Serious advice needed. please!

[depressed_558]

This is about marriage. i want to get married to the man of my choice but the problem is im really scared of telling my parents..my parents are very strict and they claim to be religious and all. why i said they claim?because they choose what they think is right, they only want us siblings to marry someone within my tribe and of their choice. im pakistani btw. the guy i want to marry, is a good muslim and good charatered man. just because he is not of my caste, my parents wouldnt accept him i know. but i dont want to marry anyone else but him. it hurts to know that my parents might abuse me and get me married to their choice. i love my parents and obey them but i want them to accept him and me together. how do i do this? please help me...so depressed because of it. my parents wont open the subject of marriage until my older sister(a year older) gets married and when they found a guy of their choice and shoves him to me to get married. i want my parents to understand me and im so so scared of it as they might not understand. i pray everyday, do zkir so that Allah opens their mind...the guy actually made me more religious too. advice me pls

 

[Arif_Khan]

My dear sister don,t be afraid on this matter because your life partner is not selected by your parents it is bieng selected by allah............ prophet Mohammad s.a.w said when ever you have any need pray two rakat salatul hajat then praise to allah and daroood shareef 10 times then say hajat(need) to allah ....... inshahallah allah will help you.....

 

[zaman-gm]

Assalamu alikum wa rahmatullh.
Allah knows best for us. So pray best to Allah. He will must give us what is better for us though we may not understand. Dear sister may be you are right or may be not to give priority for your choice. Also it may better to appreciate to your parents, they are experience enough to came first in this world. Same time a parents should note that, even our Prophet SAW didn't pressurize female to marry some one against his preference. Islam is beautiful way of life. Islam give the highest honor to women even to select her life partner. But generally due to lake of experience and age we may not good in this decisions. It could happened that you have seen this is ok to choose him but this scenario could change after marriage. I won't pessimist you. But I will make Dua for you. Any way a little tip for you, "Love your parents more. Do some extra care. They could devoted to you.

May Allah bless you with a blessing life partner dear sister. Ameen.

 

[Abu Juwairiya]

This is about marriage. i want to get married to the man of my choice but the problem is im really scared of telling my parents..my parents are very strict and they claim to be religious and all. why i said they claim?because they choose what they think is right, they only want us siblings to marry someone within my tribe and of their choice. im pakistani btw. the guy i want to marry, is a good muslim and good charatered man. just because he is not of my caste, my parents wouldnt accept him i know. but i dont want to marry anyone else but him. it hurts to know that my parents might abuse me and get me married to their choice. i love my parents and obey them but i want them to accept him and me together. how do i do this? please help me...so depressed because of it. my parents wont open the subject of marriage until my older sister(a year older) gets married and when they found a guy of their choice and shoves him to me to get married. i want my parents to understand me and im so so scared of it as they might not understand. i pray everyday, do zkir so that Allah opens their mind...the guy actually made me more religious too. advice me pls

Sister, firstly the Prophet (SAW) said there will be fitna if the righteous potential marriage spouse is rejected in favour of someone not righteous or not based on righteousness. Islam is not like Hinduism, we do not have a caste system or gives preference to tribes. If the person you have chosen is Pakistani but of a different so called 'caste', he is still someone who speaks your language is he not, someone who has the same culture and can engage with your parents. You can tell your parents to give him a chance; talk to him, see if they might like him, get to know him a little and if after that they feel the same way then perhaps they can say what they think of him.

Remember also, while you must respect, love and obey your parents in everything, you must put Allah first. Now I am not saying you should reject their authority, but perhaps you can get other elders involved who might be able to sway their opinions and beliefs aside and seriously consider him based on his merits and his deen rather than his origins.

 

[St1ngR]

AsalamAlaikum,

Is the guy financially stable yet? You said he is religious and good character, have you verified all this? If so, does his family agree to consider you as his spouse? If the answer to all these are yes, you both have done istikhara, feel good in your hearts, and have done a good amount of pre-marital counseling I don't see why not.

Also why do you say they wont accept him, just because of caste or something more? There is no forced or pressured marriage in Islam, that's a recipe for disaster.

 

[depressed_558]

Yes the guy is financially good too! He can even fly over to meet my parents. But the problem is,I don't know how to break the news to my parents. Im scared they will humiliate me, taunt me and zone me out of everything... What should I do. ?

 

[Abu Juwairiya]

Yes the guy is financially good too! He can even fly over to meet my parents. But the problem is,I don't know how to break the news to my parents. Im scared they will humiliate me, taunt me and zone me out of everything... What should I do. ?

What about arranging for your parents to meet his parents. It can be in formal surroundings as in a restaurant. You can speak to his parents and himself first and see what kind of topics can be spoken at the restaurant by both parties and what kind of similar interests each person has and how they [the ideas] can be used to prop further fruitful discussion. It is better you decide which parent from your side is most receptive to meeting people and dining outside with others and start with them or you can arrange for both to be there.

The purpose of the dinner can be about marriage or even something else. That is you choice. The prospective groom should not be there as it may be deemed a little difficult to accept him the first time, but what you can do is bring photos and speak about him. The rest can come later.

 

[alumrock1974]

Aslaamualaykum

Allaah guide you to good and protect you.

If you see that you like someone because of what you've heard or seen then you should ask him to meet your parents and tell them.

You shouldnt be speaking chatting hanging out with a so called religious man in first place he should know better what to do.

This is about marriage. i want to get married to the man of my choice but the problem is im really scared of telling my parents..my parents are very strict and they claim to be religious and all. why i said they claim?because they choose what they think is right, they only want us siblings to marry someone within my tribe and of their choice. im pakistani btw. the guy i want to marry, is a good muslim and good charatered man. just because he is not of my caste, my parents wouldnt accept him i know. but i dont want to marry anyone else but him. it hurts to know that my parents might abuse me and get me married to their choice. i love my parents and obey them but i want them to accept him and me together. how do i do this? please help me...so depressed because of it. my parents wont open the subject of marriage until my older sister(a year older) gets married and when they found a guy of their choice and shoves him to me to get married. i want my parents to understand me and im so so scared of it as they might not understand. i pray everyday, do zkir so that Allah opens their mind...the guy actually made me more religious too. advice me pls

 

[Arfatzafar]

Sister, firstly the Prophet (SAW) said there will be fitna if the righteous potential marriage spouse is rejected in favour of someone not righteous or not based on righteousness. Islam is not like Hinduism, we do not have a caste system or gives preference to tribes. If the person you have chosen is Pakistani but of a different so called 'caste', he is still someone who speaks your language is he not, someone who has the same culture and can engage with your parents. You can tell your parents to give him a chance; talk to him, see if they might like him, get to know him a little and if after that they feel the same way then perhaps they can say what they think of him.

Remember also, while you must respect, love and obey your parents in everything, you must put Allah first. Now I am not saying you should reject their authority, but perhaps you can get other elders involved who might be able to sway their opinions and beliefs aside and seriously consider him based on his merits and his deen rather than his origins.

agree