Is a sexless marriage valid in Islam.

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Precious Star

Junior Member
Assalaam alaikum,


What does age have to do with sex...I did not realize that one stopped having sex due to age..new one on me...just look in the Quran...

Sister Precious Star...what I am trying to discuss can simply be put like this; if a wife has a medical or mental condition that stops her from pleasing her husband and his daily needs ( it took a moment to get that out)..it is his right to 1) divorce her 2) take on a second wife ( now you all know I was going to pop that one in) and 3) keep her out of his sense of mercy. I was not even thinking of annulment as that is simply odious.

So to turn the question around..the wife if she has a medical condition..what is her obligation to her husband? I believe we have an answer to this question.

Sister Hayat..take time to ingest what I am asking. The response from Brother Mazhara really made me think. He corrected me. A husband has intercourse with his wife(wives). Not the other way around...think it out sister.


Age has nothing to do with sex?
1. Not too mant children are having sex.
2. There are many many elderly folks who no longer have sex. Could be lack of desire, impotance, lack of physical stamina, etc. But your comment "that's a new one".....um, really? Ask some 80 year olds.

I am having a lot of trouble with this scenario. This woman is ill. Ok so her husband isnt getting satisfied but she is ILL. What is her obligation to her husband ? Why arent we asking what is her husbands obligation to her? Is he reassuring her that he will take care of her? That he will continue to love her? That he will continue to satisfy her needs?
 

Mazhara

Junior Member
Assalaam alikum,

An option of a widow is an alternative. It does not have to be a widow. That would make the widow a sex doll.


On a very mature level not having sex may not pose threat to life but can cause harm to the soul.

And am I right a woman could ask for divorce if her husband does not fulfill his wives needs. That would be torture for her.

We do not know all the delicacies of life. Allah the Exalted knowns. He the Exalted encourages marrying widows when they are many in number in the society. It is declared a best recorse for the society. Sex is pushed back at secondary consideration.

Allah knows how desirous are men to enjoy and feel proud of access to "Virgin". He the Exalted in token of honoring of their desire, made their no-more virgins wives as "Virgin" on resurrection, who are destined to Paradise.

A sesnible husband is fully aware how satisfied or unsatisfied is his wife. Husband knows the level of her disliking or abhor about him. Men are asked to behave like Men and do not withhold wives in such situations. Allah the Exalted does not appreciate if a husband forces/corners her wife to go in public and open her mouth about her dis-satisfied state. The problem and considerations with such weak husband are financial. If they divorce at their own, they cannot get back a penny from what they had given to her even it is heaps of wealth.
In such circumstances wife is allowed to earn Talaq by offering back a part of the wealth that was given to her by her husband and the marriage will be declared terminated by the society/state.
 

Mazhara

Junior Member
Sister Hayat..take time to ingest what I am asking. The response from Brother Mazhara really made me think. He corrected me. A husband has intercourse with his wife(wives). Not the other way around...think it out sister.
Aapa


You also correctly said that it is a delicate issue. Lest husbands take a leverage and think it as one sided affair, let me quote from Qur'aan that they must not make it one sided matter. Arabic of Qur'aan is the finest language which describes delicacies in a subtle manner without nudity overbrimming. The moment we put those statements in English or Urdu, nakedness overbrims.

أُحِلَّ لَكُمْ لَيْلَةَ الصِّيَامِ الرَّفَثُ إِلَى نِسَآئِكُمْ هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ
Sexually inciting preliminary activities aimed/directed towards your wives were permissible for you people during the night of the Fasting. They/wives are an apparel for you people and you are apparel for them [during the relationship conceals nakedness from vision of Angels and Jinns/Ieblees, since purpose of apparel is to conceal nudity]

عَلِمَ اللّهُ أَنَّكُمْ كُنتُمْ تَخْتَانُونَ أَنفُسَكُمْ فَتَابَ عَلَيْكُمْ وَعَفَا عَنكُمْ
Allah the Exalted has known/observed that [by self imposed/conceived restriction] you people kept with great effort lessening/suppressing the rights of your own selves, therefore, He has paid attention upon you [to move you out from self assumed restrictions] and*!has since removed it [erroneous perception] away from you.

فَالْآنَ بَاشِرُوهُنَّ وَابْتَغُواْ مَا كَتَبَ اللّهُ لَكُمْ
Therefore, [your holding back because of false/self assumed perception having been clarified] NOW have mutual intercourse with them in the nights of fasting and you people seek [the result of intercourse, not son or daughter but] that which Allah the Exalted has written for you people;

الرَّفَثُ and بَاشِرُوهُنَّ are two words of absolutely different import. رفث in general sense is obscenity and has negative moral connotation, and meanings of causing sexual harassment, and is not desirable in public. It becomes positivistic when it is aimed and directed towards one's wife in the sense of incitement related preliminaries which will prepare the ground for her involvement and consent, and could lead to both partners achieving "tranquility". This is the beginning, the ultimate of which is , the most intimate act of matrimonial relationship. The verb is of Form-III, which reflects mutuality. Arabic is the most decent language of the world. It conveys that in the most sophisticated and subtle manner which if explained and exposed in any other language the nudity will over brim.
 

hayat84

I'm not what you believe
:salam2:
there are so many ways by which a man can be satisfied without searching other haram solutions or the divorce,'cause if he married a woman only for "that"reason,one day his desire will decrease with the age,he won't be brilliant like before,and what will it remain?a punch of flies?just think that sex is not the only one thing which takes the couple alive.there are many other things of what enjoy,sexual pleasure is a materalistic feeling.there are feelings tha go beyond physical attraction.
a man who is ill,has got a brain stroke,his wife takes care of him,never asks something back.she delivered 7 times,she had a good time,but now her husband is ill.will she leave him 'cause he's unhelpful for her??????no,because she' my beloved husband's mother!!!!!
my father had a terrible accident 4 years ago.he broke his legs,was 3 days in coma,woke up full of pain,he shouted to his wife while he felt that pain to his broken legs.he cursed everybody 'cause of his invalidity.she,my mum,never asked something back,just took care of his husband,should have she gone to find another one because her husband was unavailable?no!because she is my beloved mum,and wives like them in the world exist no more!!!!!maybe a husband finds an escape from this,because he's made of flesh,but it's true,Paradise is at the feet of the mothers,and sex or not,it's better to try giving a good future to the children,instead of behaving like those who have nothing else to do but sex:salam2:
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam alaikum,


As you age you have other things on your mind...but let us not place limitations on age and sexuality.

Precious Star..I am not discussing what many females are seeing as betrayal. It is not betrayal. I am looking at a bigger picture. I am asking what is Sharia sister. What could be more compassionate and complete than the law of Allah?

The Law provides that the man can love her and take care of her needs and still have a full relationship with another wife.

I see many sisters who see this as a restriction of love; I see this as an expansion of love...

As for the wive whose husband has held back from her...I thought period was three months and she is free...a man is not to leave a woman hanging.
 

strive-may-i

Junior Member
Assalaam alaikum,

I need help. Here goes and I need the time limits on this, please.

A couple is married and the wife has not had intercourse with the husband for one year. Is the marriage valid? Even if it is a medical condition is the marriage valid? What are the solutions for this? I need Islamic responses. Many thanks.

:salam2:
Valid - yes, if there is a Medical reason to it and Husband is okay about it. If both the spouses approach this state of theirs with empathy, its a blessed one, with its own rewards from Almighty. Husband might have his reasons for empathy, and one should definitely encourage the spouses to approach this in a practical manner. If they have abstained just from last 1 year, the question arises for how many years they are married now? Do they have kids? Or are they fine with no kids/adopted kids? It all depends on the spouse, their strength, moral values and the love between them. The empathy could change with time too, if the medical situation deteriorates. or if there is a change in mind. If the couple wish for a child or if the wife is open to letting her Husband remarrying and gives approval on her own, without any pressure, it could take a different direction and show of strength/ deep understanding (There are such cases everywhere in many countries/ cultures/religions, but its pushed under the blanket)

May Almighty help the couple and make life easy for both of them.... Ameen
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Brother,

What do you mean by moral values...got me thinking over here...where in Islam does it require a person to who has the capacity to ameliorate circumstances play martyr?

Now...can someone please answer the question about a wife who is left hanging..what does Sharia say? I know in the West we have an expression " its cheaper to keep her" but Allah tells us otherwise.
 

Mazhara

Junior Member
As for the wive whose husband has held back from her...I thought period was three months and she is free...a man is not to leave a woman hanging. Aapa

"I thought" is a meaningless word when law is discussed.

لِّلَّذِينَ يُؤْلُونَ مِن نِّسَآئِهِمْ تَرَبُّصُ أَرْبَعَةِ أَشْهُرٍ فَإِنْ فَآؤُوا فَإِنَّ اللّهَ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ

Period of state of self-restraint is restricted to four months for conclusive decision for those husbands who take an oath to refrain establishing intimate matrimonial relation with their wives.
Thereby, if husbands compromise-return-re-establish matrimonial relation [disregarding their oath, except Me the matter will remain confined only to they two since it was bedroom affair] thereat/in that case Allah the Exalted is indeed Oft-forgiving-overlooking faults, the Merciful. [2:226]


2:226 has nothing to do with those husbands who have decided to divorce, and wives shall wait for four months [to be decided by the husband since he knows whether his wife menstruates or not]. It is for those married men who have taken an oath at their own not to have sex relations with their wives; their decision is subjected to a period so that it is not their discretion to avoid matrimonial relationship with wives for indefinite period. A conditionality of four months is imposed during which they have to either restore the relationship whereat he will find Allah the Exalted forgiving, and if by imposition of time frame they have firmly decided to divorce their wives then in that case Allah the Exalted is the listener and knower of even internal intentions and designs. Now the matter is subject to adjudication on merit between two parties, without inclination of mercy for any side.
 

Precious Star

Junior Member
Dear Aapa,

It does not appear that any answer or comment satisfies you, to be honest.

We are all laypeople. Why not consult someone truly learned on Islamic jurisprudence, so as to obtain an answer to this question.
 

hayat84

I'm not what you believe
Assalaam alaikum,


As you age you have other things on your mind...but let us not place limitations on age and sexuality.


As for the wive whose husband has held back from her...I thought period was three months and she is free...a man is not to leave a woman hanging.

do you think that being young allows me to have other thing in my mind?I'm adult and vaccinated,have a family,children,a house to keep clean,a husband who everyday gets up early,and what you think I have in my mind?sex?this is a matter that can't be discussed here.people have their difficulties,but I think they are far from making divorce for a so little reason.a man should respect his wife aswell as she should do it.no woman refuses to enjoy with her husband a moment of intimacy,but think also to all the engages they have everyday.you can talk about sex in the couple maybe when children don't either exist,but since they come it's a little difficult(I don't say impossible)to have a bit of time with the partner.
how can a married man with children,whose wife maybe has some problems,leave her alone??she isn't like a bag of potatoes you throw on the floor.the Quran says to enjoy of other's partner body as it was taught to us(in sura al Baqara you can see clearly).we don't need to say to you how/what/when/why all these things happens,just read the Quran and you have all the answers.
 

hayat84

I'm not what you believe
What does being vaccinated have to do with this discussion?
:salam2:
sister,I'm sorry,maybe you didn't understand,it's an italian slang.we say "sei grande e vaccinato" to mean that I'm adult enough to get my responsibilities!I'm sorry for the misunderstanding:lol:
 

Um Ibrahim

Alhamdulilah :)
Allah burdens none of us more than we can take. If a man's wife becomes sick he has the option of taking another wife, and still keeping her as his wife and taking care of her or he can be patient and wait for her to get better.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Asalaam alaikum,

My questions have almost been answered. Please bear in mind I often post on behalf of others who are shy.

Too, I am intrigued at the knowledge of Brother Mazhara who is taking this seriously. And thus I humbly ask him to help me gain understanding...

Brother,

At first reading your responses seem to be firmly rooted in the responsibility of the male in the affairs of marriage. Please help me understand the role of a wife in terms of her being able to vocalize a need for divorce. Islam allows women to divorce. When the couple seek the remedy of the court and there is no mercy but division what voice does the wife have? Please know I am serious.
 

helpinghumanity

Junior Member
There is no dearth of irrational gossips attributed by many to the Elevated Messenger of Allah the Exalted.

Assalamo alaikum brother,

What made you say that brother?? Please re-read the following hadith


It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yasaar (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: I have found a woman who is of good lineage and high status, but she cannot bear children; should I marry her? And he told him not to (marry her). Then he came to him a second time and he told him not to (marry her). Then he came to him a third time and he told him not to (marry her) and said; “Marry the one who is loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers.”

Narrated by al-Nasaa’i (3227) and Abu Dawood (2050); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb (1921).
 

Precious Star

Junior Member
So a woman is only entitled to the protection of marriage if she is fertile?

I am assuming that the woman who was the subject of the Hadith was a widow who never had children. How else would the man have known?

I am assuming the opposite applies, as well. If a man is infertile, he should not marry. That makes sense; women are borne with an innate desire to be mothers. They're physiology is designed for pregnancy and childbirth. I was once contacted by a man who told me he was infertile, and I had to tell him that I could not consider him due to my desire to have children (he had gone through years of medical tests with his first wife).

Ahhhhh, life is tough for Muslim women. Why cant Muslim men just take their roles seriously (I'm not referring to anyone on this forum, of course).
 

Hard Rock Moslem

I'm your brother
Assalaam alaikum,

I need help. Here goes and I need the time limits on this, please.

A couple is married and the wife has not had intercourse with the husband for one year. Is the marriage valid? Even if it is a medical condition is the marriage valid? What are the solutions for this? I need Islamic responses. Many thanks.

Firstly I agree this thread can be posted here... no issue with me.

To answer your question sister, first what is the reason for not having intercourse? If both have consensus that sex is not required, then no reason to invalidate the marriage. If there is no apparent reason, I think they should not abandon sex as in the long run it will create a lot of stress among them. Look at Prophet Adam (peace be upon him), he had everything in the heaven yet he was longing for something he does not know. Allah knows and He made Eve (peace be upon her) from Adam. Why Adam attracted to Eve if not for sex? So this is something natural, why reject it?

But if one of the party to the marriage has some weaknesses in sex, then he or she should have informed his / her would be spouse about it before solemnization of their marriage. E.g if the groom intended to hide his weaknesses from the bride, as per Sharia the marriage can be considered as haraam (this is based on what I learned in Fiqh Sunnah with my sheikh). I stand to be corrected.
 

esperanza

revert of many years
Brother,

What do you mean by moral values...got me thinking over here...where in Islam does it require a person to who has the capacity to ameliorate circumstances play martyr?

Now...can someone please answer the question about a wife who is left hanging..what does Sharia say? I know in the West we have an expression " its cheaper to keep her" but Allah tells us otherwise.

deae sister.today im.ust agree, can someone give an islam/ic answer on womans i/rght /if man stays away fo/rm her##

i jave reAD somewhere the man cannot j,ust leave the wife hanging
 
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