Dua please.

[sister2]

Assalaamulaikum.


Hope you are all well.

I am a single female who is not very young. I have found myself becoming increasingly despondent about the fact that I am still single and very, very lonely. I have made dua, and still do, but bearing in mind my age and the sad fact that most muslim males will choose to marry a twenty something instead (or someone who with other superficial qualities that I don't have).

I have in the past come close to getting married but at the last minute the boys backed out for no known reason. I have waited and prayed a lot and the years pass by. I have made some effort but being female, am limited in what I can do to find a partner. My family and friends have also tried to find me someone to no avail. I am still alone and now just getting older, more lonely and more miserable as a result.

As much as I try not to, I feel let down and angry. I am human and err. Being single has resulted in me sinning. I have asked for forgiveness but being weak, and despite really trying not to, I did so again and again. I have made dua for either a partner OR not be lonely and to not want to be married etc without success. I feel very let down by the fact that while I know I am wrong in sinning, had I been married, I probably would not be sinning in the way I have been.

As much as I know it wrong to think this way, I feel this is so unfair. I am miserable in this world and due to my loneliness, and not having the protection and blessings that marraige offers, I am heading for disaster in the hereafter as well!

I wish I could change either my situation or my human nature. Knowing that I can't and what it effectively means for me, I feel really dejected and hopeless; being in a situation with a miserable outcome that I dont feel I really have much control over.

I really wish things could be different. I will I could control how I feel and not feel lonely etc. Don't have a clue how! I clearly need Allahs help but I know that the way I feel right now and my past actions will not please HIM. I really wish I didnt feel this way and that things were different.

I don't really know what to do and would really appreciate duas please.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

You have written a very thought inspiring post.

First, you are not alone. Yes, men like to marry younger girls. But that is not all men.

What was done in the past is gone. You ask the Forgiver for forgiveness and you move on. Do not punish yourself.

Sister..think of the responsibility that our brothers are not fulfilling. It is not our fault. They choose to leave Muslim women single. Repent and keep a tight hold onto the Rope of Allah.

There are blessings that we miss by being single. But, there are more blessings we gain by being single. Allah subhana talla is aware of our condition. And He gives us blessings. I count mine and am grateful.

Yes, without male companionship, especially amongst Muslims, we are in no mans land. Married sisters act strange around us. Our brothers, and I can only speak about the US, are stranger. They are short of being rude.


So do not worry. Do not put limitations on your life. Live your life. Enjoy the blessings of each day.

If marriage is a must for you..expand your research base. Look on the websites..half my deen..single Muslims etc. If you are from the subcontinent I will make dua. The search criteria that the parents come up with is stupid and has nothing to do with Islam.

One of the tests of faith is to be patient in our current circumstances. It is easier to write than to live.

Do not become angry. It will only make you sick. Get busy. Be active. That is life. Fill your day with deeds..good ones.

Do not think about marriage or being lonely. Think about the positives in your life. It is better to be alone than to be a marriage and be lonely. Start a sisters club..go volunteer ( that is a wonderful way to be appreciated and learn new skills ).

I have noticed that our married sisters are very passive. I believe this is a cultural issue. And when you are single there is little to discuss with a married woman. Expand your world. Who is stopping you. Get a job. Go for an advanced degree. Travel.

Yes, marriage is a good thing. But, if there is no partner around the corner..that should not stop you from living.

Do not blame yourself. Just adjust the way you look at your life and count the positives.

( when a man marries a younger woman it is fun until he wants to be serious..and the younger girl is still in lala land...that is when he wishes he used his brain; )

 

[BegumRehana]

Asalamwalaikum..My dua is with you sister, Surely Allah is with those who are patient.
Sis i would tell you to register in singlemuslim.com where you may InshaAllah find someone. This is a good website and if you need help in joining i don't mind helping you sis And don't worry sis I hope everything goes well for you..

 

[mohamedkeshk]

Assalaam walaikum,

I have a friend. he is disabled. he has congenital disease.this disease is autosomal dominant (transfered to all sons).he can't depend on himself for doing his primitive basic needs .he only depends on Allah and his mother. he knows that the possibility of marriage is so so little or none .he is lonely .he has one friend only (me). he doesn't know what will happen if his mother dies.his heart is broken because he can't even express his feelings because he has facial paralysis. he is not mentally retarded but actually he is a student in medical faculty .BUT you know what? you are healthy and it's very enough very enough to be able to depend on your own .Believe me you don't need a human being . Enjoy the blessings of each day without being angry .


