts repentance, Most Merciful.” [al-Hujuraat 49:12]

It was reported from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“The Muslim is the brother of another Muslim; he does not betray him, lie to him or forsake him. The whole of the Muslim is sacred to his fellow Muslim – his honour, his wealth and his blood. Taqwa (piety) is here. It is sufficient evil for a man to despise his brother.” (Narrated by Muslim, no. 4650; al-Tirmidhi, no. 1850).

It was reported that Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When I was taken up into the heavens (the Mi’raaj), I passed by some people who had nails of copper with which they were scratching their faces and chests. I said, ‘Who are these people, O Jibreel?’ He said, ‘These are the ones who used to eat the flesh of the people and slander their honour.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 6095; Abu Dawood, no. 4253).

With regard to the meaning of gheebah (backbiting), it was reported from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do you know what gheebah is?” They said: Allaah and His Messenger know best. He said, “(It is) when you mention something about your brother that he does not like.” It was said, What do you think if what I say about my brother is true? He said, “If it is true then you are backbiting against him and if it is not true then you are slandering him.” (Narrated by Muslim, no. 4690; al-Tirmidhi, no.1857). Gheebah means mentioning something about your brother in his absence and saying something that he does not like to have said about him, with the intention of mocking him or making fun of him.

But if you say something about him in his absence to someone who can offer him advice so that he will advise him, or you are asking for help from someone who you hope will have an influence on him so that he will stop doing some evil action or sin that he has fallen into, and thus bring him back to the straight path – this is not gheebah. For example, if a wife talks to her husband or her son about another of her sons so that he can advise him, this is not gheebah.

Similarly, if you speak about your brother or someone else to his guardian or to someone who is able to stop him from doing wrong – with the intention of voicing a grievance and asking for help, or because he has taken something from you unlawfully and you want to demand your rights from the guardian of the one who took what is rightfully yours, such as when a man complains about his brother to his father if he has mistreated him or taken something that belongs to him, in order to have his rights restored to him, or complaining to a ruler or judge of unfair treatment – this is not gheebah.

Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his commentary on Saheeh Muslim (Sharh Saheeh Muslim):

“But gheebah (speaking about a person in his absence) is permissible if it is for some legitimate (shar’i) purpose, which includes six reasons:

The first is complaining about unjust treatment: it is permissible for a person who has been mistreated to complain to the ruler or judge, or other people who have the authority or power to deal with the person who has mistreated him. He can say, So and so mistreated me, or, he did such and such to me.

The second is seeking help to change some evil action, and bring a sinner back to the right path: so he may say to the person who he hopes can help: So and so is doing such and such, so try to stop him, and so on.

The third is seeking a religious ruling or fatwa: whereby a person may say to the Mufti: So and so – or my father, or my brother, or my husband – has treated me unjustly by doing such and such; does he have the right to do that? How can I deal with this and protect myself from his mistreatment? etc. This is permissible in cases of need. It is preferable to say in the case of a man or a husband or a father or a son that someone did such and such [i.e., describe it indirectly], but naming names is permissible, because of the hadeeth of Hind who said (to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): Abu Sufyaan is a stingy man.

The fourth is warning the Muslims against some evil: this may take various forms, such as mentioning the faults of narrators, witnesses and authors. This is permissible by scholarly consensus. Indeed, it is obligatory, in order to protect the sharee’ah. It also includes describing faults when one is consulted [about a person, for a serious reason such as business, marriage, etc.], and speaking up if one sees someone buying faulty goods or a slave who steals or commits zinaa or drinks wine etc. – he should mention that to the would-be purchaser if he does not know about it. This is by way of sincere advice, not to cause harm or offence or corruption. Also, if you see a seeker of knowledge frequently visiting a person who is immoral or who follows innovations, and taking knowledge from him, and you fear that he may be harmed, you must advise him by explaining the situation to him, with the aim of offering sincere advice. If you see a person in a position of authority which he cannot discharge properly because he is not qualified for it or because he is corrupt, you should tell whoever has authority over him and explain what he is really like so that he will not be deceived by him and so that he will discipline him – this is not gheebah, and it is obligatory to put things right.

The fifth is if a person is openly committing immoral deeds or following bid’ah: such as drinking wine, confiscating people’s property unlawfully, collecting extortionate taxes, being in charge of illegal activities etc. It is permissible to speak of what he is doing openly, but it is not permissible to speak of other things except for another reason.

The sixth is for the purposes of identification: if a person is known by a nickname such as al-A’mash (rheumy-eyed), al-A’raj (lame), al-Azraq (blue), al-Qaseer (short), al-A’maa (blind), al-Aqta’ (missing a limb) etc., this is permissible for purposes of identification, but it is haraam to use such names for the purpose of belittling a person, and if it is possible to identify them by using other words, this is better. And Allaah knows best.”

But if there is no useful purpose to be served by speaking about a person, or if the aim is to make fun of him or expose him, this is gheebah and is not permitted. And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Wa 3alaykum assalam w ara7matu Allahi wa barakathuhu.
 

Seeking Allah's Mercy

Qul HuwaAllahu Ahud!
:salam2:w rahamtullahi wa barakathuhu!!!

well what i had to say is said well in the fatwa:

But if you say something about him in his absence to someone who can offer him advice so that he will advise him, or you are asking for help from someone who you hope will have an influence on him so that he will stop doing some evil action or sin that he has fallen into, and thus bring him back to the straight path – this is not gheebah. For example, if a wife talks to her husband or her son about another of her sons so that he can advise him, this is not gheebah.

however i got a Q if someone is hurt by somebody and he/she talks to you about it.and if it is something the one who hurt the person would wish to hide.then???
si it permissible to hear his/her story provided you don't know if the other person would liket it or not??
 

Made Sarah

Servant of Allah
Staff member
made sarah, well said, jazak allaah khair....

Assalamu 3alaykum wa ra7matu Allahi wa barakatuhu.

Wa jazak, Ovomer, but I copy-pasted the fatwa from IslamQA, no effort at all.

And I also wanted to tell you that we're waiting for you on Sunday at the Shaykh's lesson, I'm gonna post the link In sha Allah here on TTI (a bit later, In sha Allah, cause it is possible to move to another website, BUT the good part is we're going to hear better, In sha Allah, and there is no registration needed, cause I remember how much effort you've put into it two weeks ago...

Wa 3alaykum assalam wa ra7matu Allahi wa barakatuhu.
 

Made Sarah

Servant of Allah
Staff member
:salam2:w rahamtullahi wa barakathuhu!!!

however i got a Q if someone is hurt by somebody and he/she talks to you about it.and if it is something the one who hurt the person would wish to hide.then???
si it permissible to hear his/her story provided you don't know if the other person would liket it or not??

Assalamu 3alaykum, sis, I am going to submit this question to Shaykh Assim Al-Hakeem's attention and will get back to you with the answer as soon as possible. Or you can join us on Sunday, 19:20 Makkah time to ask it yourself, as well as other questions. Wa 3alaykum assalam.
 

Seeking Allah's Mercy

Qul HuwaAllahu Ahud!
Assalamu 3alaykum, sis, I am going to submit this question to Shaykh Assim Al-Hakeem's attention and will get back to you with the answer as soon as possible. Or you can join us on Sunday, 19:20 Makkah time to ask it yourself, as well as other questions. Wa 3alaykum assalam.


oh that's so nice of you sister.jazakallah khairan.i'm afraidi won't be able to join you.so would be great if you can do it inshallah:)!!
 
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