Someone please help!

[tiffany]

I hope its ok to post this in this forum, I am a little confused on which one to post my story in to get help.

My boyfriend and I just broke up because of the religious differences but it goes further than that. We were together for two years and before I met him I classified myself as Buddhist like the rest of my family. Then after meeting him I realized how little I knew about the religion I claimed to follow. A year into our relationship my house was robbed while I was home and after that I lost all faith and all hope in life. He was also there when it happened and helped me through the hard times that followed. After this incident I realized that Islam was the reason why he was able to move forward in life. He told me things that he learned from his religion that helped me gain my faith back in life and in God. He helped me understand things that I never understood before and he did this by teaching me about Islam. He was never pushy about the religion. He wasn’t one of those people who came to your house with their religion to try and get you to attend their service. He was patient with me. I soon realized that the reasons why I loved him are because of Islam and that he wouldn’t be the man I loved without his religion. His family did not know about me for a while and when they found out they gave him a choice to either leave the house and stay with me or break up with me. He chose me and left the house. The only reason he went back was because his sister was getting married and they called him and told him that he couldn’t do that to his sister. After that I rarely came up and was still kept a secret. I decided that in order to reestablish my belief in God and have hope and faith in life again I needed to find a religion. Islam was what seemed right to me and still is. I have been researching the religion and asking him millions of questions about various things I read. Why this, and why that. Then about a month ago after a fight we had I told him that I felt like he wasn’t on my side and that he wasn’t doing everything he could to help us move forward in our relationship. After this he suggested that we break up. He said that no matter what he did I would always feel like I wasn’t accepted by his family and his community and he felt guilty for lying to his family and hiding me. He said that it would be better for us to break up because even if I converted I would never feel like I belonged. I didn’t understand this because a couple nights before this he called his Mom and asked her about me. He told her how he felt about me and what would happen between their relationship if he wanted to marry me if I converted. His Mom said if I converted for the right reasons then she will doing anything she could to ensure his happiness but she also said it was very, very difficult and rarely worked out. But I still thought this was a step forward then days later he breaks up with me saying that I will never be fully accepted even if I converted. I don’t understand what I am supposed to do. I want to convert but I want to be with him and if I continue to convert and marry a Muslim man, will I never be accepted in his family and community? It’s wrong for me not to be accepted if I was Muslim. Although my family will still be Buddhist and I am not Pakistani like him shouldn’t being a good person that loves him and a devout Muslim be enough? Now I don’t know what I want to do because why would I convert to a religion that comes with a community that will never accept me as an equal? Please help.

 

[American Muslim]

Assalamu alaikum Tiffany,

This is a strange situation that many of us reverts (converts) run into from time to time. First, that comment about not being welcomed is untrue. From before the time I took shahada, the muslims that I knew accepted me and welcomed me. In fact, I never truly felt that level of friendship and desire to help before. It sounds to me as if your boyfriend's mother just did not want to see the two of you together.

Another part of the problem could stem from the situation itself. In Islam, members of the opposite sex who are not related are not supposed to "hang out". I am sure you will be getting alot of comments expressing these haram relationships, inshallah. I feel positive that there are sisters here who have been in your situation and can help you more than I can.

I will make du'a (pray) that you are lead to accept Islam. Inshallah (God willing), you will find yourself a God fearing man to be your husband.

wa salam

 

[umm hussain]

Hie

If you revert or convert to Islam for the right reasons you will be accepted by anyone who really knows and understands islam as it should be because we believe muslims are a brothers and sisters despite colour, background etc. I am the only muslim in my family, rest of the family are christian.

Maybe you will be better off without that man in your life because he is not the best example of how a muslim man should be like, i.e having relations with a woman before marriage. If you read more about Islam you will find out premarital relations are strictly forbidden therefore you should understand your boyfriends parents or families view. I would not accept it either but i dont think it is you that they are not accepting of but rather the situation and your boyfriend should have known better. You need someone who fears Allah and will help you learn Islam because i doubt very much it is possible for a man or a woman to pray 5 times a day and carry on with a partner he isnt married to.

