Feelings of Regret Envy and Exasperation

[candy candy]

Salam

Friends I have been writing to this forum for many months due to the problems i have been facing and fortunately I have received the best suggestions, comments and advice over the pathetic matters happened in my life...but still today My heart is so heavy and dull...The feelings of regret over fornication and so called love have dwelled envy and exasperation inside me against the people whom i see happy and satisfied....I dont know whats wrong with me....I pray and read Quran alot and do zikr but it seems that the Allah is angry with me and Allah should be because I crossed the limits and transgressed the limits of Islam....but Allah is Oft Forgiving then why Allah is not listening to me and If Allah is listening then why i am still facing this tough situation...even right now i am in my office but i really want to hit my head hard into the wall and want to kill that S***bag and want to kill his Ex girl due to which he did all this to me...but at the sametime i think about the reality also....the reality is that he was not completely responsible for everything and I dont even know that lady from whom i feel jealous....Sometimes i feel like why the people are happy and why i am not...how people successfully manage relationships and get the love of their life and live happily...why the things dont work for me....I am an unsuccessful girl....I always wanted to marry and still I want to but I dont know why i cant forget him...I curse him curse him and curse him because i have gone crazy....

Goshhhh.....whats wrong with me....I want to get out of all this but nothing is happening in my favour....then i think that i would keep myself busy in my work but my job is so weird and pathetic that i cant keep myself busy even....i dont know why this mess up is not ending up....Why Allah is not lessening the tensions and burdens for me....I know this is not right to complain but i am so tired and messed up....i was never like this, i was full of life and so good but the kick in love has ruined me and has shattered my girly dreams and everything....

I dont know what to do and what not to do....I just want to know how to forget him and everything...i dont want to be a sinner anymore....i dont want to commit any sin ....i dont want to hurt anyone.....i dnt want to do anything that could make Allah angry....might be i am facing the punishment of my sins but i know Allah is oft forgiving....

I am really upset right now...it seems like that i wont ever find a loving man....it seems as that i wont be happy again and i would stay the same....Gosh....i dont know what to do....my heart is so heavy and hurt....i am having tears in my eyes....i keep on crying the whole day that whats wrong with me....i know i have gone crazy and i wont be fine ever....my family feels as i wont be able to find a good man ever.,...even they are facing so problems regarding finding a perfect match....they dont know what to do and what not to do.....Gosh....dont know what to write....

please guide and pray for me.....

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

Asalamo`Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Baarakaatuh,

Ukht, you are not the first and you surely won't be the last. It happens. You asked a lot of "whys". We can only answer with that which Allaah has given us. No more no less. Why do you have never ending tension, hardships and problems and depression: It could be because:

1) You are 'very' strong so Allaah is testing you accordingly.

2) You sinned, so Allaah is purifying you.

3) You feel sad, so you call on Allaah, that will make your relation with Allaah stronger. He loves you, so He wants a response.

Respond to Allaah, cry to him. There is nothing more valuable we give for Allaah's sake, then sincere tears of Repentance. Spent sometime alone and think over 'your' mistakes, Like Shaykh Shinqeeti said in a video: ponder over them till they make you cry.

If you get Allah's pleasure, your problem is solved. No one else can help you, not a soul has the power to help you out, even if they want to. We can only talk, advice, make duas but that's it. We can ask "Allaah" for what we want for you. We cannot lift that heavy weight off of your shoulders. He can. Ask Him. I know you did already. Do it again. TIll. You've gotten what you want by His will and pleasure*Smile*.

Be strong ukht, you are a Muslimah. That's all you need. Your forehead on the ground and tell Allaah all that you've told us. He knows. Let Him hear it. He's forgiving and merciful, yes. But Allaah is All-knowing too. What if this is His mercy. What if you get ahead of all of us on the day of ressurection because of this. What then? Apologies if this sounds foolish, but I imagine you with a BIG smile there, because you tears of repentance washed away your sins.

May Allaah ease you situation ukhti.

 

[Sister Zohra]

Assalamu Alaikum,

My dearest sister. I will never say that I understand what you are going through and may be feeling right now, but I sincerely hope you try your best to maintain and build your hope and trust in Allah. You have gone through a lot and have probably made some mistakes but you are trying to do what is right. That just proves that you are on the right track. Your fear of Allah and desperation to not do that which displeases him is moving and incredibly admirable.

