Marriage Problem - I need help!

[ATA95]

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters. Insha'Allah you are all going well and have strong Imaan. I've come a long way since last year when I said my Shahada, Alhamdulillah. I've given up many things for the sake of pleasing Allah (SWT). It's been unexplainably tough and still is today. Through all of this I know I'm putting in all of my effort to becoming the best Muslim I can be, I know that's all Allah (SWT) wants of me. Over the past month I've been thinking deeply about marriage. I've investigated the purpose of it and the benefits etc. I've got a job which earns me a decent amount of money (nothing spectacular like being able to save up for a house but it's still good). I've also been going to the masjid more often, developing a strong connection with Allah (SWT) and strengthening my Imaan, Masha'Allah. I'm very happy to say that my desires are all in control now and I've long left looking at haram things on the internet etc, Alhamdulillah.

While I am going great I'm still coming across a few roadblocks on the Dunya highway. Marriage is a significant event that us Muslims go through in our lives and it requires enormous responsibility. We need to be emotionally, financially and religiously ready before we undertake this responsibility. With that said marriage is obligatory if someone feels that they are at risk of committing fornication. Prophet Muhammad (SAW) recommended that we get married at a young age and if we are unable to do so that we fast to keep in control of our desires. That's where I'm up to. I'm emotionally ready for marriage and am almost there religiously as I'm starting to establish the five times a day prayer. Though I still need some fine tuning financially by earning more income from a different job to the one I have at the moment. Here's where my issue starts (please don't take offence or think that I'm ignorant or whatever, I just need some advice, that's why I came here in the first place).

I've spoken to my mother and of course that hasn't been highly beneficial since she has different views due to being a Catholic. Sadly she just thinks the only reason why I want to get married is to fulfil my desires which is completely untrue. She also suggests ways about how I could just go to the movies with girls and all that which is in fact haram. My father on the other hand doesn't seem to take an interest. Therefore I'm left with literally hardly any options on where to seek assistance. There's many reasons why I want a spouse. A few of them are because I want to fulfil my desires in a halal way, I want to fulfil half of my deen, I want to start spending my life with that special person I've been waiting for my whole life, I want to undertake that responsibility of being a spouse and become a man… I could go on and on. Despite me not being involved in haram things anymore that could lead me to commit fornication I just feel that sometime soon, maybe this year or next year that I'll be in a situation where I'll be exposed to fornication by being very close to it somehow. I attend a Catholic boys school. In about one and a half years time I'll have finished my education and will be off to university. Sure you could say just leave the school I'm currently attending and go to an Islamic school nearby to help solve the situation, but that means my whole life will be changed and it'll have a detrimental affect on my education and future after school. Therefore I'm back to square one.

I cannot understand how Allah (SWT) wants me to get married yet does not give me the ability to do so. It's as if some kind of joke is being played on me. I have been making dua often asking Him to guide me yet I still feel I'm so lost as if I'm stranded all alone in the desert with no help nearby. I've given up so much for Him and know that whoever gives up something for the sake of Allah, He will replace it with something better. I just hope "that something better" is a righteous and religious wife, but I simply cannot see that coming yet. I fear that I'll be pushed into fornication just because of my inability of being able to get married. I can just sense and almost guarantee it's going to happen sometime soon, it's really playing on my mind.

You're probably thinking that I'm either being too hard on myself, I need more patience or I'll just grow out of it etc… I honestly do not know how I'm going to stay away from the things I have given up let alone keep in control of my desires for that long! Fasting is a short term solution not a long time solution like I need, it's not like I can fast for the whole year. Keeping my mind busy such as by going to the masjid etc to avoid thinking about desires is also a short term solution. It doesn't get rid of the desires, it just makes them build up until there comes a point where you cannot control them. It frustrates me that I genuinely want to get married but cannot do so despite me giving up all these things for Allah (SWT). I can just see it all playing out… By the time I finish school I'll probably be deeply involved in fornication because I wasn't able to get married. Even if I were to wait one and a half years there's the chance I still won't get married because of university or my mother won't support it etc. Please brothers and sisters give me some realistic answers not just "go to the masjid more often", "keep your mind busy by fasting" etc. JazakAllah Khair.

 

[slaveofAllah88]

aslam o aliakum wr wb

brother May Allah (swt) bless u for being steadfast on ur deen and u can pour ur heart we are here for u

im sure there are other reverts and mashAllah u being a male, its easier for there are 3 times more female accepting islam u should be able to find a sister, im not saying u just have to look for revert sister but if thats someone who would understand you better and she wont come with so much cultural baggage then u should go for it

just the other day on Ummah (another islamic forum) i came across websites and other halal ways to find partner u should definitely try it, i only one i know of is


http://www.purematrimony.com/

they gave me a month free so i checked it out, so i know its legit and the people running it have done good work, but you should definitely go to events, just dont forget the strong tool is dua.

Someone told me if you really want something then you dont want it enough unless you are getting up at night to pray tahajjud and asking Allah for help so you should do that inshAllah

oh here is something

http://www.muslimmarriageevents.org/

may Allah (swt) make it easy on the muslimeen - ameen

i wish and make dua for the best for u

PS: here is the post i made after reading ur post lol ALhumdulilah

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=86993&p=567331#post567331

 

[ATA95]

Thanks for your comments brother. No doubt pure matrimony sounds good but it's quite expensive. The best site I've come across is halfourdeen as it is amazingly cheap, reliable and got all the features I need. Anyway I'll see how I go with that. I'll definitely be making more dua Insha'Allah. I reckon it is appropriate if I at least just start looking for a possible spouse. It'll give me a boost and will make me more confident. Insha'Allah it all works out. JazakAllah Khair.

 

[PeacefulHumanity]

Salam,

Remember to always think positive. At least you've got a choice in who you'll marry and have the time and resources to look over potential wives. With me, I'm stuck marrying whomever my mom says I have to marry or else she'll disown me (Seriously!). Best of luck and I'll pray for your success in this matter!

 

[muhammad sabri]

:salam2:

My dear brother surely your problem is the same as that of many men nowadays and this is what i think, first of all by looking at your position i would say that you have to look at how Allah(swt) wants to test you, you said you want to be the best muslim you can do and for sure if you want to succeed you have to REACH A LEVEL OF IMAAN so high that you won't even dare thinking about fornication and would even laugh at the idea, you just inglobated the idea of what ambition in Islam is: to be the best muslim and to get the best of the akhira by approaching the best of this life and the best of this life is: imaan, love of Allah(swt) and ihsaan,understanding of the deen and much more..dear brother you said you want to be the best and Allah (swt) is al-Shaheed and al-Basiir, He(swt) hears and sees everything and for sure He want to test us to see wether we are sincere in what we say we may say we love Allah(swt) but are we ready to prove it with our own actions? THIS IS YOUR OCCASION to prove Allah(swt) that you REALLY WANT TO BE THE BEST, you're going to need 3 things for that: imaan, patience and love for Allah(swt), ask Allah(swt) for these three and ask Him(swt) sincerely by telling Him(swt:'' Oh Allah i do love you, i do want to be the best muslim i can and i do testify that there is no power except in You, so grant me the strenght, the imaan, and the patience to be the ebst for verily oh Allah i am weak on my own and you guide whomeveer you like so guide me for verily THERE IS NO GOD BUT YOU AL HADI(THE ONE WHO GUIDES) AL WADUD(THE LOVING ONE)

p.s: i also suggest you to have a list of things to think about that would increase your imaan and when thinking about them you will have your imaan savings , they may be miracle, description of Jannah, jahannam or anything else if you want i can suggest you something, by the way i hope these tips helps will help u a little bit

i have trust in you and surely Allah(swt) who is al Rahman al Rahim and Arham al Rahimiin(the most merciful amog the mercifuls) have much more trust in you than any human could ever have SO BE STRONG AND SHOW ALLAH(SWT) THAT you love for Him(wt) is sincere and Allah will guide you in ways that you could never expect



wajazakallahu khairan

 

[ATA95]

Yes I need to keep thinking positive. Insha'Allah Allah (SWT) makes it easy for you as well.

 

[ATA95]

:salam2:

My dear brother surely your problem is the same as that of many men nowadays and this is what i think, first of all by looking at your position i would say that you have to look at how Allah(swt) wants to test you, you said you want to be the best muslim you can do and for sure if you want to succeed you have to REACH A LEVEL OF IMAAN so high that you won't even dare thinking about fornication and would even laugh at the idea, you just inglobated the idea of what ambition in Islam is: to be the best muslim and to get the best of the akhira by approaching the best of this life and the best of this life is: imaan, love of Allah(swt) and ihsaan,understanding of the deen and much more..dear brother you said you want to be the best and Allah (swt) is al-Shaheed and al-Basiir, He(swt) hears and sees everything and for sure He want to test us to see wether we are sincere in what we say we may say we love Allah(swt) but are we ready to prove it with our own actions? THIS IS YOUR OCCASION to prove Allah(swt) that you REALLY WANT TO BE THE BEST, you're going to need 3 things for that: imaan, patience and love for Allah(swt), ask Allah(swt) for these three and ask Him(swt) sincerely by telling Him(swt:'' Oh Allah i do love you, i do want to be the best muslim i can and i do testify that there is no power except in You, so grant me the strenght, the imaan, and the patience to be the ebst for verily oh Allah i am weak on my own and you guide whomeveer you like so guide me for verily THERE IS NO GOD BUT YOU AL HADI(THE ONE WHO GUIDES) AL WADUD(THE LOVING ONE)

p.s: i also suggest you to have a list of things to think about that would increase your imaan and when thinking about them you will have your imaan savings , they may be miracle, description of Jannah, jahannam or anything else if you want i can suggest you something, by the way i hope these tips helps will help u a little bit

i have trust in you and surely Allah(swt) who is al Rahman al Rahim and Arham al Rahimiin(the most merciful amog the mercifuls) have much more trust in you than any human could ever have SO BE STRONG AND SHOW ALLAH(SWT) THAT you love for Him(wt) is sincere and Allah will guide you in ways that you could never expect



wajazakallahu khairan

Thanks brother for your comment. My Imaan is growing ever strong now Masha'Allah. Insha'Allah it will soon be so strong I won't even be thinking about fornication like you said. I have complete trust in Allah (SWT) and will keep making dua.

 

[sultanb]

:salam2:

If we look at the life of prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings upon him), he got married at the age of 25. In that time, he developed a great reputation and was a successful merchant. So, I think you should prioritize your studies, study hard, graduate with great grades all these are important for your reputation to start a great career and inshaAllah you too might get married at age 25.

Allah knows best.