The headaches of being a matchmaker

[helpinghumanity]

Assalamu alaikum

Hmmm.......okay big brother.Well i wasn't challenging Aapa or anything.

Why focus on marriage so much,when we can die tomorrow.Live like a free bird....lol

Wa-alaikumus salam wa rahmatullah

Marriage has a great importance in Islam. Its importance can realized by the fact that **It is considered half of the deen**.

Marriage is considered “half of religion” because it may shield a person from promiscuity, adultery, fornication, homosexuality, and the life which ultimately lead to many other crimes including slander, quarrel, homicide, loss of property and finally the disintegration of the ideal family system.

 

[kashif_nazeer]

Wa-alaikumus salam wa rahmatullah

Marriage has a great importance in Islam. Its importance can realized by the fact that **It is considered half of the deen**.

Marriage is considered “half of religion” because it may shield a person from promiscuity, adultery, fornication, homosexuality, and the life which ultimately lead to many other crimes including slander, quarrel, homicide, loss of property and finally the disintegration of the ideal family system.

:salam2:

So very true bhai,it is half our deen and there is a lot of hikmah behind it as you have mentioned.It not only betters us an indivdual,but also betters as a group or society.

These alien thought which have assimilated into our minds regarding marriage,that it is not necessary are being propagated on a subconscious level and NEED to be opposed with intensity and be done away with.

BarakAllahu feek.

 

[finding light]

Asalamualaykum,

On the matter of cross cultural marriage, it might be very difficult especially with those that have been brought up with a lot of importance on culture and tradition over religion. This has always been a problem for me where parents and even young eligible bachelors seem to think that the fact that she wont be able to cook my favourite dish is more important than waking up for Fajr. The face of the parents within their society is more important than what kind of a Muslim I am.

I was once engaged to an Indian boy, from Chennai. His parents agreed but when they went back to india and I quote "How can you WASTE our boy on a foreign girl". Subsequently his mother starting the whole Desi drama - faking heart attacks and high BP, hospitalising herself... man o man... good ol memories! anyway, that was a lonng time ago...

Situation now is I will be marrying a Paki Inshallah. His parents love me and accept me, all his relatives do and they definitely see the Muslimah in me. Not bound by race/culture. Rare for Pakis na?? Alhamdulillah for me.

My mother always told me, the man you will marry may be black, white, purple. But his deen in more important than anything else.

I feel sorry for parents who are so stuck in their bubbles, its ignorance and arrogance sometimes. Because I do not belong to the same culture, I might automatically be of lower status?? But more so I feel bad for the children who are trying to break away from this...

Family is very important but IMHO, culture is a load of bollox!

 

[kashif_nazeer]

:salam2:

Sorry to hear about that sister finding light.

Actually if we look at world demographics' history and globalization's phenomenon,it's a recent phenomenon,Islam came accordingly to break down these shackles of tribalism and regionalism that we have in our minds.In fact if we look at history of Islam in the world ,we will know how diverse it has been.

Sadly this cage still imprisons our mind and nothing except revival of Islamic values in the society will break it down in sha' Allah.The distance from knowledge lead to ignorance and our mind were shackled into cages of jahilliyah once again.

The civilisation is almost dead,there is no society,noting but technology and virtual world,"social networks" which manifests the inner beasts inside human beings.What is the society today standing upon?Social values?No,it's technology.Individualism and egoism has taken over us,that is the abyss we are all sinking into.Unless we return back to the social structure provided by Islam,we are all going down a spiral.
May Allah protect.Ameen

For those of you who can speak urdu,a very educative and insightful lecture:

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GslEDhnLZ_8&feature=relmfu[/ame]

 

[finding light]

:salam2:

Sorry to hear about that sister finding light.

Its ok, Thanks for your thoughts but I'm not sorry, Allah is the best of planners.

Individualism and egoism has taken over us,that is the abyss we are all sinking into.Unless we return back to the social structure provided by Islam,we are all going down a spiral.

