DEPRESSED>>>WHAT CAN I DO

[kashif_nazeer]

Just one week since Ramadan finished and ifind myself sinking back into depression

during Ramadan itried to stay calm to focus on fasting prayer reading quran,,,but now ifind it hard to keep[ calm

in the last years many things happend which have shaken my life and eomtionally deeply affected me ,and my health issuffering too,im stressed ,dont sleep,often get sick,,,

some things happpened to me ,others peoples actions which affected my life,other things my own fault,my own mistakes which affected me deeply

now ifind myself sitll sinking into periods of deep depression sadness confusion

i have dealt wiht many of the issues,,,but istill feel i have lost my way in this world,sometimes idont know myself and dont know how to live my life

i joined this site,becasue i really need a place like this,as my faith has also weakened in this time
but at the same time...when i see some of the brothers and sisters here ..it makes mere reliase my weaknesses,,,ifeel ashamed..i have been a\revert for 20 years..but some here new reverts or for short time have such strong faith are so commited and trying with such effort to lead a good life
sometimes ijust feel like a failure
asometimes ifeel icant continue living where iam and the way iam
i live in an islamiccountry,,,i have a family hamdilla....
but at same time ifeel so lost
and feel im in a crossroads in my life

...........................................dont know what to do

:salam2:

Sister seek help in sabr and salat.Prayer and patience,it is the formula for all sorts of problems.It happens with all of us fluctuations of iman,there are highs then there are lows.That is life."Verily with hardship ,there is a relief."
Never despair sister,because that is what shaytaan wants us to do,to despair and to fall into depression.It's because he ids far removed from Allah's mercy and forgiveness so he accursed one wants us to despair of Allah's mercy too.

Always be conscious that Allah is near to us,nearer than our juglar vein and hears us.His names are Ar-Rahman(The Most Gacious) and Ar-Raheem(The Most Merciful) the one softer than the other.He created womb and gave it a name after His name calling it 'rahm'.Allah's mercy is similarly covering us from all sides,protecting us ,caring for us and nurturing us through this life.Why despair when we have such a caring and loving Allah nearer to us than our juglar veins ALWAYS.
Whenever we feel no one is listening to us know that Allah is listening to us He is As-Sami(Th Hearer).
When we feel no one sees how we are know that Allah sees for Allah is Al Baseer(The All Seer).
When we feel that no one knows about our condition we should remember that Allah is Al Aleem(The All Knowing)
When we feel no one is aware how we feel,we should remember that Allah is Al Khabir(The All-Aware)
When we feel no one cares remember that Allah is Al Wadud(the Most Loving) and A Raheem(The Extremely Merciful)

Be strong sister and hold firmly to Allah's rope(Qur'an).Attach your heart to Qur'an when you do that you will see all your worries and depression alleviate from you.Do not let go of it for a moment,the heart which holds Qur'an ,no worry or problem can affect it.In the Qur'an lies the healing of hearts and peace and calmness for the believer ,it is the best medicine for heart.

Sister when you feel alone and depressed remember this saying of Sheikhul Islam Ibn Taymiyyah who was in prison when he said:

What can my enemies do to me? I have in my breast both my heaven and my garden. If I travel they are with me, never leaving me. Imprisonment for me is a chance to be alone with my Lord. To be killed is martyrdom and to be exiled from my land is a spiritual journey. (Ibn al-Qayyim, Waabil, p.69)

All of us live in some sort of prison physical or non physical ,it is Allah's words and His remembrance that can make us feel free always.When Allah is with us,we are never alone.

Also I would suggest you read this du'a,it's one of my favourites:

[yt]4JQfqaUhy-g[/yt]

Cry your worries to Allah alone,whenevr you feel you can,like you said you cannot sleep,try crying to Allah your worries alone in the silent of midnight.You will experience peace,tranquility and calmness inshaAllah that will wash your worries away.
May Allah ease your affairs for you.Ameen.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Same old thoughts; see if this makes sense:

The universe is in motion, the planets are in motion, the sun and the moon are in motion..the energy of the universe, the rain, the wind, the waters..get my drift...
The antidote to depression is action. When something is depressed it is almost buried. It leaves a mark..it does not move.

