Cross Cultural Marriage?

Are you in favor of

  • Cross Cultural Marriage

    Votes: 32 86.5%
  • Iso Cultural Marriage (same culture)

    Votes: 5 13.5%

  • Total voters
    37

Noor El-Huda

Junior Member
In that case sister what I know is that son/daughter need to get a third party involved, a sheikh. To help parents recognise the qualities of the potential person in terms of religion and character and help them achieve a balance, with all the odds and difficulties involved which is making the parents reject.

walaykum assalam dear sister.
 

Hard Rock Moslem

I'm your brother
as salam 'alaykum brother

how many times you see problems in mosques (if you wold have lived some place othet than muslim country you would understand) just because of from which country you are. Arabs dont like other part of arabs prople, somali can not withstand any arab, pakistanis cant tolerate indians, bangladeshis can't tolerate pakistanis, for examples.

Wa’alaikumusalam. I agree, it’s the same here. I reminded one Islamic radio here when the DJ seem to be racist.. she used to call "bangla, jawa, indon, mamak etc.." I posted in their facebook this is not right. Another example during iftar, some foreign workers came to join the iftar in the masjid unfortunately our local people did not even acknowledge their present.. next day onwards they did not come for iftar and tarawih. I asked one foreign worker, my friend, he told what happened... they are not happy with our local imam talking bad and generalize foreign workers especially from bangladesh, pakistan etc.. sorry akhi.. to me it's a shame. I apologised to this brother from burma. Some muslim just don't understand why they are muslims. Masjid is a place we should address each other as brothers, unfortunately some are just go by the skin colour. It's still prevalent.. it will take time to educate this people.
 

Seeking Allah's Mercy

Qul HuwaAllahu Ahud!
Assalaam walaikum,

Sister Seeking Allah's Mercy

You have to live with that person. Not your momma.

I plan for a day, and I know from the couple of days, the person to whom my duty is the greatest is my mother. There is not "that" person. Why waste my life caring for the one who doesn't even exist in my life as yet.

Sister..you present issues that are cultural. Why do present a female as an object. Is that how you see yourself? An object of your parents whims and desires?
Exactly WHAT made you say that? I say they worry about us, not us about them.
So if a girl moves away with her husband..we have something called transportation. Cars, trains, and planes.

I believe you didn't get the point. I won't push.

Sister...you have made me smile..someone of us are bold and need adventure.
I need my mom.

And I prefer no nonesense please, I'll leave that job for my father.

As for Sister Seeking Allah's Mercy....Someone sent me a PM asking me to be gentle with her as she is Eastern.

Name him/her or don't talk riddles.

What's with you and pushing us in a battle with our parents?


In that case sister what I know is that son/daughter need to get a third party involved, a sheikh. To help parents recognise the qualities of the potential person in terms of religion and character and help them achieve a balance, with all the odds and difficulties involved which is making the parents reject.

walaykum assalam dear sister.

This exactly, for parents we are still kids, they don't think we can do this on our own, where as we believe we are dads already. There needs to be an understanding adult for communication. If, that is, there is not enough communication between the parents and their kids. . .Something quite common in the east. Not good to be honest.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,


Sister,,sister,,sister.....you have your mom...enjoy her....somehow I can not see mom and husband as providing the same...May your parents find you the best of husbands.


Enjoy yourself...

Back to cross cultural marriages...does it really matter..if you find happiness in this world with another human being? What business is if of anyone else' s.
 

Seeking Allah's Mercy

Qul HuwaAllahu Ahud!
Assalaam walaikum,
Sister,,sister,,sister.....you have your mom...enjoy her....somehow I can not see mom and husband as providing the same...May your parents find you the best of husbands.

No, I don't. Miss her really. Most probably my lil brother is in her lap. Am I jealous of his luck right now.

What's with the 's'.
Back to cross cultural marriages...does it really matter..if you find happiness in this world with another human being? What business is if of anyone else' s.
It's the parents business, they live with them newly formed or about to be formed family when they are old and grey. They need them. It's natural they think of their well being too as they SHOULD *wink*


Dear Sister Seeking Allah's Mercy. It wasn't possible for me to PM you. When you have the time can you PM me please?
yeah it's to keep the pests off. You need to be on my friends' list to PM. Sorry dear sister, for the mess. I would add you tommorrow if you don't overtake me.

P.S I'm not really up for a scolding you know *wince*
 

Noor El-Huda

Junior Member
Dear sister..I had no intention of scolding at all..

if anything it is very impressive the way you value your parents mashallah. I wish many sons and daughters had a similar attitude regarding their parents.

Anyway dear sister....no worries. :hijabi:
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

Sweet sister,

You know I love you. And you and I want the same thing. We want to please and serve Allah. I take liberty with your intellect. Often when we go to it..I pray it helps others to think and decide.

I forgot to use the apostrophe..sorry.

Yes, parents always think about the children. I can tell you my mother has expressed her sadness that I have had it, shall we say, rough in the marriage department. And she has always been there to help me when she could. As did my father, when he was alive.

But, there is a fine line. That line is the individual path.

Anyhow..be good
 

helpinghumanity

Junior Member
Aapa, You are parent but the problem is you don't have a daughter, you probably don't understand that those who will hand over their daughters to your sons will be worried sick weather they are giving consent to ending their daughters' life or would it be okay.

