Advice Please

Wulf

Junior Member
:salam2:
To some, this may be a frivolous matter, in which case I ask your pardon.
If this is the wrong place to ask these questions, please forgive my ignorance. I am not entirely knowledgable in these matters.

In December of 2006, I was contacted by a Woman who expressed an interest in marriage. She sent me Photos of herself and I must confess to being a little interested. However I explained that due to my current situation, I was not interested in entering into another relationship at that time. She was gracious and agreed.
She told me that she was an American Living in West Africa, being born in Alaska.

last night she contacted me again. We had a nice conversation, then she brought up the subject of Marriage once again. She offered to pay her own airfares, and help support the family so as not to be a burden. I told her that I was interested in finding a wife. I also told her that since our last conversation I had become a Muslim, that I was only interested in meeting a Muslim Woman who was Modest, Hijabi, and read the Qur'an. I also explained Australia's Immigration laws in relation to Foreign Wives.

She dissapeard offline and I thought, "Well that fixes that".
Twenty minutes later she comes back online, but this time she speaks to me as if she is Muslim. She tells me she goes to the Masjid five times a day to pray, that she is Hijabi, Halal and etc.

There are one or two things that concern me. Her profile now says she lives in Ontario, (Okay, people do change their address occasionaly).
The pictures she sent were, to say the least, hardly modest in that her shape could be clearly defined in her rather diaphenous gown, and the mini skirt and top.
Whereas I can accept that some people, whose first language in English, can at times, have a problem with concepts of grammer and structure. But in this case I find it hard to accept that English is even her second language.

How can I tell if she is being truthful?

Is she being a Convenient Muslim just to please me?

Is it possible to contact her Mosque to find out the truth?

Okay I may be interested in her, but when one lives thousands of Kilometres away, have never formally met, I need to be certain. I am not used to having a complete stranger make such a proposal. Besides I always thought it was the man's duty to make such proposals.
Or, maybe I am being Paranoid?

It is enough to drive me to Chocolate.

Any advice would be helpful, even if it is to tell me to forget it. because I do value your opinions and guidance.

:wasalam:
إبراهيم عبدالله".
 

UmmOf3

Junior Member
Salaam aleikum

Do you have any chance to get a hold of her Wali? And is there a chance that you can find some brothers you trust, at her place, that could have their wives or sisters find out about her?

Eta: I now re-read your post, and I saw that she is "living in West africa"... Exactly where? Because we all know about the scams online related to certain West-African countries... I would be very carefull if I were you...
 

totalcreep

New Member
HMMMMMM

Salaamu Alaikum Brother,

were you on a marriage or dating site for muslims or muslim peoples? because if so then thats lends to her being truthful, a little wierd but truthful. secondly, all you really have to do is take her at her word, the sister that bought up certain african internet scams- nigeria i would think most - has a point. from what i know of these scams they'll tell you anything to get at and take take advantage of that weakness we call greed. whether greed for money, prestige or even companionship with someine beautiful for only the sake of their beauty. they'll lead you along but there HAS to come a time for money to be sent her way, REGARDLESS OF HOW WELL OFF SHE MIGHT BE!!! subhanAllah i just read the other day of a similar scam involving a man getting ripped off for 40g's!!!

so best to keep your confidential stuff confidential for now and wait for her to ask for money. if she doesn't you'll be fine inshAllah. And its NOT WRONG TO NOT FULLY TRUST SOMEONE YOU'RE INTERESTED RIGHT AWAY!!! ITS BEING SMART ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND HERS!!!!

salaam
 

hafz

Junior Member
I Would advise you to not answer her emails.She is obviously not honest and would therefore even if she was genuine not be a good choice.Masha allah marry someone who comes recommended or whose claims can be confirmed.She probably forgot what she wote in her profile last time or changed it for somebody else and forgot to change it back.Come on you are a counsellor you aught to know better.Sometimes it's better to follow your mind and not think with your heart
 

nyerekareem

abdur-rahman
salaam brother

i would leave the woman alone. very often when you go online marriage sites, you'll see many women claiming to be muslim that are not wearing hijab, wearing a lot of makeup, tight clothing, and very immediately i dismiss them as being serious muslims. their images are really haram. i do take into consideration those that have pics in hijab and i also read their profiles and i can also tell the sincerity of the person. another key to look out for is multiple pics of them wearing hijab at different times because if they are wearing it in different pics it's very likely that they wear hijab everyday. if they took haram images when they were kafirun ask them to take a new pic as a true muslim. then you'll find out their sincerity.
 