Here is a simple idea: why not start taking a tray of food to the masjid. Every evening take a simple tray at maghrib. Nothing that will break you, just an offering of thanks.

Let me know about the blessings that run to you, Insha'Allah.

 

[brightspark]

Assalaam walaikum,

Same old thoughts; see if this makes sense:

The universe is in motion, the planets are in motion, the sun and the moon are in motion..the energy of the universe, the rain, the wind, the waters..get my drift...
The antidote to depression is action. When something is depressed it is almost buried. It leaves a mark..it does not move.

Here is a simple idea: why not start taking a tray of food to the masjid. Every evening take a simple tray at maghrib. Nothing that will break you, just an offering of thanks.

Let me know about the blessings that run to you, Insha'Allah.

Thats pretty profound, i never looked at depression from that perspective before. Useful Advice too.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Welcome sister...I am the old one here...once in a blue moon I am wise.

 

[World Peace]

Asalam aleacom warahmato Allah wabarakato sister esperanza

I hope the following information gives you comfort.

As there is pleasure, so there is pain; and as there is happiness and joy, there is also difficulty and suffering. Each experience we have is meant to teach us something in Life. No one goes through this life without experiencing some type of difficulty. And It is not unnatural to be sad over situations and events. But we must not give up hope. Be sure that after darkness there will be light. And dawn will soon be followed by daybreak. (1)

The greatest hope is mercy from Allah. Hope is the medicine which keeps one alive and going. And keeps one cheerful, determined and strong-willed. During despair, there is darkness, but in hope, there is light. Therefore, one must pray for this light to illuminate the heart so that we can see beyond what is causing the suffering today. (1)

Remember:

“The greatest reward comes with the greatest trial. When God loves a people, He tests them. Whoever accepts this, wins His Pleasure.” (Al-Tirmidhi)

“How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for his affairs are all good, and this applies to no one but the believer. If something good happens to him, he is thankful for it and that is good for him. If something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience and that is good for him.” (Sahih Muslim)

"Not so do those who show patience and constancy, and work righteousness; for them is forgiveness (of sins) and a great reward" (The Holy Quran, 11:11)

"And be steadfast in patience; for verily Allah will not suffer the reward of the righteous to perish" (The Holy Quran, 11:115)

"Now await in patience the command of thy Lord: for verily thou art in Our eyes: and celebrate the praises of thy Lord the while thou standest forth" (The Holy Quran, 52:48)

Patience is one of the greatest attributes a person can acquire and Allah is with those who are patient and the reward for Patience is Paradise.

"..Who say, when afflicted with calamity: “To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return” (The Holy Quran, 2:156)

Then here are the rewards Allah will give that person (The Holy Quran, 2:157):

"They are those on whom (Descend) blessings from Allah, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance." (The Holy Quran, 2:157)

1. Blessings from Allah: The patient person is blessed by Allah.

2. Mercy of Allah: When Allah gives someone His Mercy, He will let him enter paradise with His Mercy.

3. Guidance of Allah: A patient person will be guided by Allah in this world.

"If one who is going through great trials continues to turn towards Allah in humility, meekness and in humblenes then know that the reward one will gain will be unimaginable."

"Shaythan is our eternal sworn enemy and wants us to lose hope from Allah. We should disregard his whispers. We must continuously strive, keep turning towards Allah, and be patient."

"Who have believed and whose hearts have rest in the remembrance of Allah. Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest" (The Holy Quran, 13:28)

"So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief", Verily, with every difficulty there is relief" (The Holy Quran, 94, 5-6)


Never give up and be strong sister. And know that Allah (God) is always with you, turn to him, he will help you through.

How Islam Deals With Sadness and Worry
http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/3516/viewall/

How to Behave When Struck by Illness
http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/2231/viewall/

------------------------------


Keys to Happiness
Sheik Ayed Al-Qarni

The following are tips for the attainment of happiness:

- Do not preoccupy your mind with the past and all that it contained, focus on the present.