Study Islam and inshallah you will find out the beauty as long as you are sincerely seeking the truth not in order to be acepted by your boyfriend or his family. Islam is a way of life and not just uttering words.

7 Conditions of Shahada

1. Knowledge (Al-ilm): of its meaning, what it negates and affirms. If a person says it without knowing its meaning, or what its requirements are, then he will not benefit by it, because he has not believed in what it requires. Rather, he is like someone who speaks a language he does not understand.
2. Certainty (Al-Yaqeen): that is to have complete surety of it and which it leads to repelling any doubt or suspicions about it.
3. Exclusively worshipping Allah (Al-ikhlaas): This is contrary to shirk (blasphemy). It’s what ‘Laa ilaaha ilallah’ points towards.
4. Truthfulness (As-Sidq): This prevents hypocrisy (nifaaq). The hypocrites utter it with their tongues, but do not inwardly believe in what it signified.
5. Love (Al-Mahabbah): Having Love and loyalty to Allah and His Messenger, seeking refuge to Allah from Allah, and seeking the pleasures of Allah.
6. Submissive compliance (Al-Inqiyaad): by fulfilling its rights – which are the obligatory actions – with sincerity to Allah and seeking His good pleasures.
7. Acceptance (Al-Qabool): This prevents rejection. This is achieved by acting upon what Allah has commanded and abandoning whatever He has prohibited.


These conditions have been deduced from the Quran and Sunnah, and which explains its rights and restrictions that it is not merely a word that a person utters.


THE VIRTUES OF
THE DECLARATION OF FAITH

It has great virtues and has a great place with Allah. Whoever says it with truthfulness will enter the Gardens of Paradise and whoever did not utter it truthfully, his property and blood will be safeguarded in this world, but his reckoning will be with Allah, the Mighty and Majestic. It is a concise declaration that contains few letters, light upon the tongue, yet heavy in the scales. Our Noble Prophet (saw) educates us saying that:

Reported by Ibn Hibbaan in his saheeh and Al-Hakim in Al-Mustadrak
“Moses said: O my Lord! Teach me something by which I can remember you and supplicate to you. Allah said, O Moses! Say ‘Laa ilaaha ilallah’ (there is no Gods but Allah). Moses said: O my Lord! All your slaves say this. Allah said: O Moses! If the seven heavens and all that they contain, other than me, and the seven earths were placed in one scale, and ‘Laa ilaaha ilallah’ were put in the other, then ‘Laa ilaaha ilallah’ would outweight them all”.

This hadith proves that ‘Laa ilaaha ilallah’ is the best form of rememberance, as also occurs in the following two hadith narrated by Abdullah Ibn Umar:

Shaheeh by Imam Muslim: At-Tirmidhee (No. 2640)
“The best supplication is the supplication on the day of ‘Arafat, and the best that I, or any other Prophet sent before me, have said is: None, has the right to be worship except Allah, alone, having no partner. To him belongs the sovereignty, and to Him belongs all praise, and He has power over everything”.

Shaheeh by Imam Muslim: At-Tirmidhee (No. 2641)
“A person from my Ummah will be summoned in front of everyone on the day of Resurrection. Ninety-Nine scrolls will be unfurled for him, each scroll extending as far as the eye can see. Then it will be said: Do you deny any of this [i.e. your bad deeds]? So the man will reply: No, O Lord. Then it will be said: Do you have any excuse or any good deeds? The man in a state of terror, will answer; No. It will then be said: Rather, you do have some good deeds and no injustice will befall you this Day. So a parchment will be taken out for him, upon which there will be the testification ‘Laa ilaaha ilallah’ and the testification that Muhammad is the slave and Messenger of Allah. The Man will say: O Lord, what is this parchment in comparison to those scrolls! It will be said to him: No injustice shall befall you. The scrolls will then be placed in one of the scales and the parchment in the other; the scrolls will be light in weight, whereas the parchment will be heavy.”

 

[Sister N]

I'm happy to hear that you are thinking about converting.

Firstly, in Islam, it is not ok to have boyfriends, girlfriends, because this is not the way, you have to be married to have a relationship of that sort.

Secondly, our religion does not teach us to neglect anyone, Islam is beautiful and invites everyone to the religion, whether black, white, indian, chinese, etc, all this does not matter because God has made everyone equal, their background doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is people's deeds, and this is how we are judged, looks and appearances do not matter.

Unfortunately, there are many Muslims who follow traditions and cultures and make it out to be Islam when it is not. What I'm saying is, maybe your ex-boyfriends family will not accept you because of your background, but this is not the way Muslims should be.I assure you, this is not the way to treat people, Islam doesn't teach us to 'leave out' people who are not of the same background, because as I said, Islam is for everyone. Please don't turn away from this religion because of some bad Muslims who don't really follow the religion correctly, look at the true Islam and decide whether it is the truth, and the correct way of life or not. I strongly encourage you to learn about our religion.

Hope this helps.

 

[TheHumbleWun]

Salaamalikum,

Welcome to TTI, inshallah (God willing) you will find this community very friendly and ALWAYS willing to accept you. Inshallah I hope to call you sister one day.

First off, I believe your relationship as a bf/gf with the guy is unislamic, because Muslims don't (or should not) date. If you are both financially secured then I suggest you seek engagement/marriage ASAP.

Here is a little something you should know. Alot of Muslim parents that are from various countries typically like their son or daughter to marry someone from their own country. The reason they do is because they want to keep their culture, and keep it moving. Also they the family wants some family that can speak the same language as them (it would be hard if they were guests and some didn't speak the same language and couldn't understand each other), same environment, food, talk, etc. Do you know what I mean?

My mom wants me to marry an Afghan woman. I do prefer that, but I also keep my options open, because if Allah sends me across some other women (non-Afghan) and we clicked on everything then I am going to marry her.

My uncle who is intelligent and very cultural ended up marrying a caucasian (white) Muslim woman.

ISLAM IS OPEN TO ANYONE

Anyone who receives the blessing of Allah swt is accepted. You should not revert to Islam for you bf, which is a sin (aka shirk), rather accept it as a belief in your heart. May Allah make things easy for you.

 

[Mrmuslim]

Hello sister,

I am not sure if you became Muslim yet, but if you didnt I think you dont have to wait for so called (Boyfriend's) family to accept you,

here are the list of the mosques in your area, see which is the closest mosque to you and go there...

http://www.islamicfinder.org/worldI...nt=50&country=usa&city=Houston&state=TX&lang=


or to this mosque

http://www.elfarouq.org

If you are convinced in Islam and Allah then become Muslim and leave everything for Allah s.w.t, the man you love he need to follow islamic manners too, and marry you Islamic way,

Its not up to his mother or father to decide if you are a good Muslim or not, the way his family is acting is has nothing to do with Islam its more with traditions, know one thing what ever happen to you after you become a Muslim is for your own good, some time you will be going through a lot of test be strong and pray to Allah s.w.t to make things easy for you.

My advise for you is to take a break and Becom muslim first learn your religion go to the mosque and get to know other sisters,


wa salaam

 

[abdellah007]

salam

salam alaykum sisters and brothers,

i only have an observation : i see that pakistanis dunnot like to marry to other nationalities even they re muslims. why that? is ther some pakistani brothers and sisters to explain this plz?

 

[samiha]

Hello.... first of all ... slow down! Take deep breaths and count backwards from 10.

I don't mean anything bad about the above, but I think you need to just press the 'pause' button on your thought process for a while. Then take a step out of your own shoes... not literally but I mean try to change your perception a bit. The world has not come to an end yet, alhamdulillah, and you can still go on.

I think you should look at your Islam. Are you attracted to it because of this guy? Or because of what it entitles, teaches and encourages? If it's the latter, then despite whatever he may do or say, it will not change your outlook on Islam. Don't judge Islam by what Muslims just say or do, find out for yourself. Then re-evaluate your situation.

If i were you, and I am not... i think you should stay apart from him and find out yourself and what you really want in this life and the Hereafter.

Sorry that's about as far as i can go... went up against a block here. Dunno what else to say.

May Allah make it easy for us all Ameen!

 

[Ali1979]

Like to add

salam alaykum

As a pakistani myself, i think we are more interested in our keeping with culture that with our religion. I have experienced this kind of situation many a time where parents will not accept anyone from other nationalities even if they are muslim.
However, sometimes despite the potential partner being a fellow muslim but not from the same cast, can cause equal problems. It has a lot to do with pride and arrogance coupled with a lack of religious knowledge. " what will my family say when they hear this" and " we will loose our culture and heritage" is to name a few one liners. :

 

[abdellah007]

سلام

salam alaykum

As a pakistani myself, i think we are more interested in our keeping with culture that with our religion. I have experienced this kind of situation many a time where parents will not accept anyone from other nationalities even if they are muslim.
However, sometimes despite the potential partner being a fellow muslim but not from the same cast, can cause equal problems. It has a lot to do with pride and arrogance coupled with a lack of religious knowledge. " what will my family say when they hear this" and " we will loose our culture and heritage" is to name a few one liners. :

but sometimes u keep the culture and heritage and u loose ur religion

 

[MuslimBeauty]

Asalam 3alekum

It's amazing how someone can change someone. About what i think is right, is that you need to do things for you not for someone else (i understand that you love him and all though, love makes you do many things). From the way i hear it, you want to convirt to islam just to be with him, not because you want to be a muslim (or do you?) But if you did want to covert to islam because you want to ,you would do it wither he'll end up in your life or not! But remember what ever happens, happens because it is wriitten to happen. May allah help Inshallah.

 

[baba]

nationalism

Assalaamu alaikum It doesn't matter where you are from.For the simple reason if your not on this Deen at the time of your death may Allah(swt) forbidden AMEEN.According to the Nabi(saw)peace an blessing be upon him.We are doomed anyway,there is no excuse for these days an time for us not to be on what we should but carelessness .Because he or she is not from my group they are not good enough for my son or daughter.How does one judge this by his or her on whims .Or by the Quran an the sunnah if we true Muslims .If we don't try to center our lives around these two we have no one blame but ourselves.Allah(swt)knows best May Allah(swt) help us all Ameen

 

[baba]

Haveing a boyfriend

As salaamu alaykum And sister if you an your boyfriend broke up this is very good .Having a boyfriend is Haram An no good for a good sister to have.This is not for the beliving women.Nor girlfriends for beliving men.

 

[samiha]

:salam2:

lol... this Pakistani/Indian/Bangladeshi marriage thing can go on forever. plz stay on topic! thanks.

wasalam

 

[somewhatinspired]

well

all i can say is this.

i am an American
my mother introduced me to Islam, she converted when i was about 12
i asked her to help me be a Muslim.

but i never got any further than that due to all kinds of obstacles that i wasn't ready to tackle. for one i lived with my catholic father and hid the fact of my faith from him.

beyond Islam, my mother was never an influence for me she moved on and had more kids and did her whole Muslim family thing without me.

i got into all kinds of trouble smoking pot,flirting with girls. you name it.

she would call me from time to time and yell at me for getting bad grades or lying all the time ( a big problem i deal with) then it was because i was a pot head. and lastly it was because of my girlfriend.



met a really nice girl in high school who came from a family( if you can even call it that) far worse than mine. she was just as lost as me if not more.

well the only thing consistent in my life was faith in god and belief in Islam.
and my girlfriend.

when i thought to practice my faith i would say im just not ready or when the time is right, and i said that up until about a month ago.

well my girlfriend decided she wanted to be a Muslim....

that was a eureka moment.

but wait how do i help my "girlfriend" be a Muslim?

back to the pits....

cuz i then had to make her understand that i was not giving her a good example of Islam.

i talked to her about it, and we got married right after she took shahada.

this is akward because i am only 18 and she is only 19

i don't feel as if i can relate to the younger brothers, because there are very much still teenagers and kids, and i cant relate to the older ones because we are so much younger.

i will be honest. being a muslim in the situation you desire is very hard.

i am living it right now

and if it is any consolation my mother wont talk to me now that she knows i am married.

i think she knows that given the circumstances i was in, marriage was the correct thing to do. my girlfriend had no where to go and wanted to be a muslim. but on the other hand i think my mother thinks i am manipulating this girl into being a muslim. which isnt true

i had to be honest with myself and face my fear of the mosque, talk to the imam. and shortly a marriage was arranged.

just think about what you want. because my wife and i are in love but we are struggling to eat...

if you have loving and accepting parents, you should consider strengthening your faith, and attending jummah, get in touch with the Muslim community in your area.

if allah wants you to marry this man you will, but it cant be a boyfriend girlfriend thing if you want to be a Muslim. and if he is willing to be a boyfriend he is as lost as i was ...which is very lost.

prove to his family that you are a Muslim.

and if he is the one, things will fall into place

these are only my opinions based on experience and i would appreciate it if someone would correct any wrong advice i may have presented..i do not intend to mislead anyone

 

[pilgrim]

well sis...ask urself this...do i really believe in laaa illaha il allah??? or am i just doing this for my bf??? if u believe in the former...mashaallah!
Sis some muslims are like that...but i dont understand why....but it has nothing to do with Islam.
Once you have faith in the Almighty God,He would help you...Allahu Akbar!
Islam means peace acquired by submitting your will to the Almighty God.
no sis no...this is probably a test from Allah...He's testing you to see how much you really you believe in Him.
Islam is the ONLY true religion,its the ONLY religion that has all the answers for every problem and question that everybody has...

sis,i'm a revert also,and i havnt experience anything what you've went through...not all muslims are like that
Just remember,these days some muslims practice their own belief,which THEY think is right,but its not Islam...Islam is the ONLY true religion...and
laa illaha ilallah muhammadur rasul allah...there is no God but God and muhammad was His final messenger.

 

[Love my islam]

:salam2: brother somewhatinspired
good advise brother
You maybe young but you are giving a mature advise. When we learn from our mistakes we grow wiser. Seems like life has taught you a lot. May Allah bless you and make life and akhira easy for you and your wife. Ameen.

Tiffany
Just study islam and choose islam for Allah not for this guy. If Allah wills he will be yours otherwise someone better will come along. Have trust in Allah and pray to Him alone. May Allah guide you to the right decision. Ameen.

 

[muslimaisha]

Asalaam alaykum,

I am a Belgian woman, and I am since 13 years married to a Pakistani man, we also have 2 daughters, my family in law accepted me imeadiatly, also when I wasn't converted to islam yet. 2 years after we met I converted to islam, not because of my husband, but because I wanted to do this for myself.
I must say, I am a belgian woman, but I live like a pakistani woman.
It is true the pakistani people like to keep the culture in the family, they want their children grow up in a 'pakistani environment'.
I never saw this as a problem, as a like the pakistani culture, it takes time to get used to it, but for me it is normal now, coz I met my husband when I was 16 and now I am 28 so, I am living my life as a pakistani since a long time.
I just mean by this, a mixed marriage can work, I am the evidence!!!!

 

[justoneofmillion]

hi tiffany, i hope you are doing better inschallah i see that the brothers and sisters have already tried to give you sincere advice i do not really have time right now but i promise i will try to write down something for you inschallah please kindly check the vid for now and stay in touch by the way.


[yt]lWbyj9SsIsw[/yt]

best regards

 

[kayleigh]

It is untrue that you won't be accepted. I have never met such kind people or been so accepted ever before in my life until I converted to Islam and was accepted by Muslims. You'll run into the occasional bad apple, so to speak, but on the whole no one will reject you.

If his mother isn't accepting you, it's probably most likely because you're dating (that's not supposed to happen) and/or because you're not Pakistani. It could just be a cultural thing rather than a religious issue. And if he won't accept you for converting...well, this is just a thought, but maybe he had convinced himself that he could date you as long as you aren't Muslim, and convinced himself to ignore the fact that it is haram. Perhaps he thinks that if you convert, it will be quite obviously haram and he won't be able to ignore it. I know a lot of Muslim guys who will have relationships and sleep around with non-Muslim girls, but would never dream of doing such a thing to a Muslim girl.

If you convert, do it because you believe it. And if you believe in it, don't put off converting just for him.