That, *ahem*, that man, is not worth your precious time. And I'm sure you know that sister. Instead of keeping yourself busy with work, how about nurturing your love for God? Build that kind of love that exceeds any other. And do not doubt the power of du'aa. Do not forget that some may be rewarded in this life but the righteous Muslims are rewarded in the Hereafter. And that reward is better than any other.

About finding a spouse, I've heard (insha'Allah I, or someone else will provide the evidence to this) that Allah has made a partner for every single one of us. If not in this dunya, then in the Hereafter. Either way, we will all get what we deserve in the end my dear sister.

Also, it may not seem like much, but you have my support. And I'm sure others do too. Insha'Allah you will find peace with love for Allah and with company of those worth your respect.

Insha'Allah I will make du'aa for you.

With love,
Zohra

 

[Hajjerr]

salam aleikum wa rahmatulahy wa barakatuh

What dear sisters from above said is so beneficial, alhamdullilah

I want to add that we should not look at other and what do they have, because noone except the muslims have the receipe for happynes and this is to please Allah, inchallah

The marriage of other or babys or money or fame or other joys does not necesarly make one individual happy, look at how many commit suicide, how many cheats theyr spouses, how many feel lost and helpless even sorounded by all this things that we say means happiness.

If you do your best in everything, then what alse can you do, you cant change the past or the persons around you, but your attitude tells us you are good person, you change yourself and this is so good alhamdullilah, if that man whould have lead your life to Jahanam, isnt better Allah separated you from Him by His mercy ?....

may Allah guide you like He does now and keep you safe.

:salam2:

 

[kashif_nazeer]

Sister,
the answer to all the whys is because it is a part of qadar,which is a pillar of Iman(faith) in Islam,to believe that whatever happens is because it is qadr and it had to happen.
All the disasters and tribulations that happen on earth, or happen to the individual, or to his wealth or family, etc., were known to Allaah before they happened, He has written them in al-Lawh al-Mahfooz (the Preserved Tablet) as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“No calamity befalls on the earth or in yourselves but it is inscribed in the Book of Decrees (Al Lawh Al Mahfooz) before We bring it into existence. Verily, that is easy for Allaah” [al-Hadeed 57:22]
Allah knows our compatibility best,so whatever he decrees for us is for our betterment and He knows what khayr and sharr(good and bad lies) in that relationship and our compatibility and decrees it.

This life is a collection of events,both good and bad ,in which we are being continuously being tested,as it says in surah mulk verse 2.The life of this world is a life of accountability wherein we are tested with good and bad,with hardship and with ease,it is advised to be patient in times of hardship and be fearful of Allah in good times.
Calamaities for a believer are a means of expiation of sins and getting closer to Allah.That is why when someone is sick,we say "tahoor inshaAllah"(May this be a form of your purification if Allah wills).

About love research has shown,that so called people who are said to be deeply in love show similar brain pattern to those shown by drug addict.In other words being in love is a feeling similar to being addicted to drugs.So,if it's good it's like good trip if it's bad it's like a bad trip.So always be conscious of this fact whenever you have this feeling.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (10/135):

If the heart loves Allaah alone and is sincerely devoted to Him, it will not even think of loving anyone else in the first place, let alone falling in love. When a heart falls in love, that is due to the lack of love for Allaah alone. Hence because Yoosuf loved Allaah and was sincerely devoted to Him, he did not fall into the trap of love, rather Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Thus it was, that We might turn away from him evil and illegal sexual intercourse. Surely, he was one of Our chosen, (guided) slaves”

[Yoosuf 12:24]

As for the wife of al-‘Azeez, she was a mushrik as were her people, hence she fell into this trap. End quote.

No one can love us more than Allah,never!

Remember that marriage is not our ultimate purpose of life.Yes,it is a part of it but it's not our ultimate purpose.Our ultimate purpose in life is to worship Allah and get closer to Him.There's a couplet in urdu,I would post inshaAllah:
Tu shaheen hai,pervaaz hei kaam tera..
tere saamne aasman aur bhi hein.