(Remember, Allah is The Most Merciful, He is The Accepter of Repentance, the All-forgiving, The Pardoner, The Most Loving, He is The Souce of Peace, The Guardian of Faith, and to him belong the most beautiful names. Get closer to him by knowing him through his names)

(Everyone makes mistakes. If you have sined in the past, and when you fall into sin, repent. And continually seek forgiveness. Allah loves those whom repent and purify themselves. Continually do dhikr, asking forgiveness, and Alahoma saly ala sayidina Mohammad [Peace be upon him])

- Do not completely preoccupy yourself with the future and then discard the present. Be balanced in life, prepare yourself adequately for all situations.

- Do not be shaken by criticism; instead, be firm. Be sure that in proportion to your worth, the level of people's criticism rises. Also, make good use of criticism in discovering your shortcomings and faults, and let it drive you toward self-improvement.

- Have complete faith in Allah and perform good deeds; these are the ingredients that makeup a good and happy life.

- If you desire peace, tranquility, and comfort, you can find it all in the remembrance of Allah.

- You should know with certainty that everything that happens, occurs in accordance with the divine decree.

- Do not expect gratitude from anyone.

- Perhaps what has happened is in your best interest, even though you may not comprehend how that can be so.

- Everything that is decreed for the believer is the best for him.

- Enumerate the blessings of Allah and be thankful for them.

- Remember that you are better off than many others.

- Indeed, with each difficulty there is relief.

- In both times of hardship and ease, one should turn to supplication and prayer, either patiently contented or thankful.

- Calamities should strengthen your heart and reshape your outlook in a positive way.

- Do not let trivialities be the cause of your downfall.

- Always remember that your Allah is Oft-Forgiving.
Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him said that Allah the Almighty says to the believer in Hadith-ul-Qudsi:
"O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me, and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you to ask forgiveness of Me, I would Forgive you. O son of Adam were you to come to Me with sins as great as the Earth, and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it."
And: "indeed My Mercy Prevails over My Wrath"

- Assume an easy-going attitude and avoid anger.

- Life is bread, water, and shade; so do not be perturbed by a lack of any other material thing.

“And in the heaven is your providence and that which you are promised.” (The Holy Quran, 51:22)

- Look at those who have more afflictions and be grateful that you have less.

- Bear in mind the fact that Allah loves those who endure trials with steadfastness, so seek to be one of them.

- Constantly repeat those supplications that the Prophet, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, taught us to say during times of hardship.

- Work hard at something that is productive, and cast off idleness.

- Do not listen to rumors, nor spread them. If you hear a rumor inadvertently, do not believe it.

- Know that malice and striving to seek revenge are much more harmful to your health than they are to your antagonist.

- The hardships that befall you atone for your sins, if you endure with patience.

Source: http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/2407/
----------------------

You can get closer to Allah (God) by many ways including:
- Reading the Holy Quran
- Being a devoted servant and worshiper
- Pleasing Allah (God). Submitting to his will, and following his commandments
- Having a sincere heart. And striving to Protect it from arrogance, vanity, envy, hatred, anger, hypocrisy, greed, lust, ill thoughts of Allah (God) and people, fear of poverty etc. They are Satan's gateways to the heart.
- Protecting the tongue from backbiting and lying
- Remembering Allah (God). Praising him, and thanking him for his blessings
- Repenting and asking for forgiveness
- Having Piety and being righteous
- Having a good character
- Being patient with trials and difficulties
- Honoring parents, and maintaining kin-ties
- Being good to your Husband/wife and children
- Being good to your neighbors
- Being Charitable and kind to Allah (God's) creatures
- Helping the poor and the needy
- Forgiving those who wronged you for the sake of Allah (God)
- Reflecting on Allah's (God's) wonderful creation
- Seeking knowledge

Wasalam aleacom warahmato Allah wabarakato
-------------------------------
(1) OnIslam.net

 

[esperanza]

worldpeace ...thank you so so much for your advice and fortaking the time for giving me all of this...it was a great help ..thank you foryour kindness

 

[esperanza]

shukran brother for your advice...i really need this

 

[Um Ibrahim]

Just wanted to add one littel

:salam2:

Sister Esperanza, mashaaAllah you got plenty of wonderful advice and suggesetions, I even benefitted from these as well. Just wanted to add, here is the du'a for sorrow and anxiety, it's from the husnul muslim. Please read this du'a a lot!!!! It definitely has helped me a lot when I wasn't feeling so well.

http://www.makedua.com/display_dua.php?sectionid=34

May Allah help you, Allahuma Amin

 

[ratna_abdat]

DEPRESSED ???

