Serious Mother Declares Her Children Are "the Biggest Regret of Her Life"

[Aisya al-Humaira]

Assalamua`alaykum wa rahmatullaah.

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/mother-declares-her-children-biggest-regret-her-life-153000908.html

This is an article taken from yahoo.com. Perhaps not really an interesting news nor if its really should be taken as news to those who doesn't really trust yahoo (not that I trust the authenticity of the news so much) but the secularism thoughts that people have in these days made me think.

The choices of whether people want to have children or not in their marriage life.

Whereas in our deen, one of the goals of marriage is to have children. Our Prophet will even be pleased with the great number of his ummah on the day of judgment as per in the saheeh hadeeth.

Yes, bringing up and raising the children isn't one easy job even for a full-time mother. But children aren't meant as a hassle regardless if they are the biggest worries in your life. And not everyone will become the ideal type of parents either because of their ignorance (of the sunnah for Muslims), their bad pasts or just the lack of determination; Muslims or non-Muslims. Yet, we muslims strive daily in our life to become better.

For those who do not understand that this world is only a journey to a long lasting life in Akheerah, having children might probably still be a matter of choice. But not for us, Muslims, because we know that children are such a huge blessing to the family and those who managed to raise pious children who will make dua` for them once they are gone, that would become a continuous good deed for the parents.

Just sharing some thoughts.

 

[Mabsoot]

wa alaykum salam wa rahmatullah
If someone does not want to get married, or have children, then that is their choice. For this lady, to actually vent and publicise regreting children and not liking them, is kind of vile and twisted.
Even the Grinch seems nicer!

That is the Grinch.

No, the green one :/

 

[Aisya al-Humaira]

Of course to get or not to get married/have children is matter of choice. However, I doubt those who wish to practice the sunnah are against the thoughts of getting married and having children in spite of how tough it might be to do so in today's world full of weird ideologies and odd cultures.

The significant of the article was merely to highlight how our lines of thoughts are different with some of them on the perspective of this life; deen-wise.

 

[B.H.]

I am almost 40 and never married and had children. I wonder sometimes what it would have been like but not in the sense I fret or worry over it.

What is meant for some people is not meant for others.

I see so many people, when it comes to pleasing their spouse or in the name of taking care of the kids, throw their morals out the door and do dishonest and unethical things for their workplace, all in the name of keeping the family fed.

Being single, I am able to be more objective. Some people I know who have families simply cannot/do not care about anyone other than their family and fail to realize others have rights that must be respected. This is wrong in the religious sense and also foolish in the ways of the world. I have seen so many people have stuff come back to haunt them because they were so worried about their own children "getting theirs" they wronged someone else or their kids.

 

[B.H.]

I want to add something else. I think more people feel the way of the woman mentioned in the op than will openly admit.

I know a woman who cried on her wedding night because she did not want to get married but was told by her mother that she and her father would kick her out of the house for embarrassing them if she cancelled the wedding. I do not know know why she had the second thoughs but she was always bitter about it and I think kinda disliked her children too.

This was not a Muslim woman mind you either. She and her family were Church of Christ members.

 

[Cariad]

No person should be forced to marry or should have children just to please other people. A child has the right to be loved and cherished if a person does not feel able to offer this they should not have children. Children are a blessing and a gift.

 

[Aisya al-Humaira]

Brother B.H, I hope you know that the purpose of the thread wasn't even close to judging people who have past their 20s or 30s but still unmarried. Whatever that you have chosen for your life, then that is your choice and Allaah knows best of your intention and may Allaah reward you goodness.

I simply wanted to highlight that having the ideologies that geting married but don't want to have children is something against the nature of the human beings. Yes, I'm sure there are actually 'silent' parents out there who regret having children, but will they continue feeling that children is an extra baggage and burden providing that they know the blessings behind it? The true nature of a woman that Allaah has gifted for them is the feeling of motherhood. I don't know, I just can't seem to comprehend those who don't even seem to have an ounce of such feelings inside.

If they chose not to have children, then why get married in the first place? Merely to have companionship from their spouse? Well if that is the case, then that is their choice. If they get old someday, who will take care and look after them if not their children? On the other hand, we see couples who have been married for many years, trying their best to have kids yet Allaah hasn't give then rizq.

I want to add something else. I think more people feel the way of the woman mentioned in the op than will openly admit.

I know a woman who cried on her wedding night because she did not want to get married but was told by her mother that she and her father would kick her out of the house for embarrassing them if she cancelled the wedding. I do not know know why she had the second thoughs but she was always bitter about it and I think kinda disliked her children too.

This was not a Muslim woman mind you either. She and her family were Church of Christ members.

The issue you wrote in the second paragraph, I'm sure is purely culture based. If we want to start listing down all the ridiculous culture that people put regarding marriage (either before or after marriage), then I'm sure more and more people will choose being unmarried over married.

Of course I am aware the woman isn't Muslim. Then why did I compared their way of life with ours? So that our Muslims brothers and sisters won't be confused with such thoughts. There is another article how Muslims in the West (particularly) think it is OK to marry the Christians or the Jews, saying that they are among the people of the Book when their way of life is far from it. Saying that inter-faith marriage is permissible when even the Muslim man/woman barely knows the basic of the deen.

Bottom line: This world is full of weird ideologies and it is by learning the deen we are able to distinguish which is correct and which is not, for the best of our dunya and akheerah.

Allaahu musta`an.

Wa`alaykummusalaam wa rahmatullaah.

 

[B.H.]

Brother B.H, I hope you know that the purpose of the thread wasn't even close to judging people who have past their 20s or 30s but still unmarried. Whatever that you have chosen for your life, then that is your choice and Allaah knows best of your intention and may Allaah reward you goodness.

And may Allah reward you.

Don't worry I was not afraid you were judging me.

I did not mean to come across as jumping over you either.

 

[Precious Star]

Assalamua`alaykum wa rahmatullaah.

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/mother-declares-her-children-biggest-regret-her-life-153000908.html


Whereas in our deen, one of the goals of marriage is to have children. .

It is not a goal, it is a by-product that is in the hands of Allah and in the hands of biology. Many people get married past their childbearing age, without having children being one of their goals.