when you realise people accept you more than you expected

Aida1

Junior Member
Assalamu 'aleikum wa rachmatullahi wa barakatahu,

My friends and family have know for quite a while that I am muslim. My mum and my best friends for about 3,5 years, other family for about 2. They accepted it without arguement hamdulillah. My mother wasn't even surprised, saying that she had expected it for a while that I would become a muslim, due to my character. The only obstacle to her was hijab. She didn't understand it then and she doesn't now. Hamdulillah my other relatives are more open to it, perhaps because they are religious themselves (though catholic), and my mother isn't. The first thing they asked when I finally had the courage to tell them I had become a muslim, was why I wasn't wearing hijab. They asked this in curiosity and out of interest in my choice to become muslim.

The fysical part (practice as well as appearance) of subjugating to the will of Allah (swt), is what my mother and some of my friends cannot understand and find difficult to accept. The first time my mother saw me in hijab (when I came back from the mosque), tears came to her eyes. She said she couldn't believe I was giving up my freedom to wear what I want, to the problems she forsees in wearing a headscarf in public. She is most afraid that people will treat me differently, and not in a good way, especially when it comes to the professional environment. I told her not to worry.

Even though I told her from the start I wanted to wear hijab 'fulltime' one day (I didn't start wearing hijab right away), and she has had quite some time to get used to it, she still opposes the idea, though she vocalizes it less often now. I moved out some 9 months ago and since then I went through a lot of personal changes. Since a couple of weeks I wear hijab fulltime alhamdulillah. I had long longed for it but didn't have the courage. Finally I felt it was time and I could wait no longer. However... I haven't seen my mom since and I didn't tell her. I didn't tell anyone else either for that matter. Just one friend knows I was getting really serious about it recently.. Now I've posted a picture of me on my facebook page with me wearing hijab. It is the first time people, friends and family, see me with hijab on, except for my mother and two friend who had seen it once or twice before. I expected some backlash, seeing how most are opposed to wearing a headscarf, but until now, people have been nothing but positive about it hamdulillah!

Summary and motto of my little story: Even though I expected more negative responses and was SO afraid of showing people the real me that I had been for longer than I fysically dared show, my family and friends are proving me wrong hamdulillah.
- I learned that sometimes you just have to have the strength and courage to show people who you really are, because they just might accept it :hijabi: -

Just wanted to share this happy moment and positive experience , maybe in the hope of inspiring other reverts :)
- wa salaam
 

Hassan

Laa ilaha ilaa Allah
Staff member
Wa alaikum asalaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

Alhamdulillah.

Indeed we can get too concerned with what might happen, what reactions might be. There is only one way to find out, and we can be surprised.

Allah swt has made the path straight for us, all we need do is walk it.

JazakAllah khairan for your post.
 

Koke

Junior Member
Alhamdulillah you have peace now with this issue.
You really are inspiring sis!

I wish that one day i can get the courage as you did and present myself as a muslim to my family, even though i already know their reactions will be negative :( but anyways it must feel really great to have that nagging worry off your back!
 

uniqueskates

Rabbe Zidni Illma

Alhamdulillah you have peace now with this issue.
You really are inspiring sis!

I wish that one day i can get the courage as you did and present myself as a muslim to my family, even though i already know their reactions will be negative :( but anyways it must feel really great to have that nagging worry off your back!


:salam:

First they will accuse you, then they will yell at you, then they will beat you, then they will get tired, then they will let you be.

I had the same experience, was accused of being in love, tricked, magic and all nonsense, then yelled this and that, beating [didn't get any as of now! :p because my mother knows it won't have any effect! Buffalo skin you see ;)], now she is tired (but she ain't giving up either nor am I). :D

Be firm sister. Indeed, after hardship is ease. :)

Peace.
 

Koke

Junior Member
:salam:

First they will accuse you, then they will yell at you, then they will beat you, then they will get tired, then they will let you be.

I had the same experience, was accused of being in love, tricked, magic and all nonsense, then yelled this and that, beating [didn't get any as of now! :p because my mother knows it won't have any effect! Buffalo skin you see ;)], now she is tired (but she ain't giving up either nor am I). :D

Be firm sister. Indeed, after hardship is ease. :)

Peace.

