Get married or try to be more patient ?

Hopetogoparadis

Junior Member
Assalam alaikoum


I am a Muslim boy, 19 years old.

I wanna stay away from any sin, not only zina but even other haram things, like gazing etc. Therefore i wanna get married. But my parents say before i graduate, i cant do it. And if i do such thing they will really get angry. maybe they will not provide me anything financially and they will be mad at me because of my disobedience to them. I know disobeying parents or making them unpleased with us is big sin, isnt it? In this situation, in one side, if i cant be patient, i can commit such sins. And if i try to get married somehow , i may make my parents mad at me. I dont know which one is better ? Or maybe 3. option i should just try to be more patient ?

I am student so i am not working at moment. Thats one thing my father says ''you dont have a job how you will get married and provide for yourself/your wife?'' then when i ask them ''Can you support me until i graduate'' then they surely dont accept it because as i said they dont want me to get married before i graduate, so i cant do sth which they dont want but also ask them for support.

So please advice me, what should i do ???

I already tried to talk them, try to tell them its better to get married. But you know, they are not in our age and in our time. They just dont understand how its like today compared to their time. Its better when i dont mention about marriage to them because otherwise they respond like ''go and study, finish your school dont think about these''
 

PeArLL

-Quiet Member-
WALIKUMUSALAM,

Brother, be paient... I know it's hard but this is how ALLAH Tests Us... It's a challenge that you have to face by being patient and praying to ALLAH... Just wait till you graduate... I think you have 2 years to graduate INSHALLAH, if I'm not wrong... Keep away from haram things... Pray 5 times daily prayers.. Recite Quran... and, indeed, by being patient... ALLAH will reward you with a pious and beautiful wife.... INSHALLAH... Hope this helps..

MAY ALLAH BLESS YOU...
 

jamalsharif1

New Member
salams

you are being tested by Allah so show your resolve and know that the help of Allah is very near. and remember that for every hardship Allah sends your way multiple of easiness. and time will fly by and what you feel now will be a thing of the past.

to pass ths test you need to do the following
1. what pearll has said: prayers, quran, dhikr and patience.
2. fast some days on aregular basis the Prophet (SAW) adviced those who couldn't marry to fast as it weekens one's base desires
3. you need to put the thought of marrage, and partnership away and stay away from listening or watching something that will invoke those feelings

last but not least to ask help and refuge of Allah from sheitan and the evils of one's nafs

Allah bless you and keep you clean.
 

strive-may-i

Junior Member
:salam2:

Firstly welcome here... You are seeking honestly, hence, surely more answers will come.... Also, seek Guidance from Allah, better outcome would result

But can you let know :" how do you spend your day? Which country are you from? What goals you have. What hobbies you persue. Which of your general interests is in top of your mind? Our of many posts here today, which one you liked the most?"

Can you search the threads here and come back with the thread, where another brother asked this same question...

Reply back to these, we would be glad to tell you more...
 

Abu Sarah

Allahu Akbar
Staff member
Wa Alaykum Assalam brother in islam

Praise be to Allaah.

It is narrated in al-Bukhaari (5065) and Muslim (3384) that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to us: “O young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and preserving chastity. Whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for that will be a shield for him” – i.e., it will reduce and weaken his desire.

Based on this, if a person can afford to get married then he should hasten to do so, because of the many benefits that this brings, as mentioned by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), namely it helps him to lower his gaze and protect his chastity, increases the numbers of the ummah and offers protection against temptation and mischief.

Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “If I only had ten days left to live and I knew that I was going to die on the last of them, and I could afford to get married, I would get married, for fear of fitnah (temptation).”

Imam Ahmad (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Celibacy has nothing to do with Islam at all.”

If you fear hardship for yourself and that you may and fall into sin, then in that case it is obligatory for you to get married.

In this case parents are advised to arrange their son’s marriage and not to stand in the way of his remaining chaste and protecting himself from temptation.

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “With regard to marriage, people fall into three categories. Some of them fear that they may fall into sin if they do not get married, in which case it is obligatory to marry, according to the view of most of the fuqaha’, because this will make a person remain chaste and protect him from committing haraam actions; the only way to do is to get married.”

Al-Mughni, 9/341.

You have to deal gently and kindly with your parents and try to convince them of your need to get married, and tell them that this will never conflict with what they want for you in the future. You can also seek the help of wise people among your relatives to convince your parents.

The questioner is to be commended for not going out to places of fitnah (temptation) and not fulfilling his desires by haraam means. We ask Allaah to make you steadfast and to help you to find a good wife who will be a delight to you and your parents, for He is Ever-near and Responsive.

And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Islam Q&A
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

Brother,

It is so good to see you post. As usual your posts are informative and make sense.

To the young brother,

Welcome to TTI. Thank you for your honesty. We need to address the issues of living as a Muslim day to day. To constantly strive to remain on the Path.

And, as we all know..I am the one who is in love with marriage. I believe in it.

So brother make dua, read the scholars, ask for guidance from the Quran and InshaAllah, I will make dua for you.
 

Kittyn

New Member
Hello Brother,

I made a post similar to this a few days ago.

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=83443

As a muslim sister in a similar situation, I would really recommend to avoid falling in love or acting upon your feelings at all costs. You have no idea of the guilt and worry that will come upon you. And I'm in it now, and all I had to do was just look the other way. Not that I regret falling in love. I regret acting upon my feelings. It's really bad.
And yes, with the way society is now you won't be able to do anything for yourself and most likely who ever you marry will be worn down with the stresses of trying to keep things together. Of course being married means that you have to love each other so much so that you two would really want to go through the worst times with eachother. But do you really want to start off with an uneasy ground?

I have a non-muslim friend, she got pregnant at 18. Well I know this situation isn't entirely similar to yours but she's having the worst time trying to figure things out like getting a job, having some sort of independence for example: She can't take care of her baby or provide for her. And Inshalla I'm doing the right thing by always having to drive her somewhere or help her make the good decision...

My own opinion about parents having to provide for their married children. It's nice and all, but they'll never let it down and it's a little out of place. They'll always use that against you. Unless they see that you're incredibly in love and you really can't stop your actions, and they give in and let you get married I think they're being push overs. Good for your parents making you wait. Be completely honest with yourself and ask yourself "Am I able to just put this aside? I am I strong enough to forget about this? Is this really important?" I know that sometimes sexual tensions can be difficult to deal with, but believe this and think of it this way. It's a storm and you can't stop a storm from coming, the only thing you can do is wait it out. So wait it out and you will be ok. And if you feel "a storm coming" please go and do wudu and study the quran. Make yourself distracted. It's easier than you think. Don't let Shaytan push you around. You know what's fun? Imagining in your mind that you are in a fist fight with Shaytan. I always win :D That's what I call a strong Iman!

I'm gonna pray for you.
 

a_stranger

Junior Member
:salam2:

If you can't marry now , it is your opportunity to struggle for the sake of Allah subhanahu wa taaala, remember when you do anything sincerily for Allah you are the winner and start planning for your marriage .
 
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