IbnAlAawam

Junior Member
Salam alaykoum dear brother,

2 words of advice: "Stay Away" from her.
She clearly is trouble for you. I heard a lot of scam stories similar to that one.
 

newusman

Muslim
?

Salam. yes i would have to agree with the rest, do stay away, iv heard of alot about these scams aswell.
May Allah protect us all.
Wa-Salam
 

talkadams

Junior Member
subhanallah! never trust such women there are rampant all over west african countries,beside most a times there are men not women but hire a woman to convince you to believed their dubious act .please brother stay away from them there are called yahooboys,dont fall a victim ok


MASASSALAM

:salam2:
To some, this may be a frivolous matter, in which case I ask your pardon.
If this is the wrong place to ask these questions, please forgive my ignorance. I am not entirely knowledgable in these matters.

In December of 2006, I was contacted by a Woman who expressed an interest in marriage. She sent me Photos of herself and I must confess to being a little interested. However I explained that due to my current situation, I was not interested in entering into another relationship at that time. She was gracious and agreed.
She told me that she was an American Living in West Africa, being born in Alaska.

last night she contacted me again. We had a nice conversation, then she brought up the subject of Marriage once again. She offered to pay her own airfares, and help support the family so as not to be a burden. I told her that I was interested in finding a wife. I also told her that since our last conversation I had become a Muslim, that I was only interested in meeting a Muslim Woman who was Modest, Hijabi, and read the Qur'an. I also explained Australia's Immigration laws in relation to Foreign Wives.

She dissapeard offline and I thought, "Well that fixes that".
Twenty minutes later she comes back online, but this time she speaks to me as if she is Muslim. She tells me she goes to the Masjid five times a day to pray, that she is Hijabi, Halal and etc.

There are one or two things that concern me. Her profile now says she lives in Ontario, (Okay, people do change their address occasionaly).
The pictures she sent were, to say the least, hardly modest in that her shape could be clearly defined in her rather diaphenous gown, and the mini skirt and top.
Whereas I can accept that some people, whose first language in English, can at times, have a problem with concepts of grammer and structure. But in this case I find it hard to accept that English is even her second language.

How can I tell if she is being truthful?

Is she being a Convenient Muslim just to please me?

Is it possible to contact her Mosque to find out the truth?

Okay I may be interested in her, but when one lives thousands of Kilometres away, have never formally met, I need to be certain. I am not used to having a complete stranger make such a proposal. Besides I always thought it was the man's duty to make such proposals.
Or, maybe I am being Paranoid?

It is enough to drive me to Chocolate.

Any advice would be helpful, even if it is to tell me to forget it. because I do value your opinions and guidance.

:wasalam:
إبراهيم عبدالله".
 

umm hussain

Junior Member
walaikum salam warahmatullah

I also advise you to stay away. It is amazing how she suddenly became Muslim. The internet is a really scary place and some people are just not who they say they are even with pictures you can NEVER be sure if it is the person you are seeing. I would not trust anyone even if they have hijab or beard on them it is sad but there are a lot of non muslims who would pretend to be Muslim for a very evil reason, to try entice you into their trap. Never arrange to meet especially not in a secluded area. With this age of internet a person can speak as if they know about Islam very well, they can study it on many websites so dont let their talk about Islam convince you they are muslim or that they know Islam.

Dont let your need for a partner make you do something you will regret, be patient for Allas sake and HE will reward you if he wills.

Find out at your local mosque, that is the best and safest.
 
assalamualikum brother

i just wanna say that be aware from chat girls

its really bad

its just destroy all my feelings which i should saved only for my wife :-(
but i have lost it

soo brother think something new about to find a life partner.

allah knows the best
 

Amirah84

Junior Member
Men and women talking in chat rooms

:salam2:

Men and women talking in chat rooms

Question:
I am a sister, who usually logs in to Paltalk and then goes to the Islamic rooms so that I may gain some knowledge related to our religion. Sometimes while I am in one of those Islamic rooms in Paltalk,a muslim brother(looking for a wife) in the room asks me to have a private written chat with him so that we get to know one another. Some of the questions he asks me are: where i live, my age, whether i am married(by the way I am not married), if I am planning to get marry, whether I live with my parents, and so on. My problem is, I don't know whether I am allowed(Islamicly) to give non-muharim brother those kinds of informations which related to me.
Is it really SIN to talk to a brother in writing ??.

Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

There is nothing wrong with a Muslim woman making use of the internet and entering the Paltalk website for that purpose, so long as that does not lead to anything that is forbidden in Islam, such as talking privately with men. That is because talking to men may turn into chat which usually leads temptation. Hence it is essential to be strict and avoid that, seeking the pleasure of Allaah and fearing His punishment.

How often have these conversations lead to bad results, and even caused people to fall in love, and have led some to do things that are even more serious than that. The Shaytaan makes each of them imagine attractive qualities in other, which leads them to develop an attachment that detrimental to their spiritual welfare and worldly affairs.

Sharee’ah blocks all the ways that may lead to fitnah (temptation, trial), hence it forbids softness of speech and does not allow a man to be alone with a non-mahram woman. Undoubtedly these private chats are not regarded as khulwah in the sense that he people involved cannot see one another, but they are one of the greatest causes of fitnah as is well known.

What has happened to you is the best testimonial to the truth of what we are saying, because it is difficult for a man to ask these personal questions of a believing woman, unless he uses these means that are being used in a bad way.

Fear Allaah, and do not speak to non-mahram men. This is safer for your religious commitment and purer for your heart. You should note that marriage to a righteous man is a blessing from Allaah, and a blessing cannot be acquired by means of sin.

Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and women, if this correspondence is free from immorality and love?

He replied:

It is not permissible for any man to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the fitnah (temptation) involved in that. A person may think that there is no fitnah, but the Shaytaan will keep trying until he tempts him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded those who heard of the Dajjaal to keep away from him, and said that a man may approach him as a believer, but the Dajjaal will keep trying until he leads him astray.

Correspondence between young men and women involves a great deal of fitnah and danger, so we must avoid it, even though the questioner says that this correspondence is free from immorality and love.

From Fataawa al-Mar’ah, compiled by Muhammad al-Musnad, p. 96.

Undoubtedly correspondence via chat rooms is more dangerous than correspondence by mail, but both are bad.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

:wasalam:
 

Umm Aysha

*Strive for Jannah*
Asalaamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullah,

Hope you are keeping well brother Ibrahim. SubhanAllah we cant say how this woman is and what she believe as we dont know her.
Allah knows best brother. Please be patient and dont rush into anything.

I suggest you pray Istikhara, and seek guidance from Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala.. and make lots of Dua :tti_sister:

This link below should help you...

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6612

I will keep you in my dua's insha-Allah, May Allah give you patience my brother and may Allah bless you with a pious and caring wife....Ameen Ya Rabb...

Surah Al-Imran
146....
And Allâh loves As-Sâbirin (the patient ones, etc.)

ur sis umm aysha

wasalaam
 

MuslimGirl71194

New Member
Asallam Alaikum, my dear brother. I'm sure that she went on a website, found out about Islam and then she turned into a "Muslim". If I were you, I would look for another wife that originally sends you pictures of her modestly covered without you telling her that you are looking for a righteous Muslimah to marry. Good luck with your search and may you have a good life together.

-Yasmina
 

Rawand

New Member
Asalaamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullah,

Hope you are keeping well brother Ibrahim. SubhanAllah we cant say how this woman is and what she believe as we dont know her.
Allah knows best brother. Please be patient and dont rush into anything.

I suggest you pray Istikhara, and seek guidance from Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala.. and make lots of Dua :tti_sister:

This link below should help you...

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6612

I will keep you in my dua's insha-Allah, May Allah give you patience my brother and may Allah bless you with a pious and caring wife....Ameen Ya Rabb...