Agreed. Its evident in our Muslim societies today everywhere and im probably number 1 at that, given my above post... :S

 

[MuslimShadow]

Asalamualaykum,

I was once engaged to an Indian boy, from Chennai. His parents agreed but when they went back to india and I quote "How can you WASTE our boy on a foreign girl". Subsequently his mother starting the whole Desi drama - faking heart attacks and high BP, hospitalising herself... man o man... good ol memories! anyway, that was a lonng time ago...

Walaikum assalam

Call me senseless but i actually find that really funny...lol.

Situation now is I will be marrying a Paki Inshallah. His parents love me and accept me, all his relatives do and they definitely see the Muslimah in me. Not bound by race/culture. Rare for Pakis na?? Alhamdulillah for me.

Masha'ALLAH that's good for you sis.You are blessed to get such a family.

My mother always told me, the man you will marry may be black, white, purple. But his deen in more important than anything else.

Your mother rocks!!!!

I feel sorry for parents who are so stuck in their bubbles, its ignorance and arrogance sometimes. Because I do not belong to the same culture, I might automatically be of lower status?? But more so I feel bad for the children who are trying to break away from this...

Family is very important but IMHO, culture is a load of bollox!

:shake: So true.

 

[MuslimShadow]

Wa-alaikumus salam wa rahmatullah

Marriage has a great importance in Islam. Its importance can realized by the fact that **It is considered half of the deen**.

Marriage is considered “half of religion” because it may shield a person from promiscuity, adultery, fornication, homosexuality, and the life which ultimately lead to many other crimes including slander, quarrel, homicide, loss of property and finally the disintegration of the ideal family system.

Assalamo alaikum warahmatullah

True brother.But what about those people who don't get married?

The time we spend with our parents is something to be valued, to be cherished.

Guess i never liked marriages because of all the weird, ill cultural practices that i have seen and are associated with it.Gone are the days of simplicity and sunnah.

 

[Ash76]

Asallamualaikum Sister,

You know it is possible to spend quality time and be in service of your parents and be married at the same time and be happy.

Remember the rights of one's husband/ wife (even wives!)/ children are completely distinct and Islam teaches us that we don't have to give up the rights of one group upon us to meet the needs of another... it's all a fine balancing act.

Allah is a fantastic teacher and we all acknowledge there is Hikmat (Wisdom) behind everything he does so that we learn from it right? PONDER upon the creation of Adam (AS) and how Allah created Hawa "Eve" (AS) for his companionship when Adam (AS) felt all alone and there was something missing. This is Allah's way of telling us an individual was never meant to be alone (without companion).

"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)

"And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions of your own nature ..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72)

Liste to the Quranic verse which says:
"They are your garments and you are their garments." (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187).

Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the harshest winter in the coldest part of the world without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the spiritual journey of our lives on this earth as worldly garments provide in the winter journey.

The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquility that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable.

May Allah give us the true taste of this in our lives.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Yes, it is the true taste of love and the mercy that Allah gives to us between husband and wife; and I wish that for everyone.

 

[finding light]

May Allah give us the true taste of this in our lives.

Big Ameen!

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

So make dua folks that I am successful in starting another job. The old fashioned way...I'll sit down and talk to ya'll.

 

[helpinghumanity]

Assalamo alaikum warahmatullah

True brother.But what about those people who don't get married?

The time we spend with our parents is something to be valued, to be cherished.

Guess i never liked marriages because of all the weird, ill cultural practices that i have seen and are associated with it.Gone are the days of simplicity and sunnah.

Wa-alaikumus salam wa rahmatullah

All l I would say is that they are depriving themselves of one of the biggest nimah of Allah. Being humans we have desires which are fulfilled, no matter what, either the right way or the wrong way.

Regarding parents:
To fulfill one obligation, one must not neglect the other obligation

ill practices:
In MATH (i.e Mental Abuse To Human... ) two negatives do make a positive but in real life two negatives results in a bigger negative.

When the world gives you hundred reasons to cry, Then come up with thousands reasons that make you happy, thankful and smile. Be optimistic.

Take out positive lessons from everything around you. If you see that simplicity and sunnah are vanishing , then think that **such as environment is created for me so that I can revive the lost sunnah and get the glad tidings.**

 

[Itqan Ullah]

ill practices:
In MATH (i.e Mental Abuse To Human... )

Loool!!

two negatives do make a positive but in real life two negatives results in a bigger negative.

Bro your maths is weak, adding two negatives in maths also gives a bigger negative, why you multiply em?

Take out positive lessons from everything around you. If you see that simplicity and sunnah are vanishing , then think that **such as environment is created for me so that I can revive the lost sunnah and get the glad tidings.[/COLOR]**

Very true bro, barakallah feek for insipiration.

 

[PeArLL]

:salam2:

Nice Thread!!.. Great job Aapa!!

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Not yet...I am waiting for an announcement and then we can celebrate...relax..it ain't me.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Sister,

If I could I would find everyone a spouse. The love that Allah subhana wa taala has ordained for us gives me goosebumps. That umbrella of protection, the constant joy, celebrating life with twinkles in your eyes, that breath called home. Taking ownership of the responsibility of guarding your husbands possessions. Yeah...InshaAllah with dua we can ask Allah subhana wa taala to bless us.

And please feel free to PM with ideas on how I can get a data base going. This is turning into a logic problem...24 year old female with such and such seeking brother who practices but can not be from here but only there. There wants female from around the corner..but around the corner want green eggs and ham!!!

 

[PeArLL]

Assalaam walaikum,

Sister,

If I could I would find everyone a spouse. The love that Allah subhana wa taala has ordained for us gives me goosebumps. That umbrella of protection, the constant joy, celebrating life with twinkles in your eyes, that breath called home. Taking ownership of the responsibility of guarding your husbands possessions. Yeah...InshaAllah with dua we can ask Allah subhana wa taala to bless us.

And please feel free to PM with ideas on how I can get a data base going. This is turning into a logic problem...24 year old female with such and such seeking brother who practices but can not be from here but only there. There wants female from around the corner..but around the corner want green eggs and ham!!!

Aapa.. this seems really a headache lol.. My brain just went wild while reading it... But, I'm sure you can find a suitable match for her, INSHALLAH... But, I have a question. Do we already have a spouse appointed for us by ALLAH?

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Sister,

Honey, I ain't no scholar...but let me tell you...I observe people. It is amazing when I see couples. And they seem to fit so well. I love the way husbands hand plates to their wives, the way they sit and talk or not talk. I am so tickled when my sisters rush home to see their husbands. The husband tells them what time they need to be back home and they run. The joy the married sisters have when they sit and have tea with their husbands and discuss whatever.

I know in Islam we do not have that soul mate. The wonder of it all kinda of thing. I read up on all that. Somewhere in time I read that marriage is the business of this world. Marriage is the security of this world.

All I know is there is eternal hope. I make dua that Allah blesses the man who would have the sabr and courage to marry me. One thing I do know for sure..I will be very quiet around my husband, InshaAllah.

 

[PeArLL]

Assalaam walaikum,

Sister,

Honey, I ain't no scholar...but let me tell you...I observe people. It is amazing when I see couples. And they seem to fit so well. I love the way husbands hand plates to their wives, the way they sit and talk or not talk. I am so tickled when my sisters rush home to see their husbands. The husband tells them what time they need to be back home and they run. The joy the married sisters have when they sit and have tea with their husbands and discuss whatever.

I know in Islam we do not have that soul mate. The wonder of it all kinda of thing. I read up on all that. Somewhere in time I read that marriage is the business of this world. Marriage is the security of this world.

All I know is there is eternal hope. I make dua that Allah blesses the man who would have the sabr and courage to marry me. One thing I do know for sure..I will be very quiet around my husband, InshaAllah.

Aapa, this just makes me want to get married soon... The relationship of a husband and wife is so unique and cute! Plus, it's half of our Deen! But, choosing a good spouse is very TOUGH! especially nowadays.

JAZAKALLAH KHAIR..
MAY ALLAH BLESS YOU

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

I am still hitting my head against the wall with the nationalism; trust me I am trying. I think I am going to erase " we want" from the vocabulary of mothers...

But, I now have another sister who is going to help..Alhumdulillila.