It's my turn
I was raised Seventh-Day Adventist. Until I turned 22, I never knew anything else. I knew there were other denominations of Christianity, but never knew much past that. When I was 22, I joined the US Army. The first week or so, the chaplain came to talk to us. I was the only SDA member, and was told that I needed to find some other church to go to, because they couldn't accommodate me. I was shattered, but continued praying and reading my Bible. I decided maybe I needed to find something else. When I went on to my next training assignment, I started asking people about their beliefs. My roommate was a Christian, next door there was a Muslim and a girl who was Hindu. Down the hall there was a Pagan. I asked them all what they believed.
For about 9 years, I simply believed in a god. That there was something out there bigger than anything else and I could talk to god. I didn't have a name, although I wondered if there was a name. I lost faith in the Bible, particularly the New Testament. Why would God need a human sacrifice? Especially someone he called his son? Most of the New Testament, I felt, was based on Paul, not on Jesus. And I felt it was more important to see how Jesus lived his life than how he died. I suppose, rejecting my Christian beliefs, I was called Pagan. I believed in God, but how could I believe in this God that Christians believed in?
Two years ago, a couple came to the door, I had no idea who they were (if I had known I wouldn't have answered the door). They were Jehovah's Witnesses. I began taking Bible lessons from them, and all the inconsistencies and concerns I had I asked them about. I was praised for asking questions, but more often than not, the answer was, "God doesn't have to explain anything to us."
Needless to say, I was shocked, put off and have made sure my blinds are closed and I didn't answer the door. Yes, I'm a chicken but I did it anyways.
Last year I decided to keep looking. The most rational thing for me to look into was Catholicism. I loved going to mass. The priest was a kind man. He always had a positive message to share. I loved that. But there were more beliefs added on top of what was in the Bible. Jesus wouldn't recognize what was going on in church! And would he accept that the Pope couldn't make mistakes?
While I read about Catholicism, I became impressed with Nuns, of all things. They prayed a lot. They helped people. And I loved their veils. I'm married, though.. But I felt if I wasn't, that I would have become Catholic just to be a nun. One day as I browsed the internet, I came upon a comparison of the nun's habit to the hijab. What was this hijab thing? So I began researching. I was shocked to see that women who wore it didn't feel oppressed. With that assumption shattered, I decided to see what else about Islam I didn't understand. I asked questions on beliefnet (which I no longer go to) and one person gave me a link to the Prophet's (pbuh. hope that's right) last sermon.
I had tears in my eyes as I read what I felt was the most enlightened thing I'd ever read and it was written so far in the past!! I found this site, met some amazing people and had help from a few people in particular (they know who they are). But I wasn't sure if I should convert. Something stopped me, but I had no idea what it was. One verse helped me.
"You who Believe, stand up firmly for justice as witnesses before Allah and even [be a fair witness] against yourselves or your parents or your relatives also. And whether its [against] the rich or poor, too, because Allah can protect both sides the best. Don't follow the lusts [of your hearts] lest you swerve and if you distort [the truth] or decline to do justice, Allah is aware of everything you do." (4:135)
On Saturday (3/6) at 3:15 pm my time, I said my shahadah to a friend from here. Today, at about 10:45, Maha helped me say shahadah over the internet in front of her Qur'an class (think that's what it was, there were a LOT of people there!!).
When you feel your past deeds and shame being lifted from your shoulders, you wonder how you survived til now. I know it won't be easy. I already feel myself being tested, but I can get through it Insha'Allah.
:tti_sister: