loving husband cheated on me

[humble hijabi]

assalamualaikum my brothers and sisters,
may Allah subahnahu wa ta'ala shower his blessings on you all ameen.
first of all my english is not very good so if any mistake then forgive in advance.
i am posting this thread here in open forum instead of sisters only area beceause i want my brothers' opinion too.
well my story is simple but it is taking everyhting out of me.
few days ago i found that my huband has been cheating on me and he himself told me.one day his freind call him (just to make fun) that the girl he was seeing is pregnant.he was so worried when i would ask, he would say i am worried about nothuing .But one day when he could not keep this matter secret he told me the story.
he said that he was sorry and that he dont love her but it was just the shaitann and he also told me that he didnt do anything but when he was about to make sex with girl,my face came in front of him and at once left her.
he is sorry and he says that iam his world and he loves me (how can i believe him).the whole thing happened when i was in afghanistan and my husband and that girls had met via facebook( i hate FB)
ow he has started prayers and he is good and practicing islam.the question is i love him very very much i cant live without him but at the same time i am unable to forgive him. i need your help my brothers and sisters.
i cant leave him because i have 2 years old son and he loves him too.

 

[MohammedMaksudul]

:salam2:

I am young and not married, may be my opinion here will not have much value. Anyway, I think if a man repents truly and with a sincere heart (if that he what claims to do so) then we should think that Allaah likes those who repent and Allaah is the Oft-Forgiving. So if Allah forgives such a man, then we should also forgive him. And a point to be noted here is that if there was Islamic laws applied then the man (if he had committed zina) then needs to be stoned, but if he is outside the Islamic laws then we have to understand that Allaah has shown mercy on the man and given him a second chance by not subjecting him to the Islamic Punishment. Allaah knows best!

 

[a_stranger]

:salam2:

Dear since you love your husband and have a child , I think it is better to forgive him but you should try to make him fear Allah subhanahu wa taala and have a good muslem company ...let him hear some lectures to increase faith and taqwa . May Allah bless you and your family.

 

[Itqan Ullah]

Waliekumassalam warahmatullahi wabarakatu, First of all I welcome you to TTI and express my sincere consolodences on your situation.

I have the same advise as brothers and sisters above (but my advise carries hardly any weight coz I am unmarried) , If your husband has truly repented and your seeing some considerable change in his faith (I mean he has becoming a good muslim) then it might be ok to live with him.

maybe he needs some counselling, so maybe this might help:

http://www.youtube.com/user/OneWayToParadise?feature=g-all
http://www.youtube.com/user/QuranWeekly?feature=g-all#p/search

oh and quoting from "youth in a booth" lecture by abu mussab (not exact wordings, its what I remember):

"....According to some of the ulema the sin of zina is so severe that even if someone puts a gun on your head and ask you to commit it, you should opt to die than to commit it."

ask your husband to sincerely repent from allah (swt) and I pray to allah that may allah guide & forgive both of you and increase your knowledge and increase the love between you 2.

Allah knows the best...

 

[esperanza]

assalamualaikum my brothers and sisters,
may Allah subahnahu wa ta'ala shower his blessings on you all ameen.
first of all my english is not very good so if any mistake then forgive in advance.
i am posting this thread here in open forum instead of sisters only area beceause i want my brothers' opinion too.
well my story is simple but it is taking everyhting out of me.
few days ago i found that my huband has been cheating on me and he himself told me.one day his freind call him (just to make fun) that the girl he was seeing is pregnant.he was so worried when i would ask, he would say i am worried about nothuing .But one day when he could not keep this matter secret he told me the story.
he said that he was sorry and that he dont love her but it was just the shaitann and he also told me that he didnt do anything but when he was about to make sex with girl,my face came in front of him and at once left her.
he is sorry and he says that iam his world and he loves me (how can i believe him).the whole thing happened when i was in afghanistan and my husband and that girls had met via facebook( i hate FB)
ow he has started prayers and he is good and practicing islam.the question is i love him very very much i cant live without him but at the same time i am unable to forgive him. i need your help my brothers and sisters.
i cant leave him because i have 2 years old son and he loves him too.

dear sister,, my heart goes out to you ,,,,this is avery serios matter, and your husband must be aware of how serious,,,not only has he betrayed you your love your daughter but also committed or thought of committing one of most serious sins in Islam

he must truly be sorry truly repent to ALLah and aks for forgiveness from Allah
but also in your\ relationship he msut totally recommit to your marriage,annd you need to be sure of this,,
beausue whensomeone has made a mistake like this sometimes it can be easier to return, to do it again,
and you dont want to spend your marriage worrying each time your away

you must have a very serioustalk wiht your husband

mayAllah guide you and make things easier,,

isyour husband also from afghanistan??

 

[lovefordeen]

wa'alaikum assalaam wa rahmathulahi wa barkathuhu

dear sister...i'm so sorry for what happened...but please don't make it hard on you...regarding forgiving him or not..i'm not wise enough to have a say on that matter,bt in case you are forgiving him,then plz read the following

i'm not a wise person,but let me give my humble opinion...what kind of friends does your husband hang out with...plz ask your husband to keep good company...if his friends are not very good,he may get influenced a lot negatively...i ask so because you said his friend called him to tease him regarding this affair..in my opinion,an upright friend wouldn't tease his friend on such an issue,but rather try to bring him on the right path...his friend was teasing him about this girl...teasing him is like the friend approves of this and it reminds him of her(Allah knows best about his friend's intentions...i just said my opinion)...

try to make sure your husband keeps the right company..if his friends are bad,ask him to leave them and make new good friends like people who do congreqational prayers in the masjid and are rigtheous...

plz encourge your husband to do good deeds and maybe you two could recite the Qur'an together(sadly,my husband and i hardly do these things together),study islam together,become good friends with each other,go out on a trip together if possible,both of you try to be more attractive to each other and increase the bond between the both of you.....

and since he met this girl through fb,ask him to delete all her details from his fb account,from his fone,and from his memory...never to contact her again...and its good not to have any close female friends...

and in your home plz try to practice gender segregation when required when guests come(only in case you are not doing it already)...

and make lots of dua' for your husband and your marriage...and dear sister, please don't be depressed and let this affect your little son...in sha Allah i'll make dua' for you...
with lots of love..your sister in islam


and Allah knows best
May Allah forgive me if i have said something wrong...

 

[saifkhan]

assalamualaikum my brothers and sisters,
may Allah subahnahu wa ta'ala shower his blessings on you all ameen.
first of all my english is not very good so if any mistake then forgive in advance.
i am posting this thread here in open forum instead of sisters only area beceause i want my brothers' opinion too.
well my story is simple but it is taking everyhting out of me.
few days ago i found that my huband has been cheating on me and he himself told me.one day his freind call him (just to make fun) that the girl he was seeing is pregnant.he was so worried when i would ask, he would say i am worried about nothuing .But one day when he could not keep this matter secret he told me the story.
he said that he was sorry and that he dont love her but it was just the shaitann and he also told me that he didnt do anything but when he was about to make sex with girl,my face came in front of him and at once left her.
he is sorry and he says that iam his world and he loves me (how can i believe him).the whole thing happened when i was in afghanistan and my husband and that girls had met via facebook( i hate FB)
ow he has started prayers and he is good and practicing islam.the question is i love him very very much i cant live without him but at the same time i am unable to forgive him. i need your help my brothers and sisters.
i cant leave him because i have 2 years old son and he loves him too.

wa 'alaykum salam

I'm not gonna comment on that, not enough learned or privileged to give my comment.

but the point i want to note, is, whats going on in the world?
there is no trust between two persons' relationship, everything is surrounded by sex and vulgarism.

likewise the hadeeth of rasul Allah salla Allahu 'alayhi wa sallam mentions in the sign of last days> there will be no trust between two people, if I'm not wrong, he mentioned about muslims.

also another hadeeth, zina/fornication will be on increase

what happened to our Muslim Ummah? what happened to the world?

the most protest and demonstrations going on in the west and unfortunately our lands, are also based on sex and nudism.

IS our world has become a SEX driven world/society?

I dont understand!

Allah subhanahu wa ta'la didn't say "don't commit zinah"
He clearly says: "don't even get closer to that" means anything may lead to zina, is haram to commit.


i was reading a news, in net, some girls made protests , actually nude protest for the women rights abuse in France by berlusconi and they said, they said they are ready to any of the Muslim lands and do protest for the women rights!!

now this is sick!!

there is so fitnah around you, you can't even read news!

even sports!!

in a football event, they are going to strip naked women for raising fund and models are agreed even.

what, where is the world heading towards?

none other than in a muslim land, now muslims tend to adopt these empty protests!

i really don't understand!

the world is full of sickness, sick persons who claim to be modern.

and the same news in going to be printed in newspaper and the newspaper will be read by one guy, his mother, father, or sister, or children....where's the haya gone, this is how they are attacking ours

Allah is as-Sabur, Allah is tolerating it, but for me I can not tolerate these things.

Allahu a'lam

my advice would be consult any Imam, may from other area, if you don't want to disclose to the local Imam.

I don't know what would I do in these cases
may Allah give you sabr and find way out.

wassalamu 'alaykum

NB: I didn't shared any source or links, because i dont want others to read those weird thought provoking news.

 

[Hard Rock Moslem]

I'm truly sad for what happened to you my dear sister. I understand it is very difficult to forgive him, but I feel that will be the best punishment for him. I suggest have a serious talk with him, tactfully ask him to disclose whether he had any other affairs beside this. If he really honest, he will disclose all. Then it is your turn to show your honesty to him if he disclose everything. I'm sorry sister, it's not my intention to add fuel to the fire. You need to know how far he had gone astray. For Allah sake and to save your marriage. You also have a child. Just ask him to repent and give him a chance. I know this is easy to say than done. Men will go astray when they have bad company around them. So next thing ensure your husband get rid of this bad company too. Pray for Allah to guide your husband.

And brothers and sisters, let's pray for this sister and her husband.

 

[TheAuthenticBase]

Man, by nature was created with a desire for sexual relations. Men love it more than women. And once a man experiences it, he needs it more. But if his wife is away from him, his desire builds up, and it keeps on building up, till it almost boils inside of him.

This gets to a stage where the man can no longer take it.

Islaam recognizes that a mans desire is strong for sexual relations, hence why Allaah has cursed the woman who doesn't respond to her husbands desires when he calls him. One of the wisdoms behind this is so that the shaytaan does not make him go elsewhere.

Maybe the reason/cause behind this was the absence of his wife from him.

His act, was no doubt haraam, and i am not justifying it, maybe just trying to shed some light on te reasons/causes behind it.

 

[TheAuthenticBase]

Also whats important to note is that he admitted his mistake, he was weak, and the only way to help someone who is weak is by encouraging them towards good, not be bringing this up again and again, as that will just ruin him and make him feel low, and will then push him to do it again.

He needs help and suport from you (his wife) and not to be embarrassed.

Importantly, do not embarrass him, nor bring it up again and again, as that will kill him and make him avoid you.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

If you really love him why are posting this. You say you can not live without him so why is the forgiveness hard.

It is sad when people make excuses. His excuses to you are poor. He should have been have been honest with you. You were not with him and he was lonely.

According to you he did not have sex with her; so what is the issue. He did not cheat.

So what is that is the exact problem. How can you love something you do not trust. Why have you lost trust. You have to learn to forgive and move on.

 

[Abdul Hasib]

Assalamu Aleykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaathuh sister.

It's sad that your husband did that. And as far as I understand, he didn't do Zina with the girl because he remembered about you, and he alos wants you to feel that he loves you more than that girl.

I think your husband really DOES love you, and the reason why he cheated on you was because he couldn't control his feelings for that girl that he saw on FB (because if you were with him at home when he met that girl, he might not have started talking to her).

I think that you should give him a "cold shoulder" for a few days. Do not talk to him that much (and that you do not smile or make yourself look beautiful for him) (and always keep a normal or sad face whenever you talk to him) for a few days and you should ALWAYS keep on reminding him about all the good things you did for him so that he'll feel more bad for what he did, and so Inshallah, he won't do that again.

The reason why I'm telling you to do that is because if a husband REALLY loves his wife (and if he REALLY loves you), then he will feel PAIN and SADNESS in his heart if he makes his wife sad (by cheating on her, doing something bad, etc.) and if you show him that you are really upset and sad because he cheated on you, then Inshallah Ta Alla, Allah (SWT) will make him feel bad for what he did. And you should only do it for a few days (or a week) so that it doesn't destroy your marriage but so that you can make him feel sorry to you.

Then when you feel that your husband feels REALLY bad for what he did (and if he asks you to forgive him), tell him that he has to delete (disable) his FB account infront of you, and that he has to give his computer and email password to you (so that you can check to make sure he is not doing anything bad).

And tell him to give you the girl's cellphone number and her FB name so that you can talk to her.

And if he REALLY changes (meaning that he stops talking to the girl and he is loyal to you), then you can start being good to him again, and I think you should make your marriage stronger by spending time doing Ta'leem together (in the house).

And Allah (SWT) knows best.

 

[TheAuthenticBase]

I think that you should give him a "cold shoulder" for a few days. Do not talk to him that much (and that you do not smile or make yourself look beautiful for him) (and always keep a normal or sad face whenever you talk to him) for a few days and you should ALWAYS keep on reminding him about all the good things you did for him so that he'll feel more bad for what he did, and so Inshallah, he won't do that again.

totally disagree...

he knows he done bad, so why argue over spilt milk?

theres absolutely no point in pushing him further...

He already feels bad, so why rub it in? no point... Don't let shaytaan over power him again...

he needs help, not further frustration.

 

[yasak80]

Esselamu aleykum,
I will pray for you sister ,
you know your husband better than us , please sister ask Allah for what to do...

inshaallah may Allah creates a fear and love of Allah inside him , so that he can be saved from shatan, he can understand the shatan's plays.
And may Allah make him reconsider that you are choosen for him by Allah.(swt)

we make mistakes our creator Allah forgives , but for us ,as a slave, to forgive is very difficult. I can understand.

may Allah make you pass this test easily.
maybe you will be not remembering this case for the future...

 

[sachin4islam]

Assalamu Alaikum:

This world is going to be hell in absence of mutual trust and also in absence of re-establishment lost trusts.

Though tough to be allotted your husband deserves a single chance.

Rest you know it better.

Regards.

 

[queenislam]

Call in Islamic council for assistance.

assalamualaikum my brothers and sisters,
may Allah subahnahu wa ta'ala shower his blessings on you all ameen.
first of all my english is not very good so if any mistake then forgive in advance.
i am posting this thread here in open forum instead of sisters only area beceause i want my brothers' opinion too.
well my story is simple but it is taking everyhting out of me.
few days ago i found that my huband has been cheating on me and he himself told me.one day his freind call him (just to make fun) that the girl he was seeing is pregnant.he was so worried when i would ask, he would say i am worried about nothuing .But one day when he could not keep this matter secret he told me the story.
he said that he was sorry and that he dont love her but it was just the shaitann and he also told me that he didnt do anything but when he was about to make sex with girl,my face came in front of him and at once left her.
he is sorry and he says that iam his world and he loves me (how can i believe him).the whole thing happened when i was in afghanistan and my husband and that girls had met via facebook( i hate FB)
ow he has started prayers and he is good and practicing islam.the question is i love him very very much i cant live without him but at the same time i am unable to forgive him. i need your help my brothers and sisters.
i cant leave him because i have 2 years old son and he loves him too.

~~~

:salam2:

I really took pity on you
my dear sister
especially the little one future.

For your situation;
I think you should call and report this matter to the Islamic council for advice and futher step that you should take.

For instance here your husband
should straighten up his attitute and position especially that he is a family man with a kid now.
Ask for a counselling for your husband in his situation insyallah they can get and help him out the kind of situation that he is in.So he won't dare to cheat you again in the near future~Insya'allah!

~May Allah swt help and guide you and protect your family~Amin!

Take care,
~Wassalam

 

[humble hijabi]

jazakallah for your support and your kindness.
i have been through hell these days but alhumdulillah i am fine and i have regained my strength.he is so ashamed of whatever he did to me and i know that i was away so shaitaan misguided him and took him to zinna if i were with him he might not have gone there.
jazakallah brother AUTHENTIC BASE AND SISTER AAPA i really appreciate your advises.yeah brother abdul hasib he has given me his FB passwords and he now dont keep anything secret but i have to keep an eye on him as things can never be the same any more.
truly Allah is with those who do sabr.
sister queenislam i dont need pity i am brave mashallah

 

[islamerica]

:salam2:

i'm sorry to hear about all that happened. Others have given great advices so i'll just that may Allah make it easy on you dear sister, bless your marriage and keep your husband away from such sins in the future. Ameen!