Problem My Kuwaiti husband left me

brokenhearted

New Member
Salam brothers and sisters,

I am here because I am desperate for advice. I am broken hearted and my life seems dark and pointless right now…

I married the love of my life last year, in April. We had known each other 5 years and one day he came to me and professed his love and that he needed to be with me. I was excited because I felt the same about him. He lived in Kuwait and I was in the states working as a teacher. My family agreed and we went to the masjid and did our nikah.

In May of 2013, I left my job, sold all my belongings and car, and said goodbye to my family and friends. I moved to Kuwait. I am Turkish, he is Kuwaiti, I thought because we are both Muslim I would be ok living there.

I was hit with culture shock--his family scrutinized my every action and I quickly became suffocated. My husband and I began to fight a lot over small things. He was never home--he would leave me in our apartment by myself. I did not want to be clingy, but I was alone in a foreign country and I was terrified. I knew culture would be an issue sometimes but honestly, I believe that people should not retain a closed mind about culture because we are one ummah.

He would ditch me to make plans with his friends. Come home 6 o'clock in the morning. Block my calls, block my texts…sometimes he would go to Bahrain on weekends and not contact me all weekend. I would become SO angry I would blow up at him. I tried so hard to be patient, be understanding, be rational…but enough was enough. I had to say something. He accused me of being disrespectful. I wasn't trying to be, I was just tired of it. At one point, he moved back into his family's home for a month and left me all alone….I did everything by myself. I had a car, I made friends, I had a job….but at the ned of the day all I wanted was to be with the man I loved and it was too much to ask. His family did not contact me for the month he was at home and I was so sad. Although I did not want them in every aspect of my life, I did love them and want a relationship with them.

Anyway, in January, I had a winter break from my job in Kuwait and decided it would be best to "take a breather" and come visit my parents in the states. As soon as I got here, I called my husband in Kuwait to tell him I arrived safely and he told me to not come back.

One week later: he cancelled my residency, sold my car, packed all my stuff and sent it to me, and told me he had filed for divorce in the Kuwaiti courts. I was blindsided. I lost everything. He even took $15,000 and refuses to return it. He even threw our cat onto the streets!!!

I've been crying my eyes out since I got back, pleading him to stop doing this and all he can say is "move on, it's over". As if I never existed! I am not divorced in the states and he insists that I file divorce papers or else he will not pay me. I told his mom about the way he was acting and she defends him. :(

I have prayed istikhara, I have made dua, I have tried everything. I am just so sad and I feel like I cannot go on. I lost everything. My parents cannot help me too much financially because they gave me what they could afford to help us in our marriage.

On top of that….we had a walima planned for April 2014 and we had to cancel it. I lost all my money because HE did not invest in it and said he cannot be held responsible.

InshaAllah someone can give me insight…… I am so desperate. I am so sorry for rambling, its just I have nobody to turn to.
 

Precious Star

Junior Member
It is totally ok to cry! Go put your head on your moms shoulder and cry your eyes out.

Next, try to accept that it is over and he treated you badly. I know it's hard emotionally but try to do it mentally, for now.

You will probably never get the money back. But you have a roof over your head and food to eat. Imagine if all this happened after 10 years of marriage and a couple of kids? He showed his true colours in a short period of time and now you can move on to the next chapter of your life. Be grateful that he is an ocean away.

You need to take care of YOU. Be kind to yourself. Marriages do fall apart, but they should fall apart with kindness and mutual respect. Would you really want to be with a man who humiliated you in this way? He sounds like a spoiled boy from the gulf and lacks any maturity.

Soon, please seek out counselling. There will be dark days ahead and you will need some emotional support to get through it.
 

queenislam

★★★I LOVE ALLAH★★★
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim:
Assalamu'alaikum!
Dear sister ;
Calm down,you are too depress .
A depress person sometimes do not have a clear mind,
so take a deep breath and make many istighfar!

Astaghfirullah hal azim.

So my dear sis,
let's continue where you stop ,
so your husband has given you a talaq ? (divorce)
1)He told you to file divorce in States ,
since he had said that and had done the process in Kuwait
* though it's not official in States but you are considered divorce else where.

Ok,

Take the letter and whatever conversation you had and the relationship you have made with him @example your married cert. and place to get him,picture,he's staying,e.t..e.t.c

To the Muslim's Council@shariah court in United State .
Make sure you do this don't delay !

2)Then ask for their (Muslim's Council@shariah court) further advice WHAT to do next .
*since your ex husband want divorce he got it ; BUT he have to do it with respect and make to PAY whatever LOSS that incurred by him .
*Women are NOT cats that they keep and throw wherever they like how does he feel if his sister or mother was treated the same way as he did to YOU???
He is far too much .

3)Co-operate with the Shariah Court and keep yourself update now and then of your situation.

4)Face the fact and ...move on sister you are too good for him and he did not deserve you, the way he ditch you around,
must you still wait for him???

5)Turn to Allah swt you will find PEACE ~Masha'allah!

6)There's always someone for you but it could also be not in this world.

