A good way to encourage?

[Noor El-Huda]

Salam alaykum

What's a good way to encourage good behaviour, but without falling into what the prophet pbuh prophibited of praise?

"A man praised another man in front of the Prophet .The Prophet said to him, "Woe to you, you have cut off your companion's neck, you have cut off your companion's neck," repeating it several times and then added, "Whoever amongst you has to praise his brother should say, 'I think that he is so and so, and Allah knows exactly the truth, and I do not confirm anybody's good conduct before Allah, but I think him so and so,' if he really knows what he says about him."
(Sahih Bukhari vol 3 no.830)

Do you praise the behaviour but not the person?

I would appreciate some light on this matter with examples.

 

[BADTASTEBEARS]

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullaahi Wabarakaatuh.

A few things have to be kept in mind.

· No lies or exaggeration should be used while praising anybody.

· The Messenger of Allah advised against praising someone on his face or in his own presence. Praise is best done when the person being praised is not amongst them.

· No one should be praised, whereby they are raised to the level and attributes that belong to Allah Subhanah.

Sorry for the limited knowledge, insya Allah others could explain better with examples.

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

Asalamo'alaikom wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh,

I believe the answer is given in the hadith:

then added, "Whoever amongst you has to praise his brother should say, 'I think that he is so and so, and Allah knows exactly the truth, and I do not confirm anybody's good conduct before Allah, but I think him so and so,' if he really knows what he says about him."

It will beneficial if someone else can shed more light on this issue. JazaakumAllahu khayraa.

 

[Noor El-Huda]

Yes, true sister seeking Allah's Mercy, I think that's when you're praising somebody to someone, then you say that:
B]'I think that he is so and so, and Allah knows exactly the truth, and I do not confirm anybody's good conduct before Allah, but I think him so and so,' if he really knows what he says about him."[/B]

but, when I said I like your explanation, you said "No praise".
It got me thinking that I do this all the time in my teaching profession, is it really wrong?

So What I'm trying to say is there must be a difference between praise that will cause self admiration which this hadith refers to, and other type of praise which works towards encouragement. So, for clarification, when I told you "I like your explanation", or I say to a student "you're doing great"!, "That's excellent work"! I suppose that's different.
Right, wrong?

 

[Libinette]

Assalam 'Aleikum,

I think the meaning of praise in the above narrations mainly relates to acts of worship (or acts that draw one closer to Allaah.) We should avoid praising someone's level of commintment in front of him lest he would be filled with arrogance.

But what you seem to be talking about is rather encouragement of other actions such as possibly work or other kinds of efforts, not worship like when you said: 'Well done, that was great' to someone.

And Allaah [swt] knows best.

 

[yasak80]

Esselamu aleykum,

This hadith made me think like that:

to praise someone sometimes can give a way to this person to be blind about his reality especially if he is ignorant about ego ( nefs)
(You know arrogance is haram ,it is a big sin.Maybe we can lead people in a wrong way by praising them)

At past ,I was saying for someone (for example) "she is really a good person "
but I tested that I always went wrong. Then I started to say "she is good to me but Allah knows the best"
but it was before I heard this hadith. It was from my experices

well, so our intend is important I think. Allah knows our intends, our hearts.
If we are encouraging a good behaviour , it is a good manner.
But if we are encouraging him for sin ( arrogance, a big ego )
, it is not a good thing that we heard from hadith.

All praises to Allah (Swt) .

 

[strive-may-i]

we encourage some one, so as to push them achieve good beneficial ends by setting the person on the right means/path. That can be easily done without praising him beyond mortal limits . Words that encourage and make the person climb the next step of achievement, are many, it need not be lust of glory words. The journey itself is fulfilling and meaningful... If some one wishes to be praised always, then thats a sickness, a trap, which I would like to avoid myself.. Piety, humility is sign of 'best of humans'

.......
So What I'm trying to say is there must be a difference between praise that will cause self admiration which this hadith refers to, and other type of praise which works towards encouragement. So, for clarification, when I told you "I like your explanation", or I say to a student "you're doing great"!, "That's excellent work"! I suppose that's different.
Right, wrong?

I have learnt to avoid using the word "great" on first person. Nothing and none other than Almighty is great!

Ali (r) sermon -
'Praised be God who knows the secrets of things, and the proofs of whose existence shine in various phases of nature. No physical eye has or will ever see Him. But those who have not seen Him physically cannot deny His existence, yet the minds of those who have accepted His existence cannot grasp the real essence of Divine Nature. His place is so high that nothing can be imagined higher. He is so near to us that nothing can be imagined nearer. The Eminence of His position has not placed him further away from His creatures, and His Nearness has not brought them up to His Level. He has not
permitted the human mind to grasp the Essence of His Being, yet He has not prevented them from realizing His Presence'

...in short, Almighty is Great...

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

but, when I said I like your explanation, you said "No praise".
It got me thinking that I do this all the time in my teaching profession, is it really wrong?

I'm sorry for hurting your feeling ukht, I was just joking when I said No praising!, I didn't meant it in a rude manner. I need to work on my words argh!

I just thought you could have said, I really like your explaination and Allaah knows best. But to be honest, I've made this mistake several times myself and I've been told not to. I don't intend to butter the person or anything, just gratitude and encouragement. However I haven't yet mastered how to do that without making it sound like a praise so that the others don't feel like guarding themselves against it.

I also would appreciate if someone can tell how to tell a person Not to praise me when you know he/she means well, without offending him/her? It's really hard to work it out.

 

[Noor El-Huda]

Salam alaykum dear sister

You didn't hurt me at all, no worries there, I knew you said it jokingly. You gave me food for thought, to explore the correct ways of praising, which is why I posted the thread.

As to your question, if someone praises you what do you say?: I came across this beautiful dua in the arabic version of 'The Fortress of the Muslim'. I will put my own translation to the dua, however if anyone can find the actual translation, please post it.

Allah I ask your forgivness for what they do not know about me, and I ask you not to account me for what they claim, and make me better than what they perceive me. .

اللهم اغفر لي ما لا يعلمون ولا تؤاخذني بما يقولون واجعلني خيرا مما يظنون

So, basically if you say this dua (or even the first sentence only) to the praising person, you're reminding them that Allah knows best.

Take care dear sister

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

Salam alaykum dear sister

Allah I ask your forgivness for what they do not know about me, and I ask you not to account me for what they claim, and make me better than what they perceive me. .

اللهم اغفر لي ما لا يعلمون ولا تؤاخذني بما يقولون واجعلني خيرا مما يظنون

So, basically if you say this dua (or even the top line only) to the praising person, you're reminding them that Allah knows best.

Take care dear sister

Asalamo 'Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh,

Jazaakillahu Khayraa for the dua dear sister.