You are the falcon, your passion is flight
And you have skies more to transcend

Being muslim and being a mu'min is also about being brave and resisting and standing up bravely in the face of calamities.Dont let shaytaan fall you into hopelessness ,fear and worries,just lke he himself is hopeless ,he wants believers to be hopeless too. It says in the Qur'an in the interpratation of the meaning:
.....Indeed, no one despairs of relief from Allah except the disbelieving people."[12:87]

So will we let shaytaan make us lose hope and be miserable like him?
LA!NO!We will resist inshaAllah!This is our lifelong Jihad!
Be brave and from now on be determined to utilise all the abilities you possess. Be successful. Replace the frown on your face with a smile, depression with cheerfulness, miserliness with generosity, and anger with perseverance. Turn your calamities into occasions of joy and your faith into a weapon!
Enjoy your life, for it is brief and there is no time in it for
anguish,grief,sadness or depression.

 

[Mr President]

Things that u should remember:

1:Always think that u are a muslim and your lord is Allah...this will convince u that u shouldn't do any bad things.

2:Be careful.

3:Try your best not to follow your desires.

Try best not to think about it anymore and pray to your lord for forgiveness.

Inshallah it will be find.

 

[Mr President]

I mean fine

 

[Tomtom]

Salam

Friends I have been writing to this forum for many months due to the problems i have been facing and fortunately I have received the best suggestions, comments and advice over the pathetic matters happened in my life...but still today My heart is so heavy and dull...The feelings of regret over fornication and so called love have dwelled envy and exasperation inside me against the people whom i see happy and satisfied....I dont know whats wrong with me....I pray and read Quran alot and do zikr but it seems that the Allah is angry with me and Allah should be because I crossed the limits and transgressed the limits of Islam....but Allah is Oft Forgiving then why Allah is not listening to me and If Allah is listening then why i am still facing this tough situation...even right now i am in my office but i really want to hit my head hard into the wall and want to kill that S***bag and want to kill his Ex girl due to which he did all this to me...but at the sametime i think about the reality also....the reality is that he was not completely responsible for everything and I dont even know that lady from whom i feel jealous....Sometimes i feel like why the people are happy and why i am not...how people successfully manage relationships and get the love of their life and live happily...why the things dont work for me....I am an unsuccessful girl....I always wanted to marry and still I want to but I dont know why i cant forget him...I curse him curse him and curse him because i have gone crazy....

Goshhhh.....whats wrong with me....I want to get out of all this but nothing is happening in my favour....then i think that i would keep myself busy in my work but my job is so weird and pathetic that i cant keep myself busy even....i dont know why this mess up is not ending up....Why Allah is not lessening the tensions and burdens for me....I know this is not right to complain but i am so tired and messed up....i was never like this, i was full of life and so good but the kick in love has ruined me and has shattered my girly dreams and everything....

I dont know what to do and what not to do....I just want to know how to forget him and everything...i dont want to be a sinner anymore....i dont want to commit any sin ....i dont want to hurt anyone.....i dnt want to do anything that could make Allah angry....might be i am facing the punishment of my sins but i know Allah is oft forgiving....

I am really upset right now...it seems like that i wont ever find a loving man....it seems as that i wont be happy again and i would stay the same....Gosh....i dont know what to do....my heart is so heavy and hurt....i am having tears in my eyes....i keep on crying the whole day that whats wrong with me....i know i have gone crazy and i wont be fine ever....my family feels as i wont be able to find a good man ever.,...even they are facing so problems regarding finding a perfect match....they dont know what to do and what not to do.....Gosh....dont know what to write....

please guide and pray for me.....

Wa Alaikkum As'alaam Sis

First of all, you are not the only person in this world to feel this way and I don't mean it in a disrespectful way. What I mean is that there are probably millions of people feeling the same way that you are feeling right now. Why? Because we are all human beings and this is what we do, unfortunately. Also sis you are not alone in the loneliness stakes, again there are millions of people in this world who are alone, lonely and depressed including me. Sometimes I feel that some people in this dunya are meant to be alone, you know may be it's their fate.

What one must do to overcome this is to surrender yourself to Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala Who made you and who know your very soul. Let go of everything and give yourself completely to Him. Trust in Him. Let Him guide you. Do the things that are pleasing to Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala such as praying regularly, fasting, giving in charity etc and you will feel good inside too. If you are hung on a person that means you give priority to this world, relationships belong in this dunya and blinds us in loving our Lord by giving our focus and our attention to a mere human being. Sometimes we need to let go sis, once you put Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala above human beings then this is a very easy thing to do. We will be with a person a very short time, and if that person is not the right person for us then that time spent together can cause fitnah and heart-aches. Sometimes we have to let go.