7)Be Patient... don't let emo rules you.
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim:
By time,
Indeed, mankind is in loss,
Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience.
Holy qur'an:Surah Al-`Asr 103:1/2/3

Sincerely,
i feel sorry and sympathy
for you over your matter,
my sister,

~May Allah swt help and guide you~Amin!

Take care,
~Wassalam
 
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muhammad sabri

Junior Member
Salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu,
dear sister what you're living is extremely sad and my heart is constricted when reading your words, i don't have problem solving advices except be patient, and no better solution other than a du'a A woman once said it, her husband died, she remained alone and asked the Prophet (peace and blessing be upon him) for help and he taught her these words'' Allahumma ajurni fi musiibatin wa akhlifni khayran minha'', the Prophet told her that Allah reward whomever says this during a disgrace/distress by replacing the bad with something better; the woman 'tho had a very good husband and she wondered ''how can Allah give me better than him when he loved me and cared about me?''......few days later The Prophet asked to marry her and she accepted becoming a Mother of the Believer!

continuing remember the true story of...

Imam Ahmad and the Baker. Imam Ahmad radi Allahu `anhu (may God be pleased with him) once was traveling and needed to stay somewhere overnight. When he went to the masjid, the guard (not recognizing Imam Ahmad) denied him entrance. Imam Ahmad (ra) tried numerous times, but the guard did not accept his requests. Frustrated, Imam Ahmad (ra) resolved to spend the night in the masjid yard. The guard became furious and dragged him away, despite the old age and frailty of Imam Ahmad (ra).

A baker, whose shop was nearby, watched this scene and took pity on Imam Ahmad (ra), also not knowing who he was. The Baker thought of the man who needed a place to stay as a simple traveler without lodging. He invited the Imam to stay with him for the night. While there, Imam Ahmad noticed that the baker continually made istighfar (asking for Allah’s forgiveness) while working, and in the morning, the Imam eagerly asked his host about the latter’s continual seeking of forgiveness. The Baker said it had become second nature to him, and Imam Ahmad (ra) then asked whether the man had experienced any reward from this practice.

The Baker answered, “By Allah! No dua`a’ I made except that it was answered but one.” “And what is that dua`a’?” asked Imam Ahmed. “To be able to see the famed Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal!”

Imam Ahmad (ra) interjected, “I am Ahmad ibn Hanbal!” He then went on to add, “By Allah! I was dragged to your place so that you can have your dua`a’ (prayer) come true.

Inch'Allah i have faith in knowing that perhaps Allah tested you like this so that you may learn THIS DU'A so smile, get back on your feet, trust to Allah and fight my dear sister this harsh life, for Allah loves thos who fight(jihad= strive) in his path!



wa salam <3
 
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um muhammad al-mahdi

لا اله الا الله محمد رسول الله
Staff member
Assalamu alaykum sister @brokenhearted ,

I agree with sister @queenislam mashallah: contact the shariah court in your country and ask advice.

Doesn't matter how bad he was and where he was from, Islam is perfect not Muslims. So pray Allah and make du'a, He is testing you and want the best to come out from you inshallah! You are a strong woman mashallah and have been able to move country and live in a completely different place on your own so alhamdulillah you have been through a lot! After hardship comes easy ... Put your trust in Allah, contact the Shariah court and inshallah with patience everything will be sorted!

Jazakillahu khayran
 

Ummah 99

Junior Member
I am speechless.... :"(
May Allah (swt.) grant you peace in your life, Ameen...
I am young so I can't really think of something to say, I will make dua for you sister, remember this:
Allah is the ally of those who believe. -Surah Bakaqah, Ayah-257
 

MehmetHilmi

Junior Member
Are there any Sharia courts in the US? I'd suggest sister "brokenhearted" to take legal action within the US court system. What he did is not acceptable on both a moral and legal basis.

Allah sabır versin. Inşallah bu olayı atlatırsınız.

-Hilmi
 

SonOfAdam

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Selam Aleykum Sister Brokenhearted,

This brother does not understand women at all and he does not sound just. You sound like a very nice person and deserve someone much better inshallah. I look at your story and think elhamdulillah, how lucky you are that it ended so cleanly and fast with little lost. You should definitely move on, this guy is so cold and heartless. Leave it to Allah SWT and Yomul Kiyama. Even if he does not return your belongings you are still lucky to be free of that situation.

You can do much better, look for a pious husband inshallah that follows the Quran and Sunnah very closely (as best as he can). You are lucky to not have kids and only lost a cat, elhamdulillah. You were only married a short period too it seems, not 5 to 10 years and with kids, elhamdulillah. Also, the money lost is small. Think of it as payment to saving you having a miserable life with this man and his family for the rest of your life. Allah will replace that risq with more and something better inshallah. The fact that he made you work to support yourself to is very disturbing to me and left you one month without even calling, subhanallah. I know it is hard because you loved him very much, but it seems he was not interested in you and disrespected you and your rights often. Inshallah you will come to realize that he was not a person to deserve the love you gave him and you will find someone better that will appreciate that love and respect you give them. "Move on, it's over" is the correct thing to do unfortunately, I think most would be happy to escape such a situation.