Thanks, bro for the encouragement!
But like most people, i take time to build my courage up.
Inshallah I will be courageous enough soon like our dear sister who started this post.
Alhamdulillah you have ease now after your time of hardship. :juich-spring-klap:
 

Aida1

Junior Member
Thanks, bro for the encouragement!
But like most people, i take time to build my courage up.
Inshallah I will be courageous enough soon like our dear sister who started this post.
Alhamdulillah you have ease now after your time of hardship. :juich-spring-klap:

Dear sister, as you read it took me 3,5 years as well before I felt ready and had the courage to wear fulltime hijab, and it also took me a year and a half to tell most of my family.. These things take time and you should never go faster than you feel is right. Keep faith and your strength and courage will build in time, just like mine had :)
As an update to my previous post after I posted my picture on Facebook, now more people have seen me in person with hijab, though not nearly all (my extended family lives quite some way away). One of my best friends is accepting, but she really doesn't understand why I want 'to make it so hard for myself', especially with summer coming. I get asked a lot 'Are you sure you want to do this?'. Some friends are like 'oh, you were serious with that post on facebook??' haha, uhmm yes I was ;)
My mother is still the one who takes it the hardest... She can't accept it (yet? inshallah). I guess she always hoped it would be a phase or something... I can only hope that she will turn round eventually. It is really hard to see the disappointment when she looks at me, and the tears in her eyes that come sometimes when she sees me with hijab, or even hears me talking about practicing Islam. Islam isn't the problem for her, religion is :( It would hurt her just as much if I had become a serious practicing and churchgoing christian, although the wearing of hijab is a constant reminder of my faith and does make it harder for her to ignore it, as she wants to so bad...
I pray for strength for me to keep strong and keep going, I don't care what strangers think, and friends will accept me the way I am if they really are my friends, but I've never done anything against my mothers wishes before in my life. I'm really a mama's girl :smile: and I find it really hard to be doing something that hurts her so bad and makes her so sad..
 

Tabassum07

Smile for Allah
Assalamu alaykum,

Sister, the worse is over for you and you found out that all the baseless worries about "What would happen?" were only baseless. Allah made it easy for you. =) Alhamdulillah.

Don't worry about your mother - she'll come around in time; and whether it takes her a few months or a few years, she'll become accepting or at least neutral towards your hijab when she sees you're sticking to it and no matter what she says doesn't affect you. I would advise that you shouldn't put off meeting her and letting her see your decision - because when she sees her daughter is happy, she might start second-guessing her own thoughts. Let her know how easy and comforting you find hijab as opposed to having to decide what to do with your hair every single day, what fashionable trend to follow every day - let her lightly know that you find respect in the way people treat you , that they don't look at you as just a pretty face anymore, but as a person with depth.

Of course, expect to face accusations, yells, threats, and a few heartbreaks by how she'll treat you, but trust me sister, stick to it, and in time she'll get tired and just let you be (as the brother above said).

As a born muslim, it took me an entire year from the time I learnt hijab was compulsary to start wearing it fulltime. My entire family was muslim and I still faced opposition. I wouldn't say it was easy, and at times their words would drive me to tears, but just be patient and hang in there. Allah made it easy for you so far, and InshaAllah He'll continue making it easy for you.
 

Koke

Junior Member
Dear sister, as you read it took me 3,5 years as well before I felt ready and had the courage to wear fulltime hijab, and it also took me a year and a half to tell most of my family.. These things take time and you should never go faster than you feel is right. Keep faith and your strength and courage will build in time, just like mine had :)
As an update to my previous post after I posted my picture on Facebook, now more people have seen me in person with hijab, though not nearly all (my extended family lives quite some way away). One of my best friends is accepting, but she really doesn't understand why I want 'to make it so hard for myself', especially with summer coming. I get asked a lot 'Are you sure you want to do this?'. Some friends are like 'oh, you were serious with that post on facebook??' haha, uhmm yes I was ;)
My mother is still the one who takes it the hardest... She can't accept it (yet? inshallah). I guess she always hoped it would be a phase or something... I can only hope that she will turn round eventually. It is really hard to see the disappointment when she looks at me, and the tears in her eyes that come sometimes when she sees me with hijab, or even hears me talking about practicing Islam. Islam isn't the problem for her, religion is :( It would hurt her just as much if I had become a serious practicing and churchgoing christian, although the wearing of hijab is a constant reminder of my faith and does make it harder for her to ignore it, as she wants to so bad...
I pray for strength for me to keep strong and keep going, I don't care what strangers think, and friends will accept me the way I am if they really are my friends, but I've never done anything against my mothers wishes before in my life. I'm really a mama's girl :smile: and I find it really hard to be doing something that hurts her so bad and makes her so sad..

