Need advice

Isra

aka Tree2008
As salamo alaikome

Inshallah the health and iman of all my brothers and sisters at TTI is good!

I feel shy to post this and Im not really even sure that I should but I am really worried about the survival of my marriage so I desperately need some strong advice!!!

I have been married for a little over 3 months now and I pray EVERYDAY for Allah to bless me with patience towards my husband. You see I have a STRONG desire to be a really GOOD Muslim wife. My desire has become even stronger since we have been married and he has proven to be a VERY good Muslim husband! He provides for me yet goes beyond that by being very kind towards me and patient with me even when I get crazy sometimes!!! He deserves a good Muslim wife which I really want to be!

Ok so my problem is that first of all I came to his country from the United States so I am doing my best to adjust to life here which is VERY different from the place I have lived all of my life! Slowly I am adjusting to the difference in culture but there are many hardships here that we just dont deal with in the USA!!! Such as the house we live at when he works during the week usually has no running water and sometimes no electricity!!! I have NEVER had to deal with that in the USA!!!! I have been praying for patience with all of these things and for the most part I believe Allah has helped me through Alhamdulillah!!!! I am getting much better at handling the situation when the water or the electricity goes out!

There is one last hurdle that I just cant seem to get over - at least not yet anyway! My new husband has the most annoying habit of constantly bothering me until I give in and do whatever it is he is asking me to do!!!! I swear half the time I just do what he wants to shut him up and because I dont want to yell at him which I know is haram BUT I am almost at my wits end with this thing he does!!!! I have talked to him, fought with him and even BEGGED him to please STOP doing it!!!! I told him if he asks me once he should respect my answer and not keep hounding me until I give in!!!!

I have been sick since we married with a pretty bad lung infection that will not seem to go away and he has been so worried about me. I am very thankful that he loves me enough to care but honestly he just wont leave me in peace until I do what he wants!!!! For example......one of the doctors (I have seen 4 so far altogether) suggested that I shouldnt be in a cross draft...........OK well anytime he finds the window and the door open at the same time he starts his rant!!!!! Most of the time its not even me who did it but he starts saying things like "You dont care about your health, you wont follow the doctors advice" even before he knows who left the window or the door open!!!!

Seriously I dont want to fight with him and I dont want to yell and I know its shaitan who is making me resent his constant "mothering" of me because really if he didnt care at all I would be devastated so Im not complaining just to complain about him! I just need to know HOW CAN I DEAL WITH THIS SITUATION WITHOUT GOING INSANE????

I dont want to hurt him and I dont want to lose him so please for the sake of my marriage to this otherwise BEAUTIFUL human being please HELP ME!!!!! I am desperate!!!!

Wa salam
 

Sakeena

Junior Member
Wa salaams dear sister Isra!!!

Poor baby! HUGS! Maaaaaaaaaan do I know that feeling!!! Nag, nag, nag. My mom does that too at times............. I don't know what to tell you...but I'd feel so bad if I were to just read this thread and not reply or offer any assistance!!! :girl3: SubahnAllah sis. :( you're sick?? :( :( Oh nooo. :( :( :( I'll make du'a for you. I know you wanna smack me in the face!!! This isn't much help. And you gave me lots of advice on my thread!! I just want you to know that I'm here for you. SIGHS!I can't think of anything you could do... If I were you...hmmm...I'm sorry... I'm just making things worst, aren't I? Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!!!!!!!! I'll pray for you sister. :SMILY23: May Allah protect you, ameen summa ameen!!!

:tti_sister:
 

Muslim18

Blessed Muslimah
:salam2:

First of all sis dont put yourself down yourself down you have been blessed and inshaAllah you will come to be a very good wife, as you have stated yourself it helps to have patience and also trust in Allah with all your problems and blessings.

Another point...You have only been married 3 months give yourself a break and relax, try and remember the good points about your husband and inshaAllah overlook his faults, a good muslim couple are veils for eachother so they conceal eachothers faults, so be a veil for your husband and try to speak to him about whats bothering you, if you have try phrasing it different like "Am new to all this so help me adjust to married life and being away from home" inshaAllah he should see your concerns and being as caring as he is will try and rectify it. Also see all his fussing as love and care because he might be scared and thats probably the cause of his frustration, so if you can try and reassure him that inshaAllah Allah will restore your health and that you do care for yourself.

