Brothers and sisters i really need your Help: Emergency

[zainsmommy]

Assalamu Aleikom!
Insha'Allah you have applied some of the great advice you received on this thread and are doing well.

I wanted to tell you what I thought reading this...as a mother, as a wife, and a woman...It made me feel sick to my stomach. Only because it brought back such painful memories for me.

Your Mother, the sustainer of your family, has just had the foundation that she stood on pulled right out from under her feet. Alhamdulileh she has you to catch her. You must be strong for your Mother. She will need lots of time to grieve for the loss of her marriage(if it comes to that) and to grieve for the loss of her trust. She will need time to face her fear of uncertainty about her future and figure things out. She will no doubt need much support during this time. Try to be strong for her. I know it will be hard but please try.

As for your Father...I will refrain from commenting at this time, but do think some of the others made some really good points and have given some good advice on the proper thing you should do.

Please remain strong and know that everything happens according to Allah's plan. Though it is not evident now the benefits that will come from this, some time in your future you will see it and your Mother will as well.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. May Allah ease the pain you and your family are going through.

 

[BrotherZak]

Salam

Update: He is visiting today and i've been thinking all day about what i'll say to him or how i will say it, i'm getting kind of nervous...

 

[Lateefa]

Salam sister i agree with you and i was hoping for someone who had a similar experience. I respect my father but i agree with my mom. For 10 years she has devoutely helped him,loved him, cleaned the house, raised six children, and can you imagine how she felt? My mom deosn't even speak good english so she kinda relied on him. But inshallah everything turns out good

Dear Brother Zak,
First, sorry for my poor English, last time I was really tired and English is my second language, so forgive me.
Next, about your mother, you are correct that your mother’s circumstance is different than mine; I was very young when my husband left me. Everyone has different story in life, but remember that there is always someone on earth that is in worse situation than what happened to me and it is happening to your mother. I have learned to remember the widows and orphans in Iraq, Palestine, Afghanistan, Pakistan and etc. What if the father did not leave, remember, we are never far away from death or being disabled in any second. As Muslims we understand that this is a test and Allah will help us get through everything, reach your hands to Allah and Allah will guide her and walk her and your family through this difficult time, InshaAllah.
Try to help your mother look at the people of Iraq, there are so many women without husband or mahram, there are so many orphans, there are so many innocent people with the husbands and they don’t have anything to hold onto except their prayers and Allah. In this country (USA) there is a lot of help from social services that will supplement her financially, but not in Iraq, Afghanistan, or Pakistan, and etc… And more than any one or any place, ask her to truly connect her heart with Allah, InshaAllah she will be surprise with the happiness that will enlighten her heart, and she may realize that your father is not good for her, and that is why Allah remove him from her life. I hope that she has a good group of friends that can support her emotionally. If she does not have that, please have her connect with the Masjid and ask her not to be shy about her problems to speak out, making friends through the Masjid is very important; some of the Masjids have support groups that will help her, too. This is really difficult for her but, once she passes through this time, she will be in peace and she will be a very happy person InshAllah. No one can help your mother except her, and the only way she can get help to connect her hear with Allah and that will make her strong, InshaAllah. Because, I am one of those examples, I cannot tell my entire life story online, but, I can tell you this that Allah has been clearing my path everyday and every-night… My ex-husband left me homeless; he took all of our savings with the other woman and left the city… Alahmdullallah, today, both my children are highly educated, and I am semi-highly educated professional and making real high salary, I have a very busy, stressful schedule, however, wonderful life, and I am wearing hijab now. Every day, my love becomes stronger toward Allah and my deen, and I do pray for your mother to enjoy her life and be happy, too.
You and your family are in my prayers. Just remember that “Allah is with us, Allah watching us, and we belong to Allah, nothing happens in our lives without Allah’s permission”.
Take care.