I wish it was so easy for me to wear hijab so easily or to even say that I am a Muslim. At the moment I depend on my family for a place to sleep and food to eat since I am a full time student (20 credits and 2 internships = no time for a job). They won't even acknowledge my engagement to an Arab-Muslim. Inshallah it will be easier when I become independent of my family!
 

Aida1

Junior Member
I wish it was so easy for me to wear hijab so easily or to even say that I am a Muslim. At the moment I depend on my family for a place to sleep and food to eat since I am a full time student (20 credits and 2 internships = no time for a job). They won't even acknowledge my engagement to an Arab-Muslim. Inshallah it will be easier when I become independent of my family!

I hope it will become easier for you soon.. How horrible it must be that they don't even acknowledge your engagement :( How many years of study do you have left? I know I'm really lucky to have a more relaxed family. I did however have to wait to wear hijab untill I got a home for myself as well. Like stated, my mother doesn't accept it, so I couldn't wear it when I was still living with her. Alhamdulillah I got my own place after finishing university and finally getting a fulltime job in june last year :)
 

Koke

Junior Member
I hope it will become easier for you soon.. How horrible it must be that they don't even acknowledge your engagement :( How many years of study do you have left? I know I'm really lucky to have a more relaxed family. I did however have to wait to wear hijab untill I got a home for myself as well. Like stated, my mother doesn't accept it, so I couldn't wear it when I was still living with her. Alhamdulillah I got my own place after finishing university and finally getting a fulltime job in june last year :)

I have 2 more years of study, which means 2 more years of depending on my family. However, I do wear hijab at school and I feel it does support me and strengthens my connection to Muslims and Islam. Even though I don't wear hijab all the time, I know that Allah understands my intentions and knows that I am actually trying to be a 'good' Muslim. :muslima:
 

uniqueskates

Rabbe Zidni Illma
Thanks, bro for the encouragement!
But like most people, i take time to build my courage up.
Inshallah I will be courageous enough soon like our dear sister who started this post.
Alhamdulillah you have ease now after your time of hardship. :juich-spring-klap:

:salam:

Glad I could be of help sister.
And nope, hardship is not yet over! Still am not allowed to go to Mosque, read Quran at home, and goes on. Only thing am worried about is Ramzan. Hope my mother does give me food during the month and let me fast peacefully without hurling fireballs(words!) at me. Above all, I have not yet revealed my identity completely to them. They know that I pray, and won't follow their religion. So, it's going ;) Alhamdulilah.

Hope things ease for you sister. :)

Peace.
 

Koke

Junior Member
:salam:

Glad I could be of help sister.
And nope, hardship is not yet over! Still am not allowed to go to Mosque, read Quran at home, and goes on. Only thing am worried about is Ramzan. Hope my mother does give me food during the month and let me fast peacefully without hurling fireballs(words!) at me. Above all, I have not yet revealed my identity completely to them. They know that I pray, and won't follow their religion. So, it's going ;) Alhamdulilah.

Hope things ease for you sister. :)

Peace.

There isn't a mosque where I live in the US, but there are ones in other cities just too far for me to travel. At home I read quran from my mobile, so I guess that is one benefit of technology! I am very excited because this summer I am going to Egypt, many people tell me I will be giving up all my 'freedoms' by going to a 'Muslim country'. Instead I feel like I am going to be liberated, being able to go to Mosque everyday, can read the actual arabic Quran in my hands without hiding it, can wear hijab so easy, sounds almost like a dream to me!

But Bro, sometimes I get envious of other Muslims, they seem to have it so easy. They have family support and can practice the religion with no fear. But I feel that Muslims like us who don't have that community network of support that can be received at Mosques, are really alone and our faith and trust/ love of Allah are put to the test everyday.

Don't give up bro! I have learned from someone who truly inspires me that when under attack or insult it is best to turn the situation into a joke. Not a disrespectful joke, but a joke or funny scenario that makes the person who is trying to hurt you/put you down feel that their words are 'fluff'. Also, it will help to keep you at peace. Trust in yourself and Allah, you can do this! :juich-spring-klap:
 
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