Your heart is clouded now and it needs to be cleared of all the doubts and insecurities that it currently holds. The solution is remembering and thinking of Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala day and night. Read the the Qur'an, pray, do anything to lift you iman. Believers finds warmth and comfort in the rememberance of Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala. His words are also a source of comfort, open up any page of the Holy Qur'an and you will find that He is talking to you, listen to Him. All the remedies to this life are contained therein.

Finaly sis, talk to people here on this forum, sometimes it's good to talk and our out your heart, this is one way of emptying out the clutter that has been accumulated in it. You certainly are not alone, take comfort in Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala. Make du'a for yourself, don't be alone. There is a big thriving community out there all striving to stay on the Straight Path.

 

[strive-may-i]

preoccupy yourself, divert, forgive .. steer clear from the repeating thoughts

:salam2:

Check your thoughts, every time it goes back there, check it put a little effort to steer from the thought trap, think of a better thing, You know where you want to go, so divert.... If your life's journey has to move realize, right now you are stuck in a thought tunnel, a pipe, and you are unncesserily searching there, you are just at the bend of the pipe, the turn will be difficult, but there is a vast free ocean with fresh air waiting, and its all yours, only if you are willing to move out from that trapped pipe and negotiate the bend... Give it a try... Let Go

Because, we all do, you can do too, join us here, feel the difference...
Move from one decree to a better decree, Almighty Allah is all forgiving and very compassionate, you have shown the patience, forgive the past, repent Include us in your Dua's too... and soon Almighty Allah will give you something better, Trust HIM!!

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

The brothers and sisters are very kind to you. InshaAllah, it will all be better.

Now, I apologize I am not sugary sweet at times..at other times I am sickly sweet.

You need to quit feeling sorry for yourself. Are you really feeling a loss in your life for someone that did not value you? Do you really have the energy to put into something that sucks the life out of you?

This is your blessing sister. Get up and say InshaAllah, this is the moment I have been waiting for. I have my entire life in front of me.

Aren't you glad this was over soon and you did not have to waste one more second on it?

And trust me sister, with sabr, Allah subhana wa taala will send you someone better than your dreams could conjure. Someone who will love you for being a believer. That one. Come on sister...think of this and I know this will make you smile: InshaAllah, Allah subhana wa taala grant you your own Yusef.

 

[Bawar]

Assalamu alaikum to sister "candy" and to the rest of brothers and sisters.
I think the rest have said it all, but I will repeat some points to highlight them.

As brother Kashif said, this feeling of "love" is just like drug addiction. I am not sure if it is scientific, but it makes sense.

Most often, when a person says I love him/her, it is not how it is. That person actually loves herself/himself and not that person. For example, if you love him you shouldn't feel so bad because he is happy.

I compare a person in love (in most cases) with a sculptor. A sculptor makes a statue and then worships it. Love is mostly a deliberate path a person takes and allows himself/herself to fall in love and then they become convinced that life without this person is meaningless. It may sound stupid to person who is so emotionally weakened, but it is a fact that there are many avenues of life, most of them are much better if you open your eyes.

I have to be brutally honest with you sister. The day you chose to go down the path of "love" that you mentioned, you took the wrong step and you know it. If you are sincerely repentant then you should not "miss" that person otherwise you actually miss all those unlawful things which are in fact against your conscience too.

Yes, you can find a good man, but you have to be a little humble. Ladies, please stop searching for Mr Right. This is an illusion. If you aren't perfect, then accept that a perfect man also does not exist.

Please forgive me for my mistakes.

May Allah guide you and us all with the light of eeman and Islam.

 

[a_stranger]

:salam2:

Please say :astag::astag::astag::astag::astag::astag::astag::astag::astag::astag:......................sincerely with a humble heart.......believe me light will shine from within.

Something more beautiful is waiting for you.

 

[candy candy]

thank you so much everyone for reading the post and replying.....

I am really struggling very hard to get out of all this as soon as possible....my heart is still so heavy and dull.....but i hope that Allah would help me

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

thank you so much everyone for reading the post and replying.....

I am really struggling very hard to get out of all this as soon as possible....my heart is still so heavy and dull.....but i hope that Allah would help me

Ukht, it'll take time so be patient. You don't just forget things overnight. Be casual and let it go as it leaves you Inshaa'Allaah.