 

[BrotherZak]

Dear Brother Zak,
First, sorry for my poor English, last time I was really tired and English is my second language, so forgive me.
Next, about your mother, you are correct that your mother’s circumstance is different than mine; I was very young when my husband left me. Everyone has different story in life, but remember that there is always someone on earth that is in worse situation than what happened to me and it is happening to your mother. I have learned to remember the widows and orphans in Iraq, Palestine, Afghanistan, Pakistan and etc. What if the father did not leave, remember, we are never far away from death or being disabled in any second. As Muslims we understand that this is a test and Allah will help us get through everything, reach your hands to Allah and Allah will guide her and walk her and your family through this difficult time, InshaAllah.
Try to help your mother look at the people of Iraq, there are so many women without husband or mahram, there are so many orphans, there are so many innocent people with the husbands and they don’t have anything to hold onto except their prayers and Allah. In this country (USA) there is a lot of help from social services that will supplement her financially, but not in Iraq, Afghanistan, or Pakistan, and etc… And more than any one or any place, ask her to truly connect her heart with Allah, InshaAllah she will be surprise with the happiness that will enlighten her heart, and she may realize that your father is not good for her, and that is why Allah remove him from her life. I hope that she has a good group of friends that can support her emotionally. If she does not have that, please have her connect with the Masjid and ask her not to be shy about her problems to speak out, making friends through the Masjid is very important; some of the Masjids have support groups that will help her, too. This is really difficult for her but, once she passes through this time, she will be in peace and she will be a very happy person InshAllah. No one can help your mother except her, and the only way she can get help to connect her hear with Allah and that will make her strong, InshaAllah. Because, I am one of those examples, I cannot tell my entire life story online, but, I can tell you this that Allah has been clearing my path everyday and every-night… My ex-husband left me homeless; he took all of our savings with the other woman and left the city… Alahmdullallah, today, both my children are highly educated, and I am semi-highly educated professional and making real high salary, I have a very busy, stressful schedule, however, wonderful life, and I am wearing hijab now. Every day, my love becomes stronger toward Allah and my deen, and I do pray for your mother to enjoy her life and be happy, too.
You and your family are in my prayers. Just remember that “Allah is with us, Allah watching us, and we belong to Allah, nothing happens in our lives without Allah’s permission”.
Take care.

salam thanks for the advice. My mom is feeling better because the last couple of days many of her friends visited her and literary kept her company. It was good alhamdillah.

 

[Sweet Insanity]

salam

My life has been changed last night and what am about to tell you will sound a bit shocking.

My mom and my father have been married for some 20 years. They lived a happy marriage but my father is rarely around the last 10 years. In fact my education has been slowed down because i've been working for the family and i'm only 21 years old. My father is also a learned man and sheik in the religion.

Yesterday my mom found out that my father got married to 2 other wives back home and has not told my mom nor the rest of my sibling and is planning to leave my mom. My mom was crying all night and was and depressed and i'm soo pissed at my father. I can't think but hate the man for what he put my mom through, in fact, he has never helped my family financially. Now tomorrow he is visiting us as he usually does but he has no idea that my entire family knows what he has been keeping a secret...what should i do or tell him or should i be patient? because i'm on my mom's side. My mom now is alone and with no husband and literary is lose. I actually cried all yesterday and was pissed and my brothers and sisters are still in shock..islamically i'm fine and know this is a test but what should i do.

I came to you brothers and sisters as opposed to telling my real life friends because i simply trust your opinions and hold it closer to my heart.

salam

you are not allowed to remarry unless u have the permission of ur first wife and only if ur first wife is (God forbid) ill, or unable to bear children.
so he isnt practicing what he preaches. but you shouldnt never hate people, hate the evil in people...
ur 21.. so u can help support the family without a father.
u shouldnt be involved with someone who listens to the devil.. and this test is for him, not you...
so dont worry about it...
but i am sorry...

-God Bless

 

[kashif_nazeer]

Praying for you brother.
The Qur'an says Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, "We believe", and that they will not be tested?] (Al-`Ankabut 29:2)

It is just a test and InshaAllah will pass of.
Adhere to pateince ,the weapon of a momin.
The Qur'an says in Surah al asr
By Al-'Asr (the time).

