Assalamu'alaykum
I saw the post quoted below in another thread and so I decided to make a seperate one on the matter.
I've reached the conclusuion (after many months) that in a professional work place a muslim woman cannot afford to be awkward/too quiet around the opposite gender without it having more of a negative impact.
I don't think a Muslim woman should 'fear' the opposite gender or behave awkwardly, feeling uncomfortable is not a choice obviously but I think its better to take control of the situation you're in, rather than be in it lamenting in your heart and mind and wishing yourself elsewhere. Taking control of the situation as far as you can is far more workable and sustainable and through doing so you set your own boundaries.
Non-Muslims mostly don't understand awkwardness/caution arising due to shyness or modesty.Its put down to a number of other things ..
I'd say:
- Be confident not awkward, even if you feel uncomfortable.
- Be wise, vigilant and yes, cautious
- Shyness doesn't mean making yourself a victim of others peoples presumptions by never speaking, speaking like a mouse if you ever do.
- Don't invite other people's pity, curiousity or whatever ..
Thats another thing, if you're unnaturally awkward and overly cautious; walking around as if everyone has a contagious disease you don't want to catch, then you do invite people curiosity; unfortunately it is the people you definitely don't want to be speaking to, if you can help it.
If you show you're scared or nervous, a man might go ahead and put his hand on your shoulder to reassure you ..! It has certainly happened to a sister I know (Alhamdilillah, not me), but thats horrible.
So try to understand the context, its a completely different outlook and interpretation and if you happen to work, you need to grasp this.
I guess my main point here is don't trasplant your modest/shy behaviour you adopt when in a familiar muslim environment, to the professional work place. It needs adjustment in a number of ways.
I'm posting this because actually I learned all of this from scratch over a number of months, only when I discussed it with some other sisters I disocovered this was a surprisingly generic experience and they often speak about it in anguish.
Any thoughts ..
I saw the post quoted below in another thread and so I decided to make a seperate one on the matter.
I've reached the conclusuion (after many months) that in a professional work place a muslim woman cannot afford to be awkward/too quiet around the opposite gender without it having more of a negative impact.
I don't think a Muslim woman should 'fear' the opposite gender or behave awkwardly, feeling uncomfortable is not a choice obviously but I think its better to take control of the situation you're in, rather than be in it lamenting in your heart and mind and wishing yourself elsewhere. Taking control of the situation as far as you can is far more workable and sustainable and through doing so you set your own boundaries.
Non-Muslims mostly don't understand awkwardness/caution arising due to shyness or modesty.Its put down to a number of other things ..
I'd say:
- Be confident not awkward, even if you feel uncomfortable.
- Be wise, vigilant and yes, cautious
- Shyness doesn't mean making yourself a victim of others peoples presumptions by never speaking, speaking like a mouse if you ever do.
- Don't invite other people's pity, curiousity or whatever ..
Thats another thing, if you're unnaturally awkward and overly cautious; walking around as if everyone has a contagious disease you don't want to catch, then you do invite people curiosity; unfortunately it is the people you definitely don't want to be speaking to, if you can help it.
If you show you're scared or nervous, a man might go ahead and put his hand on your shoulder to reassure you ..! It has certainly happened to a sister I know (Alhamdilillah, not me), but thats horrible.
So try to understand the context, its a completely different outlook and interpretation and if you happen to work, you need to grasp this.
I guess my main point here is don't trasplant your modest/shy behaviour you adopt when in a familiar muslim environment, to the professional work place. It needs adjustment in a number of ways.
I'm posting this because actually I learned all of this from scratch over a number of months, only when I discussed it with some other sisters I disocovered this was a surprisingly generic experience and they often speak about it in anguish.
Any thoughts ..
I don't disagree with this post, I'm just using it as a starting point here.:salam2:
Excuse for going out-of-topic for a bit, but i just wanted to comment on something.
Being awkward, cautious, or uncomfortable around opposite gender is not a weakness akhee and ukhtee... in fact its one of the biggest blessings that Allah gave both of you as a form of His protection and guidance... its also one of the form of haya' [shyness], and its one of the essential characteristics of a mu'min [higher degree than a muslim] because of hadeeths that clearly states that it is part of our Imaan.
Narrated ‘Abdullah (bin ‘Umar) (raa) : Once Allah’s Apostle (saws) passed by an Ansari (man) who was admonishing to his brother regarding Haya’ (shyness). On that Allah’s Apostle (saws) said, “Leave him as Haya’ (shyness) is a part of faith.”
Belief – Sahih Bukhari: Volume 1, Book 2, Number 24
Yahya (raa) related to me from Malik (raa) from Ibn Shihab (Radiallahu Anhu – Translation: May Allah be pleased with him) from Salim ibn Abdullah (Radiallahu Anhu – Translation: May Allah be pleased with him) from ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Umar (Radiallahu Anhu – Translation: May Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (saws) passed by a man who was chiding his brother about modesty. The Messenger of Allah (saws) said, “Leave him. Modesty is part of iman.”
Good Character: Section: Modesty – Malik’s Muwatta: Book 47, Number 47.2.10
Salim (Radiallahu Anhu – Translation: May Allah be pleased with him) reported on the authority of his father that the Prophet (saws) heard a man instruction his brother about modesty. Upon this the Prophet (saws) remarked: “Modesty is an ingredient of Iman (faith).”
The Book of Faith (Kitab Al-Iman) – Sahih Muslim: Book 001, Number 0057
Source of Ahaadeeth
Now both of you may [or may not] view that characteristic of yours ["fear" of opposite gender] as a fault, or defect in your character because modern psychology view it as that, or because it is not "normal" in society. Let me tell you that "normal" is so overrated, plus knowledge of men [modern psychology in this case] is partial, it only view things from a narrow point of view, while knowledge of the deen is complete, because it encompasses all aspects of life, and judge things from Allah's perspective [based on daleel]...