Probably difficult to trust anyone anymore...

Seeking Allah's Mercy

Qul HuwaAllahu Ahud!
Sister Seeking Allah's Mercy, "not half as bad as you thought/imagined"? What did you thought happened when I told you about it?Thank you for the honest advice and no, I do not feel like snapping at her because yes, she still deserves the best of me. Alhamdulillaah I have not become a zombie lol.
You want me to post what I thought? Okay, I'll share with "everyone" what I thought tomorrow when I have more time, if you want.

To be honest, I would feel like it. I try to keep my mouth shut in such situations. And avoid the person in question till I'm distracted. Oh I know you are going to become one if you don't go to that shaykh again (lol). Seriously, bath with lemon thing? That's a form of ruqyah? Why don't you try confirm it?
 

tic_tac_toe

Junior Member
Wa`alaykum as-salaam wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh,

Brother TicTacToe, I have tried listening to ruqyah syar`iyah last night. No, I did not react weirdly or felt anything odd. I even read along with the qari some surah from Al-Baqarah. Alhamdulillaah for the strengths that Allaah gave to me to be able to read the Qur`an daily even if its just for a while and pray that He continues to give me the strengths until I die as the words from Qur`an are shifaa, so inshaa Allaahu Ta`ala, I do not believe I am being possessed.

:wasalam:


:salam2: Sister,

:mashallah: that everything is ok. Islam gives you the right to marry the person of your choice and if you have given it a lot of thought and listened and evaluated the concerns of your dear and loved ones and want to proceed then :inshallah: our duas and well wishes are with you and your future.


:wasalam:
 

Precious Star

Junior Member
:salam2: Sister,

:mashallah: that everything is ok. Islam gives you the right to marry the person of your choice and if you have given it a lot of thought and listened and evaluated the concerns of your dear and loved ones and want to proceed then :inshallah: our duas and well wishes are with you and your future.


:wasalam:

Ameen. I agree with this completely. Asiya, as it is it is almost impossible for muslim women these days to find good spouses. You have found one. Think it through and proceed accordingly. If you have done Istikhara, then Allah is with you.
 

tic_tac_toe

Junior Member
Ameen. I agree with this completely. Asiya, as it is it is almost impossible for muslim women these days to find good spouses. You have found one. Think it through and proceed accordingly. If you have done Istikhara, then Allah is with you.

Funny because Muslim men say the same thing about finding good women, so whats going on?
 

al-fajr

...ism..schism
Staff member
From the beginning until right now, my mother has not given her blessings on me wanting to marry my would-be. Even after my dad has given his green light. Just that my dad told me to finish with my studies first and then only get married. The obvious and main reason my mom wouldn't let me marry him is because he is from another country. A neighbouring country. So, apart from taking me having counselling with an Ustadh earlier in Ramadhan, this is the second attempt of her making me to obey her.
So this person wasn't your parents choice at all, it was your own choice? If I am wrong, then can you outline what role your parents had in bringing about the acquaintence of yourself and this individual, was there any involvement at all?

Remind me, sister, where are you from, are you Pakistani/indian sub-continent?
 

Seeking Allah's Mercy

Qul HuwaAllahu Ahud!
So this person wasn't your parents choice at all, it was your own choice? If I am wrong, then can you outline what role your parents had in bringing about the acquaintence of yourself and this individual, was there any involvement at all?

Remind me, sister, where are you from, are you Pakistani/indian sub-continent?

Asalamo`Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh,

She's Malaysian, the brother is Indonesian. He proposed her through a sister and this sister later (if I'm correct then after sister Asiya tried herself) talked to the sister Aisya's father who met the brother and gave the green signal.
 

al-fajr

...ism..schism
Staff member
Asalamo`Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh,

She's Malaysian, the brother is Indonesian. He proposed her through a sister and this sister later (if I'm correct then after sister Asiya tried herself) talked to the sister Aisya's father who met the brother and gave the green signal.

BarakAllahu feeki - my only purpose in asking this was because I thought sister Aisya may be from the subcontinent where often the rules of marriage/proposals can be as you know, very conservative where culturally speaking even what Islam permits in this regard is seen as unacceptable to some.

I suppose that isn't a contributory factor behind sister Aisyas mothers behaviour and her being so against the whole thing.
 
BarakAllahu feeki - my only purpose in asking this was because I thought sister Aisya may be from the subcontinent where often the rules of marriage/proposals can be as you know, very conservative where culturally speaking even what Islam permits in this regard is seen as unacceptable to some.

I suppose that isn't a contributory factor behind sister Aisyas mothers behaviour and her being so against the whole thing.