2. Verily! Man is in loss,

3. Except those who believe (in Islāmic Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth (i.e. order one another to perform all kinds of good deeds (Al-Ma'rūf)which Allāh has ordained, and abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds (Al-Munkar)which Allāh has forbidden), and recommend one another to patience .
We are your brothers and sisters we are there for you.
Moreover Allah is there with you!!!
Fear nothing,and dont loose heart!
Innallaha 'ala kulli shayin qadeer.

 

[JenGiove]

I have two suggestions:

1- After allowing a certain time to pass -in order that one becomes more cool headed-, try talking to your father and hear his side of the story. After allowing him to fully explain why he did what he did, go on to remind him in a polite way that Allah the Almighty ordered the husband to be just between all his wives and to financially be responsible for all of them. He should also spend an equal amount of time with each one of his wives and with each group of children [from each wife].


If you feel that this task is so daunting upon you personally, the find a scholar [who has firm knowledge of Islam and has experience with these situations] and tell him your side of the story. Ask him to talk to your father and remind him of his duty to be just to all his wives and all his children.

This is what I would call a true path to Allah, peaceful, respectful and carefully thought out.

Dear brother, your statements "I can't think but hate the man...", "i'm soo pissed at my father" and other such language is just wrong. Being with your mother and standing by her is the absolute right thing to do, but that certainly does not include hating your father and using such vulgar language against him. He's still your father. And he still has rights over you. And remember that you should adhere to these duties to your father to please Allah the Almighty...

I can understand what he means though, I think the more appropriate words he can use is "I'm angry at my father". It expresses his true feelings and yet does not disrespect the human that is what was created by Creator. Respect at all times is a huge part of native american culture and society as well. There are just some things that you do not, and can not do.

BrotherZak,

Do not allow your FATHER'S error to tarnish your own standing with Creator. Allow your father his own mistakes and when it is your time to account for your deeds to Creator, he will see that you handled this test with maturity, knowledge, faith and honor.

I wish you and your family all the best BrotherZak, and may Allah guide your father to act with justice and mercy to your mother and to you and your siblings...Aameen.

The same goes for me as well. This is a difficult time and a supreme test for everyone involved. Do as you have. Protect your mother, supporting her in all ways, which includes emotional, and bring the proofs to your father that he has errored. If he can not or refuses to listen to you, ask someone who he will listen to. If that does not work, (and I ask this out of ignorance of Islamic law), doesn't your mother have the option to divorce him? If so, assist her and praise her for her steadfastness to Creator.

My heart and prayers are with you all.

Jennifer Giove (and just for the curious, it is pronounced gee o v)

 

[uskupi]

Brother/Sister;

If you are sure about you are talking, that is not Islamic. Getting married to other wife (even one) with the knowledge of your mum... leaving her and you alone while you need his help... this is not islamic. If you can, tell him politly that he is wrong (but be sure that this happened). If you can't tell other muslims or nearby muslims of his age or any other person who can realy tell him that. Having second wife is allowed only under strict conditions.. Knowlege of the first wife about it and her acceptance and if the second wife can not get or difficult to get husband; if he can do justice between them and has ability to address all that (finance and all other things) .... more and more things ... If thing happnened like you said, that is hatefull and Allah does't like that act and he will be asked and pay for that infront of Allah.

May Allah let him come back to the right trac ...

Ma'assalama

assalam alaikum ... just one corection brother there is no need for acceptance of the allready married woman under the Sharijah Law ...........................................................................Brother zak inshAllah all this will end in nice way , mey Allah SWT guides you father to the right decission ( allthough i do not see reason for you father to leave you mother )

 

[uskupi]

assalam alaikum ... after i posted the #28 i noticed that this thread is from 2007 , meanwhile i hope this situation is setteld in right manner ...assalam alaikum