Cant Decide What To Do - Any Muslims for Advice ?

Hopetogoparadis

Junior Member
Assalam alakum

I asked this on forum before but for those who maybe didnt read it before...

Especially for those who doesnt mind reading a bit of life story to give some advice, here it is...


I am 20, university student, and still having 2-3 years ahead for graduation. Almost, since first year of my university i told my parents that i wanted get married but answer was always negative and probably especially my father got tired of this topic so i dont even wanna open it again in front of him. Because like many parents nowadays, they tell me to ''finish education, find job...'' as its very common among Muslim parents nowadays unfortunately. I also tried to find someone to talk to my parents, but either they dont talk or my parents dont listen what they say.

I even tried to find someone to get married and i met with someone/her family. We all seemed to be fine with marriage BUT just when i graduate. I was thinking it will be okay to wait and keep contact in this while, but honestly its not going as i thought and i dont wanna fall into any haram (not with her, she is not living in same country with me). As you know nowadays its so easy to do haram things especially throughout all these internet and other things.And its also dangerous for our iman to decrease.


I have a few things in my mind now but dont know what to do.

1- As its very important to make our parents content with us (especially considering my parents pray 5 times a day and so on...And they also being nice with me) i am thinking that maybe its my Qadar, maybe its a test for me like many other Muslims teenagers have similar situation, so i should try to wait till something happens and my parents change their mind. Because Allah can change their heart. I also remember reading a hadith or a word of sahaba, about someone whose parent wanted him to divorce from his wife and then then he was told that; his parents are doors to heaven, so he can either leave it open or not. SO this is scaring me because now my parents content with me, what if i make them angry a lot, especially my father can have hatred in this heart all time, maybe even he can die without being content with me because that i didnt listen to him ? So in this case, i should just wait and try to make tawakkul even though Allahu aliim what will happen with me in this time as its hard to show patience and fall into haram

2- I should try to find a part time job or something and try to move to a new place
(no matter how much my parents will get mad at me because that i didnt listen to them), and also ask that girl's parent, to send her here and marry me inshallah. As she doesnt live in same country with me, and her parents doesnt send her to here for anyreason as long as i dont marry her and live together.


3- I should try to find a nice way to stay away from that girl no matter how pious she is... Then I should try to find someone else from my city and marry her BUT not live together until i finish university and find job as my parents want (Even though, if i tell my parents about marriage, again they can get angry somehow but maybe less, or maybe i can try to hide)

SO Do you have any advice ?
 

Khalidbinwaleed

Junior Member
My advice...

Asalaam Alykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu Brother
These are my advices:
a) Never get married until your Parents are content, because they do mean the best for you (if it isn't).
b) A person who marries without the consent of his/her parents will not get anything good from the marriage, nor this life nor the next, the person's future children will behave to him/her the way he/she behaved to his/her parent ---- the saying goes, "Treat others like you'd like to be treated".
c) As you've done almost everything in your limits to try and get them to agree to this marriage and it's not really worked, then I seriously recommend Istikhara and Dua ---->LOTS OF IT! Keep praying voluntary prayers, Istikhara and Make Huge amounts of Dua for Your Parents In Order to Get Them To Agree. In Istikhara Ask for the BEST from Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, He is the Acceptor of Duas - Quran 2:186:
And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided.
Here, Allah (SWT) is talking directly to the person who makes the Dua ("THE supplicant"), not just talking in general about any supplicant. He (SWT) is talking DIRECTLY to YOU!!!
One last thing - Allah (SWT) says that something may be good for you and you dislike it, and something may be bad for you and yet you like it/desire it. Keep that in mind.
That's all I can say brother....May Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala Help You. Hasbunallah wa ni�mal wakil.
 
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