Inshallah next time try to express your feelings more openly with him from the beginning and explain the things you want/like/need better before you get to the angry stage. Don't expect men to know what you are thinking, we do not think the same as women and most do not know what women like/want/expect. For him it was a new situation too, he does not know much about women and understand the culture shock you went through probably. It sounds like you worked hard to save it but honestly, it does not sound healthy and all the signs show that you should lose this brother and his family and lose them fast.

We don't have Shariah courts here in the USA. The divorce filed in Kuwait or US should be fine for both places, you should have to sign some paperwork though and maybe make a court appearance before it is final though. Islamically though he should not have divorced you in this way, there is a Talaq period of 3 menses and you two should live in the same home during this period... to try to re-conciliate if you can. What he did was wrong and against the Quran and Sunnah, much like the way he and his family treated you. You should look up the rulings on divorce inshallah and when you can remarry (3 menses periods) must pass. You are still his wife basically until this time passes and he can take you back (so long as he did not divorce you two other times before). I would pray that he does not take you back and seek divorce yourself even if he did.

Odun ve kaba adamdan es olmaz. Kendini iyi Turk erkek bul insallah. Ayni kultur'dense esin daha kolay gecinirsiniz. Bazi kulturler boyle, kadinlara cok az kiymet veriyorlar...
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam alaikum,

InshaAllah, sister within a few weeks you will be screaming Alhumdullila that you do not have to be with that for the rest of your life. How blessed are you that he showed you himself in such a short amount of time.

There is no blame on you. You are the fortunate one. You are free. Why live in a state of constant suspicion. That is not the state of marriage.

Believe sister, Allah swt provides in the best of fashion. May Allah swt grant you strength and sweetness.
 

a_stranger

Junior Member
Assalamu alaikim wa rahmatu Allah wa barakatuh:

Dear sister he was a wrong person , ...............in the matter of marriage you need to ask about characters .....it is very important ...alhamduliAllah you finished . Try to study Quran and Sunna ......, pray with all your heart ..clear your heart for Allah subhanahu wa taaala ....ask Allah for help....I think that a very beautiful future is waiting for you .
 

seekingpeace_376

New Member
assalamu alaikum wrwb ...this post actually makes me doubtful about marraiges and "love" may Allah help and bless you my support and wellwishes are with you look at the brighter side of life..ur freeee alhamdulilah
 

Toran

New Member
Salam brothers and sisters,

I am here because I am desperate for advice. I am broken hearted and my life seems dark and pointless right now…

I married the love of my life last year, in April. We had known each other 5 years and one day he came to me and professed his love and that he needed to be with me. I was excited because I felt the same about him. He lived in Kuwait and I was in the states working as a teacher. My family agreed and we went to the masjid and did our nikah.

In May of 2013, I left my job, sold all my belongings and car, and said goodbye to my family and friends. I moved to Kuwait. I am Turkish, he is Kuwaiti, I thought because we are both Muslim I would be ok living there.

I was hit with culture shock--his family scrutinized my every action and I quickly became suffocated. My husband and I began to fight a lot over small things. He was never home--he would leave me in our apartment by myself. I did not want to be clingy, but I was alone in a foreign country and I was terrified. I knew culture would be an issue sometimes but honestly, I believe that people should not retain a closed mind about culture because we are one ummah.

He would ditch me to make plans with his friends. Come home 6 o'clock in the morning. Block my calls, block my texts…sometimes he would go to Bahrain on weekends and not contact me all weekend. I would become SO angry I would blow up at him. I tried so hard to be patient, be understanding, be rational…but enough was enough. I had to say something. He accused me of being disrespectful. I wasn't trying to be, I was just tired of it. At one point, he moved back into his family's home for a month and left me all alone….I did everything by myself. I had a car, I made friends, I had a job….but at the ned of the day all I wanted was to be with the man I loved and it was too much to ask. His family did not contact me for the month he was at home and I was so sad. Although I did not want them in every aspect of my life, I did love them and want a relationship with them.

Anyway, in January, I had a winter break from my job in Kuwait and decided it would be best to "take a breather" and come visit my parents in the states. As soon as I got here, I called my husband in Kuwait to tell him I arrived safely and he told me to not come back.

One week later: he cancelled my residency, sold my car, packed all my stuff and sent it to me, and told me he had filed for divorce in the Kuwaiti courts. I was blindsided. I lost everything. He even took $15,000 and refuses to return it. He even threw our cat onto the streets!!!

I've been crying my eyes out since I got back, pleading him to stop doing this and all he can say is "move on, it's over". As if I never existed! I am not divorced in the states and he insists that I file divorce papers or else he will not pay me. I told his mom about the way he was acting and she defends him. :(

I have prayed istikhara, I have made dua, I have tried everything. I am just so sad and I feel like I cannot go on. I lost everything. My parents cannot help me too much financially because they gave me what they could afford to help us in our marriage.

On top of that….we had a walima planned for April 2014 and we had to cancel it. I lost all my money because HE did not invest in it and said he cannot be held responsible.

InshaAllah someone can give me insight…… I am so desperate. I am so sorry for rambling, its just I have nobody to turn to.
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