Hoped that helped and you will be in my duas :hijabi: Hope you get well soon :hearts:
 

islamdonlyway

Junior Member
walikumsalam sister,

wel, i just wanted to say that everyone has their bad side, he may be a brother who nags alot, but always think about his positives.inshallah his positives outweight the negatives.but in real i think naging etc its common with most people, so take it with ease sister, and be patient allah shel reward you inshallah ! and its also a good idea to spend some time with your husband, were its only you both, and have a conversation, were you could express your sadness on what his doing, inshallah he will realise and rectify his mistakes.trust me good conversations can be good..and most ovall make dua to allah.

inshallah may allah make you well, and hope this helped.


may allah make your husband understand and may you both be happy..ameen.
 

islamtrureligion

Junior Member
asaalamu alykum wr wb

In Saheeh Abi Haatim it is narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a woman offers her five (daily prayers) and fasts her month and guards her chastity and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from whichever of its gates she wants.” In al-Tirmidhi it is narrated that Umm Salamah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Any woman who dies when her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise.” This was narrated by al-Tirmidhi, who said it is a hasan hadeeth. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If I were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone, I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi who said it is a hasan hadeeth. It was also narrated by Abu Dawood with the wording: “I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands because of the rights that Allaah has given them over them.” In al-Musnad it is narrated from Anas that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not acceptable for any human to prostrate to another, but if it were acceptable for any human to prostrate to another, I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands, because of the greatness of the rights they have over them. By the One in Whose hand is my soul, if there were sores from his feet to the top of his head flowing with pus, then she licked them, she would not have given him all his rights

If her husband tells her not to do something that is enjoined by Allaah, and he tells her to do something that Allaah has forbidden, then she should not obey him in that. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator.” If a master orders his slave to do something that involves disobedience towards Allaah, it is not permissible for him to obey him by disobeying Him, so how can a woman obey her husband or one of her parents by committing sin? All goodness is in obeying Allaah and His Messenger, and all evil is in disobeying Allaah and His Messenger.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his family.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (3895); he said: this is a saheeh ghareeb hasan hadeeth. It was also classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Saheehah (1174).
 

MohammedMaksudul

May Allah Forgive us
:salam2:

Sister , I don't know how much I can help as I am not yet married and not a women. But what I have understood all my life and especially living in the part of the world you are right now (where there is problem of running water and electricity), it takes a lot of patience and tolerance to be here. Marriage as I understand is about sacrifices and compromises. It is about coming to a common ground by overlooking each others faults. The problem with us is that we expect our spouses to be perfect, just because he/she is a muslim. We have to remember it is virtually impossible and we will all have our faults. My mom and dad Alhamdulillah has been married for around 27 or 28 years now and trust me their married life has not been a easy one. And yes definitely it was my mother who did most of the sacrifices or probably all of it. But I am not saying that you be the one who sacrifices everything. Your problem is not a problem I think. It is just the different environment that is bothering you most. Everything is getting jumbled up and creating a dilemma in your head. Your husband is being over caring or even just caring, but probably due to the fact that you are having a tough time adjusting to this environment you are not feeling ok with his activities around you. The best would be that you pray to Allah to increase you in patience and tolerance. Sister this world is a fluctuation between good and bad states, here after prosperity comes adversity and vice versa. You can not expect to be happy and content about everything all the time ( then there would have been no need of Paradise ). All you need is time and patience. Remember even this is a test for you that can you stay as a good wife in such a situation or because of a little pressure of change of culture and environment derails you from the path of a righteous wife. Remember a good wife or a good husband is they who support their better half through thick and thin, fire and ice. This world is a test sister and nobody said it is going to be easy.

May Allah Help you, InshAllah.
 

islamtrureligion

Junior Member
asaalamu alykum wr wb

:salam2:

Sister , I don't know how much I can help as I am not yet married and not a women. But what I have understood all my life and especially living in the part of the world you are right now (where there is problem of running water and electricity), it takes a lot of patience and tolerance to be here. Marriage as I understand is about sacrifices and compromises. It is about coming to a common ground by overlooking each others faults. The problem with us is that we expect our spouses to be perfect, just because he/she is a muslim. We have to remember it is virtually impossible and we will all have our faults. My mom and dad Alhamdulillah has been married for around 27 or 28 years now and trust me their married life has not been a easy one. And yes definitely it was my mother who did most of the sacrifices or probably all of it. But I am not saying that you be the one who sacrifices everything. Your problem is not a problem I think. It is just the different environment that is bothering you most. Everything is getting jumbled up and creating a dilemma in your head. Your husband is being over caring or even just caring, but probably due to the fact that you are having a tough time adjusting to this environment you are not feeling ok with his activities around you. The best would be that you pray to Allah to increase you in patience and tolerance. Sister this world is a fluctuation between good and bad states, here after prosperity comes adversity and vice versa. You can not expect to be happy and content about everything all the time ( then there would have been no need of Paradise ). All you need is time and patience. Remember even this is a test for you that can you stay as a good wife in such a situation or because of a little pressure of change of culture and environment derails you from the path of a righteous wife. Remember a good wife or a good husband is they who support their better half through thick and thin, fire and ice. This world is a test sister and nobody said it is going to be easy.

May Allah Help you, InshAllah.

mashaallah bro,
 

IHearIslam

make dua 4 ma finals
Assalaamu alaykum sweetheart.

all I can say is "may Allaah make it easy for you!"

hang in there sister......:)
 

ahmed_indian

to Allah we belong
As salamo alaikome

I have been sick since we married with a pretty bad lung infection that will not seem to go away and he has been so worried about me. I am very thankful that he loves me enough to care but honestly he just wont leave me in peace until I do what he wants!!!! For example......one of the doctors (I have seen 4 so far altogether) suggested that I shouldnt be in a cross draft...........OK well anytime he finds the window and the door open at the same time he starts his rant!!!!! Most of the time its not even me who did it but he starts saying things like "You dont care about your health, you wont follow the doctors advice" even before he knows who left the window or the door open!!!!
Wa salam
:salam2:

i think thats his deep deep love for you for which wives earnestly wish and pray for.

not everybody is fortunate enough to have someone care so much for them! all he is need is just little patience.
 

BrotherInIslam7

La Illaha Illa Allah
Staff member
:salam2:

As rightly mentioned above (and relevant hadeeth quoted), the wife should obey her husband and try to please him to her capacity. Ofcourse, this would mean that one has to make 'adjustments', as the husband might like things done a different way. It requires effort and almost every couple have to go through this phase. The husband might have to adjust to his new life as a caretaker of the house. My mother though often says that the women usually have to make most of the adjustments from what she has seen and heard.

As for the 'you don't take care of your health'. It's a sign of showing love in a very special and sweet way. :) You should count your blessings. Atleast you have someone who cares so much for you MashaAllah. Maybe you are not used to such form of expression of care..

Patience is the key. :)

Hope all goes well InshaAllah. Take care

Wasalaamalaykum waa rahmatullahi
 

Isra

aka Tree2008
:salam2:

Sister , I don't know how much I can help as I am not yet married and not a women. But what I have understood all my life and especially living in the part of the world you are right now (where there is problem of running water and electricity), it takes a lot of patience and tolerance to be here. Marriage as I understand is about sacrifices and compromises. It is about coming to a common ground by overlooking each others faults. The problem with us is that we expect our spouses to be perfect, just because he/she is a muslim. We have to remember it is virtually impossible and we will all have our faults. My mom and dad Alhamdulillah has been married for around 27 or 28 years now and trust me their married life has not been a easy one. And yes definitely it was my mother who did most of the sacrifices or probably all of it. But I am not saying that you be the one who sacrifices everything. Your problem is not a problem I think. It is just the different environment that is bothering you most. Everything is getting jumbled up and creating a dilemma in your head. Your husband is being over caring or even just caring, but probably due to the fact that you are having a tough time adjusting to this environment you are not feeling ok with his activities around you. The best would be that you pray to Allah to increase you in patience and tolerance. Sister this world is a fluctuation between good and bad states, here after prosperity comes adversity and vice versa. You can not expect to be happy and content about everything all the time ( then there would have been no need of Paradise ). All you need is time and patience. Remember even this is a test for you that can you stay as a good wife in such a situation or because of a little pressure of change of culture and environment derails you from the path of a righteous wife. Remember a good wife or a good husband is they who support their better half through thick and thin, fire and ice. This world is a test sister and nobody said it is going to be easy.

May Allah Help you, InshAllah.

As salamo alaikome brother

Wow for someone who has not been married I have to say that I found your advice to be most helpful!!! I agree with everything you said in your post and I brought my husband to the computer to read this thread and he liked your post as well. He thanked me for showing him the thread and agreed he does have this problem but I know part of the reason its been so hard for me to deal with it is because of the environment too. So part is his fault and part is my fault. We agreed together to try to have more patience with each other and Alhamdulillah that we have what I believe is the foundation of a very great marriage. We are both willing to compromise. I have been doing my best lately to adapt to my new environment and he has been trying really hard not to be such a nag! Hahahahaha So inshallah we will make it.

Jazakallah khairan for everyone's advice who answered my post. My husband thanks you as well. Alhamdulillah!!! And also another Thanks for all who will keep me in their dua because of my illness. We have been praying very very hard and my husband prays with me since I cant read Arabic he has put his hand on my lung where the infection is and reads Quran in Arabic for me. Inshallah Allah will give me a cure for this very soon.

wa salam
 
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