Surah Al-Imran
146....
And Allâh loves As-Sâbirin (the patient ones, etc.)

ur sis umm aysha

wasalaam
Asalamu Alaykum
My brother i just want to say stay away and dont mislead by appearances "some time better to folow your mind and not think with your heart".
May Allah guide you for finding a good wife Ameen
Wasalam
 

happy 2 b muslim

Junior Member
put all your trust in allah, trust me bro it work allah is all knowing and knows what is better for you.If you are ment 2 be allah will make it happen if not allah know that what is best for you.

hope that was useful
 

shaz_1999

Junior Member
The question is do you trust this women if no trust exists then with no question you dont go ahead with it.

A good thing is how did you meet her, like for us we go on what people would tell us about the family and this helps us see if we as a couple would get on with each others family's.

Its a big thing to me I could not trust someone like that. Also I dont think you trust her coz you are questioning the way she was before and after that says it all.

Hope it helps
 

Wulf

Junior Member
:salam2:
My Brothers and Sisters

Firstly, I wish to thank you all for your input and advice.
Yes I am ,or was, a counseller. Unfortunately, counselling ones self is like a Doctor trying to remove his own apendix.

How often have these conversations lead to bad results, and even caused people to fall in love, and have led some to do things that are even more serious than that. The Shaytaan makes each of them imagine attractive qualities in other, which leads them to develop an attachment that detrimental to their spiritual welfare and worldly affairs.

I must agree with this. My wife left me because of "Chat Forum" acquaintances and persuasions.

This Woman did not find my details from a Relationship site. She found them on "Live Spaces" and her contacting me first was not solicited by me.

My brother i just want to say stay away and dont mislead by appearances "some time better to folow your mind and not think with your heart".

In this I also agree. Sometimes it is all too easy to be led by emotions. Especially when one feels the burden of loneliness is getting too heavy.

Thank you Aysha for the link, it was most helpful to me. I have made Dua according to what is written, and yes, I need to learn patience.

As for looking on Islamic Marriage Sites, I am trying out a couple just to see who will answer. Sometimes I think that the standards set by some are unrealistic. Especially those who say they want someone who is "Religious, handsome and Rich?"

As for the "West African Scam", I am more concerned about the "Russian Scam". This is where Women from Russian matrimonial Sites pretend to be what they are not. They send or post pretty pictures to lead men on, so they can obtain a Visa and escape from the lives they are leading.
I know of one case where a man went through the whole process, only to find that the lady he met at the Airport, did not look anything like the lady he had been speaking to, ( she could not speak a word of English). Like him, she had been conned into believing she was meeting someone else, by the people who took advantage of their need, and her bank balance. Immigration sent her back on the next Plane out.

As for learning to trust, I have no other option but to do so. The only other option would be to become Agorophobic and shut myself off from the World for fear of rejection. This I am not prepared to do.

Thank you once again for all of your input and advice. Advice that I do value greatly. I will advise the lady concerned that I am not interested in pursuing the matter further.

I read somewhere that it is better to live alone than to live with evil.

I pray that Allah, Subhana Wa Ta'ala, shall guide me according to his will enshallah, to grant me the patience and knowledge that will bring me closer to Him as I read the Holy Qur'an that was given by his Messenger, Blessings of Allah (swt) be upon him. Ameen

W'Asallam.

Ibrahim
إبرهم أبدلله".
 

ross2007

New Member
:salam2:

Once before I have the similar experience and my advise pls forget about her. No doubt some are genuine people out there looking for soul mate via the net.
Do "solat istikharah" Allah will guide you.

Be more careful and take consideratation on relationship is a process and it will not happen within a night but it will grow within the time. Please do not get married to a person who you not even see her in real. Marriage is a full time commitment. And marriage is a serious step and requires the right attitude. If marriage completes half of our faith, shouldn't that half be the best half?? and "Put your trust in Allah, for Allah loves those who put their trust in Him" (s. 2 ; W 159).

Wasalam.
 

fathom

Umm Yusuf
assalam alaikom brother,

subhanallah,inshallah you will find your future wife with the 'will' of allah (s.w.t) just be patient and be strong in your faith that whatever temptations will come into your life you will survive in any tricks of shaitan.

if your looking for a wife maybe i can help you coz i know one sister looking for a husband too lol....curious

jazzakallahu kair brother,


:hijabi:
 
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