The Messenger of Allah said - peace be upon him - «Who among you is secure in his property in a healthy body and he has his daily food as if he posses all his life».

sorry,my english is not so good.

 

[ahmed_indian]

dont have words to soothe you sister. all i can do is make dua: make Allah keep you pure and pious, get you a wonderful husband soon and bless your life.

 

[mohamedkeshk]

may Allah give you a lovely husband soon.

 

[sister2]

Assalaam walaikum,

You have written a very thought inspiring post.

First, you are not alone. Yes, men like to marry younger girls. But that is not all men.

What was done in the past is gone. You ask the Forgiver for forgiveness and you move on. Do not punish yourself.

Sister..think of the responsibility that our brothers are not fulfilling. It is not our fault. They choose to leave Muslim women single. Repent and keep a tight hold onto the Rope of Allah.

There are blessings that we miss by being single. But, there are more blessings we gain by being single. Allah subhana talla is aware of our condition. And He gives us blessings. I count mine and am grateful.

Yes, without male companionship, especially amongst Muslims, we are in no mans land. Married sisters act strange around us. Our brothers, and I can only speak about the US, are stranger. They are short of being rude.


So do not worry. Do not put limitations on your life. Live your life. Enjoy the blessings of each day.

If marriage is a must for you..expand your research base. Look on the websites..half my deen..single Muslims etc. If you are from the subcontinent I will make dua. The search criteria that the parents come up with is stupid and has nothing to do with Islam.

One of the tests of faith is to be patient in our current circumstances. It is easier to write than to live.

Do not become angry. It will only make you sick. Get busy. Be active. That is life. Fill your day with deeds..good ones.

Do not think about marriage or being lonely. Think about the positives in your life. It is better to be alone than to be a marriage and be lonely. Start a sisters club..go volunteer ( that is a wonderful way to be appreciated and learn new skills ).

I have noticed that our married sisters are very passive. I believe this is a cultural issue. And when you are single there is little to discuss with a married woman. Expand your world. Who is stopping you. Get a job. Go for an advanced degree. Travel.

Yes, marriage is a good thing. But, if there is no partner around the corner..that should not stop you from living.

Do not blame yourself. Just adjust the way you look at your life and count the positives.

( when a man marries a younger woman it is fun until he wants to be serious..and the younger girl is still in lala land...that is when he wishes he used his brain; )

JazakAllah for your kind words and comments. I am from the sub-continent and it is certainly that much harder as a result.

I have been trying my best to live and still do the things I enjoy (travel etc) I have therefore tried to follow the advice one usually gets or reads - I have studied and am working and believe it or not I actually do volunteer for a few different organisations! I've tried different classes and courses; try to attend all sorts of events, but I don't really enjoy doing things by myself.

My friends are all married and now have kids. I've befriended some who are quite a bit younger than me for the sake of trying to fill my life and not get down, even though there was not too much in common- they too are now married or soon to be. I've even moved towns so that 'change' is inevitable and opportunities would be different.

I've added this only to illustrate that I really have been trying, as best I can-I do not mean to moan or be ungrateful!

I thank you sincerely for your duas.

 

[sister2]

JazakAllah Khayr for all your comments, thoughts and duas. They are much appreciated- may Allah accept them and all of our duas.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Good.

Now it is time for you to stop thinking that you are always going to be alone.

This is what someone told me a long time ago: your husband is experiencing life and trials at this moment..he is preparing to meet you...just as you are preparing to meet him with your complete set of unique experiences. Think of the joy you will have.

Do not place value on yourself using the criteria of marriage. Here in the US we have an expression: AND..this suggests you are in control of your life. It is complete to this point.

You live in a culture that has little understanding; do not allow the cultural to constrain you life.

Live your life: besides we are told if we are single..and Allah grants us jannath..all singles will be wed in heaven. Now...that is a good thing. It will be pure Love.

 

[fatima1994]

Inshallah u'll find a good husband...:tti_sister: