So sad....

[Shannonx]

Tonight during dinner my dad brought up something about Islam. I defended it, and he was saying women are oppressed, women are treated as sex slaves, they get hit by their husbands, etc. I defended them, and then he said "What about the Islamic fundamentalists, the ones who kill innocent people." I don't want to get into everything we talked about, but I brought up that i've read the Quran and I said I wanted to be a Muslim. And if women are being oppressed, then why are there so many women converting to Islam everyday. He started saying how i'm being brainwashed, and if I ever converted to Islam and if I ever wore the hijab or burkha that'd i'd be brainwashed. He started saying things that just really hurt, and really upset me and he kept saying "I feel so bad for you, you're going to be so oppressed and treated badly." I even tried showing him a video on Muslim women and how wearing the hijab doesn't make them oppressed, but he kept saying "They're liberals, that was made by Al Jazeera." First of all he makes no sense what so ever. I pretty much regret bringing up that I wanted to be a Muslim because now everytime he looks at me he sighs. I even started crying, it hurts to hear my own father say this. Everytime I tried to say why I want to be one, and why I believe in it, he'd inturrupt me and say i'm brainwashed.

I don't know what to do.

 

[umadiyo]

be patient sister

 

[Libinette]

Hi Shannonx,

I am sad to hear about what happened.
I don't think that you can expect you're father to ever like Islam, even tough i think that if you are certain that Islam is the right path for you, then you can show him the true face of it , the beauty, the liberation, the love, the sisterhood and then hopefully he'll change his views.

I think that he is the one who has been brainwashed, i think you should be patient, show him books abt Islam, talk to him abt it, confront him with his views, i am pretty sure tht you'll find strong evidence that Islam liberated women not oppressed them. But if still he doen't accpet, then..... don't be too dissapointed, Allah guide whom He wants.


Take care

see you

 

[sugarbb]

Salam sister Shannonx,

Do not be despair. I know of some people who are like that. So be patient. They do not understand Islam and they do not want to understand Islam. It is the misconceptions they have about Islam probably from the negativities potrayed in the western medias. You must be convinced deep down in your heart that there is no other god except Allah, and Muhammad saw is the messenger of Allah. With that conviction nailed in your heart, no one can talk you away from the truth. In Islam, you Must respect your parents though and it is your duty to oblige to them UNLESS they call you to worship other than Allah. I do'a you will be a muslim sister. Allah guides whom He wills. InsyaAllah.:tti_sister:

 

[Bluegazer]

Show your father the text of the Bible and compare them with the text of the Qur'an

Hello Shannon,


Please click on the following link:

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showpost.php?p=53027&postcount=25


You'll find that I responded to a lady which had some doubts about Islam. One of the things I brought up was the position of women both in the Bible and in the Qur'an. I think you'll find it interesting. When your father brings up this topic again, show him these texts and ask him to contemplate which one is better for women.


Also, ask him if he views a Catholic nun as being oppressed.


If you really think about it, a Catholic nun also covers her hair and dresses modestly. But she also gives up something very dear and sacred to women [this thing is dearer to women, although it is also important for men]. She gives up the chance to be a parent.


I'm a man, and I consider having a child to be a blessing and a great responsibility. But for women, as far as I could see from what women say, this is even more important to them. And yet, here are women willing to give up the chance to get married and raise children, and society labels them as "pious", while Muslim women -who also dress modestly and cover their hair but do not give up the chance to get married and raise children- get labeled by that same society as "oppressed". Doesn't that sound absurd? If it does sound absurd, it's because it really is absurd.


With the above example and the comparison between the Biblical and Qur'anic verses, you should be able to quietly and confidently [and I should also add gently] respond to your father.


Regards,

Bluegazer

 

[Shannonx]

Thanks everyone.
I don't know though about showing him evidence, since he wouldn't even watch what I tried showing him, and he wouldn't even listen to what I was saying. Maybe it'll take a day or two and then I can talk to him about it again, but something tells me it's a waste of time. He even said "I hope this a phase you're going through.." I don't know though, hopefully he changes his attitude about all this. I love my parents dearly, and I don't want either of them to think of me differently.

 

[Shannonx]

<<Also, ask him if he views a Catholic nun as being oppressed.


If you really think about it, a Catholic nun also covers her hair and dresses modestly. But she also gives up something very dear and sacred to women [this thing is dearer to women, although it is also important for men]. She gives up the chance to be a parent.>>

You know, I should of brought that up. My great aunt's sister is a nun, and he's always going on about how much he respects her. Thanks for the links, i'll try showing him soon.

 

[Bluegazer]

Hello Shannon,


I'm glad others and myself were able to help.


You wrote:

Maybe it'll take a day or two and then I can talk to him about it again, but something tells me it's a waste of time.

That's a wise decision. When one is angry, many harsh and hurting words are said. Hopefully when he cools down, he'll be able to think more objectively.


You also wrote:

I even tried showing him a video on Muslim women and how wearing the hijab doesn't make them oppressed, but he kept saying "They're liberals, that was made by Al Jazeera."

I suggest that you show him the video of Angela Collins' interview on Fox News. Please click on the following link:

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showpost.php?p=8371&postcount=1


Now, Fox news is as bad as it gets with regard to their bias against Muslims, so your father wouldn't be able to use the "Al-Jazeera" argument against that video.


You also wrote:

I love my parents dearly, and I don't want either of them to think of me differently.

The love you show to your parents is a good sign that you're a good person, but that should not be a barrier to Islam. Your love of God Almighty and your duty towards Him should be greater than your love of your parents and your duty to them.


Allah the exalted said:

But when there comes the Deafening Blast

On the Day a man will flee from his brother

And his mother and his father

And his wife and his children,

For every man, that Day, will be a matter adequate for him.

[Translation of the meanings of the Qur'an 80:33-37]


Your parents will not avail you on the Day of Judgment.


One of the beautiful things about Islam is that it ordered Muslim children of disbelieving parents to treat them kindly, but that kind treatment should not mean that you obey them in disobeying God Almighty:

And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.

[Translation of the meanings of the Qur'an 31:14-15]


I think your father's fears might be significantly reduced when he reads about how a Muslim should treat his parents, even if they disbelieve in Islam -as I have shown above-.


The following verses will -God willing- have a good effect on your father:

And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," [1] and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small."

[Translation of the meanings of the Qur'an 17:23-24]

[1] An expression of disapproval or irritation. [Taken from footnote no. 678 on page 376 of the translation of the meanings of the Qur'an edited by Saheeh International ISBN 9960792633]

Have a look at a video by Baba Ali on the following link. I don't think it suitable for your father, but it might lessen your sadness:

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showpost.php?p=61305&postcount=5


Regards,

Bluegazer

 

[Bluegazer]

Hello Shannon,


You wrote:

My great aunt's sister is a nun, and he's always going on about how much he respects her.

Does that mean that your father is a Catholic? If he is a Catholic, I think I can provide you with information that will -God willing- greatly decrease his animosity towards Islam.


Regards,

Bluegazer

 

[alkathiri]

it is very sad to hear your story..But not to worry if he sees what islam has changed you...the trasformations in you inshAllah he will also be interested in islam and sees that whatever misconceptions he had about islam the evidence is right before his very eyes....

So dont be sad ....smile n be happy

 

[virtualeye]

<<Also, ask him if he views a Catholic nun as being oppressed.


If you really think about it, a Catholic nun also covers her hair and dresses modestly. But she also gives up something very dear and sacred to women [this thing is dearer to women, although it is also important for men]. She gives up the chance to be a parent.>>

If a nun can not be a parent then she is more oppressed and needs to be liberated, and not the Muslim women.

The response of your father is not something odd. It happens and then gradually reduces.

If you are facing this situation even you did not take shahadah, then why not take Shahadah? Now, no matter you take shahadah or not , your father is not good in attitude to you, so better you take Shahadah and prepare your mind for the bad reactions for a few weeks or months. After that everything will be fine InshaAllah.



Bye.

 

[Shannonx]

Thanks everyone, all the replies are making me feel a lot better. It means a lot

Bluegazer, yeah my father is a Catholic. Along with my whole family.
I'm hoping his attitude will change. No matter what, I will become a Muslim I just don't want my dad to give me a hard time about it. I think my mom will be more understanding though, she kept telling my dad to calm down tonight.

 

[Shannonx]

<<it is very sad to hear your story..But not to worry if he sees what islam has changed you...the trasformations in you inshAllah he will also be interested in islam and sees that whatever misconceptions he had about islam the evidence is right before his very eyes....>>

I'm hoping that will happen. I was just like him before I read the Quran. I thought Muslim women were oppressed, I thought Islam was a "terrorist" religion. Until I finally read the Quran my whole view changed about it. I'm hoping my dad will read the Quran, it may be a while from now but if I ask him to read it and he does, hopefully his view will change.

I think that's half the reason why he thinks i'm brainwashed. I use to agree with everything he said, and now my view has changed completley so that may be why. But, I keep telling him i'm not being brainwashed hopefully like I said he'll see that.

 

[aDYiNGdream]

:salam2:

Alot of people have already told you this but what is more better than to hear it from Allah's words

45. And seek help in patience and As-Salat (the prayer) and truly, it is extremely heavy and hard except for Al-Khashi`in (the humble-minded).
46. (They are those) who are certain that they are going to meet their Lord, and that unto Him they are going to return.

It's from Chapter 2: Surah Baqarah.

 

[Bluegazer]

Hello Shannon,


You wrote the following on post #12:

Bluegazer, yeah my father is a Catholic. Along with my whole family.
I'm hoping his attitude will change. No matter what, I will become a Muslim I just don't want my dad to give me a hard time about it. I think my mom will be more understanding though, she kept telling my dad to calm down tonight.

I'm glad your mother is more understanding, and I hope your father will also follow suit.


Since your father and whole family are Catholics, then please check out the thread I started on another forum by clicking on the following link. I think you -and your father- will be pleasantly surprised by some official statements from the Roman Catholic Church. When you do show your family these statements, be sure to use the official Vatican website links [which you can find in the link below]:

http://www.imanway.com/en/showthread.php?t=4070


Regards,

Bluegazer

 

[learnermuslim]

Assalaam Alaikum Sister-in-waiting Shannonx,

In addition to the posts by my more learned Sisters and Brothers, who have already covered how you can address your Father's fears about your impending plans of reversion to Islam from Catholicism, just thought would add a few points that may inshAllah aid further.

I think you also have to keep in mind other factors to just religion. Your Father apart from of course not wanting you to; in his view, leaving the way of the Lord might also be facing personal and social pressures such as feeling a failure in keeping you on the "right path" and his standing in the community. Sadly name calling and whispers/finger pointing don't stop at our teens. As a catholic family and holding a firm belief in God I am sure he must see how your steps are not going against the Divine, but further empowering yourself to this realisation, but can he say this out loud in the current climate and go against his own life long held beliefs, his parents etc?

Another point you might want to keep in mind is that even after reading the Quran, watching the many videos on this site and as conveyed to you by Sisters and Brothers in their posts of reverted Catholics/ Christians, your father may never come round to understanding, let alone accepting your correct decision. As you must have read in the Quran; Allah say's there are people in this life that will never see the truth and are put here intentionally to try us. InshAllah your Father will not be in this league, but saying it as some comfort for you in that you don't start feeling disheartened, a failure yourself in not making your Father understand. If you look at it positively, your Father's questioning, stance are only inshAllah making your resolve stronger and helping in cultivating your own belief by covering one of the first points of Islam, the need for education and thus bringing out your faculties for reasoning, understanding and appreciation.

Lastly, I say the above Sister-in-waiting because you are white/Christian, think how it feels when brown/Muslim children face the same issues you are, how do they deal with it. You are not alone and should not just stick to resources for reverts, but any and all Muslim children faced with Parents opposed to their actions in taking steps towards Allah.

I hope the above brief points may aid you in approaching your Father differently and taking him away from his held arguments, leading to some progress in opening up avenues of understanding between you two, that can InshAllah be built upon to finally arrive at a mutually satisfactory outcome. It may just be you are pushing against a door that opens by pulling.

In the meantime, keep calling on all your Brothers and Sisters on TTI, who apart from prayers for you will do our best to answer/ ease your concerns/worries/sorrows.

Take good care, keep positive, speaking gently to your parents, respecting them and praying.

Fi amanAllah

 

[Paki Idol]

Salam!

Sister, you should stay firm to your decision.InshAllah, if you stay patient as the way before, then the perception of your father about the religion of Islam may change.What you must do now is to get your father to understand what brought you to Islam.MashAllah, some brothers and sisters have posted such beautiful surahs which would guide you to be firm and patient.Your good behaviour and positive approach towards other ppl would definitely make your father give a serious thought about Islam.If he sighs, you should cope with it.I know it hurts when someone near thinks that way.If you'll remain strong and do not give your father impression that Islam has made you weaker at heart, then ofcourse his view on Islam would certainly change.I mean he's your dad, if he notices positive changes in you, he would certainly appreciate your decision.He wouldn't want his daughter to follow something he thinks is not good for her.What you need to do is to show what Islam has given you.You should prove to him through your actions, words and in your coversations the peace, satisfaction, balance, reason to live one gets throgh Islam.You may even quote verses from the Holy Koran and prove that Islam enjoins kindness, compassion, brotherhood and love towards everyone. Prove to him that you're not brainwashed, it's the beauty of Islam that made you accept it's truthfulness.MashAllah, other brothers and sisters have given good suggestions.


Salam!

 

[Noor to shine]

Dear sister : may be if you treat your father in islamic way with all love, respect and care he will feel the beauty of Islam, stop arguing with him and behave islamicaly .....may be that will work .

 

[banuhaashim]

VEILED FOR LIFE!!

I am safe , from the evil eye
My veil is my protection!

Like a precious jewel I am preserved in my home
My veil is my safety box!

My beauty is shown only to whom it is permissible
My veil is my honour!

I am only for my partner whom Allah has chosen
My veil is my chastity!

I remain in my palace of a loving family
My veil is my contentment!

I teach my kids the right way of life
My veil is my respect!

I pray to my Creator in the darkness of the night
My veil is my shining light!

I am looked at with respect and honour
My veil is my life!!

 

[Shannonx]

Sorry everyone that I keep going on with this :\ but i'm still in need of some help...

I took your guys advice, I was thinking of showing my dad the links that were given to me, and the advice that was given to me and I was thinking about bringing it up to him again, but I have a feeling he won't want to listen still. I know I won't know for sure until I tell him, but knowing him he'll still be really upset with it. And really, trying to explain to him about all of this is like talking to a brick wall, he won't listen. Maybe if he brings it up on his own i'll talk to him about it but ever since I even told him he's been acting really weird around me still.

And since I told him, I feel like i've let him down or something. I'm not really looking for sympathy or anything but even though everyone has helped I still feel really confused. Because how he's acting is making it really hard for me to go on with learning about Islam, and even though like i've said I do want ot become a Muslim, i'm having doubts because of all this. I know a lot of people who converted to Islam and have family members who are a different religion had a hard time too, but i'm just having doubts and I really don't know what to do. And ever since i've been feeling really down about it. I don't know if I should try talking to my dad, even though it'll make him more upset, or just finally convert like i've been planning on doing but I know that'll upset him more.

Anyways, thanks everyone for the help....