Sister, please don't cross the boundary lines. I think you are smart enough to leave your emotions on a side and indulge yourself in a conversation that demands thinking. So think first before you type.

If you don't agree with others, which is quite natural, then present you point of view in a respectful manner and intelligent manner. We all are Muslims and we all should learn how to respect each other. I hope the comment such as the one quoted above will not appear again.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

Son. hello..

What is your assessment so far about the thread...what have you learned.

And Sister...I worry about the future wives of my sons. I mean come on sis..those are my darling darling sons. They are the joy of my heart and the pride of my life. I have promised them that I will not interfere with those they love but will love them as my own. I will use a magnifying glass to check them out!!
 

Seeking Allah's Mercy

Qul HuwaAllahu Ahud!
Sister, please don't cross the boundary lines. I think you are smart enough to leave your emotions on a side and indulge yourself in a conversation that demands thinking. So think first before you type.

If you don't agree with others, which is quite natural, then present you point of view in a respectful manner and intelligent manner. We all are Muslims and we all should learn how to respect each other. I hope the comment such as the one quoted above will not appear again.

Of all the things I said you had to quote that!

Oh well.
Assalaam walaikum,

Son. hello..

Is he interfering in two sister convo? *Sigh* Not good.
And Sister...I worry about the future wives of my sons. I mean come on sis..those are my darling darling sons. They are the joy of my heart and the pride of my life. I have promised them that I will not interfere with those they love but will love them as my own. I will use a magnifying glass to check them out!!

Yeah Aapa but I think the other way around, I believe kicking them out if they neglect you for the new ones. That's my problem. I don't agree with the youth neglecting the parents just 'cos they've found the new ones.

Well yeah I agree that the parents shouldn't interfere in their lives unecessarily, but that doesn't mean they should be shiped off to an old house or treated as if waiting for them to die.

Btw Aapa you will love them as you say, the parents will still worry. But as in many cases, they'll know they were wrong Inshaa'Allaah!

I pray you get the real obedient ones, who will put you on their eyelashes (some urdu respecful term) when you are old, grey and weak.
 

strive-may-i

Junior Member
:salam2:
Hmm... the discussion has take the most important turn. The usual question that comes up in families that sticks to culture/tradition/language is 'A marriage is two persons coming together or two families ?'. And the same can be applied to a region, how much of cross cultural marriages are possible in a given population. If there are too many cross cultural marriages, would the basic human values too go for a toss, would the hybrid culture that results do good?

And these thoughts made me post below then.... Hope it connects better with the current discussion!
:salam2:

Well was looking at poll results. It made me think now...
I voted for Cross-Cultural too, possibly due to the exposure to the really smaller world. Not all are equally exposed to. Some do find great traction to same language/ same ethnicity. And So... I think the pro cross-cultural are that part of world population, who are having one thing in common, okay I mean English. That lets us easily communicate .... is it not? If not for some common factor, usually Language or the knack to quickly adapt to or take neutral ground in daily affairs, I think it could be real challenge. There are arguments in my head about right mix of Iso-Cultural/Iso-Ethnic, with tolerance for other culture/ethnicity... but nothing conclusive is coming out...

There are far too many factors here. Cross Cultural marriages look good from far, but making it a success takes a lot of open-mindedness, effort, patience both on the couples and the people who have a relationship with these couples ...
 

helpinghumanity

Junior Member
Assalaam walaikum,
Son. hello..

What is your assessment so far about the thread...what have you learned.

Wa-alaikumus salam wa rahmatullah,

This thread is having a healthy debate. Both parties have some solid points which one can not neglect.

Thats what I can say in two minutes. Travelling back to NY within 30 minutes.. approximately 10 hours flights ..seems like I am going into another continent.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

I will ask that our brothers and sisters make dua. I can not share the story, just yet...and no relax..I do not have my man yet...got a glimse..but not yet.

I need your dua for a wonderful couple who want to marry. And they are so sweet. They are pious. Oh they are sweet. We need to go into overtime to make dua.

Just because I do not tell does not mean someone else can not tell.

But make dua, please...
 

strive-may-i

Junior Member
Assalaam walaikum,

I will ask that our brothers and sisters make dua. I can not share the story, just yet...and no relax..I do not have my man yet...got a glimse..but not yet.

I need your dua for a wonderful couple who want to marry. And they are so sweet. They are pious. Oh they are sweet. We need to go into overtime to make dua.

Just because I do not tell does not mean someone else can not tell.

But make dua, please...

May Allah make it evident and give the two parties involved a spouse; A Partner who not just supplements, but completes Imaan as well... Ameen!
 

Just a Guy

Reinventing Myself
If I may add something here:

I come from a free-mingling society, and honestly, I never really fit into any of that mingling. I've always been a bit phobic of women and have never related to them very well. I remember when I was a teenager that I used to wish for an arranged marriage, because then at least I would be guaranteed somebody.

Anyway, I'm now an adult well into my 30's, and have never really thought about marriage until recently. Just yesterday I had a discussion with a brother from my local masjid who advised me to marry as soon as I was able. Now this is something that I am considering, but I do have my concerns, of course.

Not being from a Muslim family, I worry about how my own family is going to react when I tell them that I want to marry a Muslim girl. My primary concern is that they will blame her for "taking their son away", and I don't want her to resent me because of that. I worry about how to tell them about my conversion and also that I want to marry a Muslim girl.

This is why I have remained single for a long time. I can't really find a good way to reconcile any of this.
 
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