Mothers generally care only about the "talk of the neighborhood" They want their friends to see that their child is married to either a successful man in a business suit (for their daughters) or a beautiful pale tall smooth hair kitchen expert (married to their sons)

Fathers usually have a better insight in terms of how the person's ethics&morals and personality is.


My aunt was against her son marrying a certain girl, because she "was short and not pretty" I wanted to say "wasnt that the reason why uncle's mom rejected YOU?"
 

Aisya al-Humaira

الحمدلله على كل حال
BarakaAllaahu feekum, everyone.

Sister Al-Fajr, it really isn't that unusual for the people here to marry people from other countries. We're not really as conservative as the elders from the subcontinents (no offence, everyone). But mine is merely because within my maternal family, they'd prefer to marry those who are the NEAREST to our home/village. Although there are 2 relatives of mine (maternal side) who married a Bangladesh and Pakistani.

Last night, my dad had a brief talk with me, asking me how it's going to be. Seems like he has also come to a dead end. He said once again that "Like I said, I believe him even when the first time we met" when I asked whether he believes about me being possessed. And that my situation is a bit difficult with my mom having that sort of mindset towards his people (it goes back to the history between the two countries). Then I asked him "So, what's the conclusion". He kinda sigh and said that I still need to persuade my mom.

Basically the cycle goes back to Step B. And the final obstacle is actually my mother, and yes, it is by the Will of Allaah. He is capable to sooth the heart of whomever He wishes, so Inshaa Allaah I still believe that Allaah will make ways for both of us if this is indeed the best for our deen.
 

al-fajr

...ism..schism
Staff member
Mothers generally care only about the "talk of the neighborhood" They want their friends to see that their child is married to either a successful man in a business suit (for their daughters) or a beautiful pale tall smooth hair kitchen expert (married to their sons)

Fathers usually have a better insight in terms of how the person's ethics&morals and personality is.


My aunt was against her son marrying a certain girl, because she "was short and not pretty" I wanted to say "wasnt that the reason why uncle's mom rejected YOU?"
Please refrain from generalisations about mothers, fathers, parents in general.

We should speak good or remain silent in this regard particularly when we know their status before Allaah and that no other inidvidual in our lives can influence our entering Jannah as much as a Mother or Father can, we would all do well to remember this.

Aisya al-Humaira said:
Sister Al-Fajr, it really isn't that unusual for the people here to marry people from other countries. We're not really as conservative as the elders from the subcontinents (no offence, everyone). But mine is merely because within my maternal family, they'd prefer to marry those who are the NEAREST to our home/village. Although there are 2 relatives of mine (maternal side) who married a Bangladesh and Pakistani.
BarakAllahu feeki,

Show your mother immense love and respect sister, I sincerely advise you to go out of your way to do acts of kindness for her in spite of her actions and yes it's understandable why you're frustrated and hurt but the best antidote to that, particularly where mothers are involved, is to go out of your way in serving them, make her your focus of love and respect whilst remembering Allaah is the controller of hearts, He can bring her heart round to your choice if He should so wish, take this situation as a test from Him and use it as a reason to draw close to your mother and bridge some understanding between the two of you, be relentlessly positive and trust that Allaah will see you through this.

At times like this I always remember the mother of Mus'ab ibn Umayr radiAllaahu an, what a story that was, he had to leave her eventually, but how much patience did he have towards her even when she tied him up like an animal?

I don't like the sound of the raaqi your mother has employed, I would recite Surah Baqarah often as a source of protection.

Wa-salam `alaykum
 

Asja

Pearl of Islaam
Assalamu allaicum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu

Dear sister I would advise you to ask to delate your thread, because I do not think it is good that your mother is put in this kind of situation, where some stranger people who do not even know her, who do not know her feelings and her intentions, to judge her on this way.

Although I do not know her, it is hard for me to think that something like this can be done,and I would think how would I feel if I was in your situation and that it is something related with my mother.

As for the title of the thread, I would advice you dear sister to first believe in Allah, than on your family,and than on the rest of the world.

May Allah make it easy for you and guide you and your family toward the best deccession for you.Ameen summa Ameen

I apologise if I have said something wrong and may Allah guide us all. Ameen.

Assalamu allaicum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu
 

Asja

Pearl of Islaam
Lastly, I just wished and pray that Allah will ease your suffering, of many many years having to bear with how your mother treats you. I pray that Allah will give her hidayah and softens her heart so she can stop treating you like this.

Assalamu allaicum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu

It is not nice from your side dear brother to write something like this. I would advice you to delate this sentence and many other sentences because many of them are not on its place.

They are not correct and some things are just not nice to say to our dear sister in Islam ( mother of sister Aisya Al Humaira) who is not even here to defend herselfe.

