Advice needed...transgendered brother

[Umm Abdullah]

Wa aleykum assalam wa rahmatullah
Brother I don’t understand why you are confused? Allah created you as a man khalas. Why would you want to be a woman? We are muslims and we accept whatever Allah decrees for us. Don’t second-guess the things Allah has written for you. You are not transgendered, because there is no such thing in Islam. I don’t understand why you question your manhood. People are different and we all have our own personality. Just because you are sensitive and you love children etc. does not mean that you are less of a man. That’s just how your personality is and that is totally fine. I don’t understand why you would wear your sisters and mothers underwear?? Allahu a'lem brother, I think you should get some islamic help.

 

[sister herb]

Wa aleykum assalam wa rahmatullah
Brother I don’t understand why you are confused? Allah created you as a man khalas. Why would you want to be a woman? We are muslims and we accept whatever Allah decrees for us. Don’t second-guess the things Allah has written for you. You are not transgendered, because there is no such thing in Islam. I don’t understand why you question your manhood. People are different and we all have our own personality. Just because you are sensitive and you love children etc. does not mean that you are less of a man. That’s just how your personality is and that is totally fine. I don’t understand why you would wear your sisters and mothers underwear?? Allahu a'lem brother, I think you should get some islamic help.

Salam alaykum

Brother;

Being transgender doesn´t mean to wish to wear female underwears at all. That might be part of transSEXUAL, not as transGENDER. What you would think about sisters whose feel they have born to wrong body than they mind says (as sisters whose feel they should to be brothers)?

Difficult issue this seems to be just same if you are muslim, christian, jew, buddhist or what ever.

 

[Umm Abdullah]

Wa aleykum assalam wa rahmatullah ukhtii

But sister, Allah created men, women( and hermaphrodites). There is no such thing as being a transgender! You can't have a male body and a female mind. That does not make sense. It is a psychological illness. I know some ppl may feel that they are "trapped in the wrong body", but there is no basis for this in the Qur'an or the sunnah. What I can't understand is, how can a MUSLIM who knows Allah, second guess their gender?? May Allah keep us on the straight path - amin
btw im a sister

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam alaikum,

The issue is that the brother is a Muslim. Our laws are the corrected laws. We are of those that have taken the right religion. Everything we do starts and ends with us professing our faith.

If the brother were anything else the discussion would take a different path.

He has written that he has a thought disorder. His thinking is wrong. It is not physical. It is simple to correct. When those thoughts pop up in your head seek refuge with Allah subhana wa taala. Don't we all do that. All day long shytan plays with us. And we run to Allah subhana wa taala.

Islam is easy. No matter what the issue is we are to call upon Allah subhana wa taala. The brother is correct in seeking the advise of Believers. Psychotherapy is going to tell him to replace the irrational thoughts i.e thinking like a woman with rational thoughts. Islam makes it easier. Replace the thoughts with seeking to please Allah subhana wa taala.

Our society has spent millions in gender confusion. The fashion industry is dangerous. The media is dangerous as is the music industry. And it is well know that which we see around us does have an impact on us.

I would recommend that the brother spend time in the masjid. Lots of time. The masjid is the best place to be. As he reads the Quran contemplate on what he needs to do to become right with Allah subhana wa taala. He needs to be with Believers. Men who will help him overcome the hurdles. He needs to understand a new definition of manhood. One that comes from his Creator.

 

[sister herb]

Wa aleykum assalam wa rahmatullah ukhtii

But sister, Allah created men, women( and hermaphrodites). There is no such thing as being a transgender! You can't have a male body and a female mind. That does not make sense. It is a psychological illness. I know some ppl may feel that they are "trapped in the wrong body", but there is no basis for this in the Qur'an or the sunnah. What I can't understand is, how can a MUSLIM who knows Allah, second guess their gender?? May Allah keep us on the straight path - amin
btw im a sister

Salam alaykum


Ooops sorry sister.

I know it is confusing to many. I am sister and believe I am sister in right body but everyones don´t feel like this. They too are creatures as Allah as others and our duty is try to understand they way to feel they body and mind. Easy task isn´t to us neither to them.

May Allah shows us understanding to others. IF they are in the wrong path, may Allah shows them right one. But if they are the path Allah wants them to follow, may He gives us understanding to accept it.

 

[sister herb]

I would recommend that the brother spend time in the masjid. Lots of time. The masjid is the best place to be. As he reads the Quran contemplate on what he needs to do to become right with Allah subhana wa taala. He needs to be with Believers. Men who will help him overcome the hurdles. He needs to understand a new definition of manhood. One that comes from his Creator.

Salam alaykum

I recommend brother will talk with similar like he is. I wonder if he finds them from mosques. Hopely he will but I have doubts about it. People with kind of matters don´t go to mosques at the first. They afraid to become judged - by they fellow muslims, brothers and sisters without real understanding about this matter.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam alaikum,

You are correct that many stay away from masjids because they fear they will be judged. There was a thread on a young woman who committed suicide. I had to think to myself why did she and her family not go to the community. She had no-one to offer her the love that she was seeking. Where were we when she was on the rooftop.

And our communities are very guilty of judging. We help more people leave Islam than enter with our cold hearts.

Yet, the brother has to be brave and know that there is going to be someone at the masjid. A strong Believer. I am not suggesting that the brother disclose his issues to anyone. He just needs to spend time with Believers. He needs to busy himself with the actions of Muslims. He needs to be in a building with the angels of Allah subhana wa taala and he needs to be supplicating.

I pray that the young brohter responds and understands we all mean him good. InshaAllah, he has gained some knowledge from this discussion.

Sister Harb...you are the warrior princess of TTI. And I do so love you.

 

[Tabassum07]

:salam2:

I don't want to get into the discussion, but just answering the poll the brother posted: The scholars say that its wrong to marry under deceit. Marrying under deceit includes hiding any characteristic, trait or illness that will prevent the future spouses from enjoying their married life together and playing the roles of husband and wife as Allah has decreed.

Now its up to the brother to do the Islamically correct thing.

 

[sister herb]

:salam2:

I don't want to get into the discussion, but just answering the poll the brother posted: The scholars say that its wrong to marry under deceit. Marrying under deceit includes hiding any characteristic, trait or illness that will prevent the future spouses from enjoying their married life together and playing the roles of husband and wife as Allah has decreed.

Now its up to the brother to do the Islamically correct thing.

Salam alaykum

That was very good answer.

 

[Mabsoot]

assalamu alaykum, on this site you will only get advice from the public. You should see some doctors and psychologists about your worries. The following is only my opinion

You said:

I am 100% physically a male. But in my thoughts I feel otherwise..

..And also marriage, to a man...a real man.
I am not homosexual...I believe strongly in a heterosexual relationship

I feel like I am pretending to be a guy...

If you are pretending to be anything, it is transgendered! Unless somehow your mind wharped you into a transgendered Lesbian.

You get Aroused by women, brother you are NOT a woman trapped inside a man, and you don't need a sex change. - Not all men are crazy about cars or sports, that does not make you less of a man. I believe it is all in your mind and you have ran to this conclusion about being transgendered.

You do have problems though, hoping you are sincere in your posts, May Allah guide you.

Just tell her you are a bit effeminate, but you "LIKE" women sexually. Get married, have sex, go and have babies. See, you should be happy, because you like babies.

Wasalamu alaykum

 

[Merian]

As salam aleikum

A bit effeminate?? I'm sorry brother but that made me laugh. Would that be wrong way to say it?

I could not apply that to myself at all. It would be a lying, at my experience.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam alaikum,

I had to laugh as well. If a man were to propose marriage to me and admit he was a little effeminate my response would be a big please see yourself to the door and shut it on the way out. I would rather be alone.

The world may wish to be politically correct, but as far as the husband stuff goes...a man is a man. A woman needs strenght; when a decision is made to abide by that decision. None of that emotional yucky stuff.

 

[uniqueskates]

Assalaam alaikum,
man is a man. A woman needs strenght; when a decision is made to abide by that decision. None of that emotional yucky stuff.

Walaikumassalaam Mother.

Hope you are doing good. I would like you to please explain me the "emotional yucky stuff" part. Because, I feel it's pretty general, so if you could please make me understand what the emotional stuff you are referring too?

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam alaikum,

Women are emotional. We are compassionate. We are always looking for all the causes. We never want to hurt feelings. We are stuck on feelings and want harmony. That is good. What happens is often we do not make a decision because we are so caught up in the emotion of the moment. When a man makes a decision he makes it and sticks with it. This is how it is going to be done and walks on.

A woman does not need a man who is very emotional. It confuses matters. A husband has to decisive. He does not have the time to dwell on all the little stuff.

I know this sounds sexist but it is the truth. A man that is constantly giving into the demands of his wife is sometimes called a hen-pecked husband. Only the man can wear the pants in the family.

A woman needs a strong man for a husband. Any man that questions his masculinity makes a weak husband.