Assalamualaykum

Sister, you don't need to think about your problem, because we can't solve our problem without the help from ALLAH. Give your time to help others (if you love ALLAH, then help HIS creations), you will see how happy you are when you see them. Then you will know that your problem is not as bad as other person's problem.

These 5 do'a that you can read every night, insyaALLAH will help
please start each do'a with basmalah

1. Surah Al Baqarah 156
2. Surah Al Imran 173
3. Surah An Ambia 87
4. Surah An Ambia 83
5. Surah Al Mukmin 44

 

[hayat84]

:salam2:
dear sister,how are you today?you're not alone,don't forget it.Allah is with you,Tti is with you,you're not alone...

 

[esperanza]

thank you sister...im better than before hamdilla but it still needs time,,,
thank you and for everyone here for thier concern and advice

 

[s.hashemi]

This is not just affecting reverts, but also those with a Muslim upbringing. Doubt and lack of faith due to depression or ocd. If your depression is situational, then you can fix it by positivity, healthiness, activity, and spirituality/religion (ie. Islam); you may also consider therapy. If all of this doesn't work, then it is clinical depression or ocd (both forms of anxiety disorder), in this case you may do all of the aforementioned things but in addition you would want a psychiatrist and may need to go on medication.

If you are wondering if you are possessed, let me tell you right away; the fact that you can pray means you aren't possessed; jinns are easily defeated and destroyed by the slightest mention of Allah or any verse of the Qur'an; often people associate ocd with jinns... which is absurd because if that were the case, all our problems would be erased by saying authubillah.

I speak about this from experience, I have and am going through what you are going through. I just didn't have the courage to express it here! Trust me, deen helps and so does being active, healthy, positive; but if what you have is a chemical imbalance, you need to be treated in addition to the therapy and salat, etc. As for your faith, scientifically there are 100s of web sites and youtube videos which can define the accuracy of the Qur'an; but for personal proof ie. emotional proof, well let's just say, if He made it hard on us He certainly loves us more and will reward us double for keeping His Law; plus, God helps those who help themselves, so you got to do what you can to get better!

Try to change your thinking patterns and if it fixes you, great; if not, see a therapist who you can talk to and who can help you in changing your thought pattern (this does not conflict with Islam). If you still are not feeling good, then you want a psychiatrist to treat you. Anxiety is a chemical imbalance in the brain, its forms are OCD and clinical Depression which are more common than you think - it doesn't mean you are crazy; in fact it could even help you become a better Muslim. In fact, clinical depression is often hereditary. If you have a cold, you will need medicine; this is no different - it does not alter anything, all it does is it helps produce the chemical serotonin which anxiety sufferers are having less production of.

This will also keep your iman strong, because when depression/ocd strikes it makes you go down emotionally which effects you spiritually, academically, occupationally, and socially. Remember the sahih hadith, can't quote it, but basically the Prophet SWS said everything that hurts us Allah will recompense us for - even a thornprick. And keep in mind the trials of Ayyub (as).

 

[esperanza]

This is not just affecting reverts, but also those with a Muslim upbringing. Doubt and lack of faith due to depression or ocd. If your depression is situational, then you can fix it by positivity, healthiness, activity, and spirituality/religion (ie. Islam); you may also consider therapy. If all of this doesn't work, then it is clinical depression or ocd (both forms of anxiety disorder), in this case you may do all of the aforementioned things but in addition you would want a psychiatrist and may need to go on medication.

If you are wondering if you are possessed, let me tell you right away; the fact that you can pray means you aren't possessed; jinns are easily defeated and destroyed by the slightest mention of Allah or any verse of the Qur'an; often people associate ocd with jinns... which is absurd because if that were the case, all our problems would be erased by saying authubillah.

I speak about this from experience, I have and am going through what you are going through. I just didn't have the courage to express it here! Trust me, deen helps and so does being active, healthy, positive; but if what you have is a chemical imbalance, you need to be treated in addition to the therapy and salat, etc. As for your faith, scientifically there are 100s of web sites and youtube videos which can define the accuracy of the Qur'an; but for personal proof ie. emotional proof, well let's just say, if He made it hard on us He certainly loves us more and will reward us double for keeping His Law; plus, God helps those who help themselves, so you got to do what you can to get better!

Try to change your thinking patterns and if it fixes you, great; if not, see a therapist who you can talk to and who can help you in changing your thought pattern (this does not conflict with Islam). If you still are not feeling good, then you want a psychiatrist to treat you. Anxiety is a chemical imbalance in the brain, its forms are OCD and clinical Depression which are more common than you think - it doesn't mean you are crazy; in fact it could even help you become a better Muslim. In fact, clinical depression is often hereditary. If you have a cold, you will need medicine; this is no different - it does not alter anything, all it does is it helps produce the chemical serotonin which anxiety sufferers are having less production of.

This will also keep your iman strong, because when depression/ocd strikes it makes you go down emotionally which effects you spiritually, academically, occupationally, and socially. Remember the sahih hadith, can't quote it, but basically the Prophet SWS said everything that hurts us Allah will recompense us for - even a thornprick. And keep in mind the trials of Ayyub (as).

shukran brother for your reply....and for all your suggestions..there are some people who dont think that depression is a real or a clinical problem..but iknow just how real it is,,,,,and really does affet a person in every way

yes being healthy ,active and positive would help but ifind it hard to be these things even though i know i need to be
after what you wrote iwill definitely try to find out if it could be chemical,especially as you mention the heriditary possibility ,as my mother sufered severe depression at some stage of her life,,,

proble where i live..consulting wiht a psychiatrist,,, is seen like a sign of craziness...not like the west where a mojority of people and even their pets have counsellors

i know that really i need someone to disuss things with ,,,but not always easy to find....and its really hard sometimes when you feel those around you dont understand,,,

i never though about it being jinn,but there are people here who would blame it on that ..or say your influened by shaytan

thank you for your advice
with Allahs help ill find a solution inshalla

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Diet...what are you eating. What are you not eating.

Depression is a choice. I was a therapist for many years.

What are your skills and talents. What do you do best.

Tell us about the wonderful things you want to do. It takes time to develop the trust of born Muslims. I know.

You have to be the one in charge.

 

[esperanza]

salam sister

maybe my diet is to blame yes,,,so what suggestions
and dont have much exercise
what am i good at idont know anymore
i like writing poetry..would like to write a book]
i like nature ...like to help people like to travel
wish could travel to a poor country,,,help orpjhaned children maybe volunteer as a teacher
i feel useless in my life

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

You are not useless:You have to hold on to the fact you are a good person. You have people who respect you. You are needed by many. Do not let the fears of others stop you from being happy.

Sister, so often we allow others to color our world. No, you make you world.

You have us, trust me, you have us. PM whoever you want, including your older sister. Why don't you start a book club here on TTI in the Sisters section. We can have discussion or whatever..sort of a cyber-tea party.

You are an important person to us. We love you.

Sister...we all have periods where we do not know. I have been out of a job for a year and a half...last night my ego said goodbye to me..oh well...

But it is a good thing that you do not know what you excel in. This makes you a baby again. Now you have to rediscover this wonderful world.

Here are some more of my dumb suggestions:
garden..very therapeutic
paint...very tiring ( houses)
cooking...try Japanese..why not

Sister,
Sometimes in life we need to discard old stuff...what are the things in your life you need to discard...last year I gave away everything I had except for what I could fit in my car and drove 6,000 miles. What did I learn...there is very little I need.

Hold on to the Rope of Allah. He has given us His Purpose.

 

[esperanza]

thank you sister for your post...and reminding me i am important..
your right too often it is others that affet me. or worries of thier reation.and ineed to let go of that
and to think about changes in my life

yes ithink youll get pm from me soon

thank you sister

 

[Valerie]

I know this is really a hard time for you, as I am feeling the same way. I had hoped that at the end of Ramadan I would be stronger, but the old hurts are still keeping me down.

I firmly believe that healing will happen eventually. You just have to keep trying your best.

1. See a counsellor.
2. Take vitamins and Omega-3's
3. If you can't sleep, try melatonin, and over-the-counter natural sleep agent. Eliminate caffeine from your diet, including tea, coffee and coke.
4. Keep up with your prayers and dua.
5. Do you have a trusted friend or family member whom you can call when you are really really down and need to release? If not, there are online resources that may help, some online support groups.
6. I'm not a big advocate of anti-depressants, but I've been told that they do help people see more clearly opportunities for life involvment where otherwise this was not possible. Speak to your doctor about a mild anti-depressant. If not, try St.John's wort, which is a herbal anti-depressant.
7. Exercise, exercise, exercise. Excercise changes brain chemistry. Try something new that you haven't tried before.

Honestly sister, you have nothing to lose in pursuing the steps above. To be honest, they haven't helped me 100%, but, I know I would be worse off if I didn't do them. Everyone has their own timeline for healing. Your's might be years, but in the meantime you have to keep marching forward and hope that eventually the cloud will lift.

:salam2:

Good list. Depression isn't something someone can just wake up and get over. I'm hesitant to share this, but I've been dealing with it for almost 5 years. I got help about 2 years ago, and it's slowly getting better. I completely understand the concern about medications/addiction. Make sure you have a doctor you trust. Explain the concerns. If you choose to go that route, talk to them before getting off the medicine, too. I've run out of medicine, unintentionally, and it physically affected me (dizzy, sick). Along with vitamins, I suggest making sure you're eating healthy too. I'm no expert, but it is helping me. Junk food just made me feel worse.

Obviously, this is my opinion and that's just my experience with it, there are far more qualified people to talk about this. I hope you feel better.

 

[queenislam]

Wish you as good as new~Amin!

Just one week since Ramadan finished and ifind myself sinking back into depression

during Ramadan itried to stay calm to focus on fasting prayer reading quran,,,but now ifind it hard to keep[ calm

in the last years many things happend which have shaken my life and eomtionally deeply affected me ,and my health issuffering too,im stressed ,dont sleep,often get sick,,,

some things happpened to me ,others peoples actions which affected my life,other things my own fault,my own mistakes which affected me deeply

now ifind myself sitll sinking into periods of deep depression sadness confusion

i have dealt wiht many of the issues,,,but istill feel i have lost my way in this world,sometimes idont know myself and dont know how to live my life

i joined this site,becasue i really need a place like this,as my faith has also weakened in this time
but at the same time...when i see some of the brothers and sisters here ..it makes mere reliase my weaknesses,,,ifeel ashamed..i have been a\revert for 20 years..but some here new reverts or for short time have such strong faith are so commited and trying with such effort to lead a good life
sometimes ijust feel like a failure
asometimes ifeel icant continue living where iam and the way iam
i live in an islamiccountry,,,i have a family hamdilla....
but at same time ifeel so lost
and feel im in a crossroads in my life

...........................................dont know what to do

~~~
:salam2:

Dearest sister,
This sounds like an infection,You seems to be lack of some vitamins.
i personally will advice you to check your health.At your medical centre/clinic ask them to recommend a good vitamins for your age.

You should actually strenghthen your iman not weakened.


:tti_sister:~May Allah swt help,protect and guide you~Amin!


Wish you as good as new~Amin!


Take care,
~Wassalam

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

The Medicines of the Prophet...work.

A spoon full of honey will give you energy.

The bottom line is this...this was very hard for me to accept..and once I did it was as if I had won the jackpot of every lottery in the world..I am richer than I can count:

Allah subhana wa taala loves me. That is the cure for everything. Alhumdullila,Alhumdullila,Alhumdullila,Alhumdullila,Alhumdullila,Alhumdullila,Alhumdullila,Alhumdullila,Alhumdullila,Alhumdullila,Alhumdullila,Alhumdullila,Alhumdullila,Alhumdullila,Alhumdullila,Alhumdullila,Alhumdullila,Alhumdullila.