:salam2:
I don't mind sharing my story.
Bismillah: I was 14, very lost. This was in 2005. I thought I had my life planned out. Parents are not strict so I thought when I'm this age I'm going to do x, y and z because I have the freedom to do so. Little did I know God had better things planned for me
It started when my dad gave me and book called
'Islam Belief and Teachings' by Ghulam Sarwar but the way he gave me the book was kind of mean. I remember he just put it on the table and said something like "Here read this! Maybe you will change!" His angry tone put me off, so I just left it and wasn't interested one bit.
It was summer holiday, I was really bored and for some reason I often used to cry a lot, mainly due to feeling empty inside. I remember I used to starve myself and only eat sliced lime or lemon and cucumbers and grapes. I had a best friend but she was lazy and never wanted to go out or do anything so I was lonely too. I remember being in darkness, and I mean literally because I used to pull the curtains during the daytime and just lie there and cry and sleep. When my siblings did bad things my dad used to take it out on me :/ and I have an older half sister who used to be very mean to me and I had no one to defend myself. My dad used to always stick up for her all the time no matter what. Plus near the area I used to get harassed by some idiots. All these things piled up and made me depressed a lot.
Anyway I don't exactly remember how but I got hold of that book and once I started reading, I was really shocked about what Islam teaches. First off, I did not know the meaning of 'la ilaha ilAllah'. Secondly, I had no idea whatsoever that we believe in Jesus or Moses, Noah etc. I thought for Jews they have Moses, for Christians they have Jesus and for Muslims we have Muhammad (pbut). And I did not know of Pillars of Islam, Iman etc. That book is really good actually, especially for beginners. I learnt so much.
When I finally found out the purpose of life:
"And I (Allah) created not the jinns and humans except they should worship Me (Alone)." (Qur'an, 51:56), I believed right there and then I have found what I was looking for. So I decided to start following Islam. I learnt how to pray. And before wearing hijab, I researched
why I have to wear it first. Whenever I needed any assistance, I went online on websites and also joined other forums, where I asked members questions, for advice etc. anonymously.
I started watching Dr Zakir Naik, Ahmet Deedat (rahimahullah) and was amazed to see firstly, how a human being can possibly memorize the whole entire Qur'aan. Secondly, the scientific evidences. There was this shaykh/student of knowledge called 'Abu Dujana' he used to talk about 'Seven people under the shade of Allah', and was talking about practicing Islam in youth till old age - which really stood out for me, as I don't see myself being under any other category. I also liked listening to lectures/talks by Salim Al 'Amry, Murtaza Khan, Abu 'Abdissalam, Yusuf Estes, Khalid Yasin, Jalal Ibn Sa'eed, Tawfique Chouwdury etc. I used to love watching revert videos on youtube, it boosted my iman.
In school I lost a few 'friends'. Lol, I remember my sister's reaction when she saw me in hijab she told me to take it off but I refused. For some reason I wanted to associate myself with Arabs I often started hanging out around them and they used to teach me so much. One sister even took me to the masjid for the first time. We used to go jumu'ah on a regular basis.
There were a few Muslims here and there that were rude and used to criticize or judge me a lot but I stayed away from them. I knew they were messed up in the head. Lol. Plus I started following Islam for my own sake and not others, so I didn't allow anyone to get in my way, despite the negativity (e.g being called extremist).
It was hard because I gave up so much, like music, my crush lol, idle talk etc.
However, those were the fruitful days long gone. Now unfortunately it is not the same as it used to be. Nowadays my iman is weak. I'm really struggling to be honest, just wish I could go back and be steadfast and consistent like before. I have no any regrets for following Islam, that's just shaytan whiswas. No matter what, even if I stop following Islam all-together (God forbid) I will never leave Islam because it is the religion of truth.