Does this make sense. No sister will boast that she is married to an effeminate man. A man can be sensitive but not effeminate. A husband is your protection. We, sisters, love our warriors. An effeminate man would not be on the battle-field. On the path to the Day of Judgement we want to hold hands with a warrior. It is a trust.

 

[sister herb]

A woman needs a strong man for a husband. Any man that questions his masculinity makes a weak husband.

Salam alaykum

Transgender male is not weak male at all. It is matter as his identity, not his body or his sexuality at all.

If you don´t understand the matter. better be quiet in this matter!

 

[luluimaan]

Assalaam alaykum,

Sister Aapa is correct, as are other people posting on here. No matter what, the pair, male and female, are the only options. You're either male or female. Just because humans have made up words and concepts for excuses for our own desires, doesn't change the fact that Allah (swt), is His Wisdom and Grace, created male and female. Your nafs may be telling you differently, but the Qur'an and Sunnah are a guide and they tell us this. We can talk about it all day about gender and sexuality and being confused and not being confused, but the Qur'an and Sunnah are clear on the matter. The roles and regulations for men and women are also clear.

Improving your knowledge of the deen and increasing your imaan will help with the difficulty with your nafs. It may be a great trial and it may take time, but you apparently need to understand who and what you're supposed to be according to the Qur'an and Sunnah. Allahu alam.

 

[sister herb]

assalamu alaykum, on this site you will only get advice from the public. You should see some doctors and psychologists about your worries. The following is only my opinion

You said:




If you are pretending to be anything, it is transgendered! Unless somehow your mind wharped you into a transgendered Lesbian.

You get Aroused by women, brother you are NOT a woman trapped inside a man, and you don't need a sex change. - Not all men are crazy about cars or sports, that does not make you less of a man. I believe it is all in your mind and you have ran to this conclusion about being transgendered.

You do have problems though, hoping you are sincere in your posts, May Allah guide you.

Just tell her you are a bit effeminate, but you "LIKE" women sexually. Get married, have sex, go and have babies. See, you should be happy, because you like babies.

Wasalamu alaykum

Salam alaykum

Sorry brother but I think you have no idea what the transgender even means!

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam alaikum,

Sister Harb,

No need to be upset. As you are unable to understand many of us please understand the same for us. I would not wish to spend my life with a transgender. That is all. I would want to spend my life with a man who takes his life seriously. A man who has pleasing Allah on his mind. A man who is thinking about the hereafter. A man who is noble.

Why would I want a man who is questioning his identity. Especially as a Muslim. He can not be a Muslim and do that.

Historically, transgender has not been a clinical term in the world of psychology. It did not become vogue until the late 1960's. It was a sex change operation man turned actress that made the term popular.

A sign of the end days is when we justify what is wrong. This is wrong.

He will make a weak husband as he does not even know what it is. Sorry sister, but if I have to stand by my man let him be thinking he is a man..and not wishing to be close to me because he is having thoughts of being a woman.

On a spiritual level it is the sign of a weak person who is impatient and not pleased with what Allah subhana wa taala has given him. You have to question where is the heart of a person who questions his identity on such a physical level.

Forgive me sister, but it is simply wrong. There is nothing in the Quran nor the Sunnah and that is what we abide by as Believers.

Brother Mabsoot has given the youngster some good advise. Get on with your life. Fast a little; do some volunteer work; do not look in the mirror.

 

[Merian]

As salam aleikum

To all of here. Have you ever even met a transgender person?

It's something that one simply just can't choose. It's something what is already in a human when baby is born.

And in my country, 40% of the people who have Asperger's syndrome are transgender people. It's a lot of people. I'm one of those.

I'm not going to pull anything and start a talk of it because it only does made things worst for me. Eh, mental issues. So thank you very, very much for hurting me.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam alaikum,

Sister,

Yes, I have met all kinds of people.

Now. Asperger's is no longer a psychological illness. It has been declassified.

No-one is trying to hurt anyone here.

This is about faith and patience. That is what one has to choose over everything else. Each one of us has issues. Each one of us carries pains. The cures of the sickness of the heart are found in the Quran. As Muslims we have to believe that. That is where we have to turn to gain knowledge.

No-one hurt you. You choose to be hurt. I am a nobody. I just know that prostrating to Allah is the solution to my issues. That is where all the pain is relieved. That is where we become good servants. All of us. This is where dua becomes the medicine of the soul.

InshaAllah, I will keep you in my dua. I do not wish to cause any harm to anyone. Nor do we need a disclosure from you. We wish to be your sisters in faith.