I have other plans... I'm not going to Christmas dinner...

[Sakeena]

Asalaamu 'Alaikum brothers and sisters!

I plan to spend s few days with my Muslimah friend from college inshallah.
She's going to pick me up on Thursday. As you know, Christmas is Saturday, and I still haven't told me mom about my plans. I don't know how to tell her because I'm afraid she may get mad or something because I won't be here for the traditional Christmas dinner. I'm with my family all year and I see them all the time. I just want to spend some time with my sister in Islam. I'm not a kid anymore and I want to be around people who respect me and don't blame me for everything.

HELP!! How should I tell her? I don't want to fall into her guilt-layered trap again!

I don't want to offend her in any way because she's my mother, but I want to be stern and stand my ground and not be intimidated by her. Of course, I could stay in the house and be miserable day after day, year after year. Even Christmas doesn't make me happy or excited anymore. If I want something, I'll go out and buy it. I won't be upset if she doesn't buy me anything. That's fine with me. I want to tell her tonight inshallah, since the sister is coming to pick me up on Thursday inshallah.

I'm excited about going but the fear of chance is getting to me. I've never gone against the grain before, especially at this time of year since Christmas is a big deal in my family... I just want peace and happiness and staying in the house isn't helping me achieve that. I know I'm free to do what I wish, but I keep feeling scared to tell my mother.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

But PLEASE REPLY TODAY INSHALLAH!

Ma salaams, :tti_sister:

 

[Kakorot]

wr wb,

What I'll say is DON'T tell her tonight. Leave your house with your friend on Thursday and whilst you're out and away from your mum, call her and tell her you're not going to spend Christmas with her and you'll be back whenever you plan to go back. And if she shouts over the phone, then just be calm and say you love her and that you have to go and then hang up nicely.

May Allaah protect you when you return back home... Aameen

 

[Sakeena]

wr wb,

What I'll say is DON'T tell her tonight. Leave your house with your friend on Thursday and whilst you're out and away from your mum, call her and tell her you're not going to spend Christmas with her and you'll be back whenever you plan to go back. And if she shouts over the phone, then just be calm and say you love her and that you have to go and then hang up nicely.

May Allaah protect you when you have to return back home... Aameen

ILOL I can't do that Channa. Crazy girl! If I run off like that I'll never come back home!! I just want some advice on what to say to her and how to be brave inshallah. :shymuslima1:

 

[Kakorot]

Hmm okiez.

Well maybe tidy the entire house, do the laundry, go shopping, make her a nice meal, massage her feet and then ask her. Always works with my mum. She never says no to me after all that.

If that doesn't work, then you're just going to have to be a brave young lady and tell her straight out. I can't say to you, "I know what it's like" because I'm not a revert like yourself. Maybe other revert brothers and sisters are best to advise you on this matter.

All the best sis.

 

[sister herb]

:salam2:

I don´t know what else you could do than just tell peacefully and calm that you don´t enjoy spending Christmastime at home in cause of your religion and you like to go meet at that time your friend (not sure is it wise to mention she is muslim).

I make dua for you.

Hopely your mom doesn´t need to spend hers holiday just alone.

Be brave little sister. Remember that your sisters loves you as sister.

 

[Sakeena]

Hmm okiez.

Well maybe tidy the entire house, do the laundry, go shopping, make her a nice meal, massage her feet and then ask her. Always works with my mum. She never says no to me after all that.

If that doesn't work, then you're just going to have to be a brave young lady and tell her straight out. I can't say to you, "I know what it's like" because I'm not a revert like yourself. Maybe other revert brothers and sisters are best to advise you on this matter.

All the best sis.

Hmmmm.... I'll clean up and stuff but I'm still nervous. Where the heck are the other reverts when you need them?!

 

[Sakeena]

:salam2:

I don´t know what else you could do than just tell peacefully and calm that you don´t enjoy spending Christmastime at home in cause of your religion and you like to go meet at that time your friend (not sure is it wise to mention she is muslim).

I make dua for you.

Hopely your mom doesn´t need to spend hers holiday just alone.

Be brave little sister. Remember that your sisters loves you as sister.

If I tell her that I don't enjoy the Christmas, she may get angry. I don't want her to get mad at me. I'll tell her that my friend from college invited me to spend time with her family for the holidays...

 

[zainab bala]

Salam.
I think you should sit your mom down and tell her about your intention, if she agrees, fine, wa lillahil hamd, if she say No, DONT leave the house, be patient, Allah is with those who are patient. I will be happy if she will say Yes, Remember if say No, Allah will surely reward you twice. One; for having the intention to visit and two; for obeying your Mom. May Allah guide all of us to what pleases Him, Amin.

 

[Sakeena]

Salam.
I think you should sit your mom down and tell her about your intention, if she agrees, fine, wa lillahil hamd, if she say No, DONT leave the house, be patient, Allah is with those who are patient. I will be happy if she will say Yes, Remember if say No, Allah will surely reward you twice. One; for having the intention to visit and two; for obeying your Mom. May Allah guide all of us to what pleases Him, Amin.

I'm not going to listen to her. Guys, listen, I'm not going to ASK for her permission. I'm TELLING her about my plans. I'm just nervous about how she may react. It's MY life and I'll do what I want to please my Lord, not my mother.

 

[Kakorot]

Salam.
I think you should sit your mom down and tell her about your intention, if she agrees, fine, wa lillahil hamd, if she say No, DONT leave the house, be patient, Allah is with those who are patient. I will be happy if she will say Yes, Remember if say No, Allah will surely reward you twice. One; for having the intention to visit and two; for obeying your Mom. May Allah guide all of us to what pleases Him, Amin.

^ Best advice.

Sister Sakeena you can't obey your mum if she tells you to do the things which go against Islam. She would want you to stay at home, so you can obey her by staying at home but just don't take part in the celebration.

 

[Sakeena]

^ Best advice.

Sister Sakeena you can't obey your mum if she tells you to do the things which go against Islam. She would want you to stay at home, so you can obey her by staying at home but just don't take part in the celebration.

You don't understand what I'm trying to say sister.

 

[samiha]

:salam2:

If I'm understanding you correctly, you're looking for a way to tell her? Now, I'm not in your shoes so can't entirely say what would be best, but perhaps what you can do is practice what you're going to say to her, by writing it down first. Sometimes that's the best way because you can express things in an organized, clear and hopefully mature way. Which will definitely help your case.

What might be good to include in the letter - whether you actually give it to her or just say it outright, would probably be sentiments in which you clearly express to her that you love and respect her as a parent, appreciate and value everything they've done for you (specific instances arent bad either), but that you've come to a stage or point in your life where you have changed and can't go along with all the things you did before. Emphasize that this doesn't change your relationship - with her as your mother, but that maybe you two can have another day to spend together outside of Christmas and that you would like her to respect your views.

Those are entirely just my thoughts on the matter, but I would say that if you speak to her, to do so kindly, nicely and remember as much as you might want to get angry or say things like, "It's my life I can do what I want" etc... that the best face you can present would be a mature one, and take consideration and concern for her words. She IS your mother =) and I'm sure she's having a difficult time understanding and accepting your change, you don't want to make it seem like you're biting the hand that fed you.

And also, whichever friend or place you're going - maybe give her contact details, and make sure yourself that it's a safe and appropriate environment to go to. Not assuming anything, but always better to be safe than sorry.

That's all I can say really, may Allaah make your way easy and facilitate it to what is best.