Assalamu allaicum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu
 

Rustandi

الفقير الى الله
Assalamu allaicum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu

It is not nice from your side dear brother to write something like this. I would advice you to delate this sentence and many other sentences because many of them are not on its place.

They are not correct and some things are just not nice to say to our dear sister in Islam ( mother of sister Aisya Al Humaira) who is not even here to defend herselfe.

Assalamu allaicum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu

Wa'alaykumussalaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh.

Hmmm, it kinda stings having to take this from someone who doesn't know one thing about the matter. But all right, i'll try to take this in a positive way insya Allah cos there's some truth in what you said. I'm just going to delete the whole post.
 

Asja

Pearl of Islaam
Wa'alaykumussalaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh.

Hmmm, it kinda stings having to take this from someone who doesn't know one thing about the matter. But all right, i'll try to take this in a positive way insya Allah cos there's some truth in what you said. I'm just going to delete the whole post.



Assalamu Allaicum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu


I ask protection from Allah, may Allah guide us to the right path InshAllah


Dear brother half of the wods you have wrote in your post like "stings etc" I really do not understand their meaning as I am not used people around me to express themselves on this way. I have been thought to take care of our words, and if our silence is better then our words, that we should keep ourselves silente.

It is truth that I do not know your private matters, but this is brought to public, and I do not understand how ones beloved mother can be put in this kind of situation and that these kind of words can be said about her. Allahu Alim.

It is your right to delate or not to delate the post dear brother, but it is my duty and my right to correct you if you are wrong, and everything what I said was with the best intentions and for the sake of Allah.


Jazzak Allah khair



Wa Allaicumu sallam
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam alaikum,

Both of you are correct.

Sister Asja..you are protecting everyone. That is a good thing.

Son...InshaAllah, put your faith in Allah. Time has passed and it is close to where you need to be. Be grateful. Shytan is always busy trying to upset thing. And he will place obstacles on the path. I call them speed bumps. This is one more speed bump. A big speed bump. And nothing more.

The best thing to do is to be diligent in dua. You have been very noble and honorable in your behavior and patience. That much I do know.
 
it is my duty and my right to correct you if you are wrong


true, but the brother said nothing wrong. I believe he has a close connection with the sister's family and he sees what we don't see. May Allaah accept his proposal and grants him this girl to be wife.


As for the sister who asked me to refrain from talking about parents, I ask why not? We need to get out of the habit of making our parents our dictators. Once we are mature enough to understand what we want in life, they should be our friends, not rulers. If what we want is something that can be approved by Allaah, then they should support us and not object.

disagreeing with your parents does not send you to hell. If you know they are wrong, you have the duty to correct them. If they are consistent, you too should be consistent. They they disown you because you chose to do what's best for you, well it's their loss.
 

Seeking Allah's Mercy

Qul HuwaAllahu Ahud!
Wa'alaykumussalaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh.

Hmmm, it kinda stings having to take this from someone who doesn't know one thing about the matter. But all right, i'll try to take this in a positive way insya Allah cos there's some truth in what you said. I'm just going to delete the whole post.

Asalamo`Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh,

She knows one thing about the matter i.e you've put someone's mom in a very bad light. I just noticed that after I read what she quoted in your post.

Akh, her mom doesn't like (or should I say approve of) you doesn't mean our sister had to bear many many many many (sorry got carried away) things from her. I'm sure her mother's favours out number the questionable treatment. At least enough, that the "would-be" son in law should talk highly of her especially (as sister asja puts it) she's not here to defend herself.

I'm not joining asja in lecturing you (even if I just did) I'm just thinking the amount of lemon you'll have to waste if they think you are under the influence of a jinn.
 

Seeking Allah's Mercy

Qul HuwaAllahu Ahud!
As for the sister who asked me to refrain from talking about parents, I ask why not? We need to get out of the habit of making our parents our dictators. Once we are mature enough to understand what we want in life, they should be our friends, not rulers. If what we want is something that can be approved by Allaah, then they should support us and not object.

disagreeing with your parents does not send you to hell. If you know they are wrong, you have the duty to correct them. If they are consistent, you too should be consistent. They they disown you because you chose to do what's best for you, well it's their loss.
Asalamo`Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh.

Ahem! Why not? Because Allah forbade you to. That is how much rights they have on you. So zip your lips if you want Jannah my brother. You are sort of badmouthing them. You can start correcting your own parents politely. Don't generalise and show all parents in a bad light.

You just called them dictators and rulers, people whom are called "Your door to Jannah"? Allah tells you to obey them till they ask you to commit shirk.

Sister al-fajr asked you to be respectful and polite when you mention parents or their mistakes. What's wrong with that?
 
Top